To be alone
Its hard to be so alone. I've started to recognize something though; I'm lonely even when there are people around. I isolate myself in my mind. I always feel like no one cares and that the world couldn't care less about me. I feel like everyone's second choice. I'm no ones best friend. Alot of it is just me and my depression, and some of it is real. I want deeper connections with the few people I call friends, but it seems like no one wants those connections with me. I'm beginning to find myself annoying. I always try and make tight relationships where there are none, and frequently push people away by doing so. *sigh* I wish I knew how to change that about me. I went to see Amy on Wed. after she called Tuesday night, and although I can almost hear the collective sigh when I share that, it was exactly what I needed. She explained herself, not to look better or "explain away" what happened, but to let me know how and why things happened. She listened while I dumped on her and told her how I felt. She answered my questions, and was patient. It helped me like you wouldn't believe. Just being able to sit down together and share our emotions like adults without all the yelling or anger. In truth, I've rarely been as close to Amy as I was Wed. We agreed to be friends and I sincerly hope that we will be. In short, seeing Amy helped me more than even I thought it could.