Fic: "Drinks Are Bad," Disc, PG, Ponder/Adrian
Title: Drinks Are Bad
Rating: PG for drunkenness and some innuendo. no cursing
Fandom: Discworld
Pairing: pre-Ponder Stibbons/Adrian Turnipseed
Warnings: Alcohol; I decided to make Adrian Cajun and Hex sentient and possibly telepathic.
Summary: Adrian has had far too much "purple." Ponder has to get him back to the uni. Written for prompt 016. purple for fanfic100
"What do you call this again?" Ponder asked the man sitting on the stool beside him. Adrian leaned forward and curiously examined the glass.
"Purple!" he concluded, slamming it on the bar hard enough for a bit to slosh out.
"And how many of these have you had?" Ponder asked. Adrian attempted to count the glasses in front of him.
He settled on, "That many!" The other wizard shook his head and took a deep drink of his "purple." Ponder gasped and began coughing. Adrian just giggled.
"What's in that?" Adrian shrugged and Ponder took another cautious sip. "I can't believe you voluntarily drank five of these. Actually, I can't believe your organs aren't liquified."
Adrian giggled. "Arcadian of Genua." Then he leaned over to yell at the bartender. "Barkeep!" He started to lose his balance so he steadied himself by placing his hand on Ponder's lap. "Barkeep! Another please!"
Ponder stilled and resolutely kept his eyes down and on his drink. Adrian was drunk; he didn't know what he was doing. As soon as the drunken lout removed his hand from Ponder's crotch, the senior wizard took a gulp of his purple.
Adrian petted his head as Ponder coughed. Then the bartender came over with his drink. Adrian pulled out some money and gave it to the man. "Keep the change! Unless you want a kiss. In that case, I can make change."
The bartender deftly maneouvered out of the arm Adrian had thrown around his waist. "Genuan?" he asked with a laugh.
"Arcadian," Ponder replied as he took another sip of his purple. The bartender nodded.
"That makes--" Both men stared in shock as Adrian drained his drink in one movement.
"DONE!" he slammed the glass down. "More please." Adrian flapped his hand at the bartender.
"You might want to get him back home."
"Yeah," Ponder said as he tried to finish his purple. The burning in his throat caused him to start coughing, and he had to put it down. A strong hand began rubbing his back and Ponder subconsciously leaned into the touch.
Then, he remembered where he was and opened his eyes to the sight of Adrian using his other hand to finish off Ponder's drink.
"Adrian, no more purple," he said, trying to be strict, but Adrian's hand was doing interesting things on his back. "Are you trying to summon Bibulous?"
"Maybe," Adrian said in a sing-song.
"Why?" Ponder asked as he used every bit of his resolve to remove Adrian's hand.
"You took my purple away. How else am I supposed to drink?"
It sounded like his accent was even thicker than usual, but Ponder shook his head to clear it. He was not going to salivate over his drunken best friend's accent. Even if it was Arcadian Genuan.
"No more drinking," Ponder said, using his professor voice. "We're going back to the school right now." Adrian pouted.
"Do we have to?"
"Yes!" Ponder insisted as he hauled Adrian to his feet. He suddenly realized the other man was a head taller than him. "This isn't going to be easy."
"Want me to call you a cab?" the bartender asked as he held Adrian up. Ponder ducked under the other wizard's arm and slung his arm around his waist.
"Despite popular opinion, wizards cannot make gold. Well, we can, but it disappears the next morning and that causes..." He stopped himself and looked up at the bartender. "I can get him back if you can help me get out."
The bartender smiled to himself and helped the dark-haired wizard lead his red haired companion outside.
DWDWDWDWDW
It took far longer to get to the university than Ponder had anticipated. Part of that was because Adrian was inexplicably interesting to the seamstresses. Whenever they came within ten feet of one, she'd stop whatever she was doing and begin making eyes at Adrian.
After the fourth seamstress offered to "darn his socks" for free, Ponder began hustling Adrian past them before the Arcadian even had a chance to talk.
As they slipped in through the student entrance, Ponder realised he didn't know where Adrian roomed.
"Adrian, where do you sleep?" he asked.
"On a bed," the student responded.
"Where is the bed?" Ponder asked, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.
"In my room!" Adrian announced happily. Ponder just rolled his eyes and gave up.
