A New Dawn...
Alright kids, its been a while. A lot to update you on, I guess. And for once, I feel like writing in this thing, so here you go.
First order of business of course would be my love life. Right now, I would say its about the same (meaning I'm single) - but here's everything thats happened since today: I've been talking to this really cool and attractive girl named Suzanne since the beginning of winter break. She was definitely interested in me, and I definitely thought she was hot. However, I was also kind of in that mode of not wanting to date, especially so soon after Madison. So, I waited and we still kept in touch. I finally decide (late January) to take her out on Valentines Day and hopefully start dating her. So I took her out, right? And you know me with events like these - I go all out. I surprised her at Sakura's Japanese, then when we got back, I had set up rose pedals, chocolate, and other stuff she likes on her bed (with the assistance of a roommate). She kissed me on the cheek - but nothing could happen cause her roommate was there so I felt awkward. Since then - nothing. She doesn't really make an effort to talk to me, and to be honest, I think she's lost interest. Though a little disappointed, there two things I gather from this:
1) I did kind of wait a long time to do something. She liked me for a solid two months before I made a move. Very possible that I was just too late.
2) When we did hang out those couple of times, maybe she lost the interest or something. I also could have gone maybe TOO out on valentines day.
I don't know. But now, at this moment, I don't think I'm interested anymore either. Especially after tonight, because she just informed me she joined a sorority. Sorry, but thumbs down to that. I don't want to offend anyone in a sorority or fraternity...but for HER and her situation...I don't know, I'm frowning upon it. Disappointed is a good word. For many things. But I think one of the main ones is the many frat guys she'll meet that will probably attract her more. Fuck that man. And honestly...just the whole idea of the sorority/fraternity annoys me. Whatever. I will say that, now more than before, I really do think I'm just going to throw in the towel when it comes to girls. Suzanne I kind of bent that rule...but after that...I really do give up. I'm tired of trying and then it not working in some way.
I want a girlfriend. A good one. I don't want to date girls for a month and a half anymore. I don't want to invest in something that will fall out later. I want something to work for once. I've only had that happen to me one time...and that seems like such a long time ago.
Yeah yeah, I know it sounds like I'm moping, which I probably am a little bit, but honestly its just kind of a simple thought I have, nothing I'm crying about right now. Just something I'm realizing, I guess.
So enough of that shit, let's move on. A few things have been really irritating me as of late. School would be a good place to start. I like most of my classes and their cool - but I feel like the workload is finally taking its toll. Granted a lot of it has to do with my procrastination, but it is SUCKING so far. I'm really kind of struggling you could say. So, that's annoying. To top that off, work has been taking its toll on my availability.
Ah, by the way -
I quit Applebees.
And got a job at Dick's Sporting Goods.
So, why Dicks? Well, they offered to pay me $9 an hour, which is fine with me, and it would be a secure job for the summer and would really be beneficial to me paying for the apartment. Plus, I would have a consistent amount of pay instead of an estimate that comes with waiting tables. Yeah, you can make a lot of money at a restaurant, but its never the same every week. Also, not only do I hate Applebees, but I think I'm just done with the whole restaurant business. I'm tired of spending an hour rolling the god damn silverware. I just can't take it anymore. I've have all the managers at Applebees try to convince me to stay, but they were actually giving me more of a reason to leave. The main manager talked to me tonight before I left (the only respectable one) and told me if I wanted to work a couple of shifts at the new one thats opening up during the summer I could. I'm considering it...we'll see. Because of this job switch, however, I'm currently working at BOTH until my two weeks is up with Applebees. This has been a very frustrating experience. Not only do I have even less time than before, its because of this that I WON'T be in the crew for the upcoming play "The Dead."
Pissed...
Me...
Off...
Yes, I understand why she said I couldn't do it, but god damnit. I met some real good people in the theatre department and I was looking forward to FINALLY getting back involved. Yes, I can always do something else later, but I really wanted to do this one. So, needless to say, I've been irritated about that. Everytime I try to get involved with the theatre deparmtent some stupid thing happens - whether its a choice by me or just stupid occurences like these. Damn it all.
Dustin has kind of been irritating me as of late as well. Shocking to hear, but its only been recently. Actually kind of started last night, but still, it brought me to a realization. He's a good friend of mine, and I'd do anything for him, but I think its mostly just how he can handle some situations (and a lot of this irritation is mostly in living situations). See, originally when we talked about getting an apartment, I wanted to include Dustin in the original trio we had in mind to make it four. Dom was against that because he just didn't like how Dustin would handle some things, and I also think he's just not that close with Dustin. I think I'm finally beginning to see what Dom has been talking about. Just recent events...small things he does...I just think I actually could see myself getting annoyed with him. I think I'm now completely set on getting an apartment with just three of us...I want completely laid back guys...no hint of drama. That unfortunatly rules Dustin out.
The time for looking for a place will be coming very soon. I'm excited...but I think I'm beginning to realize that it will be the unofficial start of my real life. And by that I mean not living at home with my parents. I saw the CUTEST puppy two nights ago. I think it was a beagle, but man it was so adorable. I'm such a fucking pussy when it comes to animals. It just made me think of my dog at home and made me a little homesick. I think I'm still in that condition - homesick. Not just of family, but friends too. Ben, Tommy, Cotter, Charles, you all know who you are. I haven't been home in a long time. My parents came to visit me today at work because they were in the area and it was good to see them. They kind of brought something to my attention regarding my sister, and I'm kind of concerned for her presently. It's nothing big, just want to make sure she's okay. I'm going to call her tomorrow.
I love her a lot...I don't think I show it enough...and I don't think she REALLY knows. It's kind of something I've slowly developed it seems. No, not developed, it's always been there. More...realized. Ever since New York I've just felt this bond with her. It's kind of dicipated a little bit, but it was during that time that I felt like I FINALLY, really bonded with my sister. Today I really wanted to talk to her about the whole thing with Suzanne, to just kind of empty my mind, you know? I never usually do that, she usually always initiates it. But this was the first time I wanted to talk to her about it. I feel like she really is there for me to talk to and to listen - and she always has been, ALWAYS - I was just too stupid and distracted to realize it. I was an idiot.
No more. No fucking way. I think I'm pretty confident in saying that one of my best qualities is that I'm ALWAYS there for my friends if you need me. You need to talk to someone? Call me up, I'm in. Anything. But you know what I've realized? I had this great dedication for my friends, which is great and I'm glad I'm like that - but I feel like I've been missing out on doing that for my sister and my family. I've been selfish. No more.
No fucking more.
I'm now putting both on an equal level. Especially when it comes to my sister, hands down. I will be there for you, Beth. Anytime. And this time, I mean it. You've been there for me so many times. I love you.
By the way, I think I'm going to take guitar lessons over the summer. I want to play and sound like Jimmi Page. But also be able to play deathcab and guster and all that other shit. Just play.
I'm sorry. This journal is just a bunch of mixed feelings in one. Just a lot has been on my mind as of late. I needed an exhale.
First order of business of course would be my love life. Right now, I would say its about the same (meaning I'm single) - but here's everything thats happened since today: I've been talking to this really cool and attractive girl named Suzanne since the beginning of winter break. She was definitely interested in me, and I definitely thought she was hot. However, I was also kind of in that mode of not wanting to date, especially so soon after Madison. So, I waited and we still kept in touch. I finally decide (late January) to take her out on Valentines Day and hopefully start dating her. So I took her out, right? And you know me with events like these - I go all out. I surprised her at Sakura's Japanese, then when we got back, I had set up rose pedals, chocolate, and other stuff she likes on her bed (with the assistance of a roommate). She kissed me on the cheek - but nothing could happen cause her roommate was there so I felt awkward. Since then - nothing. She doesn't really make an effort to talk to me, and to be honest, I think she's lost interest. Though a little disappointed, there two things I gather from this:
1) I did kind of wait a long time to do something. She liked me for a solid two months before I made a move. Very possible that I was just too late.
2) When we did hang out those couple of times, maybe she lost the interest or something. I also could have gone maybe TOO out on valentines day.
I don't know. But now, at this moment, I don't think I'm interested anymore either. Especially after tonight, because she just informed me she joined a sorority. Sorry, but thumbs down to that. I don't want to offend anyone in a sorority or fraternity...but for HER and her situation...I don't know, I'm frowning upon it. Disappointed is a good word. For many things. But I think one of the main ones is the many frat guys she'll meet that will probably attract her more. Fuck that man. And honestly...just the whole idea of the sorority/fraternity annoys me. Whatever. I will say that, now more than before, I really do think I'm just going to throw in the towel when it comes to girls. Suzanne I kind of bent that rule...but after that...I really do give up. I'm tired of trying and then it not working in some way.
I want a girlfriend. A good one. I don't want to date girls for a month and a half anymore. I don't want to invest in something that will fall out later. I want something to work for once. I've only had that happen to me one time...and that seems like such a long time ago.
Yeah yeah, I know it sounds like I'm moping, which I probably am a little bit, but honestly its just kind of a simple thought I have, nothing I'm crying about right now. Just something I'm realizing, I guess.
