(no subject)
i don't know what i'm doing anymore. i have absolutely no interest in living, but i'm terrified of death. so i don't really know what i want. i wouldnt kill myself because that would be hypocritical in so many ways.
i know what i want in life but trying for that is just too idealistic.
fuck.
i hate waking up more than anything. i get so depressed when i wake up. it's not even just getting sad, i'm always in total disbelief that i have to go through a whole 'nother day. it seems impossible.
and then the morning sickness starts to kick in.
i haven’t thrown up this morning but i feel shaky and nauseous.
i don't want to deal with this anymore. even if i can handle it, i don't want to. i want out. how do i get out of this?
i miss Tony caring about me. and i miss tyler so much. they both almost make me angry.
i honestly need tyler. i need him so i can get back to how i was 3 or 4 months ago. i need him to help me like myself again. i realy don't like who i am right now. and i need him to sleep next to.
why do i only ever meet people who are exceptionally good at breaking promises?
i'm just so sick, and so tired, and worn out, and unmotivated...