"You can crash in my room in the HEM Building," Ponder replied. He pulled the taller man in the right direction. "I'll sleep in my room in the main building."
"You have two bedrooms?" Adrian asked, slipping an arm over Ponder's shoulder. He shivered and thought about shrugging Adrian off. It would probably be easier to maneuver him this way, though.
"I have a room in the professors' wing. It's part bedroom, part office. Some kind of priviledge or something," Ponder replied. "But I spend most my time out in the HEM Building. So they had to give me an office over that way; you put the bed in for me after realising I was just sleeping on the floor."
"That's why you didn't have a bed!" Adrian shouted, suddenly ludicrously loud. Ponder slapped a hand over his mouth.
"People, such as the Archchancellor, are asleep," he hissed.
"Oh," Adrian said. "I should be quiet then."
Ponder quickly lead him through Hex's darkened room. He didn't need light to make his way through the room and that scared him a little but he pushed that thought aside. He didn't want to wake up Hex.
They slipped into Ponder's room. The soft light cast sensual shadows on everything. Ponder resisted the urge to shake himself; this was no time to be thinking like a romance novel.
"Your bed is huge," Adrian said, staring at it.
Ponder refused to be ashamed of the tangled bed sheets. He was a busy wizard. He didn't have time to make the bed.
"Whose fault is that?"
"Whose fault is what?" Adrian asked.
"Whose fault is it that--" Ponder broke off angrily. The taller wizard stared down at him in genuine confusion. "You need to strip down and get into bed."
"NOPE!" Adrian thundered. Ponder instinctively slapped his hand over the other's mouth. However, Adrian was so tall this meant Ponder had to press his body against the other man to achieve it.
"If I let you go, will you be quiet?" Ponder asked quietly, heart thudding against his ribs. Adrian nodded in the over exaggerated way drunks were fond of. The professor released the other man and breathed a sigh of relief. "Why won't you go to bed?"
"I don't want to go to bed alone."
"Adrian," Ponder growled. He hoped he sounded quite terrifying.
He knew he sounded silly.
"I have to have my teddy bear before I can sleep!"
Ponder took a step back and searched Adrian's face. He was obviously trying to take the michael. But all his searching only turned up a genuine, childlike sincerity.
"Why do you need your teddy bear?" Ponder asked. His tone was a contradiction: patience layered with exasperation.
"Before my mama died, she gave me that bear to stave off nightmares," Adrian replied. "It helped even after daddy sent me to Unseen University. I just got used to sleeping with something, and now I can't go without it."
Ponder stared up at the Arcadian. He hadn't known that the man had lost his mother. Adrian was trying to avoid Ponder's eyes, but the professor could see the tears glistening. He hesitantly reached out to his best friend, but Adrian turned away from him. The lamplight played over Adrian's hair. The natural highlights, normally so blond as to seem white against his red hair, appeared a pale lilac in the shifting light.
Something in Ponder broke.
The Ankh-Morporkian took his hat off and placed it reverently on the night stand before pulling off his boots.
"What are you doing?" Adrian asked with a great hiccuping breath.
"Against my better judgement, I'm preparing to play teddy bear."
The grin that spread across Adrian's face could've melted the Hub.
DWDWDWDWDW
Ponder woke up the next morning in a panic. There was something heavy and hot draped over him. And he was being poked in the thigh with something hard.
"How drunk was I?" Adrian slurred in a sleep-heavy voice.
Ponder immediately tried to launch himself into a sitting position, but Adrian kept him pinned.
'"I figured you'd be immune to my charms," Adrian replied. Ponder thought he heard sadness in his friend's voice so he responded the best way he knew how.
"What charms?" Ponder asked. "Are you referring to the way you kept hitting on seamstresses and then telling me, 'She likes me, man; I can feel it?' Because that's something, but it isn't charm."
"We didn't sleep together?"
"You conned me into playing teddy bear," Ponder replied. Adrian smiled and settled himself more firmly against Ponder.
"Oh good. I'm going to have to get you a lavender ribbon so you'll match the real thing." That said, Adrian sunk back into sleep.
Ponder tried vainly to sit up. He cursed under his breath - his friend was a champion snuggler - and decided to give in. When he drifted to sleep, Ponder dreamed of purple light flickering over lilac highlights and lavender ribbons.
