WHEN REALITY STRIKES A POSE.
he makes me so, so happy and i hate that i'm having trust issues. i wish i wasn't such a jealous young lady, i really do. i suppose it's because i was never the "trustworthy" type in a relationship before, but i'd really love for this one to work. oh, emotions, how do i control thee?
the hardest goodbyes always seem to occur during the happiest of times, like a lead fist to the fucking gut and when you start to catch your breath again, nothing's ever the same.
sterling roberts, i'll always miss they way your hair fell in your face sophmore year and the way you snaked through traffic at 100mph in your new car last summer. i'll miss our days of mayhem and mischief. i'll miss watching you watch shannon, making her laugh, making me laugh. i'm sorry i wasn't around the last few months. i really, really am. i'd give anything to change the truth. i'd give anything to wrap my arms around you again and to look back at all the good times we've had over the last four years.
i can't do this again. god, i need to get these words out. i haven't even healed from cameron yet, and now sterling? i wish i knew how to go about dealing with my feelings. i hate how permanent death is and how it's the only thing in the world that i can't ignore, that i can't pretend isn't really reality.. because the end is the end and when you're gone, you're fucking gone.. but i'm not. i'm still here fighting fits of rage and absolute sorrow. i hate this.
fuck drugs. fuck drugs. fuck drugs. i've been done with them for a good amount of time and now i'm done with anyone who uses them, whether around me or not. please think about the consequences of your actions, people. god, please. all it takes is the slightest bit too much and you're gone forever.
rest in peace, sterling.
you always made me smile.