Stop being....
Lately things have been a blurrrr, days melt into weeks, and all of a sudden it’s week seven in university. All those skipped lectures, missed tutorials and neglected readings seemingly catchup with you. And you realise it’s high time to face them head on, to start spending quality time with the books and collect those forgotten weekly ‘study dates’ with your significant other. Great.
You know, how at the beginning of every brand new year, you make promises to yourself. In vain, you say all these wonderful things like how you’re going to achieve (insert goals) this and that. Right now, I feel like I’ve strayed so far from the path I want to be on. Not just in terms of studies, but in other aspects of life such as family, work, improving myself. I’ve lost sight of what I’m working towards. I’ve been so irresponsible, lazy and reckless with my own future and it’s time I set things straight, with things important to me, like my family, my friends, and my health/body, my career.
Applications, internships, graduation. Time to give some serious thought about this, and realise that I’m the only person who can make the difference. I’m the only chance I’ve got.
Honestly, I’ve never had to work really hard for something my entire life. Everything’s always given to me and most of the time I get what I want. I’ve been blessed with a comfortable home, with parents who are generous enough to sustain my lifestyle and have given me many opportunities. In short, I’ve been too sheltered and spoilt to the extent I’m not ‘thirsty’ for success. Only recently, have I been exposed to the cruelty of ‘real world’. Life isn’t going to be fair and it’s definitely not going to be kind to me. I need to toughen up. I need to be more self aware, and have more confidence and faith in my abilities, and not rely on my ‘feminine charms’ to get my way. I need to want something so badly, that I’m going to fight for, with everything that I’ve got. I will find that direction, and I will work to achieve that goal.
Career aside, I’ve been home for the most number of nights in the past couple of months. It actually feels sort of nice, being home for a change. Things at home have been improving slightly, slowly and surely we’ll get there, and all that matters is that we’re moving forwards, all of us. Hopefully things improve and when my grandparents come over, things will be so much better. I’ve finally finished building those Ikea cupboards and now, I happen to have closet space. Imagine that! It’s both liberating and wonderful, but it’s leading me on to some serious shopping. Speaking of which, I desperately need to get rid of some old clothes. I have bags and boxes just hiding in my garage. I had dinner (it’s been weeks seriously) with Daddy and Olivia tonight and it struck me, how much I’ve missed them. I miss spending time with my family. Hopefully, my parents will be more agreeable and give me more freedom and allow me to grow up. Guiding me, instead of trying to control me. That way, I'll be home more often and on a similar note, I want to be more involved in my siblings lives.
The beauty of a normal day lies within the little daily activities that you share with your special someone, the rituals of waking up, getting ready down to deciding what to have for dinner. I love spending time with R, lazing in bed and doing our own things. It’s really a blissful state of mind. I’ve spent most days with my laptop clicking away and reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and occasionally reading lecture slides while he does his own thing (looking at starcraft2 /shakeshead boys tsk) Well thanks to the absence of my car (it’s still in the bloody mechanics!) I’ve been heading home at 10 every night when Daddy picks me up. I feel like I’m regressing, seriously. So high-school dependent, waiting for your parents to fetch you from a friends, no late night stayovers etc. Today, after having a D&M with R, I’ve come to the conclusion that all the frustration/disgruntled feelings I’ve been harbouring can be attributed to the loss of my car. You have NO idea how horrible it is to live in Melbourne without a car, the public transport is terrible beyond belief. (I know I’m sounding like a spoilt brat) It’s so fucking inconvenient. And I associate having the car with the freedom/ability to drive to R’s anytime I want, whenever I want, and that includes my manjah time etc. And our groceries at his have been depleted ever since the car’s been in the workshop! /pouts I can’t wait to get my car back seriously. Whinny rant aside, I’m happy (: He makes me very happy (: (: