Honesty
I've been too honest lately.
I don't know what my deal is. I mean, it's easy to lie. I've been lying for 22 years to get what I want, and yet...
When people ask me questions, particularly ones that make me squirm, I've got the lie ready. I could spin an elaborate tale and get away with it, no one the wiser.
Instead I've been telling the truth. And not just giving the honest answer, but being up front about my own thoughts and... well, true or untrue, my own feelings. Every time I try to keep it to myself I end up feeling like I'm going to explode - telling Sora about Roxas, telling the refugees about Eric. It's... I can't control it anymore and it scares me.
and here I am again, unable to keep my goddamn secrets to myself anymore. The more I'm around him, the harder it is to keep it inside. I spent a few hours with him today, and it was on the tip of my tongue, and I just... I chickened out.
...
I. I know I denied it hard last September, when Ryune was a bitch and linked me to my own death scene. I know I spluttered and called it "gay" and denied it and defied it - still am, as far as trying not to die goes.
But. Ugh, I feel so stupid for quoting that dumb game, but...
Sora: Axel, what were you trying to do?
Axel: I wanted to see Roxas. He...was the only one I liked...
He made me feel...like I had a heart.
It's kind of...funny...
You make me feel...the same...
... and it's true. Every word of it.
Sora, I don't know if you're seeing this, but... You do.
I don't know what my deal is. I mean, it's easy to lie. I've been lying for 22 years to get what I want, and yet...
When people ask me questions, particularly ones that make me squirm, I've got the lie ready. I could spin an elaborate tale and get away with it, no one the wiser.
Instead I've been telling the truth. And not just giving the honest answer, but being up front about my own thoughts and... well, true or untrue, my own feelings. Every time I try to keep it to myself I end up feeling like I'm going to explode - telling Sora about Roxas, telling the refugees about Eric. It's... I can't control it anymore and it scares me.
and here I am again, unable to keep my goddamn secrets to myself anymore. The more I'm around him, the harder it is to keep it inside. I spent a few hours with him today, and it was on the tip of my tongue, and I just... I chickened out.
...
I. I know I denied it hard last September, when Ryune was a bitch and linked me to my own death scene. I know I spluttered and called it "gay" and denied it and defied it - still am, as far as trying not to die goes.
But. Ugh, I feel so stupid for quoting that dumb game, but...
Sora: Axel, what were you trying to do?
Axel: I wanted to see Roxas. He...was the only one I liked...
He made me feel...like I had a heart.
It's kind of...funny...
You make me feel...the same...
... and it's true. Every word of it.
Sora, I don't know if you're seeing this, but... You do.