depression

[plastcprenciss]

so things in my life are really weird right now. almost none of my friends who were friends with me during the school year are my friends now. it seems like the summer just started but its over halfway done. so much has changed since the last day of school. and i havent even been here most of the time. this is like the worst summer ever. and whats even worse is that the real world ended. i know that was like forever ago. but its still depressing. but im dealing because on mtv.com they have a live webcam showing whats going on in the philly house right now. its so exciting. i watch it constantly. i did a study this morning. i watched mtv music videos and counted videos. after an hour i realized that for every 3 rap/r&b/hip hip videos there was 1 rock/alternative/pop music video. it was extremely depressing. i even counted POP in the study. and we still lost by great numbers. *sigh* cant they just watch BET or something? my mtv, mtv2, and mtv hits has been taken over. rock and metal STARTED mtv. now its a bunch of conformists shaking their booties and rubbing them in bad places. memory by sugarcult just came on though. that makes me happier. is it bad that i've been watching music videos all day? i didnt think so either. for all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took. remember when you broke your foot? while jumping out the second story. im not okay. im not okay im not okay you wear me out.
forget about the dirty looks. the photographs your boyfriend took. you said you read me like a book. but your pages all are torn and frayed.
now im okay. im okay. im okay now. im okay now. but you really need to listen to me because im telling you the truth. i believe this. im okay. trust me. im not okay. im not okay. im not okay. im not o fucking kay.