"Master Plan: Stage Two: Operation Woo" by planetkiller; SGA; PG
It's been over a year since I've written one of these. I blame real life. Fortunately, my partner made me start writing again; this was the result. The prequel is located here. It's not necessary to understand the other parts.
The first part is here. There are internal links so you can just click along until you get here. I do assume you've read the other bits.
Title: Master Plan: Stage Two: Operation Woo
Rating: PG for language
Pairing: pre-Lorne/Kav; background Cadman/Beckett; background post-Parrish/OFC; background Chuck/OFC
Disclaimer: SGA belongs to SyFy. All of the "how we got together" stories belong to their respective couples.
Summary: LeBeau has a plan. An embarrassing plan.
Definition: Reconcile meaning "to bring into agreement."
Maj. Nick Lorne sat in a comfy chair in Dr. David Parrish's office and sulked. Lorne was the 2iC of the entirety of Atlantis, and he had a desk and three plastic chairs shoved into a closet near the Gatrium. Dave was the lead botanist, and he had a damn corner office large enough to hold P.T. in.
In the corner, Dave was cooing at a rubber plant that was probably bigger than Lorne's entire closet. Lt. Laura Cadman was looking out of the large glass wall over the arboretum below. Sgt. Chuck Davis was settled on Dave's couch, playing some video game that involved a lot of screaming and gunshots. They were all waiting for LeBeau to show up.
"You have no idea what he's planning?" Cadman asked again. It was the third time since she'd shown up.
"I never know what Beau's doing," Lorne replied honestly for the third time. "He lives in a world of his own making."
"Talking about me, boss?" LeBeau asked as he walked through the door.
"One of these days, I'm going to ask how you do that," Lorne said.
"And one of these days, I'm going to tell you, and you'll laugh at how easy it is," LeBeau replied.
"What's up, Beau?" Dave asked.
"You're probably wondering why I've gathered you all here," the Cajun said. Lorne and Cadman shared a look. LeBeau had planned a speech; this didn't bode well for anyone's sanity. "You are the only people on Atlantis I trust with my sister's life."
"The phrase is 'trust with my life,'" Cadman said.
"I trust everybody on Atlantis with my life," LeBeau replied. "But I'm a soldier; my life isn't worth much. My sister is a nurse and a mother." Lorne idlely wondered if he'd gone insane, because that made a weird sort of logic to him. "Anyway," LeBeau continued, "You're missing the point."
"Which is?"
"I would trust you all with my sister's life," LeBeau said, launching back into his speech. "So I have called you all here to discuss a very delicate matter - a top secret matter. You will not discuss it with anyone who is not currently in this room. No one will be read in, even if you find yourself in need of their assistance. If anyone asks you about it, you will disavow all knowledge of this mission. If anyone asks me about what you're doing, I will disavow all knowledge of you. If you don't feel comfortable or able to deal with these parameters, you may leave right now. I won't think any less of you."
LeBeau had everyone's attention now. Lorne felt slightly sick to his stomach. Most of the time, it was very easy to forget Beau was an intelligence officer.
"Last chance to leave," LeBeau said. No one moved. "All right. We're all in and dedicated to seeing this to the end. You might want to get comfortable." LeBeau came and sat beside Lorne on the couch. He squeezed Lorne's knee in what was supposed to be a reassuring manner.
"Our old buddy, Maj. Lorne, here is a good guy," LeBeau said. "I think he deserves happiness." Suddenly, Lorne realized what this whole thing was about. "It doesn't matter to me that he's gayer than a Christmas tree decorated by the cast of 'Project Runway.' Does it matter to anyone else?" Everyone stared at LeBeau in shock. Except Lorne, who was glaring. "Stop trying to set me on fire with your brain. You haven't been able to manage it yet; what makes you think you can now?"
"I've never been this mad at you before," Lorne replied honestly.
"Later, Nick. Let's stay on task."
"Which is?" Dave asked.
