Balance is a minor setback.
ah so today was not a good day and the title c/o etid says it all.last nite i totally fucking lost it.the worst i have been in awhile.thank god for blackouts.
i was so sad at everything,pissed off at nothing.sat and read for awhile and decided to write.turned on some eighteen visions followed by lamb of god but it didnt seem to calm me.took a shower and then a gradual bath.decided that meds would do the trick so i hopped up on the leftover oxy and tried to tire myself out by performing various...activities.it was not bad.i did not disappoint myself and if not for my bad mood,i would have left my night at that.but i wasnt satisfied.i sat down to write and managed to scrawl out 2 pages of a really good poem which was,of course,tim-inspired.whatev.i guess whatever attempts at sedation i had tried,failed because i ended up being upset and throwing a fit by myself.i called rob and of course,he didnt pick it up.he called me back but we didnt talk.how hard is it to pick up a phone?....around 10:40 i suppose,i got angry and sad and full of what i precieve now as lust and became bored with myself.i remember going into the bathroom and noticing both my parents on the couch.after sitting down,i remember seeing the razor sitting in the shower,just there.i picked it up and ran it against my skin.not hard,or what i thought was not hard,i went back to bed crying and half asleep called rob again and threw the phone after no answer.i woke up this morning and didnt even bother doing my hair and i noticed the cuts on my wrist.felt stupid,ashamed and EMO but then again,i dont really remember it so its not my fault.ive been stumbling around the whole day in a trance of sorts i suppose.finished reading the rules of attraction.it blew my mind.and i also talked sex with the class whore today and i believe,gained not only her respect but bragging rights.today was one of those days i want to curl up in my bathtub and die.........ive been doing all of my homework lately.
i was so sad at everything,pissed off at nothing.sat and read for awhile and decided to write.turned on some eighteen visions followed by lamb of god but it didnt seem to calm me.took a shower and then a gradual bath.decided that meds would do the trick so i hopped up on the leftover oxy and tried to tire myself out by performing various...activities.it was not bad.i did not disappoint myself and if not for my bad mood,i would have left my night at that.but i wasnt satisfied.i sat down to write and managed to scrawl out 2 pages of a really good poem which was,of course,tim-inspired.whatev.i guess whatever attempts at sedation i had tried,failed because i ended up being upset and throwing a fit by myself.i called rob and of course,he didnt pick it up.he called me back but we didnt talk.how hard is it to pick up a phone?....around 10:40 i suppose,i got angry and sad and full of what i precieve now as lust and became bored with myself.i remember going into the bathroom and noticing both my parents on the couch.after sitting down,i remember seeing the razor sitting in the shower,just there.i picked it up and ran it against my skin.not hard,or what i thought was not hard,i went back to bed crying and half asleep called rob again and threw the phone after no answer.i woke up this morning and didnt even bother doing my hair and i noticed the cuts on my wrist.felt stupid,ashamed and EMO but then again,i dont really remember it so its not my fault.ive been stumbling around the whole day in a trance of sorts i suppose.finished reading the rules of attraction.it blew my mind.and i also talked sex with the class whore today and i believe,gained not only her respect but bragging rights.today was one of those days i want to curl up in my bathtub and die.........ive been doing all of my homework lately.