stupid drunk love
ok, so the woman i live with just went off on me about how france has the best way of life in the world, and i just stood there and took it. all because i was bitching about not being able to cash my check. that's something that's been forbidden here in france apparently. whatever, it just adds another reason why i'm glad to be going home and getting away from these people who like fanny packs and little bitch cars. ok yes i'm bitter, only slightly.
my lovely experience with my drunken love. last summer i met one of my host families friends, nicolas. The first time I met him was about three days after I had gotten into the village and everything was still new to me. He came up to me and gave me kisses, one on each cheeck, something that was completely foreign to me at this time. His confidence took me in, he's a slightly cocky fucker, he drives a nice car and everyone knows who he is and he knows mostly everyone, well everyone who's worth knowing. His family was born and bred in Castets and I personally don't see him leaving any time soon either. I met him and we talked what we could, him speaking no English and me speaking no French we enjoyed a few awkward silences and glasses of rum. One night he offered to take me to the movies because my host dad had gotten free tickets to the movies for some reason. I got to enjoy The Day After Tomorrow in French, not only was it a horrible movie, it was even worse not knowing what the hell they were saying, but I ate my peanut M&Ms and drank my diet Coke like a champ and didn't sleep a wink. (there were some scenes shot in my town i lived in in California and I kept trying to explain that was where I lived in California, but he didn't understand) Secretly, I wanted him to kiss me or make out with me, just so I'd get some action, but it never happened. To make matters for me slightly worse, I overheard him talking on his cell phone to a girl who he told he loved her. So, my idea of how to end the perfect night were slightly bummed. I think I think about sex more than men do, because if men can think about sex more than me, that's fucking nuts. After the film we sat outside and talked with my host dad for a while listening to music and talking about random things, he offered to take me to a concert or two or to the beach, whatever. Weeks passed and I never heard from him. I assumed he was happy with his girlfriend and had no interest in me, then one night out of the blue he called me and invited me to a pool party. I was stoked! I got all prettied up and brought my camera, yes there are pictures of that horrible night, and he came to get me, it was great. We started drinking, I was going light, I didn't want to over do anything and make an ass out of myself, but then there was this game. I had only had about two maybe three beers, and this game, it was so intriguing. With a pack of cigarettes you flip and if it lands a certain way you drink, if it lands a certain way you choose someone to drink, if it lands another way you flip again, and if it lands standing straight up you choose someone to drink their full glass. I was so good at this game, I was making everyone drink, and drink, a chunk of time passed, (couldn't tell you how long, I was drunk) then some boy poured me a drink, a French drink, called Ricard. That was the drink that ended my night. It tastes a little like licorice and a lot like, "holy shit this stuff's going to make me puke!" Just after he poured my drink I heard people shouting, "Oh, NO!" I looked up and saw the pack of cigarettes standing straight up and all eyes on me. Even being drunk I knew what was ahead of me, I knew that I was chosen to drink my cup without having to be told. Now, where was my dear friend Nicolas at this time? Well, he dropped me off at the party, kind of. He was off in some field talking on his cell phone to his girlfriend in Paris. I had made a few friends at the party, Jess, a pretty girl with pink hair and a matching pink shirt, she was about sixteen, I guess. Sandra, who had bright red hair and a hook nose, and big boobs and told dirty jokes, and Sarah, who was beautiful and dressed in the nicest, most stylish clothes at the party. Where were they when I had to drink? Well, they said that I didn't have to drink, but everyone else was insisting that I drink, even knowing what I had in my cup. Being the dumbass that I am, I chugged. Everything is still foggy after that, another chunk of time passed and my friend Nicolas came back. All of a sudden all the boys stripped naked and jumped into the pool. I caught a glimpse or two more than what I wanted, but hey, I learned that they don't circumcise in France! Anyway, somehow I vaguely remember music, then wait, was I...dancing? Yes, sadly enough, Shelley got asked to dance by the charming Nicolas, and all I can remember is saying that I can't feel my legs and boom! I was flat on my back stuck between some pool chairs. Ok, I brushed myself off and sat back down and continued to drink. Vodka, rum, whiskey, more beer, oh, and I smoked, remember that pack of cigarettes? Well, I smoked them all, non-smoker here, and I smoked about a full pack Marlboro reds. There was some talk about going to a night club just about forty-five minutes away. I was SO down! Dunk and all, I wanted to go dancing (and if anyone has ever seen me dance, it's a cross between the "Carlton" and what they did in the 80s). Once we got into the car, I saw a whole nother side of Nicolas. I sat in the back on the left and he was in the middle. He put his hand on my thigh and kept it there. When he got out and went to get his money from the bank, I moved to the middle and he was in the back left. Once we were rolling again, he was all over me. The music was loud and he leaned over and kissed me, or maybe I kissed him, who knows, but we were making out all the way there. Once we got to the club he was still all over me, dancing with me and kissing me. I got really nauseous and ran to the bathroom and puked, yup, I puked and I felt better, all I wanted was to go home and go to bed, but the best I could do was go to the car. I made my sad little way out of the bathroom and told everyone I wanted to lie down in the car. So, I went alone to the car and before I knew it, who's in the car with me? Nicolas, yes he decided that we weren't done quite yet. We kissed even more and then he asked me to stay with him for the night, he'd get me home in the morning and we could stay in his apartment alone...what did I say? umm...no, thank you. I told him I knew that he had a girlfriend and I wanted nothing to do with a guy that had a girlfriend. As far as I can remember that's what I said. It may not have been in French, and it may not have been in English, but I mumbeled something that should have resembled that. He told me I was a "good girl" which translates to "good fuck" and I left it at that because he wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know. That was the last I remember of him being like that with me. He was kind of a cocky jerk the next few times I saw him and he introduced me to a lot of his friends who just wanted to fuck me, so needless to say my love/sex life in France has blown major balls, no romance for me. As for the morning after, well it was a Friday, and I woke up at about 10am, the kids had to be at school at 9am and the mother took care of it all giving me my half day a day early. I was hurting that day, and even right now the smell of Ricard makes me wanna barf!
