the last match.
The summer before my senior year of highschool, I was still hung up on the same guy I had frivolously "loved" since freshman year. I was suddenly struck with a linear understanding of time in its most tragic sense, that I had merely nine more months with him before I'd probably never see him again, or get another chance to tell him how much I felt for him. In all this silly teenage angst, which really never goes away, I wrote a song on my dad's old yamaha guitar from the 70s. The words are pretty clever, in my hummmble opinion, with its analogy of sports/gambling to the risk of regret, set to a pretty simple chord progression, with a nice little bridge and everything. I played and played it until the catharis had taken its course. The year went by, I ended up with a totally different guy, and I never to this day told him how much I had liked him. Not too much of a surprise. Not many people actually tell the guy. And I had totally forgotten about this song until a few weeks, when all-of-the-sudden the words were absolutely perfect for someone new. And I've been playing it and playing and the catharsis has yet to take place, but I'm praying to God he'll take it away. What I'm left wondering is... will this too go without Vanessa being honest with herself and the people who deserve to know the truth? Will these feelings one day fizzle away unconcluded until another time when the song will find a new meaning in some other venue of life? In my darkchocolate-covered fortune cookie tonight, it says, "Oftentimes the value of a good friend isn't realized until that friend is lost- don't wait!" Which is such a funny word choice because I've been contemplating the term 'wait' all day, and how that's all I can do. Any more effort and I'm pretty sure I'd make things even worse than they are. I have to give it all up to God, and in the mean time play this goshdarned song as much as possible.