"Getting Nick laid," LeBeau replied. Lorne choked on his own saliva. "Now I offered, but he thinks he's in love. And he's put a lot of effort in, so I can see why he wants to see it through. Only problem is Lorne likes them dumb." Lorne objected, but LeBeau just kept going. "He thinks tucking a half-naked grown man into bed and climbing in after is being friendly. That's dumb, Nick." Lorne hated it when Beau was right. "So I called a tactical meeting so we can figure out how to get Nick and his honey boo together."
"Honey boo?" Cadman asked.
"Focus," LeBeau replied. "Nick has exhausted all of his ideas so we're going to help. Because we love him, and he deserves to be happy."
"We're not going to like the guy, are we?" Chuck said. It was the first thing he'd said since LeBeau showed up.
"What makes you think that?"
"You're being careful not to say his name whilst reminding us how much we like Nick," Chuck replied.
"Preceptive bitch, isn't he?" LeBeau asked Lorne.
"And your superior," Lorne pointed out. LeBeau gave him a look that asked who should answer Chuck's question. "It's Kavanagh."
"Hateful, cowardly, I'm-better-than-you Kavanagh?" Dave asked.
"That's the one," LeBeau confirmed. "Apparently, he has good qualities too."
"So you want us to help everybody's favorite person sleep with a guy we all hate who can't take a damn hint while keeping this whole thing quiet?" Cadman asked.
"Pretty much," LeBeau confirmed.
"If it were anybody else," Cadman said. Lorne wondered if the 'I-told-you-so' dance would be appropriate.
"Roses are cliche, but they're very obvious in intent," Dave said thoughtfully. Lorne sighed in relief; they might not be fans of Kavanagh, but they trusted Lorne enough to not try to change his mind.
"I'm gay, not a girl," Lorne replied.
"That's the problem with bringing straight boys in," LeBeau said.
Chuck laughed. "I don't think I've ever been called straight before."
"You have a girlfriend," LeBeau said.
"Doesn't mean I'm straight," Chuck replied. LeBeau gave him an appraising look. "I'm not sleeping with you either."
"So is that a no to flowers in general or just roses?" Dave asked. "I mean flowers are pretty unambiguous, and it seems like you need that."
"Kavanagh doesn't seem like a flowers guy," Cadman said.
"I wouldn't want flowers," LeBeau said.
"I'm not dating you," Lorne replied.
"My girlfriend is allergic," Chuck said. "Poinsettias are the worst; she breaks out in hives. So what I do is plants. Ferns, potted plants, a banana tree for our last anniversary, things like that. It's close enough to flowers to get the message across, but it's not, you know, so girly."
"Bamboo grows really quickly," Dave said. "Which can be...indicative of your growing love. It's really easy to care for so he can't kill it. And it can fit on a desk."
"That sounds pretty good," Lorne said. "I mean, the love bit is corny, but it's better than roses."
"What else, though?" Chuck said. "I mean bamboo is nice and all, but it doesn't scream 'I'm so in love with you I told others about it!' It says, 'Here's some grass. Don't kill it.'" He was right. They sat in silence for a bit.
"Candy?" Dave suggested.
"Nothing says, 'I think you're a girl' as much as candy and plants," Cadman said. "And now that we have the Daedalus, it doesn't mean as much."
"Gay porn?" LeBeau asked.
"I'm not dating you," Lorne said. "Fortunately." The group thought in silence some more. "Maybe I should just start with the bamboo."
"Bamboo is in line with what you've been doing so far," LeBeau said. "And that's not working."
"Well, what's worked for you guys?" Lorne asked.
"I just walk up to anybody I find attractive and ask if they want to ride Space Mountain," LeBeau said. "That doesn't seem your style." LeBeau got a thoughtful look on his face. "My parents are all romantic, though."
"Give me a second," Cadman said. "I'm trying to reconcile the idea that Beau has parents. I always thought he was some alien experiment."
"That's just what I tell chicks so they think I'm mysterious." Lorne wasn't entirely sure if he was joking or not. "They met in a war zone. Momma was a nurse at an aid station, and Daddy worked at battalion. He drove a general or a colonel or something down to the aid station, and according to him, Momma was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Daddy overheard her complaining about how she had no blood, so when he got back to battalion, he rounded up everybody who wasn't doing anything and took them back to the aid station. Momma said it was the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for her."
