Dec 08, 2004 21:33
today Martin came over. We laid in my bed and watched the clash dvd. then evan came over, then henry we sat in my room and watched blood dolls. then later evan left then henry left. me and martin ran around my house for a few. we sat on here and then he like got all quiet or whatever. i dont think he likes that fact all my friends are guys :-/. but i can't help it, i mean half these dudes i grew up with you know? i mean they know everything about me, then there are people who i can just talk to about anyfucking thing. and like i dont know but i pulled him outside to talk. we didnt talk. then we came in and i pulled him onto the chair to talk to him, and liek he just kept his hat in his face and laughed, i was trying to be serious, so i like was like uhm ok? and walked away, maybe hoping he'd follow me? he didnt. i laid in my bed a few, and gatherd myself. i didnt wanna cry. i got his jacket, his camera, and his cd's he brought over. i stuck a letter in his cd case, it said how much i loved him. when i went outside i said look indside your cd case when you get home, he took it then and read it or looked at it i geuss. and he said "thankyou" im thinking to myself, damn we tell each other we love each other, is he gunna give me a i love you back? he didnt. so i like kindof looked away and said "yeah, your welcome." and then he got in the car, my dad took him home, and everytime we take him home, i walk him up to his door and give him a kiss goodnight, when we got out the truck, he didnt wait for me, and i just kindof followed. then i stopped. and pretty much told myself fuck it and sat on the curb, hoping maybe hed sit with me? he didnt. so i sat there, and he kept walking, and i started to cry i couldnt help it i broke down, when i got in the truck i was sobbing. and i kicked the windsheild. I love him so fucking much, what can i do to make things better? i'm so confused a+nd i dont know whats wrong or what im doing wrong?
i'm not okay.
i'm not ofuckingk.