fic: Tom Cruise Must Die (4/??) (KB, JD, JJ, KH, others)
Title: Tom Cruise Must Die (4/?)
Cast: Kristen Bell. Jason Dohring. Joshua Jackson. With sundry guest stars of the CW and Scientology variety!
Authors: buffyx & missdeviant
Rating: NC-17 (this section PG-13)
Notes/Warnings: Rule number one of VM RPS: Do not talk about VM RPS. Not to the actors, anyway. It's just not cool, and DEFINITELY NOT AT ALL FUNNY, OKAY? OKAY. Just so we're clear!
Previous Parts:
++ prologue.
++ chapter one.
++ chapter two.
++ chapter three.
In the morning, Kristen stays curled up underneath her thick comforter for an extra twenty minutes after she’s awake. When she goes downstairs, she finds that she’s the last to arrive, right behind Jason.
"Pancakes?" The sight of Josh at the counter stirring batter makes Jason quirk an eyebrow.
"Yeah, pancakes. You gotta problem with my culinary choices?" Josh retorts.
"I don't know. But pancakes..." He trails off. "Waffles are clearly the superior food. They have the, you know, grid design that allows syrup to be distributed evenly."
"Waffles?" Josh scoffs. "You know, Dohring, with all the Die Hard antics you've pulled, I never've taken you for such a pussy. Now, see, I prefer pancakes, because I’m a man of finer tastes. Unlike yourself."
With a smooth, practiced flip, he turns over one of the pancakes. Golden brown.
Kristen senses Jason's eyes narrowing. Great. A breakfast food showdown. They could be such boys. Next thing you know, they would be squared off in "Team Waffles" and "Team Pancakes" shirts, painting their faces. Testosterone. Sheesh.
She jumps in, trying to break up the tension. "Usually, I'm all about the Nutrigrain Strawberry, but these smell fantastic."
There’s a cup of coffee readied for her, because Josh knows of her caffeine addiction all too well. She takes it off the counter, sits down at the table to liberally add sugar and cream. As she does so, her attention is drawn to Katie at the other end, fawning over Sara in the high chair.
It doesn’t seem as if Katie remembers the strange midnight encounter that occurred; she’s busy giggling over Sara, who is staring out the window, her tiny balled up fists waving about as she makes happy gurgling noises.
“She likes to watch the birds,” explains Katie. She smiles with one side of her mouth.
Kristen follows the baby’s gaze and catches sight of a cardinal perched on a low tree branch that is lined with snow. The stark contrast of bright red against the white is startling in its quiet, breathtaking beauty, and for a minute, Kristen just soaks it in-the sunlight streaming in through the window, the easy banter of the two boys in the background, birds chirping and warm coffee in her throat. The way Sara’s eyes are glued to the red.
She’s never been really particularly partial to babies, but she looks at Sara and thinks of how precious she is. And for the first time in seemingly forever, the idea that maybe she wouldn't mind having one of her own, someday, doesn’t seem completely foreign. Not that that day will be anytime soon, of course, but still. Maybe her maternal instincts aren’t entirely nonexistent.
A few months ago she had shared silverware, grocery lists for two and a warm body in the bed next to her. Now she has a mattress that's too big and an entire closet to herself and a refrigerator with no cheap beer because there is no guy around to drink it.
Maybe there’s a balance in the universe-- Josh and Katie started a new relationship, and Kristen ended one. Or started one, depending on how you looked at it.
She’s not sure if whatever it is with Jason counted as a "relationship," but she’s pretty sure that if it was, it had been the best five hour relationship of her life.
**
Plans for the next two weeks: well, there don’t seem to be many, offhand.
“You’re the original Michigander here, Bell,” teases Josh. “What did you do for fun? Go around cow tipping?”
“I’m from Detroit!” she protests. “There is no cow tipping in Detroit!”
He winks at her. “Only Motown and urban gang warfare, right?”
They end up going ice skating, of all things. Kristen hasn’t been ice skating since Amy Murkowski’s birthday party in the sixth grade, and she’s certainly never skated outside of a rink before. But Josh lends her Katie’s scuffed up skates, which are a little big but work in a pinch, and they trek out to the small pond on the property that’s frozen over with thick ice.
It’s been years, and she’s a little shaky at first, but Kristen has a strong enough natural sense of balance to figure it out. Soon she’s gliding along in wide, lazy circles while Josh and Jason zoom around her at top speed.
“Showoff!” she shouts as Jason goes whizzing by.
He turns and skates backward. “Hey, don’t be jealous just because I have skills, okay?”
“Yeah, come on Bell!” Josh chimes in, coming up from behind and cutting in front of her so fast that she almost trips over her own skates. “I know you’re no Tara Lipinski here, but could we step it up a notch?”
She sticks her tongue out at him. “I’m sorry, Josh, not all of us had personal training with Emilio Estevez when we were ten.”
“Hey.” Jason slows to a neat stop and looks over at Josh thoughtfully. “Maybe we should make a slow lane for her or something.”
He’s shooting her an impish grin as she gasps in mock offense, speeds up and launches herself at him. The force sends him stumbling back before they both topple down onto the ice together, limbs entwined. His body cushions the fall, mostly, though she’s sure her kneecaps will be a lovely shade of purple by tomorrow. Awesome.
Pushing herself off of him and onto her knees, she glances up to see Josh standing over both of them, shaking his head from side to side.
“Kids these days,” he mutters in exasperation and rolls his eyes.
Kristen reaches out and grabs his pant leg, yanks until he slips and comes crashing down hard on his ass. When Josh sits up, rubbing the snow from his hair, Jason laughs and she just smiles victoriously.
“Payback’s a bitch, Mighty Duck.”
**
Kristen has to give herself some credit-- all the time she'd spent shooting season three so far, before winter hiatus, she had done an excellent job of keeping herself under control around Jason Dohring.
Sure, there were moments where her inner slut pined for the lost memories, like when in-between takes he made out with guzzled on an Evian while flipping through the sides, and left her kind of transfixed by the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed.
Or that time she had watched from the sidelines as he filmed a scene with Enrico which included a heartwrenching, extremely long monologue-- one that he nailed on the first try. He continued to replicate it flawlessly, working himself up take after take, and when the director called cut and print for the last time, Enrico playfully punched Jason in the shoulder while the crew gave him a standing ovation.
That had made her a little jealous. And a lot turned on.
But really, those were just moments, and what were moments, in the grand scheme of things? She's only human, after all, and sometimes after ten hour run-throughs of only three different scenes, all she had wanted to do was turn on the switch in her brain that takes her to her Happy Place.
If that Happy Place at all involved thoughts of Jason and his arms and the way he said her name... well. So fucking be it.
It's not like Kristen isn't a professional. She even used to have a strict Do Not Get Involved With Fellow Actors rule-- okay, a rule that maybe had temporarily fallen by the wayside somewhere between California and Clearwater-- but still, the point is that she's been around the block and knows the ropes. Sometimes you get the hots for your costar and you have to just, you know. Deal with it.