"Beau, that's a very sweet story," Lorne said. "But I don't think getting Kav blood donors would work unless he turns out to be a vampire. In which case, I'm not interested anymore. The sparkling would be distracting." Chuck hid a smile; Laura didn't even attempt to hide her laughter.
"What do you have, Lt. I Scored a Doctor?" LeBeau asked.
"Well, possessing McKay probably won't help Nick," Cadman said "But my parents sat beside each other on the bus everyday. Eventually, they started talking. Just little pleasantries. One day, Dad mentioned that there was a book he was looking for and couldn't find. So Mom started looking for it. She looked for three months before she found it. Now Dad has the book in a special place in the house."
"That's actually doable," Lorne said. "Listen out for anything he wants, and then get it."
"It's not an obvious romantic gesture, though," Dave said. "I mean, if Chuck wanted a book and I found it, I'd give it to him. Doesn't mean I want to screw him." Cadman and LeBeau both went a bit stiff.
"Him, I understand, but I expected better from you," Lorne told Cadman with a grin.
"What about you then?" she asked Dave, changing the subject without commenting.
"I knew Ann's brother. He, his girlfriend, and Ann were going to a George Strait concert, and he invited me," Dave said. "Ann tells me immediately that I wasn't her type. Which I'm fine with. I mean, I thought she was gorgeous, but I could deal. Ann had gone and bought these new cowboy boots; cute, I guess. Everybody here would be a better judge, apparently."
"Gay, not a girl," Lorne said.
"Sorry. I just found out I'm the only straight man in all of Atlantis."
"No!" Lorne told LeBeau.
"What?" LeBeau asked innocently.
"Are you trying to tell me you weren't going to say, 'I can fix that?'"
"I knew you were my best friend for a reason," LeBeau said with a grin.
"Ann had new boots, David?" Chuck asked.
"Yeah. And she would've been fine if her brother hadn't gotten drunk and went wandering," Dave said. "It takes us an hour to find him and another thirty minutes to drag him back to the car. We all live in the middle of nowhere, so while her friend is driving us back, Ann takes her boots off. Her feet are just wrecked. I rubbed them the entire two hours it took to get back home."
"Maybe I am a little bit of a girl," Lorne admitted. "That's sweet, Dave."
"Yeah, well, the divorce was so violent I left the damn planet so..." Dave shrugged. "Maybe you should ask somebody who didn't screw it up."
"I didn't even know you had a girlfriend, Chuck," Cadman said, moving the conversation along.
"She's on Earth," Chuck said. "Jonesy and I have known each other for years. Her mom is the office girl at the garage my papa works at, and her father worked on a cargo ship my dad unloads. So she and I have known each other since we were kids. We joined the air force together; she used to tell everyone her best wingman was the ground controller. But we never dated.
"I came home from Atlantis at the same time she came home on leave. Afghanistan was tough on her. It's a long story, but..." He toyed with the stylus for his video game. "They told Jonesy's parents she was dead. She was being suffocated by all the attention everybody was giving her, so we snuck out of the welcome home party and went walking on the waterfront. Not the nice, pretty 'Bienvenue a Shippagan' waterfront, but the docks my dad works. We were watching the moonlight bouncing off the empty freighters, and she slipped her hand in mine." They sat in silence for a bit.
"You ever ask about her coming to Atlantis?" Cadman asked.
Chuck shook his head. "If we were in the same command, she'd be...screwing below ranks."
"Jonesy's a pilot," Lorne said. Chuck nodded. "You've given me an idea."
MPMPMPMPMP
Lorne walked into the Chemical Physics Lab to find the aftermath of a huge argument. All the scientists were silent, pretending to focus entirely on what was in front of them. Lorne dropped his bamboo plant directly in front of Kavanagh.
"You've been making a nuisance of yourself again," he said.
"I don't know which one of these bastards--"
"Nobody told me, Kav," Lorne replied. "I can tell by the atmosphere. Everybody's upset, and none of them are looking at you."
