Why do I bother?
I don't really see a point in anything that I do.
I don't see why I like someone. It never matters. I don't like one type of person...none of them like me anyway. Everytime I want to have a serious talk with someone, it never happens because I get too nervous. Then he doesn't want to. Or then he goes and hangs out with his friends. Or then he's drunk and we get into a huge yelling arguement where I almost hit him. Out of frustration/accident, not because I was pissed at him.
The arguement is a blur.
I just... I HATE MY LIFE. No one will understand why. As in they can listen to me complain about it, but they'll say they understand and they don't, because whatever I hate my life for, is not enough reason to hate it. And they'll tell me that it'll get better.
Well guess what Sherlock. It doesn't. I've heard it a million times. More people just die. More shitty things keep happening to me. And god has my life mapped out where I meet a hell of a lot more shitty people than awesome ones.
A guy I don't know, who just saw pictures of me...and a guy I like. Both think I'm average looking. Every girls dream right?
Erin can tell me all she wants that I'm more than average and that I deserve good things. Yeah, girls tell me I'm attractive all the time. But they aren't lesbians and they aren't guys. Not that what girls tell me are lies....but I guess it's just not valid to me? Is that wrong?
Is it wrong to think that my mother and grandparents aren't up there looking out for me, and that god keeps handing me a shitty deal because I keep crying and getting my heart broken and get shitty ass things happening to me? Is that wrong?
I'm sorry that I want someone. I'm sorry that I'm an affectionate person and that I just want to be liked. I'M 22 FUCKING YEARS OLD and no one I've liked has ever liked me back. SOMETHING IS OBVIOUSLY WRONG WITH ME.
Oh, and I'm sure I'm going to get some bitchy as anonymous comment, well I'd appreciate it if you really didn't. I made this post for my own venting. If friends want to comment, that's fine. I'd like that. But I don't need some person telling me all this fucking shit that isn't true and basically that I'm stupid. This is my journal and I'm allowed to vent.
I guess I don't really have anything else to say. Except that I really wish I wasn't alone right and really wish something would change. I don't like being depressed. In fact, I hate it. Any one ever wanted to murder someone? Would it be wrong if I said you could do it?
I don't see why I like someone. It never matters. I don't like one type of person...none of them like me anyway. Everytime I want to have a serious talk with someone, it never happens because I get too nervous. Then he doesn't want to. Or then he goes and hangs out with his friends. Or then he's drunk and we get into a huge yelling arguement where I almost hit him. Out of frustration/accident, not because I was pissed at him.
The arguement is a blur.
I just... I HATE MY LIFE. No one will understand why. As in they can listen to me complain about it, but they'll say they understand and they don't, because whatever I hate my life for, is not enough reason to hate it. And they'll tell me that it'll get better.
Well guess what Sherlock. It doesn't. I've heard it a million times. More people just die. More shitty things keep happening to me. And god has my life mapped out where I meet a hell of a lot more shitty people than awesome ones.
A guy I don't know, who just saw pictures of me...and a guy I like. Both think I'm average looking. Every girls dream right?
Erin can tell me all she wants that I'm more than average and that I deserve good things. Yeah, girls tell me I'm attractive all the time. But they aren't lesbians and they aren't guys. Not that what girls tell me are lies....but I guess it's just not valid to me? Is that wrong?
Is it wrong to think that my mother and grandparents aren't up there looking out for me, and that god keeps handing me a shitty deal because I keep crying and getting my heart broken and get shitty ass things happening to me? Is that wrong?
I'm sorry that I want someone. I'm sorry that I'm an affectionate person and that I just want to be liked. I'M 22 FUCKING YEARS OLD and no one I've liked has ever liked me back. SOMETHING IS OBVIOUSLY WRONG WITH ME.
Oh, and I'm sure I'm going to get some bitchy as anonymous comment, well I'd appreciate it if you really didn't. I made this post for my own venting. If friends want to comment, that's fine. I'd like that. But I don't need some person telling me all this fucking shit that isn't true and basically that I'm stupid. This is my journal and I'm allowed to vent.
I guess I don't really have anything else to say. Except that I really wish I wasn't alone right and really wish something would change. I don't like being depressed. In fact, I hate it. Any one ever wanted to murder someone? Would it be wrong if I said you could do it?