think i need some outlet

[planeskeep]

So, i know i'm frustrated, and i know its because i'm not in control. Its fine to know that, and maybe i need to sit with it for a while, but i think i will instead do something else, because i feel like it

Comments

[frugal_fox]

well my psychology teacher told me that it's bad for a person to try and change their personality by a large percentage. basically, don't try to do a 180, because it'll be very frustrating and probably won't work. What he said to do is make a small change, and over time that change will have a big impact on your life. it's also be easier to make another little change, and then another.

or as how WHAT ABOUT BOB? put it: baby steps.

maybe you should sort through your basket, and just accept it. then when you carry it around it won't be a burden, just this thing you carry. of course that's pretty easily said.

Also, it seems that you have a problem with humor. i don't know why, i usually use homor to show people i like them, or that i'm happy around them. ben and i certainly use it a lot, and i'm always happy if i can make people laugh, even if it's poking fun at another in the room.

I'll admit that i tease roger when dan's made at him, or if we disagree with him, but this is usually to lighten up the situation. It's much easier for my family to deal with my mom's quirks or anyone else's in the family if we can have some humor about it.

Well...

[planeskeep]

. Humor is, for the most part, hiding something. I imagine when your laughing at your mother, your hiding the fact that she hurts/insults you, and that you don't exactly like that, or that it bothers you what she thinks.

. I'd question myself if i made a joke of something, I'd question the purpose for a joke, as much as i would question the desire to do something, or a snide comment, or a needy feeling. Its the purpose that matters.

. Really, To me, if i were you, i'd question why i make jokes to show affection. Affection isn't really about humor, its about care, consideration (to me). As i understand more, its not even about that either. Its more about... honesty. You like someone, tell them. Don't manipulate them into thinking you like them with some jokes.

. In most situations it seems like characteristics that people use to display feelings are covering up the feelings themselves. If I was to tease someone to lighten the mood it would not be telling them honestly that I feel tense and want to avoid the situation becoming tenser. It would be manipulating the situation to cause a reaction of non-tenseness. Which it usually doesn't in my case, as teasing causes me to tense even more.

. This is the basket i am talking about. People carry around these false notions of what the solution is in their heads (myself included) and assume that the notions are the same others use. Its not true, and besides that it is a learned manipulation. I don't really have any interest in participating. Doesn't mean i won't, as change comes with hard work (which i may or may not be doing, depending on the situation at hand), but I'm up for the challenge.

. What bothers me at the moment, is that i feel very few people have the get up, the passion, the urge to do so.

. And i tell you what, it is frustrating, and the first issue is accepting that i have issues, and accepting that i can't change them all at once, and looking at each and every one, accepting it, that it was caused by this or that in my life, understanding that it will becomes what it needs to, and loving myself for who i am, no doubt. But this doesn't mean i stop there. I continue to look at it, decide upon it, bring it along, untill it is no longer a part of me, and then discard it.

. If i know i don't like something, why bring it along for the rest of my life?