"What's this?" Kavanagh asked, looking at the plant.
"And now you're changing the subject," Lorne said. "That is what Dave Parrish described as a herbaceous grass that even you can't kill."
"He makes me call him 'David.'"
"He makes everybody call him 'David,'" Lorne said. He took the bamboo and placed it at the corner of the desk. "Come on. Let's go for a walk."
"I'm working," Kavanagh replied peevishly.
"No, you're sitting there, stewing and getting frustrated. Take a walk; clear your head. Then, if you feel like it, you can come back and work." Lorne could tell he was getting through to Kavanagh. But the other man wouldn't want to be seen as giving in too easily. "Don't make me come around this desk and drag you out of here."
Kavanagh sighed heavily. "Well, if you're threatening brute strength-"
"I am," Lorne said happily.
"I'll go on a walk with you." Kavanagh stomped around the desk and followed Lorne out of the lab. He seemed like he was being forced to leave, but Lorne knew him well enough to see the tension leaving his shoulders.
"Want to talk about it?" Lorne asked once they had stepped into the lift.
"They're all morons!" Kavanagh began. Lorne let him complain. He liked listening to Kavanagh when he was worked up. It made him think about how the scientist would make love. "Are you even listening?"
"Nobody appreciates your work because they're too stupid to see the potential applications," Lorne replied. "Just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not paying attention." The doors opened. "Come on."
Lorne led Kavanagh down the walkway that stretched over the water. The scientist was talking about his work now. Lorne had a degree, but there was a big difference between geology and physics, especially at the level Kavanagh operated at.
"Here we are," Lorne said.
"I don't think I've ever been here before," Kavanagh said.
"Yeah, it's pretty far off the beaten path. I normally come out here and paint." The two men stared out at the view. It was beautiful. The ocean stretched out before them as far as they could see. "Come on," Lorne said, grabbing Kavanagh's hand. He pulled the scientist down so they were sitting together. Lorne could feel every point where his thigh was pressing against Kavanagh's. They watched the ocean.
"It's beautiful," Kavanagh said in a voice that made Lorne think of churches.
"Most people think oceans are blue," Lorne replied. "And they are, but there's more to them than that. There's sea glass green and deep purples and just a bit of white. That's the stuff that's there all the time. The light picks up different colours."
"Tell me," Kavanagh said.
Lorne began talking about how the angle of the sun could bring out different colours in the water. Kavanagh was hanging on to his every word, but he was on autopilot. Lorne knew his next move, and it was weighing heavily on his mind. When he thought he and Kavanagh were dating, he wouldn't have thought twice about it, but now- Lorne had been thinking too much. It had occurred to him that maybe Kavanagh knew how he felt and had valued their friendship so much he'd been pretending not to notice. But this would be noticeable and obvious.
Lorne gave a brief prayer that Kavanagh really was oblivious and immediately felt bad about it. The Big Guy had other, more important things to worry about. Without changing his tone, Lorne shifted his body weight and tucked his head onto Kavanagh's shoulder.
Kavanagh tensed. Lorne raised his hand and pointed out some streaks of pale pink in the water. Kavanagh asked a technical question Lorne didn't know the answer to. Lorne tried to explain as best he could. Kavanagh relaxed.
"This is nice," Lorne said. "I could just sit here and talk about water with you for hours."
"It's good to know you're so easily amused."
"I'm not even going to respond. That's how nice this is."
"By commenting on your refusal to respond, aren't you actually responding?" Kavanagh asked.
"And you wonder why I assumed you were the one being a nuisance." Lorne snuggled into Kavanagh's body.
"Let's go get dinner," Kavanagh said. His voice was a little higher than usual.
"You okay?"
"It's cold out here."
"That's the one problem with being out here," Lorne said. "The wind coming off the water is too chilly to sit for long." He climbed to his feet before reaching back to help Kavanagh up.
"Will you, uh, bring me back the next time you come out here to paint?" Kavanagh asked.
"Of course," Lorne replied as they headed back, hands occasionally" brushing against each other. "I can't paint without my muse." Kavanagh's laugh was as beautiful as the ocean.