And by "deal with it," she does not mean "jump your costar's bones."
What's almost funny is that the scenes she had thought would be the worst to do with him had turned out not to be that weird. Or, well, it was weird, but it was more of a let-me-make-out-with-you-in-a-convincing-manner-while-remembering-where-to-hit-my-mark kind of weird rather than a remember-that-time-we-had-the-best-sex-ever-because-you're-acting-like-you-don't weird.
Sure, there was a surreal strangeness in having to make out with Jason in front of the crew, and there'd been kind of a lurking fear that just by looking at them everyone would instantly know, but of course they didn't, because doing it in front of the cameras was totally different. During those kinds of scenes, she'd been too busy making sure they were both in frame even as he, say, lifted her up by the hips and swung her back against the wall rather effortlessly, and concentrating on the next lines of dialogue she'd have to recite rather than the feel of his mouth against her neck.
Besides. Jason hadn't kissed her the same way during filming as he did when they'd been in that plane. Not the same at all. And after filming, after looping lines, after she’d dragged her ass home and had her fill of craisins and smoothies and anything else used to distract herself, it was that very knowledge that made her lie awake and dread those scenes more than anything. Knowing it wouldn’t ever be the way it had been.
So, yeah. On the set, she had shown impressive restraint.
However, this is not L.A., or San Diego; it's Kalamazoo, and really it turns out it's a lot harder to keep her libido and lusty feelings in check when they're sharing such close quarters and not just barely acknowledging each other's presence any more.
Especially when Jason is playing with the most adorable baby Kristen has ever seen.
Not that she’s seen, like, tons of babies or anything-she’s no baby expert-but still, Sara is the cutest thing ever. Or, okay, maybe after her dogs, but whatever, that’s not the point. The point is that Sara’s adorable, and Jason is hot by default, but Jason playing with toy trucks and making accompanying vroom-vroom sound effects under his breath while Sara giggles and thumps the air with her little chubby fists?
Well. It’s almost too much for Kristen to handle.
She’s lounging in the armchair across from the fireplace, watching the two of them on the carpet but pretending to be reading an article in Cosmo titled Ways To Boost Your Sexual Appetite (hers is pretty revved up at the moment, thanks). The magazine has a sticker on the front addressing the subscription to one Christine Fisher; it’s one of the few reminders of the actual situation. That Josh and Katie-- who are snuggled up on the couch, his arms looped around her stomach as she leans back against him- are, in fact, in hiding, and not nearly as safe and carefree as they appear right now.
“Look at her!” Josh grins proudly. “I told you, Katie, she loves those trucks. Loves them.”
“One of these days she’s going to want a Barbie,” says Katie. “And you will get her one, because you never say no to her.”
Kristen peeks at them from over the top of her magazine. “Her vocabulary is limited to 'goo' and already you're extolling her persuasive powers?”
“It’s all in the eyes,” Josh explains. “She has that puppy look-inherited that trait from her mother, no doubt.”
He laughs as Katie nudges him in the ribs with her elbow, drops a kiss into her hair. They look so completely happy and content together that when Kristen looks over at them, she tries even harder to shove the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach down.
So Katie has some lingering issues. So what? That’s par for the course, right? It’s not like Kristen has any real idea exactly what happened to her. It’s not like it’s her place to talk to Josh about it. He probably knows. Of course he does. They’re practically married, and. And this is the kind of thing that he would know about. In fact, he’d probably be insulted if Kristen acted as if she was, like, DELIVERING the news about Katie’s strange behavior to him, which of COURSE he would already be aware of, what with the pseudo-marriage and cohabiting and everything.
There’s no reason to say anything. At all.
Obviously.
“I think it’s time for us to turn in.” Katie untangles herself from Josh and smiles almost apologetically at Jason. “Sara gets cranky if she doesn’t get a lot of sleep.”
“Right,” he says, letting go of the Tonka and gently lifting Sara into his arms as he gets to his feet.
“Say goodnight to Uncle Jason,” coos Katie.
The poor thing begins to wail her head off after being pried from Jason’s arms- her face becomes so furiously red that Kristen is actually a little scared, and the sight alone has her reconsidering her recent change of heart regarding babies. Yikes.
“Man, she’s really attached.” Josh narrows his eyes at Jason. “What’d you do, bribe her with heavy doses of sugar?”
Jason grins. “Guess I just won her over with my natural charm.”
After Josh and Katie have calmed the baby down enough to put her to bed, they go upstairs together, and when Kristen turns around Jason’s disappearing out the front door.
She watches him wander down the driveway through the frosty window. Part of her wants to just dive under the bed covers and pretend to play along with her well-honed denial, and the other part wants more than anything to just follow him into the night.
You can guess which part wins out in the end.
The truth is that she forgot how beautiful the winters in Michigan could be, especially away from the city-- how the snow blankets the ground, thick and clean and impossibly white, how on a clear night the bruised-colored sky fades to black, stretching out infinitely, and you can actually see the stars scattered like tiny pinpricks.
Kristen's a city girl at heart, and it's New York that feels like home, deep in her bones, but Michigan is in her blood and being here feels like slipping into an old, comfortable sweatshirt she forgot she even ever owned in the first place.
There's a sudden strong wind, and she hugs her coat tighter around her middle, trudging down the driveway and watching the way the snow unfurls and skirts across the pavement before her feet.
Now Jason is standing at the foot of the drive, hands stuffed in his pockets and head tipped back, staring up at the sky. His entire body is still except for the puffs of white air escaping him as he breathes the sharp, cold air.
She approaches him, then hangs back for a moment, a little amused at the expression of something like childlike wonder in his eyes.
"You'll make yourself dizzy doing that," she finally says wryly, stepping forward.
"What?" Jason turns in surprise.
"Trying to count the stars," she clarifies, pushing the hair out of her eyes and shooting him a knowing look. "I used to do it too."
His mouth opens like he's about to deny it, but he must think better of it, because he just smiles instead, looking kind of embarrassed. His ears are a little pink.
"You know, I always sucked at looking for the constellations. The only one I could ever find was the Big Dipper."
He glances over at her. "Do you see it now?"
Kristen cocks her head to the side and studies the sky for a long time, then raises her arm to point. "There! See it?"
"Where?"
"Over there," she says, gesturing vaguely to the right. "It's like a kite, kind of. See?"
"I-- wait, yeah." He squints and nods. "Yeah, I see it."
She pauses, shoots him a sidelong look, then laughs and shoves him playfully. "Liar."
"Yeah, I'm totally lying," he admits, laughing too.
They stand side-by-side in comfortable silence. It’s easier to talk to him now that they’ve broken the ice-practically literally, haha-and she thinks that the more time they spend together, the more she finds herself missing him. Which is kind of backwards, she realizes, but it’s true.
But she can most definitely handle it.
Probably.
Maybe.
His shoulder brushes against hers by accident, and her breath catches, and she doesn’t understand how one single touch from him makes her world feel like it’s tumbling upside down.
Man, she is so completely hopeless.