So enough of that shit, let's move on. A few things have been really irritating me as of late. School would be a good place to start. I like most of my classes and their cool - but I feel like the workload is finally taking its toll. Granted a lot of it has to do with my procrastination, but it is SUCKING so far. I'm really kind of struggling you could say. So, that's annoying. To top that off, work has been taking its toll on my availability.
Ah, by the way -
I quit Applebees.
And got a job at Dick's Sporting Goods.
So, why Dicks? Well, they offered to pay me $9 an hour, which is fine with me, and it would be a secure job for the summer and would really be beneficial to me paying for the apartment. Plus, I would have a consistent amount of pay instead of an estimate that comes with waiting tables. Yeah, you can make a lot of money at a restaurant, but its never the same every week. Also, not only do I hate Applebees, but I think I'm just done with the whole restaurant business. I'm tired of spending an hour rolling the god damn silverware. I just can't take it anymore. I've have all the managers at Applebees try to convince me to stay, but they were actually giving me more of a reason to leave. The main manager talked to me tonight before I left (the only respectable one) and told me if I wanted to work a couple of shifts at the new one thats opening up during the summer I could. I'm considering it...we'll see. Because of this job switch, however, I'm currently working at BOTH until my two weeks is up with Applebees. This has been a very frustrating experience. Not only do I have even less time than before, its because of this that I WON'T be in the crew for the upcoming play "The Dead."
Pissed...
Me...
Off...
Yes, I understand why she said I couldn't do it, but god damnit. I met some real good people in the theatre department and I was looking forward to FINALLY getting back involved. Yes, I can always do something else later, but I really wanted to do this one. So, needless to say, I've been irritated about that. Everytime I try to get involved with the theatre deparmtent some stupid thing happens - whether its a choice by me or just stupid occurences like these. Damn it all.
Dustin has kind of been irritating me as of late as well. Shocking to hear, but its only been recently. Actually kind of started last night, but still, it brought me to a realization. He's a good friend of mine, and I'd do anything for him, but I think its mostly just how he can handle some situations (and a lot of this irritation is mostly in living situations). See, originally when we talked about getting an apartment, I wanted to include Dustin in the original trio we had in mind to make it four. Dom was against that because he just didn't like how Dustin would handle some things, and I also think he's just not that close with Dustin. I think I'm finally beginning to see what Dom has been talking about. Just recent events...small things he does...I just think I actually could see myself getting annoyed with him. I think I'm now completely set on getting an apartment with just three of us...I want completely laid back guys...no hint of drama. That unfortunatly rules Dustin out.
The time for looking for a place will be coming very soon. I'm excited...but I think I'm beginning to realize that it will be the unofficial start of my real life. And by that I mean not living at home with my parents. I saw the CUTEST puppy two nights ago. I think it was a beagle, but man it was so adorable. I'm such a fucking pussy when it comes to animals. It just made me think of my dog at home and made me a little homesick. I think I'm still in that condition - homesick. Not just of family, but friends too. Ben, Tommy, Cotter, Charles, you all know who you are. I haven't been home in a long time. My parents came to visit me today at work because they were in the area and it was good to see them. They kind of brought something to my attention regarding my sister, and I'm kind of concerned for her presently. It's nothing big, just want to make sure she's okay. I'm going to call her tomorrow.
I love her a lot...I don't think I show it enough...and I don't think she REALLY knows. It's kind of something I've slowly developed it seems. No, not developed, it's always been there. More...realized. Ever since New York I've just felt this bond with her. It's kind of dicipated a little bit, but it was during that time that I felt like I FINALLY, really bonded with my sister. Today I really wanted to talk to her about the whole thing with Suzanne, to just kind of empty my mind, you know? I never usually do that, she usually always initiates it. But this was the first time I wanted to talk to her about it. I feel like she really is there for me to talk to and to listen - and she always has been, ALWAYS - I was just too stupid and distracted to realize it. I was an idiot.
No more. No fucking way. I think I'm pretty confident in saying that one of my best qualities is that I'm ALWAYS there for my friends if you need me. You need to talk to someone? Call me up, I'm in. Anything. But you know what I've realized? I had this great dedication for my friends, which is great and I'm glad I'm like that - but I feel like I've been missing out on doing that for my sister and my family. I've been selfish. No more.
No fucking more.
I'm now putting both on an equal level. Especially when it comes to my sister, hands down. I will be there for you, Beth. Anytime. And this time, I mean it. You've been there for me so many times. I love you.
By the way, I think I'm going to take guitar lessons over the summer. I want to play and sound like Jimmi Page. But also be able to play deathcab and guster and all that other shit. Just play.
I'm sorry. This journal is just a bunch of mixed feelings in one. Just a lot has been on my mind as of late. I needed an exhale.