A/N: Yes, my da really did get my mam blood donors. Though, it happened a bit differently in real life and they were already together.
The first part is here. There are internal links so you can just click along until you get here. I do assume you've read the other bits.
Title: Master Plan: Stage Two: Operation Woo
Rating: PG for language
Pairing: pre-Lorne/Kav; background Cadman/Beckett; background post-Parrish/OFC; background Chuck/OFC
Disclaimer: SGA belongs to SyFy. All of the "how we got together" stories belong to their respective couples.
Summary: LeBeau has a plan. An embarrassing plan.
Definition: Reconcile meaning "to bring into agreement."
Maj. Nick Lorne sat in a comfy chair in Dr. David Parrish's office and sulked. Lorne was the 2iC of the entirety of Atlantis, and he had a desk and three plastic chairs shoved into a closet near the Gatrium. Dave was the lead botanist, and he had a damn corner office large enough to hold P.T. in.
In the corner, Dave was cooing at a rubber plant that was probably bigger than Lorne's entire closet. Lt. Laura Cadman was looking out of the large glass wall over the arboretum below. Sgt. Chuck Davis was settled on Dave's couch, playing some video game that involved a lot of screaming and gunshots. They were all waiting for LeBeau to show up.
"You have no idea what he's planning?" Cadman asked again. It was the third time since she'd shown up.
"I never know what Beau's doing," Lorne replied honestly for the third time. "He lives in a world of his own making."
"Talking about me, boss?" LeBeau asked as he walked through the door.
"One of these days, I'm going to ask how you do that," Lorne said.
"And one of these days, I'm going to tell you, and you'll laugh at how easy it is," LeBeau replied.
"What's up, Beau?" Dave asked.
"You're probably wondering why I've gathered you all here," the Cajun said. Lorne and Cadman shared a look. LeBeau had planned a speech; this didn't bode well for anyone's sanity. "You are the only people on Atlantis I trust with my sister's life."
"The phrase is 'trust with my life,'" Cadman said.
"I trust everybody on Atlantis with my life," LeBeau replied. "But I'm a soldier; my life isn't worth much. My sister is a nurse and a mother." Lorne idlely wondered if he'd gone insane, because that made a weird sort of logic to him. "Anyway," LeBeau continued, "You're missing the point."
"Which is?"
"I would trust you all with my sister's life," LeBeau said, launching back into his speech. "So I have called you all here to discuss a very delicate matter - a top secret matter. You will not discuss it with anyone who is not currently in this room. No one will be read in, even if you find yourself in need of their assistance. If anyone asks you about it, you will disavow all knowledge of this mission. If anyone asks me about what you're doing, I will disavow all knowledge of you. If you don't feel comfortable or able to deal with these parameters, you may leave right now. I won't think any less of you."
LeBeau had everyone's attention now. Lorne felt slightly sick to his stomach. Most of the time, it was very easy to forget Beau was an intelligence officer.
"Last chance to leave," LeBeau said. No one moved. "All right. We're all in and dedicated to seeing this to the end. You might want to get comfortable." LeBeau came and sat beside Lorne on the couch. He squeezed Lorne's knee in what was supposed to be a reassuring manner.
"Our old buddy, Maj. Lorne, here is a good guy," LeBeau said. "I think he deserves happiness." Suddenly, Lorne realized what this whole thing was about. "It doesn't matter to me that he's gayer than a Christmas tree decorated by the cast of 'Project Runway.' Does it matter to anyone else?" Everyone stared at LeBeau in shock. Except Lorne, who was glaring. "Stop trying to set me on fire with your brain. You haven't been able to manage it yet; what makes you think you can now?"
"I've never been this mad at you before," Lorne replied honestly.
"Later, Nick. Let's stay on task."
"Which is?" Dave asked.
"Getting Nick laid," LeBeau replied. Lorne choked on his own saliva. "Now I offered, but he thinks he's in love. And he's put a lot of effort in, so I can see why he wants to see it through. Only problem is Lorne likes them dumb." Lorne objected, but LeBeau just kept going. "He thinks tucking a half-naked grown man into bed and climbing in after is being friendly. That's dumb, Nick." Lorne hated it when Beau was right. "So I called a tactical meeting so we can figure out how to get Nick and his honey boo together."