And after receiving my cliche_bingo card, it looks like this is going to have a sequel. *headdesk*
Rating: PG for drunkenness and some innuendo. no cursing
Fandom: Discworld
Pairing: pre-Ponder Stibbons/Adrian Turnipseed
Warnings: Alcohol; I decided to make Adrian Cajun and Hex sentient and possibly telepathic.
Summary: Adrian has had far too much "purple." Ponder has to get him back to the uni. Written for prompt 016. purple for fanfic100
"What do you call this again?" Ponder asked the man sitting on the stool beside him. Adrian leaned forward and curiously examined the glass.
"Purple!" he concluded, slamming it on the bar hard enough for a bit to slosh out.
"And how many of these have you had?" Ponder asked. Adrian attempted to count the glasses in front of him.
He settled on, "That many!" The other wizard shook his head and took a deep drink of his "purple." Ponder gasped and began coughing. Adrian just giggled.
"What's in that?" Adrian shrugged and Ponder took another cautious sip. "I can't believe you voluntarily drank five of these. Actually, I can't believe your organs aren't liquified."
Adrian giggled. "Arcadian of Genua." Then he leaned over to yell at the bartender. "Barkeep!" He started to lose his balance so he steadied himself by placing his hand on Ponder's lap. "Barkeep! Another please!"
Ponder stilled and resolutely kept his eyes down and on his drink. Adrian was drunk; he didn't know what he was doing. As soon as the drunken lout removed his hand from Ponder's crotch, the senior wizard took a gulp of his purple.
Adrian petted his head as Ponder coughed. Then the bartender came over with his drink. Adrian pulled out some money and gave it to the man. "Keep the change! Unless you want a kiss. In that case, I can make change."
The bartender deftly maneouvered out of the arm Adrian had thrown around his waist. "Genuan?" he asked with a laugh.
"Arcadian," Ponder replied as he took another sip of his purple. The bartender nodded.
"That makes--" Both men stared in shock as Adrian drained his drink in one movement.
"DONE!" he slammed the glass down. "More please." Adrian flapped his hand at the bartender.
"You might want to get him back home."
"Yeah," Ponder said as he tried to finish his purple. The burning in his throat caused him to start coughing, and he had to put it down. A strong hand began rubbing his back and Ponder subconsciously leaned into the touch.
Then, he remembered where he was and opened his eyes to the sight of Adrian using his other hand to finish off Ponder's drink.
"Adrian, no more purple," he said, trying to be strict, but Adrian's hand was doing interesting things on his back. "Are you trying to summon Bibulous?"
"Maybe," Adrian said in a sing-song.
"Why?" Ponder asked as he used every bit of his resolve to remove Adrian's hand.
"You took my purple away. How else am I supposed to drink?"
It sounded like his accent was even thicker than usual, but Ponder shook his head to clear it. He was not going to salivate over his drunken best friend's accent. Even if it was Arcadian Genuan.
"No more drinking," Ponder said, using his professor voice. "We're going back to the school right now." Adrian pouted.
"Do we have to?"
"Yes!" Ponder insisted as he hauled Adrian to his feet. He suddenly realized the other man was a head taller than him. "This isn't going to be easy."
"Want me to call you a cab?" the bartender asked as he held Adrian up. Ponder ducked under the other wizard's arm and slung his arm around his waist.
"Despite popular opinion, wizards cannot make gold. Well, we can, but it disappears the next morning and that causes..." He stopped himself and looked up at the bartender. "I can get him back if you can help me get out."
The bartender smiled to himself and helped the dark-haired wizard lead his red haired companion outside.
DWDWDWDWDW
It took far longer to get to the university than Ponder had anticipated. Part of that was because Adrian was inexplicably interesting to the seamstresses. Whenever they came within ten feet of one, she'd stop whatever she was doing and begin making eyes at Adrian.
After the fourth seamstress offered to "darn his socks" for free, Ponder began hustling Adrian past them before the Arcadian even had a chance to talk.
As they slipped in through the student entrance, Ponder realised he didn't know where Adrian roomed.
"Adrian, where do you sleep?" he asked.
"On a bed," the student responded.
"Where is the bed?" Ponder asked, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.
"In my room!" Adrian announced happily. Ponder just rolled his eyes and gave up.
"You can crash in my room in the HEM Building," Ponder replied. He pulled the taller man in the right direction. "I'll sleep in my room in the main building."