**
Two nights later, a thick and blinding snow falls and they wake up to seventeen new inches of white powder blanketing the hills and swells behind the house.
"The heaviest snowfall in this county in seventeen years!" Josh says at breakfast with a hint of pride, and Kristen snorts over a mouthful of Morningstar veggie sausages.
"Move to Michigan and suddenly you're the farmer's almanac, huh?"
Josh's eyes just twinkle, and Kristen knows they're in for some trouble.
"What do you say? Want to build my kid a fort today?"
Kristen doesn't comment on the "my" and the "kid" part, because Josh is grinning so broadly she worries that she'd break him. She's not going to be the party pooper who reminds him that Sara is a product of Tom Cruise's alien sperm and who knows what else, created in a lab by a scientist with an uncanny resemblance to that awesomely creepy actor from Ghost World and Con Air.
But Kristen really doesn't want to get into a nature versus nurture argument in the middle of the kitchen, so she keeps her thoughts to herself. Josh takes his daddy role seriously, and if she's going to be honest, she trusts the Cruise spawn in his hands, even if she has to admit she's been watching closely to see if Sara would sprout antennae.
Josh drops the subject in favor of another round of pancakes and Kristen kind of assumes he was joking. Which, knowing Josh, is a distinct possibility. Of course, she should also know by now not to underestimate Josh and his idea of a fun time, because later that afternoon he brings it up again as they're all dozily lounging in the living room watching daytime programming.
Oh, to be young and living off television residuals.
Of course Josh barely says the word and Jason takes the opportunity to jump on the fort-building bandwagon. He and Josh have developed an unexpected sort of buddy-buddy camaraderie over the past few days as they pored over the strange surveillance photos, looking for clues. Despite their insistence that she can provide essential support, Kristen has mostly steered clear. By Jason's frustrated sighs when she does join the fray, she can tell they're not getting any closer to solving the mystery.
"Okay. So. We have two for building snow forts -" Josh points at Jason and himself, "And two for sitting around and watching the Oxygen Network." He gestures to Katie and Kristen.
"Actually, we may also tune into the Disney Channel. I hear a certain classic starring a talking horse is coming on later," Kristen says mischievously.
"I WAS YOUNG AND NEEDED THE MONEY!" Jason retorts with a grin on his face.
"Funny-- that's what Jensen says when you ask him about that underground gay porn flick he did in his teens," Kristen responds, and Jason's eyes grow wide. Ha. Score one for the illicit network gossip chain.
Katie purses her lips to keep from laughing. She looks at Kristen and bounces Sara on her lap. "Actually, we have THREE for staying in and watching television."
"THE BABY'S VOTE DOES NOT COUNT. SHE CANNOT EVEN FIND HER NOSE!" Josh yells playfully.
"Oh, I think she can find her nose," Katie croons. "Can't you, Sara?" She touches her nose to the giggling infant's.
"Compromise?" Kristen sighs heavily. "I'll go out with you guys if you promise we'll be back in the house by six. I'm not trusting TiVo on this one. I've been burned by one too many unrecorded Project Runway episodes."
Josh throws his hands in the air. "I won't fight you on that one. Hell, I'll even make thematic snacks. What kind of food do you bring to a talking horse movie?" He turns to Katie with a pleading grin. "You're outnumbered here."
Katie shakes her head. "It's almost time for Sara's nap anyway. I'll bring her out to see your fort when you're done with it?"
Josh wins like he's won the best family ever lottery. "Deal."
Less than fifteen minutes later, Kristen finds herself outfitted in borrowed red snowpants (snowpants!) that are about six inches too long and three extra pairs of socks. If she'd known she'd be building snow forts she would have brought better boots, but hey, she's spent her recent winters in L.A., where Uggs were only expected to protect your feet from sixty degree weather and Paris Hilton's escaped pets.
**
"Hey, guys?" Kristen yells from the bottom of a hill. "A little help here?" They've trekked it out to a relatively flat space about one hundred yards out from the main house, but of course she's managed to find a slight incline. This really wouldn't be a problem, but when you're 5'1" and trying to roll a giant snowball that's over three feet in diameter and probably weighs more than you do? She's starting to feel like she needs some snow chains and an ox.
Jason trods over, packing a snowball between his gloved hands. His breath clouds the air. "Josh says you just have to put your back into it."
Kristen shoots Josh a dirty glare across the field as she leverages her body against the massive orb.
"Jackson, if I weren't afraid this giant snowball would roll down this hill and crush me like an ant if I so much as moved, your ass would be mine right now!" she yells.
“You fucking wish!” calls Josh, hands cupped around his mouth.
Jason lobs the small snowball he's been making off into the distance. Kristen hears it crunch against a tree.
"Good aim," she remarks, and he shrugs, almost sheepish. She smiles gratefully as he puts his hands against the snowball, alleviating some of the weight.
"Ready?" he nods, and with a shove, together they get the giant ball up the rise and finally push it into position. The fort is crescent shaped and between the giant snowballs that make up its walls and the extra packing between and on top of them, it's well over seven feet long and four feet high.
"You see the things I do for you?" Kristen asks Josh, brushing snow chunks off her mittens. "My forts as a kid were like, tiny caves compared to this monstrosity."
"It's the Canadian in him," Jason says as he adds extra snow to the chinks. "You have to know how to build forts in case you're ever lost in the wilderness with only an axe and a shoelace."
"My childhood was not a Gary Paulsen novel, thank you very much." Josh surveys their creation. "I'm gonna go get Katie and Sara out here. You think you guys can man the fort while I'm gone?"
Kristen rolls her eyes. "What is it, bad pun Friday?"
"I'll be back as soon as Katie can get Sara's snow suit on. Which means I should return in--" he checks a non-existent watch on the outside of his jacket "--approximately forty minutes?" His eyes twinkle.
"Babies are very time consuming," Kristen says soberly.
Josh's face softens and goes serious for a moment. "The fact that you're both out here - it's pretty amazing. I just want to say... thanks. I mean, not for looking into this Sara photo thing -" he says when Jason opens his mouth. "I mean - it's good for Katie to be around other people. For Sara to be around other people." Kristen tilts her head and swears she can see Josh's eyes shining, but that might just be from the cold wind. "So, uh - thanks."
Jason nods and for a second Kristen thinks that there might be a really awkward boy-hug in her immediate future, with heavy back patting and maybe a punch on the shoulder for good measure, but Josh just dips his head in return, turns towards the house with a wave and crunches across the lawn.
They watch him for a moment, and Kristen wonders if she should turn to Jason and thank him, too - for, being the old Jason again. Her friend. As she ponders whether this is too much sap for an afternoon, Jason scoops up another handful of snow and begins forming another snowball. Then he turns and appraises the fort like a proud architect.
"Pretty rad, huh?"
"Yeah," Kristen agrees, and then watches thoughtfully as he tosses the snowball in a perfect arch towards the house. "Actually, I kind of have another rad idea. You wanna hear it?"
Jason turns towards her, a grin flitting across his lips. "Always."