"Honey boo?" Cadman asked.
"Focus," LeBeau replied. "Nick has exhausted all of his ideas so we're going to help. Because we love him, and he deserves to be happy."
"We're not going to like the guy, are we?" Chuck said. It was the first thing he'd said since LeBeau showed up.
"What makes you think that?"
"You're being careful not to say his name whilst reminding us how much we like Nick," Chuck replied.
"Preceptive bitch, isn't he?" LeBeau asked Lorne.
"And your superior," Lorne pointed out. LeBeau gave him a look that asked who should answer Chuck's question. "It's Kavanagh."
"Hateful, cowardly, I'm-better-than-you Kavanagh?" Dave asked.
"That's the one," LeBeau confirmed. "Apparently, he has good qualities too."
"So you want us to help everybody's favorite person sleep with a guy we all hate who can't take a damn hint while keeping this whole thing quiet?" Cadman asked.
"Pretty much," LeBeau confirmed.
"If it were anybody else," Cadman said. Lorne wondered if the 'I-told-you-so' dance would be appropriate.
"Roses are cliche, but they're very obvious in intent," Dave said thoughtfully. Lorne sighed in relief; they might not be fans of Kavanagh, but they trusted Lorne enough to not try to change his mind.
"I'm gay, not a girl," Lorne replied.
"That's the problem with bringing straight boys in," LeBeau said.
Chuck laughed. "I don't think I've ever been called straight before."
"You have a girlfriend," LeBeau said.
"Doesn't mean I'm straight," Chuck replied. LeBeau gave him an appraising look. "I'm not sleeping with you either."
"So is that a no to flowers in general or just roses?" Dave asked. "I mean flowers are pretty unambiguous, and it seems like you need that."
"Kavanagh doesn't seem like a flowers guy," Cadman said.
"I wouldn't want flowers," LeBeau said.
"I'm not dating you," Lorne replied.
"My girlfriend is allergic," Chuck said. "Poinsettias are the worst; she breaks out in hives. So what I do is plants. Ferns, potted plants, a banana tree for our last anniversary, things like that. It's close enough to flowers to get the message across, but it's not, you know, so girly."
"Bamboo grows really quickly," Dave said. "Which can be...indicative of your growing love. It's really easy to care for so he can't kill it. And it can fit on a desk."
"That sounds pretty good," Lorne said. "I mean, the love bit is corny, but it's better than roses."
"What else, though?" Chuck said. "I mean bamboo is nice and all, but it doesn't scream 'I'm so in love with you I told others about it!' It says, 'Here's some grass. Don't kill it.'" He was right. They sat in silence for a bit.
"Candy?" Dave suggested.
"Nothing says, 'I think you're a girl' as much as candy and plants," Cadman said. "And now that we have the Daedalus, it doesn't mean as much."
"Gay porn?" LeBeau asked.
"I'm not dating you," Lorne said. "Fortunately." The group thought in silence some more. "Maybe I should just start with the bamboo."
"Bamboo is in line with what you've been doing so far," LeBeau said. "And that's not working."
"Well, what's worked for you guys?" Lorne asked.
"I just walk up to anybody I find attractive and ask if they want to ride Space Mountain," LeBeau said. "That doesn't seem your style." LeBeau got a thoughtful look on his face. "My parents are all romantic, though."
"Give me a second," Cadman said. "I'm trying to reconcile the idea that Beau has parents. I always thought he was some alien experiment."
"That's just what I tell chicks so they think I'm mysterious." Lorne wasn't entirely sure if he was joking or not. "They met in a war zone. Momma was a nurse at an aid station, and Daddy worked at battalion. He drove a general or a colonel or something down to the aid station, and according to him, Momma was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Daddy overheard her complaining about how she had no blood, so when he got back to battalion, he rounded up everybody who wasn't doing anything and took them back to the aid station. Momma said it was the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for her."
