Short Conversations With...
Partner: You make the best noodles.
Me: It's just a bit of garlic stirfry oil, soy sauce, and rooster sauce on ramen noodles.
Partner: *looking at his fork like it's evil* You mean like the packaged ramen noodles?
Me: I mean like Top Ramen without the spice packet.
Partner: *puts fork down* You fed me Top Ramen? Do I want to know what's in the fish cakes?
Me: It's hot Chinese mustard, a bit of oyster sauce, a bit of wasabi, soy sauce, and rooster sauce, fried in the garlic stirfry oil.
Partner: You didn't mention the kind of fish.
Me: Tuna.
Partner: Like Bumblebee?
Me: Like 89 cents at Wal-Mart tuna.
Partner: *stares at food like it's done something deeply offensive to him*
Me: You know, a wise man once said the best chefs can make something delicious out of cheap food.
Partner: *disbelieving* Who said that?
Me: Gordon Ramsey on that episode of Kitchen Nightmares where the guy was going to bankrupt the restaurant by buying expensive ingredients.
Partner: *beat* *starts eating again* He's a smart man.
Me: I like him!
*yesterday after-hours*
Me: Hi, yes, my dishwasher is leaking water all over the kitchen. I'd appreciate it if someone could call me back and deal with it.
*today around noon*
Me: Hi, yes, I called last night about my dishwasher leaking. It's still doing that.
Management: We'll send someone.
*today just before 5 p.m.*
Me: Hi, yes. I called earlier about my dishwasher leaking. It's still leaking.
Management: At this hour, I don't know if he can get to it. He'll come by tomorrow.
Me: There's two inches of water standing in the bottom of the dishwasher--
Management: *interrupting* He'll come by tomorrow morning.
Me: And the water has leaked all over the kitchen. Like both rugs are soaked as is the towel I had shoved underneath the dishwasher.
Management: He'll come by tomorrow morning.
Me: But he was supposed to be here this morning!
Management: He'll come by tomorrow morning.
Me: And then he was supposed to be here this afternoon!
Management: He'll be by tomorrow. Have a great day! *hangs up*
Me: *stare at puddle of water across kitchen floor* *turn to look at dishes that weren't actually washed by the dishwasher before it started leaking* *turn to look at mobile in disbelief* I can't mop this up!
My food: Tomato soup, Goldfish crackers, string cheese, Mott's For Tots! apple juice.
Clerk: My kid is a picky eater too. What age is yours?
Me: Actually...that's my dinner.
Clerk: Oh.
Silence: *reigns*
Me: I'm 25 if that helps.
Me Being 25: *doesn't help*
Clerk: Enjoy your dinner.
Me: I will!
Old Lady Behind Me: Smart! I didn't start eating food I liked until I was 80. *has tater tots, popcorn shrimp, and chocolate milk*
Me: *has new hero*
This is spoiler-free.
Spoilers: *happen*
Me: WHAT? *anger* You said you weren't going to do that.
Rest of Episode: *happens*
Me: *still angry about Spoilers*
Spoilers Part II: *happen*
Me: THE FUCK?
Episode: *ends*
Me: What? NO! You can't end there! Seriously? RAGE!
There will be a post about "On My Way" as soon as I watch it again and can make coherent comments versus "RAR! Anger! Amy smash!"