**
"You think that's enough?"
"Let's see, twenty eight snowballs with the average throwing time for each snowball at approximately five seconds, minus any snowballs that are used prior to the battle engagement…" Jason puts a finger to his mouth. "I think we could use more."
"Wait, wait. What's this 'prior to battle engagement' thing? Jason. I do not like the sound of this!"
"Oh, yeah?"
A handful of powdery snow rains down the collar of her coat before Jason takes off running in the other direction.
"Jesus H. Godfuck!" She gasps and sputters, scandalized. "Oh my god! You are so fucking dead!"
The deep snow makes running difficult, so the pair are almost evenly matched. Plus, Jason keeps squatting down to grab new handfuls of snow, which he forms into half-packed balls that explode halfway through the air on their way to Kristen. She catches up to him after less than a minute, yanks off his knit cap and jams a handful of snow into his hair.
"Surrender, surrender!" Jason falls to his knees laughing.
“Please! You don’t get away that easy!” she declares, leaping onto his back, her arms around his neck as she attempts to shove more snow down under his shirt.
He flips her over his shoulder easily. They go rolling through the snow, wrestling and grabbing and biting at each other’s shoulders and elbows. She tries to scramble away, but he makes a lunge. Snatches her around her slim waist, and she tumbles into the snow again in a fit of giggles. Eventually he turns her over, pins her down playfully by the wrists; she’s laughing so hard she can’t breathe, and then she glances up and his face is hovering inches from hers.
Jason’s eyes change in that instant, flickering over her face, and then she still can’t breathe, except for an entirely different reason.
He kisses her, and it’s more surprising than it probably should be. His lips are soft, mouth warm, one gloved hand leaving her wrist to trace her jawline as she arches up underneath him. This is a real kiss, open-mouthed and unhinged, and when he pulls back she’s still gasping for air.
For a few seconds they just stare at each other, gaping, and then Kristen rolls out from under him. She closes her eyes and wills herself to not freak the fuck out.
The wind picks up, cutting straight through her jacket, and she evades Jason’s eyes, clambers to her feet. Finds herself heading to their fort. Fort Muckraker. Fort Dohrbell? Oh man. She has been hanging around Muhney way too much lately.
Kristen crawls inside, plops down and leans back against the thick wall of snow that protects her from the strong breeze. She’s sitting there and trying to collect herself for about thirty seconds before Jason shows up.
“Your hat,” he explains, holding out the striped knit cap. “It, uh, fell off, or… yeah.”
“Thanks,” Kristen whispers as he hands it to her and lowers himself onto the ground next to her.
She's shivering, and that's why she doesn't say no when Jason shifts his body closer to hers, drapes an arm around her hunched shoulders. The tentative way he does this tells her that he's testing the waters, like he’d stop in a heartbeat if given the word. It's just for the warmth, she tells herself, and that settles it. She lets her body slump into his. Almost instantly she feels better.
“Was that-” She starts and stops. Pauses to choose her words carefully. “Was that just, like, an impulsive thing?”
“Yes. No.” He breathes out, a little shaky, before looking over at her. “Honestly? More of a… been-wanting-to-do-that-for-months kind of thing. But, um. Not exactly planned or whatever.”
Well. Okay. That’s still a little startling. It’s so weird, how one moment it feels like he’s one of her best friends, like she knows him in ways no else could, and the next she really doesn’t know what to make of him at all.
All kinds of questions are swirling around in her head, and she has so much she wants to ask-but then his thumbs brush delicately across her eyelashes, where clumps of snowflakes have gathered. Kristen flutters her eyes close and holds her breath.
“I thought this wasn’t going to become a Thing,” she reminds him, blinking and smiling slowly. “Any kind of Thing.”
Jason chuckles low in throat and ducks his head. “Mmm. Y’know, I think it’s a little late for that.”
When he looks back up, his face is open, wanting, and when he leans in she kisses him back because really, who are they kidding?
Her mouth opens against his and fingers grab at his scarf to tug him in closer. Both of his hands scour down her sides, resting just above her hipbones. They wrap around the back of her jacket, pull her to him for better leverage. That’s when his teeth bite down lightly on the lush of her lower lip. She gasps against him, digs her fingers into the hollow of his shoulders.
These are the kind of kisses that make Kristen’s toes curl. Everything in her feels like it’s warm and humming, despite the pervasive cold wind.
Jason shifts forward, cradling her back with one arm in such a way that she knows how he wants to guide her body, how he wants to lay her down, spread her out in the snow. When he draws back just enough for a breath before stealing another kiss, deep and long, she can’t help but think that this seems like a pretty top notch idea.
That is, of course, when they hear it.
If the wind hadn't been gusting from the direction of the house, Kristen thinks, they wouldn't have heard anything at all. At first, it’s just a soft whine, something that could easily have been mistaken for some animals fighting in a far off burrow. But it grows louder and more persistent, and suddenly it clicks, for both of them, exactly what it is.
Screaming.
It’s coming from the house. The sound is piercing enough to send the birds hidden in the pine behind them scattering into the sky overhead, their cawing echoing through the otherwise still air.
Kristen jerks back in surprise, almost falling back completely, but she steadies herself in time to see the shock registering on Jason’s face for a fraction of a second. Then he’s on his feet, taking off across the snowy wide expanse of land at top speed.
Her head is still spinning, feet numb, breath coming out short. Still, she manages to scramble up and follow a moment later. The snow crunches under her boots as she sprints after him, through the fields and the yard, the adrenaline coursing through her veins. It feels like the distance is stretched out impossibly long, but finally she reaches the porch. Clomps up the wooden creaky stairs and barrels through the screen door.
The screaming dies off suddenly, just as Kristen pushes inside. Jason’s already halfway upstairs by the time she reaches the living room, and she chases after, taking the steps two at a time. There’s only one door open in the length of the hallway-the door to the nursery. She stumbles to the room, screeches to a halt.
It takes her a few seconds to take in the scene. Katie-the source of the wailing-is in one corner, huddled against Josh. Her head is buried in his chest as she emits choked, uncontrollable sobs. Josh is embracing her tightly, stroking her hair, his face ashen. He looks so completely shaken that one glance and Kristen knows that something is terribly, terribly wrong.
Jason’s back is to her as he stands over the crib, his hands curled around the edge, body still. Unmoving.
“What-what happened?” she manages to gasp out between ragged breaths. “Are you-did she-is-?”
Kristen can’t even finish. Her ribs are aching, knees like jello. There’s a throbbing cramp in her side, and she feels dizzy, like the room is starting to tip over on its side. She needs to sit down. Or throw up. Or something.
The silence that follows is painfully long; the blood pounding in Kristen’s ears sounds like a dull roar. She can still hear Katie’s muffled crying in the corner.
“It’s Sara.” When he finally speaks, Jason’s voice is like gravel, scraped raw around the edges.
“Sara?” She staggers toward him. “What--I don’t--?”
He turns, slowly, his face stony and grim. Kristen’s stomach plummets to her feet at the sight of his expression.
