NANOWRIMO REVAMPED
i stole this from ronnie because i'm a big fan of her as a writer and as a person. <333333333333
Post the first sentence (or three) a random large chunk from every WIP you're currently working on, even if it's very short. Then invite people to ask questions about your WIPs. With any luck, you'll get talking about writing, and the motivation to take that WIP one step closer to completion will appear as if by magic!
sooooooooooooooo these are all from the same thing -- my nanowrimo from 2009, except rewritten for 2012 and possible eventual publication. these are all brand-new excerpts that weren't in the original in any form, i think. it depends on how many i end up posting.
I stayed in my house one and a half days after I graduated high school, mostly sleeping, and then my dad drove me out to my new house in Toronto. It belonged to an older couple who rented their upstairs bedrooms and basement to college kids and me. The outside of the house was a dusty colour somewhere between pink and brown, with a dark green vine completely covering its left side, except for two neat little squares cut out so we could look out the white-shuttered windows.
The bedroom was tiny but I was never home anyway. I joined a pop choir, I did drop-in classes -- ballet, tap, hip-hop, even pole dancing once. I got a gym membership and used it twice, I think. My mom made me quit my vocal lessons my last two years of high school, so I asked everyone I could if they could recommend me a new coach. Then I realized I was going to have to pay for lessons, so I got a job at the Sunglass Hut and one as a waitress at Kelsey's. And I auditioned for everything.
I got a few chorus roles and walk-ons for plays in black box theatres that sat eighty people. We'd rehearse for two weeks and perform for one, but I was singing. I was happy.
The other kids I lived with taped pictures of Bob Marley and Marilyn Monroe and movies I'd never heard of on their walls. They always had friends over, playing video games and beer pong. I could hear them laughing through my closed doors as I did vocal exercises and sit-ups and counted my tips from Kelsey's, and for the first time in my life I didn't feel like I was missing out.
***
We were sitting on the edge of the bed, my hand on top of his hand on top of my thigh when he said "I don't think my parents take you very seriously."
I laughed a little. "It's okay, no one does, really."
"I know they like you. They say 'she's so lovely,' 'she's so charming,' 'she's adorable.' But are those things you say about a real person? They make you sound like a doll. Or a poodle. And they say, 'Gabriel brought home an actress.' 'I've never met an actress before.'"
"I am an actress."
"But you're not a novelty. I just--" He scrunched his nose up and then he sighed. "I feel like they don't think you'll last very long."
He made me want to cry then, he always does, with how certain he tries to be of everything. He tries so hard. I said, "Gabriel, as much as I want to be with you forever, it's not like we know."
He put his head on my shoulder then, and he held it there for a long time. It was strange, how still he was. He didn't tap his feet or his fingers, he never shifted his weight. His hand was still on my leg. He kissed my ear and then he walked out of the room.
***
I'm an entertainer, I've decided. That's what I do. All I've ever wanted to do is make people happy, and sometime I guess I figured I could, but only from a safe distance and when I'm pretending to be someone else.
I think sometimes I act like I'm still on the stage when I'm not. I don't let people get too close to me. I think about what it would look like, what it would mean, if I pushed my hair behind my ear or tapped my foot at a certain point in conversation. I practice speaking in my own voice.
I'm scared of being honest, and I'm scared I pretend too much. I think I'm the only person who thinks so much about this, that I'm the only one who can't sleep because I don't know who I'm supposed to be when I wake up.
***
I don't think Gabriel and I had been together for a year yet, but he was already living with me when this happened. We were just sitting on the couch. I don't think the TV was on, I'm not even sure we were talking. His hand was in my hair, I remember that, and I was wrapped up in a blanket because I'm always cold. We got all tangled -- his hand in my hair and me in the blanket -- when I jumped up because the phone rang. We were laughing at each other when I said "Hello" and Marvel said "Will you come get me please" and I said "Okay I guess, where are you?"