"You have two bedrooms?" Adrian asked, slipping an arm over Ponder's shoulder. He shivered and thought about shrugging Adrian off. It would probably be easier to maneuver him this way, though.
"I have a room in the professors' wing. It's part bedroom, part office. Some kind of priviledge or something," Ponder replied. "But I spend most my time out in the HEM Building. So they had to give me an office over that way; you put the bed in for me after realising I was just sleeping on the floor."
"That's why you didn't have a bed!" Adrian shouted, suddenly ludicrously loud. Ponder slapped a hand over his mouth.
"People, such as the Archchancellor, are asleep," he hissed.
"Oh," Adrian said. "I should be quiet then."
Ponder quickly lead him through Hex's darkened room. He didn't need light to make his way through the room and that scared him a little but he pushed that thought aside. He didn't want to wake up Hex.
They slipped into Ponder's room. The soft light cast sensual shadows on everything. Ponder resisted the urge to shake himself; this was no time to be thinking like a romance novel.
"Your bed is huge," Adrian said, staring at it.
Ponder refused to be ashamed of the tangled bed sheets. He was a busy wizard. He didn't have time to make the bed.
"Whose fault is that?"
"Whose fault is what?" Adrian asked.
"Whose fault is it that--" Ponder broke off angrily. The taller wizard stared down at him in genuine confusion. "You need to strip down and get into bed."
"NOPE!" Adrian thundered. Ponder instinctively slapped his hand over the other's mouth. However, Adrian was so tall this meant Ponder had to press his body against the other man to achieve it.
"If I let you go, will you be quiet?" Ponder asked quietly, heart thudding against his ribs. Adrian nodded in the over exaggerated way drunks were fond of. The professor released the other man and breathed a sigh of relief. "Why won't you go to bed?"
"I don't want to go to bed alone."
"Adrian," Ponder growled. He hoped he sounded quite terrifying.
He knew he sounded silly.
"I have to have my teddy bear before I can sleep!"
Ponder took a step back and searched Adrian's face. He was obviously trying to take the michael. But all his searching only turned up a genuine, childlike sincerity.
"Why do you need your teddy bear?" Ponder asked. His tone was a contradiction: patience layered with exasperation.
"Before my mama died, she gave me that bear to stave off nightmares," Adrian replied. "It helped even after daddy sent me to Unseen University. I just got used to sleeping with something, and now I can't go without it."
Ponder stared up at the Arcadian. He hadn't known that the man had lost his mother. Adrian was trying to avoid Ponder's eyes, but the professor could see the tears glistening. He hesitantly reached out to his best friend, but Adrian turned away from him. The lamplight played over Adrian's hair. The natural highlights, normally so blond as to seem white against his red hair, appeared a pale lilac in the shifting light.
Something in Ponder broke.
The Ankh-Morporkian took his hat off and placed it reverently on the night stand before pulling off his boots.
"What are you doing?" Adrian asked with a great hiccuping breath.
"Against my better judgement, I'm preparing to play teddy bear."
The grin that spread across Adrian's face could've melted the Hub.
DWDWDWDWDW
Ponder woke up the next morning in a panic. There was something heavy and hot draped over him. And he was being poked in the thigh with something hard.
"How drunk was I?" Adrian slurred in a sleep-heavy voice.
Ponder immediately tried to launch himself into a sitting position, but Adrian kept him pinned.
'"I figured you'd be immune to my charms," Adrian replied. Ponder thought he heard sadness in his friend's voice so he responded the best way he knew how.
"What charms?" Ponder asked. "Are you referring to the way you kept hitting on seamstresses and then telling me, 'She likes me, man; I can feel it?' Because that's something, but it isn't charm."
"We didn't sleep together?"
"You conned me into playing teddy bear," Ponder replied. Adrian smiled and settled himself more firmly against Ponder.
"Oh good. I'm going to have to get you a lavender ribbon so you'll match the real thing." That said, Adrian sunk back into sleep.
Ponder tried vainly to sit up. He cursed under his breath - his friend was a champion snuggler - and decided to give in. When he drifted to sleep, Ponder dreamed of purple light flickering over lilac highlights and lavender ribbons.
And after receiving my cliche_bingo card, it looks like this is going to have a sequel. *headdesk*