“She’s gone.”
TBC
Cast: Kristen Bell. Jason Dohring. Joshua Jackson. With sundry guest stars of the CW and Scientology variety!
Authors: buffyx & missdeviant
Rating: NC-17 (this section PG-13)
Notes/Warnings: Rule number one of VM RPS: Do not talk about VM RPS. Not to the actors, anyway. It's just not cool, and DEFINITELY NOT AT ALL FUNNY, OKAY? OKAY. Just so we're clear!
Previous Parts:
++ prologue.
++ chapter one.
++ chapter two.
++ chapter three.
In the morning, Kristen stays curled up underneath her thick comforter for an extra twenty minutes after she’s awake. When she goes downstairs, she finds that she’s the last to arrive, right behind Jason.
"Pancakes?" The sight of Josh at the counter stirring batter makes Jason quirk an eyebrow.
"Yeah, pancakes. You gotta problem with my culinary choices?" Josh retorts.
"I don't know. But pancakes..." He trails off. "Waffles are clearly the superior food. They have the, you know, grid design that allows syrup to be distributed evenly."
"Waffles?" Josh scoffs. "You know, Dohring, with all the Die Hard antics you've pulled, I never've taken you for such a pussy. Now, see, I prefer pancakes, because I’m a man of finer tastes. Unlike yourself."
With a smooth, practiced flip, he turns over one of the pancakes. Golden brown.
Kristen senses Jason's eyes narrowing. Great. A breakfast food showdown. They could be such boys. Next thing you know, they would be squared off in "Team Waffles" and "Team Pancakes" shirts, painting their faces. Testosterone. Sheesh.
She jumps in, trying to break up the tension. "Usually, I'm all about the Nutrigrain Strawberry, but these smell fantastic."
There’s a cup of coffee readied for her, because Josh knows of her caffeine addiction all too well. She takes it off the counter, sits down at the table to liberally add sugar and cream. As she does so, her attention is drawn to Katie at the other end, fawning over Sara in the high chair.
It doesn’t seem as if Katie remembers the strange midnight encounter that occurred; she’s busy giggling over Sara, who is staring out the window, her tiny balled up fists waving about as she makes happy gurgling noises.
“She likes to watch the birds,” explains Katie. She smiles with one side of her mouth.
Kristen follows the baby’s gaze and catches sight of a cardinal perched on a low tree branch that is lined with snow. The stark contrast of bright red against the white is startling in its quiet, breathtaking beauty, and for a minute, Kristen just soaks it in-the sunlight streaming in through the window, the easy banter of the two boys in the background, birds chirping and warm coffee in her throat. The way Sara’s eyes are glued to the red.
She’s never been really particularly partial to babies, but she looks at Sara and thinks of how precious she is. And for the first time in seemingly forever, the idea that maybe she wouldn't mind having one of her own, someday, doesn’t seem completely foreign. Not that that day will be anytime soon, of course, but still. Maybe her maternal instincts aren’t entirely nonexistent.
A few months ago she had shared silverware, grocery lists for two and a warm body in the bed next to her. Now she has a mattress that's too big and an entire closet to herself and a refrigerator with no cheap beer because there is no guy around to drink it.
Maybe there’s a balance in the universe-- Josh and Katie started a new relationship, and Kristen ended one. Or started one, depending on how you looked at it.
She’s not sure if whatever it is with Jason counted as a "relationship," but she’s pretty sure that if it was, it had been the best five hour relationship of her life.
**
Plans for the next two weeks: well, there don’t seem to be many, offhand.
“You’re the original Michigander here, Bell,” teases Josh. “What did you do for fun? Go around cow tipping?”
“I’m from Detroit!” she protests. “There is no cow tipping in Detroit!”
He winks at her. “Only Motown and urban gang warfare, right?”
They end up going ice skating, of all things. Kristen hasn’t been ice skating since Amy Murkowski’s birthday party in the sixth grade, and she’s certainly never skated outside of a rink before. But Josh lends her Katie’s scuffed up skates, which are a little big but work in a pinch, and they trek out to the small pond on the property that’s frozen over with thick ice.
It’s been years, and she’s a little shaky at first, but Kristen has a strong enough natural sense of balance to figure it out. Soon she’s gliding along in wide, lazy circles while Josh and Jason zoom around her at top speed.
“Showoff!” she shouts as Jason goes whizzing by.
He turns and skates backward. “Hey, don’t be jealous just because I have skills, okay?”
“Yeah, come on Bell!” Josh chimes in, coming up from behind and cutting in front of her so fast that she almost trips over her own skates. “I know you’re no Tara Lipinski here, but could we step it up a notch?”
She sticks her tongue out at him. “I’m sorry, Josh, not all of us had personal training with Emilio Estevez when we were ten.”
“Hey.” Jason slows to a neat stop and looks over at Josh thoughtfully. “Maybe we should make a slow lane for her or something.”
He’s shooting her an impish grin as she gasps in mock offense, speeds up and launches herself at him. The force sends him stumbling back before they both topple down onto the ice together, limbs entwined. His body cushions the fall, mostly, though she’s sure her kneecaps will be a lovely shade of purple by tomorrow. Awesome.
Pushing herself off of him and onto her knees, she glances up to see Josh standing over both of them, shaking his head from side to side.
“Kids these days,” he mutters in exasperation and rolls his eyes.
Kristen reaches out and grabs his pant leg, yanks until he slips and comes crashing down hard on his ass. When Josh sits up, rubbing the snow from his hair, Jason laughs and she just smiles victoriously.
“Payback’s a bitch, Mighty Duck.”
**
Kristen has to give herself some credit-- all the time she'd spent shooting season three so far, before winter hiatus, she had done an excellent job of keeping herself under control around Jason Dohring.
Sure, there were moments where her inner slut pined for the lost memories, like when in-between takes he made out with guzzled on an Evian while flipping through the sides, and left her kind of transfixed by the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed.
Or that time she had watched from the sidelines as he filmed a scene with Enrico which included a heartwrenching, extremely long monologue-- one that he nailed on the first try. He continued to replicate it flawlessly, working himself up take after take, and when the director called cut and print for the last time, Enrico playfully punched Jason in the shoulder while the crew gave him a standing ovation.
That had made her a little jealous. And a lot turned on.
But really, those were just moments, and what were moments, in the grand scheme of things? She's only human, after all, and sometimes after ten hour run-throughs of only three different scenes, all she had wanted to do was turn on the switch in her brain that takes her to her Happy Place.
If that Happy Place at all involved thoughts of Jason and his arms and the way he said her name... well. So fucking be it.
It's not like Kristen isn't a professional. She even used to have a strict Do Not Get Involved With Fellow Actors rule-- okay, a rule that maybe had temporarily fallen by the wayside somewhere between California and Clearwater-- but still, the point is that she's been around the block and knows the ropes. Sometimes you get the hots for your costar and you have to just, you know. Deal with it.
And by "deal with it," she does not mean "jump your costar's bones."