I didn't know where Platinum was, but it didn't matter because I'd be getting him in a cab anyway. It was so weird that he'd call me to get a cab for him, because he could just call one himself. I've been to bars before, and at least in the girls' bathroom there are phone numbers for cab companies on the back of the stall doors. It happened, though, when he'd get so drunk he knew he couldn't drive himself home, and that he really couldn't be alone. Usually he'd just ask someone at the bar if he could go home with them. I wondered if I was the first person he tried.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," I said, and then I told Gabriel that I was going to go pick Marvel up from Platinum, wherever that was, in a taxi.
"Is he okay?" he asked and his eyes were huge. I said probably and he touched my wrist. He said, "Do you want me to go with you?" and I did, but I didn't know if Marvel would, so I said "It's okay."
I called the cab and then I put my head back on Gabriel's shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and I said I'd be back soon.
Platinum was a really pretty place, at least from the outside. The lights above the door were icicle blue and silver. Marvel was sitting a few steps away from the door, the lights shining on him, like that's how far he could go before he just couldn't walk anymore. I thought it was nice of him to collapse where I could see him.
He had his legs folded up so he could rest his chin on his knees, and for the first time in my life I thought he looked small. I held my hand out to him and he kind of smiled at me. I pulled him up and he was one foot and one inch taller than me again. He said thank you really, really quietly but I knew he knew I could hear him.
I sat in the back of the taxi and he lay down with his head in my lap. "I'm just so tired," he said, and I said "Well, we'll be home soon and you can have a good sleep, okay?"
He laughed a little and said, "You're so sweet, Carver. You're kind of dumb, but very sweet."
A few minutes passed and we were almost home when he said, "You're the only person in the world that cares about me."
I wasn't going to have that argument with him, though, the one we always have where I say there are a thousand people lined up waiting to have a chance to care about you but you won't let them and he says you think I don't know that? You think that's not why I hate myself so damn much? And then I always say I'm sorry and change the subject because I can't stand the thought of him hating himself.
I paid the driver and said thank you thank you thank you and Marvel and I held hands in the elevator up to my room. Gabriel opened the door for us and I wondered if he'd been waiting by the door so he could open it for us. Marvel said "Hey bro" and Gabriel gave him a glass of water and when we were all sitting on the couch Gabriel said, "So guess who Maureen didn't invite to her garden party?" and Marvel smiled and said, "I'm telling you, you just have to give her garden a party."*
I just sat there thinking about how Gabriel always knows what to say. Marvel is the person, I think, I know better than anyone else and I had no clue what to say to him, but now he was laughing with Gabriel and I could breathe.
I was going to ask Marvel if he could sleep on the couch when Gabriel said, "You can get in our bed when you're ready, I'll sleep here tonight," and Marvel said "Are you sure?" and Gabriel said "Yeah, it's no problem."
Marvel said thank you really, really quietly again. He drank all his water and went to the bathroom and I said to Gabriel "I'm sorry" and he said "Really, the couch is comfortable." He held my hands and kissed them and I wanted to cry for so many reasons.
When Marvel and I got in bed, he said, "He is such a doll. If he was dating anyone else but you, I would steal him from under their nose."
I knew this was true because he'd done it before. I wished right then if he would steal someone from someone else, he would at least date that someone for more than a week or two. I guess I was pretty angry with him then, because I started thinking about how a lot of the things he did were unfair.
"He's perfect for you, though," Marvel said.
I smiled. I wasn't really mad at him anymore. "He cares about you," I said.
"He doesn't know how fucked up I am yet," he said, but I could hear him smiling.
"I don't know, you keep trying to show him. I think he's just choosing to care about you anyway. He does that. And I think other people do too."
"Maybe."
"Probably."
He kissed my forehead and I remembered again how much bigger he is than me. He kept bumping into me all night -- his long arms and legs couldn't really fit inside our little bed. He elbowed me in the face once and he said, "God, Carver, I'm sorry," and I pretended I was asleep but really I've held onto that for a long time. It's not like he'd never said sorry to me before, but right then, I don't know, that's just what stuck with me.
*maureen is gabriel's co-worker who hates him for no reason. marvel likes to say it's because she just really wants to have sex with him.
LOL NOW YOU WANT TO READ IT, I BET.