"Beau, that's a very sweet story," Lorne said. "But I don't think getting Kav blood donors would work unless he turns out to be a vampire. In which case, I'm not interested anymore. The sparkling would be distracting." Chuck hid a smile; Laura didn't even attempt to hide her laughter.
"What do you have, Lt. I Scored a Doctor?" LeBeau asked.
"Well, possessing McKay probably won't help Nick," Cadman said "But my parents sat beside each other on the bus everyday. Eventually, they started talking. Just little pleasantries. One day, Dad mentioned that there was a book he was looking for and couldn't find. So Mom started looking for it. She looked for three months before she found it. Now Dad has the book in a special place in the house."
"That's actually doable," Lorne said. "Listen out for anything he wants, and then get it."
"It's not an obvious romantic gesture, though," Dave said. "I mean, if Chuck wanted a book and I found it, I'd give it to him. Doesn't mean I want to screw him." Cadman and LeBeau both went a bit stiff.
"Him, I understand, but I expected better from you," Lorne told Cadman with a grin.
"What about you then?" she asked Dave, changing the subject without commenting.
"I knew Ann's brother. He, his girlfriend, and Ann were going to a George Strait concert, and he invited me," Dave said. "Ann tells me immediately that I wasn't her type. Which I'm fine with. I mean, I thought she was gorgeous, but I could deal. Ann had gone and bought these new cowboy boots; cute, I guess. Everybody here would be a better judge, apparently."
"Gay, not a girl," Lorne said.
"Sorry. I just found out I'm the only straight man in all of Atlantis."
"No!" Lorne told LeBeau.
"What?" LeBeau asked innocently.
"Are you trying to tell me you weren't going to say, 'I can fix that?'"
"I knew you were my best friend for a reason," LeBeau said with a grin.
"Ann had new boots, David?" Chuck asked.
"Yeah. And she would've been fine if her brother hadn't gotten drunk and went wandering," Dave said. "It takes us an hour to find him and another thirty minutes to drag him back to the car. We all live in the middle of nowhere, so while her friend is driving us back, Ann takes her boots off. Her feet are just wrecked. I rubbed them the entire two hours it took to get back home."
"Maybe I am a little bit of a girl," Lorne admitted. "That's sweet, Dave."
"Yeah, well, the divorce was so violent I left the damn planet so..." Dave shrugged. "Maybe you should ask somebody who didn't screw it up."
"I didn't even know you had a girlfriend, Chuck," Cadman said, moving the conversation along.
"She's on Earth," Chuck said. "Jonesy and I have known each other for years. Her mom is the office girl at the garage my papa works at, and her father worked on a cargo ship my dad unloads. So she and I have known each other since we were kids. We joined the air force together; she used to tell everyone her best wingman was the ground controller. But we never dated.
"I came home from Atlantis at the same time she came home on leave. Afghanistan was tough on her. It's a long story, but..." He toyed with the stylus for his video game. "They told Jonesy's parents she was dead. She was being suffocated by all the attention everybody was giving her, so we snuck out of the welcome home party and went walking on the waterfront. Not the nice, pretty 'Bienvenue a Shippagan' waterfront, but the docks my dad works. We were watching the moonlight bouncing off the empty freighters, and she slipped her hand in mine." They sat in silence for a bit.
"You ever ask about her coming to Atlantis?" Cadman asked.
Chuck shook his head. "If we were in the same command, she'd be...screwing below ranks."
"Jonesy's a pilot," Lorne said. Chuck nodded. "You've given me an idea."
MPMPMPMPMP
Lorne walked into the Chemical Physics Lab to find the aftermath of a huge argument. All the scientists were silent, pretending to focus entirely on what was in front of them. Lorne dropped his bamboo plant directly in front of Kavanagh.
"You've been making a nuisance of yourself again," he said.
"I don't know which one of these bastards--"
"Nobody told me, Kav," Lorne replied. "I can tell by the atmosphere. Everybody's upset, and none of them are looking at you."
"What's this?" Kavanagh asked, looking at the plant.
"And now you're changing the subject," Lorne said. "That is what Dave Parrish described as a herbaceous grass that even you can't kill."