What's almost funny is that the scenes she had thought would be the worst to do with him had turned out not to be that weird. Or, well, it was weird, but it was more of a let-me-make-out-with-you-in-a-convincing-manner-while-remembering-where-to-hit-my-mark kind of weird rather than a remember-that-time-we-had-the-best-sex-ever-because-you're-acting-like-you-don't weird.
Sure, there was a surreal strangeness in having to make out with Jason in front of the crew, and there'd been kind of a lurking fear that just by looking at them everyone would instantly know, but of course they didn't, because doing it in front of the cameras was totally different. During those kinds of scenes, she'd been too busy making sure they were both in frame even as he, say, lifted her up by the hips and swung her back against the wall rather effortlessly, and concentrating on the next lines of dialogue she'd have to recite rather than the feel of his mouth against her neck.
Besides. Jason hadn't kissed her the same way during filming as he did when they'd been in that plane. Not the same at all. And after filming, after looping lines, after she’d dragged her ass home and had her fill of craisins and smoothies and anything else used to distract herself, it was that very knowledge that made her lie awake and dread those scenes more than anything. Knowing it wouldn’t ever be the way it had been.
So, yeah. On the set, she had shown impressive restraint.
However, this is not L.A., or San Diego; it's Kalamazoo, and really it turns out it's a lot harder to keep her libido and lusty feelings in check when they're sharing such close quarters and not just barely acknowledging each other's presence any more.
Especially when Jason is playing with the most adorable baby Kristen has ever seen.
Not that she’s seen, like, tons of babies or anything-she’s no baby expert-but still, Sara is the cutest thing ever. Or, okay, maybe after her dogs, but whatever, that’s not the point. The point is that Sara’s adorable, and Jason is hot by default, but Jason playing with toy trucks and making accompanying vroom-vroom sound effects under his breath while Sara giggles and thumps the air with her little chubby fists?
Well. It’s almost too much for Kristen to handle.
She’s lounging in the armchair across from the fireplace, watching the two of them on the carpet but pretending to be reading an article in Cosmo titled Ways To Boost Your Sexual Appetite (hers is pretty revved up at the moment, thanks). The magazine has a sticker on the front addressing the subscription to one Christine Fisher; it’s one of the few reminders of the actual situation. That Josh and Katie-- who are snuggled up on the couch, his arms looped around her stomach as she leans back against him- are, in fact, in hiding, and not nearly as safe and carefree as they appear right now.
“Look at her!” Josh grins proudly. “I told you, Katie, she loves those trucks. Loves them.”
“One of these days she’s going to want a Barbie,” says Katie. “And you will get her one, because you never say no to her.”
Kristen peeks at them from over the top of her magazine. “Her vocabulary is limited to 'goo' and already you're extolling her persuasive powers?”
“It’s all in the eyes,” Josh explains. “She has that puppy look-inherited that trait from her mother, no doubt.”
He laughs as Katie nudges him in the ribs with her elbow, drops a kiss into her hair. They look so completely happy and content together that when Kristen looks over at them, she tries even harder to shove the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach down.
So Katie has some lingering issues. So what? That’s par for the course, right? It’s not like Kristen has any real idea exactly what happened to her. It’s not like it’s her place to talk to Josh about it. He probably knows. Of course he does. They’re practically married, and. And this is the kind of thing that he would know about. In fact, he’d probably be insulted if Kristen acted as if she was, like, DELIVERING the news about Katie’s strange behavior to him, which of COURSE he would already be aware of, what with the pseudo-marriage and cohabiting and everything.
There’s no reason to say anything. At all.
Obviously.
“I think it’s time for us to turn in.” Katie untangles herself from Josh and smiles almost apologetically at Jason. “Sara gets cranky if she doesn’t get a lot of sleep.”
“Right,” he says, letting go of the Tonka and gently lifting Sara into his arms as he gets to his feet.
“Say goodnight to Uncle Jason,” coos Katie.
The poor thing begins to wail her head off after being pried from Jason’s arms- her face becomes so furiously red that Kristen is actually a little scared, and the sight alone has her reconsidering her recent change of heart regarding babies. Yikes.
“Man, she’s really attached.” Josh narrows his eyes at Jason. “What’d you do, bribe her with heavy doses of sugar?”
Jason grins. “Guess I just won her over with my natural charm.”
After Josh and Katie have calmed the baby down enough to put her to bed, they go upstairs together, and when Kristen turns around Jason’s disappearing out the front door.
She watches him wander down the driveway through the frosty window. Part of her wants to just dive under the bed covers and pretend to play along with her well-honed denial, and the other part wants more than anything to just follow him into the night.
You can guess which part wins out in the end.
The truth is that she forgot how beautiful the winters in Michigan could be, especially away from the city-- how the snow blankets the ground, thick and clean and impossibly white, how on a clear night the bruised-colored sky fades to black, stretching out infinitely, and you can actually see the stars scattered like tiny pinpricks.
Kristen's a city girl at heart, and it's New York that feels like home, deep in her bones, but Michigan is in her blood and being here feels like slipping into an old, comfortable sweatshirt she forgot she even ever owned in the first place.
There's a sudden strong wind, and she hugs her coat tighter around her middle, trudging down the driveway and watching the way the snow unfurls and skirts across the pavement before her feet.
Now Jason is standing at the foot of the drive, hands stuffed in his pockets and head tipped back, staring up at the sky. His entire body is still except for the puffs of white air escaping him as he breathes the sharp, cold air.
She approaches him, then hangs back for a moment, a little amused at the expression of something like childlike wonder in his eyes.
"You'll make yourself dizzy doing that," she finally says wryly, stepping forward.
"What?" Jason turns in surprise.
"Trying to count the stars," she clarifies, pushing the hair out of her eyes and shooting him a knowing look. "I used to do it too."
His mouth opens like he's about to deny it, but he must think better of it, because he just smiles instead, looking kind of embarrassed. His ears are a little pink.
"You know, I always sucked at looking for the constellations. The only one I could ever find was the Big Dipper."
He glances over at her. "Do you see it now?"
Kristen cocks her head to the side and studies the sky for a long time, then raises her arm to point. "There! See it?"
"Where?"
"Over there," she says, gesturing vaguely to the right. "It's like a kite, kind of. See?"
"I-- wait, yeah." He squints and nods. "Yeah, I see it."
She pauses, shoots him a sidelong look, then laughs and shoves him playfully. "Liar."
"Yeah, I'm totally lying," he admits, laughing too.
They stand side-by-side in comfortable silence. It’s easier to talk to him now that they’ve broken the ice-practically literally, haha-and she thinks that the more time they spend together, the more she finds herself missing him. Which is kind of backwards, she realizes, but it’s true.
But she can most definitely handle it.
Probably.
Maybe.
His shoulder brushes against hers by accident, and her breath catches, and she doesn’t understand how one single touch from him makes her world feel like it’s tumbling upside down.
Man, she is so completely hopeless.
