No, I'm not. There is the uncertainty, but I actually feel relatively OK about it. I don't feel depressed or anxious - when it gets really bad, I cry and then immediately look for something to make it better or at least make me forget. I'm frustrated, but don't feel hopeless. I just want a constructive way to deal with the pain which I still don't see getting any better.
Now, I'm not at all convinced medical leave is the right thing to do (or even possible if I'm to keep my school insurance), but I'm at the point where I at least need to explore it. I can only background how much it hurts - constantly - and keep hoping somebody will be able to do something so much. And I do push myself a lot in my daily routine, more than I probably should. I've slowly been realizing how much I've trained myself to do this (and ignore the pain while I'm doing it) and how it's probably unhealthy, which has led me to think along the lines of "what do I actually need to do to get better." Not that medical leave is necessarily the answer, but I at least need to admit that, in some possible worlds, it might be.
Now, I'm not at all convinced medical leave is the right thing to do (or even possible if I'm to keep my school insurance), but I'm at the point where I at least need to explore it. I can only background how much it hurts - constantly - and keep hoping somebody will be able to do something so much. And I do push myself a lot in my daily routine, more than I probably should. I've slowly been realizing how much I've trained myself to do this (and ignore the pain while I'm doing it) and how it's probably unhealthy, which has led me to think along the lines of "what do I actually need to do to get better." Not that medical leave is necessarily the answer, but I at least need to admit that, in some possible worlds, it might be.
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