no editing required, just thoughts, and, oh, yes, very much so only thoughts (laughs)
Running form the hells from those above and below, running, running, as fast as one can, running to save my soul running from those that I used to behold, but now I am here outlawed from that which I loved most and loved me most. This is an unfortunate turn for us al, but who can complain about such an even when it comes in benefit? Not I, I say, but still I cry for that unknown reason beyond me and most others, perhaps all except that of the most wise and perhaps the most brave. These things are unknown to me and I am tired of looking for them ever more, they are here somewhere, I simply can not grasp, I simply do not understand, and care not to understand, that which is me is me, and that which is not is not, and I need to understand any but that, so I cry fro some reason, not for this, but for something else, I simply know not what I want to know, oh cry, oh cry. I type faster and faster, trying to get my fingers to keep up with my mind, and yet they can not do such a thing, because my mind is faster than the fingers, and my fingers shall never beat that which control them, the mind can not be broken by fingers or feet, or heads, only by other minds, and itself. I listen to music playing in my head, or is it? Perhaps it is not and everyone hears it, for who would know if anyone heard what they did, and not question it? Perhaps we all have that little voice in the back of our heads telling us what to do, how to do it, giving us the inspiration of genius, and I from on them that do not listen from they may never reach what they want, merely an image of what they want, perhaps I may even cry for them I am uncertain of my affiliation with them, yet am certain of what I must do for them, nothing. What I will do for them, however, is different, I may wish them everything in the world, and yet not know a thing, and not make them happy, and not accomplish a single objective. So I do for them what I may, and I wonder if it is enough, I wonder who and why and how, I question it all to myself, and speak very little of it, and I still wonder, as always, I wonder. The fear any may feel I know not for it has overwhelmed me. I wonder, again, how others get over it, how others continue on, I wonder, I wonder, and I fear, I fear for all I am. I fear I may die lonely, I fear I may not live, I fear those very things, and perhaps a few others. I fear obsessing, but not only that, but obsessing and being rejected, I fear rejection from those I wish to be accepted, I fear I fear, I know not what I fear, mearly that I fear. I fear. Is this a bad thing? Perhaps, yet I always wonder, just as with love and selfishness. Perhaps all we think is love is truly selfish and I wonder what that may mean for anyone, I wonder if all there is, is simply selfishness, and good for our own, I wonder, because it is all I do besides fear, understand and know. I understand may of that, that others do not, and I love myself for it, I know much of what others do not, and I love myself for it, and others know much of what I do not, and I fear that. Many understand much of what I do not and I fear that as well, and I fear the fear, and I fear being lonely, yet for all the fear, I still allow myself to be lonely, the fear is too strong in one than another and I can not do it when I am not lonely and if I was I could, yet I am not lonely when I get the chance and I am when the chance is not there, so I wonder if I will ever be anything but what I am now, I must change, even if for the worst because I must figure out what to do in these situations so I may no longer fear them and I may live in peace like the rest of us who accomplish what they most desire. I type, I type more and more and wonder when I will be done typing, for it lasts too long sometimes, but these are my erratic thoughts gone amuck and I type them as fast as I can, I wonder, I always wonder who and what I am and what I will ever do with myself, for I know not what I want to now, understand not what I want to, and fear what I want, because it could reject me, so I fear and fear and fear. I fear