**
Two nights later, a thick and blinding snow falls and they wake up to seventeen new inches of white powder blanketing the hills and swells behind the house.
"The heaviest snowfall in this county in seventeen years!" Josh says at breakfast with a hint of pride, and Kristen snorts over a mouthful of Morningstar veggie sausages.
"Move to Michigan and suddenly you're the farmer's almanac, huh?"
Josh's eyes just twinkle, and Kristen knows they're in for some trouble.
"What do you say? Want to build my kid a fort today?"
Kristen doesn't comment on the "my" and the "kid" part, because Josh is grinning so broadly she worries that she'd break him. She's not going to be the party pooper who reminds him that Sara is a product of Tom Cruise's alien sperm and who knows what else, created in a lab by a scientist with an uncanny resemblance to that awesomely creepy actor from Ghost World and Con Air.
But Kristen really doesn't want to get into a nature versus nurture argument in the middle of the kitchen, so she keeps her thoughts to herself. Josh takes his daddy role seriously, and if she's going to be honest, she trusts the Cruise spawn in his hands, even if she has to admit she's been watching closely to see if Sara would sprout antennae.
Josh drops the subject in favor of another round of pancakes and Kristen kind of assumes he was joking. Which, knowing Josh, is a distinct possibility. Of course, she should also know by now not to underestimate Josh and his idea of a fun time, because later that afternoon he brings it up again as they're all dozily lounging in the living room watching daytime programming.
Oh, to be young and living off television residuals.
Of course Josh barely says the word and Jason takes the opportunity to jump on the fort-building bandwagon. He and Josh have developed an unexpected sort of buddy-buddy camaraderie over the past few days as they pored over the strange surveillance photos, looking for clues. Despite their insistence that she can provide essential support, Kristen has mostly steered clear. By Jason's frustrated sighs when she does join the fray, she can tell they're not getting any closer to solving the mystery.
"Okay. So. We have two for building snow forts -" Josh points at Jason and himself, "And two for sitting around and watching the Oxygen Network." He gestures to Katie and Kristen.
"Actually, we may also tune into the Disney Channel. I hear a certain classic starring a talking horse is coming on later," Kristen says mischievously.
"I WAS YOUNG AND NEEDED THE MONEY!" Jason retorts with a grin on his face.
"Funny-- that's what Jensen says when you ask him about that underground gay porn flick he did in his teens," Kristen responds, and Jason's eyes grow wide. Ha. Score one for the illicit network gossip chain.
Katie purses her lips to keep from laughing. She looks at Kristen and bounces Sara on her lap. "Actually, we have THREE for staying in and watching television."
"THE BABY'S VOTE DOES NOT COUNT. SHE CANNOT EVEN FIND HER NOSE!" Josh yells playfully.
"Oh, I think she can find her nose," Katie croons. "Can't you, Sara?" She touches her nose to the giggling infant's.
"Compromise?" Kristen sighs heavily. "I'll go out with you guys if you promise we'll be back in the house by six. I'm not trusting TiVo on this one. I've been burned by one too many unrecorded Project Runway episodes."
Josh throws his hands in the air. "I won't fight you on that one. Hell, I'll even make thematic snacks. What kind of food do you bring to a talking horse movie?" He turns to Katie with a pleading grin. "You're outnumbered here."
Katie shakes her head. "It's almost time for Sara's nap anyway. I'll bring her out to see your fort when you're done with it?"
Josh wins like he's won the best family ever lottery. "Deal."
Less than fifteen minutes later, Kristen finds herself outfitted in borrowed red snowpants (snowpants!) that are about six inches too long and three extra pairs of socks. If she'd known she'd be building snow forts she would have brought better boots, but hey, she's spent her recent winters in L.A., where Uggs were only expected to protect your feet from sixty degree weather and Paris Hilton's escaped pets.
**
"Hey, guys?" Kristen yells from the bottom of a hill. "A little help here?" They've trekked it out to a relatively flat space about one hundred yards out from the main house, but of course she's managed to find a slight incline. This really wouldn't be a problem, but when you're 5'1" and trying to roll a giant snowball that's over three feet in diameter and probably weighs more than you do? She's starting to feel like she needs some snow chains and an ox.
Jason trods over, packing a snowball between his gloved hands. His breath clouds the air. "Josh says you just have to put your back into it."
Kristen shoots Josh a dirty glare across the field as she leverages her body against the massive orb.
"Jackson, if I weren't afraid this giant snowball would roll down this hill and crush me like an ant if I so much as moved, your ass would be mine right now!" she yells.
“You fucking wish!” calls Josh, hands cupped around his mouth.
Jason lobs the small snowball he's been making off into the distance. Kristen hears it crunch against a tree.
"Good aim," she remarks, and he shrugs, almost sheepish. She smiles gratefully as he puts his hands against the snowball, alleviating some of the weight.
"Ready?" he nods, and with a shove, together they get the giant ball up the rise and finally push it into position. The fort is crescent shaped and between the giant snowballs that make up its walls and the extra packing between and on top of them, it's well over seven feet long and four feet high.
"You see the things I do for you?" Kristen asks Josh, brushing snow chunks off her mittens. "My forts as a kid were like, tiny caves compared to this monstrosity."
"It's the Canadian in him," Jason says as he adds extra snow to the chinks. "You have to know how to build forts in case you're ever lost in the wilderness with only an axe and a shoelace."
"My childhood was not a Gary Paulsen novel, thank you very much." Josh surveys their creation. "I'm gonna go get Katie and Sara out here. You think you guys can man the fort while I'm gone?"
Kristen rolls her eyes. "What is it, bad pun Friday?"
"I'll be back as soon as Katie can get Sara's snow suit on. Which means I should return in--" he checks a non-existent watch on the outside of his jacket "--approximately forty minutes?" His eyes twinkle.
"Babies are very time consuming," Kristen says soberly.
Josh's face softens and goes serious for a moment. "The fact that you're both out here - it's pretty amazing. I just want to say... thanks. I mean, not for looking into this Sara photo thing -" he says when Jason opens his mouth. "I mean - it's good for Katie to be around other people. For Sara to be around other people." Kristen tilts her head and swears she can see Josh's eyes shining, but that might just be from the cold wind. "So, uh - thanks."
Jason nods and for a second Kristen thinks that there might be a really awkward boy-hug in her immediate future, with heavy back patting and maybe a punch on the shoulder for good measure, but Josh just dips his head in return, turns towards the house with a wave and crunches across the lawn.
They watch him for a moment, and Kristen wonders if she should turn to Jason and thank him, too - for, being the old Jason again. Her friend. As she ponders whether this is too much sap for an afternoon, Jason scoops up another handful of snow and begins forming another snowball. Then he turns and appraises the fort like a proud architect.
"Pretty rad, huh?"
"Yeah," Kristen agrees, and then watches thoughtfully as he tosses the snowball in a perfect arch towards the house. "Actually, I kind of have another rad idea. You wanna hear it?"
Jason turns towards her, a grin flitting across his lips. "Always."
**
"You think that's enough?"