"He makes me call him 'David.'"
"He makes everybody call him 'David,'" Lorne said. He took the bamboo and placed it at the corner of the desk. "Come on. Let's go for a walk."
"I'm working," Kavanagh replied peevishly.
"No, you're sitting there, stewing and getting frustrated. Take a walk; clear your head. Then, if you feel like it, you can come back and work." Lorne could tell he was getting through to Kavanagh. But the other man wouldn't want to be seen as giving in too easily. "Don't make me come around this desk and drag you out of here."
Kavanagh sighed heavily. "Well, if you're threatening brute strength-"
"I am," Lorne said happily.
"I'll go on a walk with you." Kavanagh stomped around the desk and followed Lorne out of the lab. He seemed like he was being forced to leave, but Lorne knew him well enough to see the tension leaving his shoulders.
"Want to talk about it?" Lorne asked once they had stepped into the lift.
"They're all morons!" Kavanagh began. Lorne let him complain. He liked listening to Kavanagh when he was worked up. It made him think about how the scientist would make love. "Are you even listening?"
"Nobody appreciates your work because they're too stupid to see the potential applications," Lorne replied. "Just because I'm not looking at you doesn't mean I'm not paying attention." The doors opened. "Come on."
Lorne led Kavanagh down the walkway that stretched over the water. The scientist was talking about his work now. Lorne had a degree, but there was a big difference between geology and physics, especially at the level Kavanagh operated at.
"Here we are," Lorne said.
"I don't think I've ever been here before," Kavanagh said.
"Yeah, it's pretty far off the beaten path. I normally come out here and paint." The two men stared out at the view. It was beautiful. The ocean stretched out before them as far as they could see. "Come on," Lorne said, grabbing Kavanagh's hand. He pulled the scientist down so they were sitting together. Lorne could feel every point where his thigh was pressing against Kavanagh's. They watched the ocean.
"It's beautiful," Kavanagh said in a voice that made Lorne think of churches.
"Most people think oceans are blue," Lorne replied. "And they are, but there's more to them than that. There's sea glass green and deep purples and just a bit of white. That's the stuff that's there all the time. The light picks up different colours."
"Tell me," Kavanagh said.
Lorne began talking about how the angle of the sun could bring out different colours in the water. Kavanagh was hanging on to his every word, but he was on autopilot. Lorne knew his next move, and it was weighing heavily on his mind. When he thought he and Kavanagh were dating, he wouldn't have thought twice about it, but now- Lorne had been thinking too much. It had occurred to him that maybe Kavanagh knew how he felt and had valued their friendship so much he'd been pretending not to notice. But this would be noticeable and obvious.
Lorne gave a brief prayer that Kavanagh really was oblivious and immediately felt bad about it. The Big Guy had other, more important things to worry about. Without changing his tone, Lorne shifted his body weight and tucked his head onto Kavanagh's shoulder.
Kavanagh tensed. Lorne raised his hand and pointed out some streaks of pale pink in the water. Kavanagh asked a technical question Lorne didn't know the answer to. Lorne tried to explain as best he could. Kavanagh relaxed.
"This is nice," Lorne said. "I could just sit here and talk about water with you for hours."
"It's good to know you're so easily amused."
"I'm not even going to respond. That's how nice this is."
"By commenting on your refusal to respond, aren't you actually responding?" Kavanagh asked.
"And you wonder why I assumed you were the one being a nuisance." Lorne snuggled into Kavanagh's body.
"Let's go get dinner," Kavanagh said. His voice was a little higher than usual.
"You okay?"
"It's cold out here."
"That's the one problem with being out here," Lorne said. "The wind coming off the water is too chilly to sit for long." He climbed to his feet before reaching back to help Kavanagh up.
"Will you, uh, bring me back the next time you come out here to paint?" Kavanagh asked.
"Of course," Lorne replied as they headed back, hands occasionally" brushing against each other. "I can't paint without my muse." Kavanagh's laugh was as beautiful as the ocean.
A/N: Yes, my da really did get my mam blood donors. Though, it happened a bit differently in real life and they were already together.