plainapple’s Naughty Hottie List
Why do good LJ users fall for bad boys? In the spirit of scientific inquiry I’ve compiled a list of ten villains to which I’ve noticed I carry some personal attraction. While I’d encourage readers to peruse this list it should by no means be considered comprehensive. I’d encourage you to add you own observations, including any parties I may have overlooked, in the comment section of this post. Please feel free to use the format provided.
Warning! May contain spoilers insofar as certain parties are identified as villainous and plots of long released films and television series are alluded to.
Name: Jareth the Goblin King
Verse: Labyrith, film
Why I'd do him: No one can resist the magnetic pull of his area.
How I'd do him: Within a strict 13 hour time frame.
Potential hazards: Disappearance of infant family members, eternity trapped in a bubble, poor performance may lead to elevation to royalty in the land of stench.
Name: Hanz Gruber
Verse: Die Hard, film
Why I'd do him: Inconsistent but sexy German accent, well tailored suits
How I'd do him: In an office building of our very own, up against the wall.
Potential hazards: Interruptions by American "Cowboys" who try to blow up/shoot/beat down or otherwise destroy our little love-nest.
Name: Michael Corleone
Verse: The Godfather, Film
Why I'd do him: Because none of his villainy is really his fault, he's a victim of circumstance.
How I'd do him: Everytime he tried to pull out, I'd pull him back in.
Potential hazards: Strong possibility of being gunned down mid-bang by rival mafia.
Name: Roger “Verbal” Kint
Verse: The Usual Suspects, Film
Why I'd do him: Because the poor guy's been beaten down by life for so long he really deserves a good lay.
How I'd do him: Slow and tender, mindful of his physical impairments.
Potential hazards: I discover his secret, he discovers a sudden need to kill me.
Name: Norman Bates
Verse: Psycho, film
Why I'd do him: . Because any man who shows so much love and respect for his mother can't be that bad
How I'd do him: In the shower, obviously.
Potential hazards: None. Norman is a nice boy.
Name: Lex Luthor
Verse: Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, TV series
Why I'd do him: Mostly for the cash.
How I'd do him: On the roof of the Lexcorp building so any pervs flying past can get an eyeful.
Potential hazards: Embroilment in his crazy schemes, arrested for prostitution
Name: Mr. Smith
Verse: The Matrix, film
Why I'd do him: To change his mind about his contempt for humanity.
How I'd do him: Virtually, taking on several copies at once.
Potential hazards: Viral infection of my hard drive.
Name: Sher Kahn
Verse: Tail Spin, TV series
Why I'd do him: He's a tiger in the sack.
How I'd do him: Doggy style.
Potential hazards: He's a tiger in the sack.
Name: tender-hearted!nu!mirror!Kirk
Verse: nu!Trek fanfic and my head, internets and imagination
Why I'd do him: All the hot Dom action of nu!mirror!Kirk but with slightly less rape! What could go wrong?
How I'd do him: However he wanted.
Potential Hazards: Stabbing, air-locking, agonizers, squid monsters, torture, etc.
Name: Jack Ferriman
Verse: Ghost Ship, masterpiece
Why I'd do him: Because Ghost Ship is the greatest movie of all time. All. Time.
How I'd do him: In a plush bed in the Honeymoon suite of a lux ocean liner.
Potential hazards: Pretty much just the being brutally murdered and sent straight to Hell thing.