"Let's see, twenty eight snowballs with the average throwing time for each snowball at approximately five seconds, minus any snowballs that are used prior to the battle engagement…" Jason puts a finger to his mouth. "I think we could use more."
"Wait, wait. What's this 'prior to battle engagement' thing? Jason. I do not like the sound of this!"
"Oh, yeah?"
A handful of powdery snow rains down the collar of her coat before Jason takes off running in the other direction.
"Jesus H. Godfuck!" She gasps and sputters, scandalized. "Oh my god! You are so fucking dead!"
The deep snow makes running difficult, so the pair are almost evenly matched. Plus, Jason keeps squatting down to grab new handfuls of snow, which he forms into half-packed balls that explode halfway through the air on their way to Kristen. She catches up to him after less than a minute, yanks off his knit cap and jams a handful of snow into his hair.
"Surrender, surrender!" Jason falls to his knees laughing.
“Please! You don’t get away that easy!” she declares, leaping onto his back, her arms around his neck as she attempts to shove more snow down under his shirt.
He flips her over his shoulder easily. They go rolling through the snow, wrestling and grabbing and biting at each other’s shoulders and elbows. She tries to scramble away, but he makes a lunge. Snatches her around her slim waist, and she tumbles into the snow again in a fit of giggles. Eventually he turns her over, pins her down playfully by the wrists; she’s laughing so hard she can’t breathe, and then she glances up and his face is hovering inches from hers.
Jason’s eyes change in that instant, flickering over her face, and then she still can’t breathe, except for an entirely different reason.
He kisses her, and it’s more surprising than it probably should be. His lips are soft, mouth warm, one gloved hand leaving her wrist to trace her jawline as she arches up underneath him. This is a real kiss, open-mouthed and unhinged, and when he pulls back she’s still gasping for air.
For a few seconds they just stare at each other, gaping, and then Kristen rolls out from under him. She closes her eyes and wills herself to not freak the fuck out.
The wind picks up, cutting straight through her jacket, and she evades Jason’s eyes, clambers to her feet. Finds herself heading to their fort. Fort Muckraker. Fort Dohrbell? Oh man. She has been hanging around Muhney way too much lately.
Kristen crawls inside, plops down and leans back against the thick wall of snow that protects her from the strong breeze. She’s sitting there and trying to collect herself for about thirty seconds before Jason shows up.
“Your hat,” he explains, holding out the striped knit cap. “It, uh, fell off, or… yeah.”
“Thanks,” Kristen whispers as he hands it to her and lowers himself onto the ground next to her.
She's shivering, and that's why she doesn't say no when Jason shifts his body closer to hers, drapes an arm around her hunched shoulders. The tentative way he does this tells her that he's testing the waters, like he’d stop in a heartbeat if given the word. It's just for the warmth, she tells herself, and that settles it. She lets her body slump into his. Almost instantly she feels better.
“Was that-” She starts and stops. Pauses to choose her words carefully. “Was that just, like, an impulsive thing?”
“Yes. No.” He breathes out, a little shaky, before looking over at her. “Honestly? More of a… been-wanting-to-do-that-for-months kind of thing. But, um. Not exactly planned or whatever.”
Well. Okay. That’s still a little startling. It’s so weird, how one moment it feels like he’s one of her best friends, like she knows him in ways no else could, and the next she really doesn’t know what to make of him at all.
All kinds of questions are swirling around in her head, and she has so much she wants to ask-but then his thumbs brush delicately across her eyelashes, where clumps of snowflakes have gathered. Kristen flutters her eyes close and holds her breath.
“I thought this wasn’t going to become a Thing,” she reminds him, blinking and smiling slowly. “Any kind of Thing.”
Jason chuckles low in throat and ducks his head. “Mmm. Y’know, I think it’s a little late for that.”
When he looks back up, his face is open, wanting, and when he leans in she kisses him back because really, who are they kidding?
Her mouth opens against his and fingers grab at his scarf to tug him in closer. Both of his hands scour down her sides, resting just above her hipbones. They wrap around the back of her jacket, pull her to him for better leverage. That’s when his teeth bite down lightly on the lush of her lower lip. She gasps against him, digs her fingers into the hollow of his shoulders.
These are the kind of kisses that make Kristen’s toes curl. Everything in her feels like it’s warm and humming, despite the pervasive cold wind.
Jason shifts forward, cradling her back with one arm in such a way that she knows how he wants to guide her body, how he wants to lay her down, spread her out in the snow. When he draws back just enough for a breath before stealing another kiss, deep and long, she can’t help but think that this seems like a pretty top notch idea.
That is, of course, when they hear it.
If the wind hadn't been gusting from the direction of the house, Kristen thinks, they wouldn't have heard anything at all. At first, it’s just a soft whine, something that could easily have been mistaken for some animals fighting in a far off burrow. But it grows louder and more persistent, and suddenly it clicks, for both of them, exactly what it is.
Screaming.
It’s coming from the house. The sound is piercing enough to send the birds hidden in the pine behind them scattering into the sky overhead, their cawing echoing through the otherwise still air.
Kristen jerks back in surprise, almost falling back completely, but she steadies herself in time to see the shock registering on Jason’s face for a fraction of a second. Then he’s on his feet, taking off across the snowy wide expanse of land at top speed.
Her head is still spinning, feet numb, breath coming out short. Still, she manages to scramble up and follow a moment later. The snow crunches under her boots as she sprints after him, through the fields and the yard, the adrenaline coursing through her veins. It feels like the distance is stretched out impossibly long, but finally she reaches the porch. Clomps up the wooden creaky stairs and barrels through the screen door.
The screaming dies off suddenly, just as Kristen pushes inside. Jason’s already halfway upstairs by the time she reaches the living room, and she chases after, taking the steps two at a time. There’s only one door open in the length of the hallway-the door to the nursery. She stumbles to the room, screeches to a halt.
It takes her a few seconds to take in the scene. Katie-the source of the wailing-is in one corner, huddled against Josh. Her head is buried in his chest as she emits choked, uncontrollable sobs. Josh is embracing her tightly, stroking her hair, his face ashen. He looks so completely shaken that one glance and Kristen knows that something is terribly, terribly wrong.
Jason’s back is to her as he stands over the crib, his hands curled around the edge, body still. Unmoving.
“What-what happened?” she manages to gasp out between ragged breaths. “Are you-did she-is-?”
Kristen can’t even finish. Her ribs are aching, knees like jello. There’s a throbbing cramp in her side, and she feels dizzy, like the room is starting to tip over on its side. She needs to sit down. Or throw up. Or something.
The silence that follows is painfully long; the blood pounding in Kristen’s ears sounds like a dull roar. She can still hear Katie’s muffled crying in the corner.
“It’s Sara.” When he finally speaks, Jason’s voice is like gravel, scraped raw around the edges.
“Sara?” She staggers toward him. “What--I don’t--?”
He turns, slowly, his face stony and grim. Kristen’s stomach plummets to her feet at the sight of his expression.
“She’s gone.”
TBC