USING CAPITAL LETTERS IS EXHAUSTING, GEEZ.
Post the first sentence (or three) a random large chunk from every WIP you're currently working on, even if it's very short. Then invite people to ask questions about your WIPs. With any luck, you'll get talking about writing, and the motivation to take that WIP one step closer to completion will appear as if by magic!
sooooooooooooooo these are all from the same thing -- my nanowrimo from 2009, except rewritten for 2012 and possible eventual publication. these are all brand-new excerpts that weren't in the original in any form, i think. it depends on how many i end up posting.
I stayed in my house one and a half days after I graduated high school, mostly sleeping, and then my dad drove me out to my new house in Toronto. It belonged to an older couple who rented their upstairs bedrooms and basement to college kids and me. The outside of the house was a dusty colour somewhere between pink and brown, with a dark green vine completely covering its left side, except for two neat little squares cut out so we could look out the white-shuttered windows.
The bedroom was tiny but I was never home anyway. I joined a pop choir, I did drop-in classes -- ballet, tap, hip-hop, even pole dancing once. I got a gym membership and used it twice, I think. My mom made me quit my vocal lessons my last two years of high school, so I asked everyone I could if they could recommend me a new coach. Then I realized I was going to have to pay for lessons, so I got a job at the Sunglass Hut and one as a waitress at Kelsey's. And I auditioned for everything.
I got a few chorus roles and walk-ons for plays in black box theatres that sat eighty people. We'd rehearse for two weeks and perform for one, but I was singing. I was happy.
The other kids I lived with taped pictures of Bob Marley and Marilyn Monroe and movies I'd never heard of on their walls. They always had friends over, playing video games and beer pong. I could hear them laughing through my closed doors as I did vocal exercises and sit-ups and counted my tips from Kelsey's, and for the first time in my life I didn't feel like I was missing out.
***
We were sitting on the edge of the bed, my hand on top of his hand on top of my thigh when he said "I don't think my parents take you very seriously."
I laughed a little. "It's okay, no one does, really."
"I know they like you. They say 'she's so lovely,' 'she's so charming,' 'she's adorable.' But are those things you say about a real person? They make you sound like a doll. Or a poodle. And they say, 'Gabriel brought home an actress.' 'I've never met an actress before.'"
"I am an actress."
"But you're not a novelty. I just--" He scrunched his nose up and then he sighed. "I feel like they don't think you'll last very long."
He made me want to cry then, he always does, with how certain he tries to be of everything. He tries so hard. I said, "Gabriel, as much as I want to be with you forever, it's not like we know."
He put his head on my shoulder then, and he held it there for a long time. It was strange, how still he was. He didn't tap his feet or his fingers, he never shifted his weight. His hand was still on my leg. He kissed my ear and then he walked out of the room.
***
I'm an entertainer, I've decided. That's what I do. All I've ever wanted to do is make people happy, and sometime I guess I figured I could, but only from a safe distance and when I'm pretending to be someone else.
I think sometimes I act like I'm still on the stage when I'm not. I don't let people get too close to me. I think about what it would look like, what it would mean, if I pushed my hair behind my ear or tapped my foot at a certain point in conversation. I practice speaking in my own voice.
I'm scared of being honest, and I'm scared I pretend too much. I think I'm the only person who thinks so much about this, that I'm the only one who can't sleep because I don't know who I'm supposed to be when I wake up.
***
I don't think Gabriel and I had been together for a year yet, but he was already living with me when this happened. We were just sitting on the couch. I don't think the TV was on, I'm not even sure we were talking. His hand was in my hair, I remember that, and I was wrapped up in a blanket because I'm always cold. We got all tangled -- his hand in my hair and me in the blanket -- when I jumped up because the phone rang. We were laughing at each other when I said "Hello" and Marvel said "Will you come get me please" and I said "Okay I guess, where are you?"
I didn't know where Platinum was, but it didn't matter because I'd be getting him in a cab anyway. It was so weird that he'd call me to get a cab for him, because he could just call one himself. I've been to bars before, and at least in the girls' bathroom there are phone numbers for cab companies on the back of the stall doors. It happened, though, when he'd get so drunk he knew he couldn't drive himself home, and that he really couldn't be alone. Usually he'd just ask someone at the bar if he could go home with them. I wondered if I was the first person he tried.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," I said, and then I told Gabriel that I was going to go pick Marvel up from Platinum, wherever that was, in a taxi.
"Is he okay?" he asked and his eyes were huge. I said probably and he touched my wrist. He said, "Do you want me to go with you?" and I did, but I didn't know if Marvel would, so I said "It's okay."
I called the cab and then I put my head back on Gabriel's shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and I said I'd be back soon.
Platinum was a really pretty place, at least from the outside. The lights above the door were icicle blue and silver. Marvel was sitting a few steps away from the door, the lights shining on him, like that's how far he could go before he just couldn't walk anymore. I thought it was nice of him to collapse where I could see him.
He had his legs folded up so he could rest his chin on his knees, and for the first time in my life I thought he looked small. I held my hand out to him and he kind of smiled at me. I pulled him up and he was one foot and one inch taller than me again. He said thank you really, really quietly but I knew he knew I could hear him.
I sat in the back of the taxi and he lay down with his head in my lap. "I'm just so tired," he said, and I said "Well, we'll be home soon and you can have a good sleep, okay?"
He laughed a little and said, "You're so sweet, Carver. You're kind of dumb, but very sweet."
A few minutes passed and we were almost home when he said, "You're the only person in the world that cares about me."
I wasn't going to have that argument with him, though, the one we always have where I say there are a thousand people lined up waiting to have a chance to care about you but you won't let them and he says you think I don't know that? You think that's not why I hate myself so damn much? And then I always say I'm sorry and change the subject because I can't stand the thought of him hating himself.
I paid the driver and said thank you thank you thank you and Marvel and I held hands in the elevator up to my room. Gabriel opened the door for us and I wondered if he'd been waiting by the door so he could open it for us. Marvel said "Hey bro" and Gabriel gave him a glass of water and when we were all sitting on the couch Gabriel said, "So guess who Maureen didn't invite to her garden party?" and Marvel smiled and said, "I'm telling you, you just have to give her garden a party."*
I just sat there thinking about how Gabriel always knows what to say. Marvel is the person, I think, I know better than anyone else and I had no clue what to say to him, but now he was laughing with Gabriel and I could breathe.
I was going to ask Marvel if he could sleep on the couch when Gabriel said, "You can get in our bed when you're ready, I'll sleep here tonight," and Marvel said "Are you sure?" and Gabriel said "Yeah, it's no problem."
Marvel said thank you really, really quietly again. He drank all his water and went to the bathroom and I said to Gabriel "I'm sorry" and he said "Really, the couch is comfortable." He held my hands and kissed them and I wanted to cry for so many reasons.
When Marvel and I got in bed, he said, "He is such a doll. If he was dating anyone else but you, I would steal him from under their nose."
I knew this was true because he'd done it before. I wished right then if he would steal someone from someone else, he would at least date that someone for more than a week or two. I guess I was pretty angry with him then, because I started thinking about how a lot of the things he did were unfair.
"He's perfect for you, though," Marvel said.
I smiled. I wasn't really mad at him anymore. "He cares about you," I said.
"He doesn't know how fucked up I am yet," he said, but I could hear him smiling.
"I don't know, you keep trying to show him. I think he's just choosing to care about you anyway. He does that. And I think other people do too."
"Maybe."
"Probably."
He kissed my forehead and I remembered again how much bigger he is than me. He kept bumping into me all night -- his long arms and legs couldn't really fit inside our little bed. He elbowed me in the face once and he said, "God, Carver, I'm sorry," and I pretended I was asleep but really I've held onto that for a long time. It's not like he'd never said sorry to me before, but right then, I don't know, that's just what stuck with me.
*maureen is gabriel's co-worker who hates him for no reason. marvel likes to say it's because she just really wants to have sex with him.
LOL NOW YOU WANT TO READ IT, I BET.
USING CAPITAL LETTERS IS EXHAUSTING, GEEZ.