This is one of the funniest nights I've ever reflected on, I just hope the people who spent that night with me think it's a funny as I do.
my lovely experience with my drunken love. last summer i met one of my host families friends, nicolas. The first time I met him was about three days after I had gotten into the village and everything was still new to me. He came up to me and gave me kisses, one on each cheeck, something that was completely foreign to me at this time. His confidence took me in, he's a slightly cocky fucker, he drives a nice car and everyone knows who he is and he knows mostly everyone, well everyone who's worth knowing. His family was born and bred in Castets and I personally don't see him leaving any time soon either. I met him and we talked what we could, him speaking no English and me speaking no French we enjoyed a few awkward silences and glasses of rum. One night he offered to take me to the movies because my host dad had gotten free tickets to the movies for some reason. I got to enjoy The Day After Tomorrow in French, not only was it a horrible movie, it was even worse not knowing what the hell they were saying, but I ate my peanut M&Ms and drank my diet Coke like a champ and didn't sleep a wink. (there were some scenes shot in my town i lived in in California and I kept trying to explain that was where I lived in California, but he didn't understand) Secretly, I wanted him to kiss me or make out with me, just so I'd get some action, but it never happened. To make matters for me slightly worse, I overheard him talking on his cell phone to a girl who he told he loved her. So, my idea of how to end the perfect night were slightly bummed. I think I think about sex more than men do, because if men can think about sex more than me, that's fucking nuts. After the film we sat outside and talked with my host dad for a while listening to music and talking about random things, he offered to take me to a concert or two or to the beach, whatever. Weeks passed and I never heard from him. I assumed he was happy with his girlfriend and had no interest in me, then one night out of the blue he called me and invited me to a pool party. I was stoked! I got all prettied up and brought my camera, yes there are pictures of that horrible night, and he came to get me, it was great. We started drinking, I was going light, I didn't want to over do anything and make an ass out of myself, but then there was this game. I had only had about two maybe three beers, and this game, it was so intriguing. With a pack of cigarettes you flip and if it lands a certain way you drink, if it lands a certain way you choose someone to drink, if it lands another way you flip again, and if it lands standing straight up you choose someone to drink their full glass. I was so good at this game, I was making everyone drink, and drink, a chunk of time passed, (couldn't tell you how long, I was drunk) then some boy poured me a drink, a French drink, called Ricard. That was the drink that ended my night. It tastes a little like licorice and a lot like, "holy shit this stuff's going to make me puke!" Just after he poured my drink I heard people shouting, "Oh, NO!" I looked up and saw the pack of cigarettes standing straight up and all eyes on me. Even being drunk I knew what was ahead of me, I knew that I was chosen to drink my cup without having to be told. Now, where was my dear friend Nicolas at this time? Well, he dropped me off at the party, kind of. He was off in some field talking on his cell phone to his girlfriend in Paris. I had made a few friends at the party, Jess, a pretty girl with pink hair and a matching pink shirt, she was about sixteen, I guess. Sandra, who had bright red hair and a hook nose, and big boobs and told dirty jokes, and Sarah, who was beautiful and dressed in the nicest, most stylish clothes at the party. Where were they when I had to drink? Well, they said that I didn't have to drink, but everyone else was insisting that I drink, even knowing what I had in my cup. Being the dumbass that I am, I chugged. Everything is still foggy after that, another chunk of time passed and my friend Nicolas came back. All of a sudden all the boys stripped naked and jumped into the pool. I caught a glimpse or two more than what I wanted, but hey, I learned that they don't circumcise in France! Anyway, somehow I vaguely remember music, then wait, was I...dancing? Yes, sadly enough, Shelley got asked to dance by the charming Nicolas, and all I can remember is saying that I can't feel my legs and boom! I was flat on my back stuck between some pool chairs. Ok, I brushed myself off and sat back down and continued to drink. Vodka, rum, whiskey, more beer, oh, and I smoked, remember that pack of cigarettes? Well, I smoked them all, non-smoker here, and I smoked about a full pack Marlboro reds. There was some talk about going to a night club just about forty-five minutes away. I was SO down! Dunk and all, I wanted to go dancing (and if anyone has ever seen me dance, it's a cross between the "Carlton" and what they did in the 80s). Once we got into the car, I saw a whole nother side of Nicolas. I sat in the back on the left and he was in the middle. He put his hand on my thigh and kept it there. When he got out and went to get his money from the bank, I moved to the middle and he was in the back left. Once we were rolling again, he was all over me. The music was loud and he leaned over and kissed me, or maybe I kissed him, who knows, but we were making out all the way there. Once we got to the club he was still all over me, dancing with me and kissing me. I got really nauseous and ran to the bathroom and puked, yup, I puked and I felt better, all I wanted was to go home and go to bed, but the best I could do was go to the car. I made my sad little way out of the bathroom and told everyone I wanted to lie down in the car. So, I went alone to the car and before I knew it, who's in the car with me? Nicolas, yes he decided that we weren't done quite yet. We kissed even more and then he asked me to stay with him for the night, he'd get me home in the morning and we could stay in his apartment alone...what did I say? umm...no, thank you. I told him I knew that he had a girlfriend and I wanted nothing to do with a guy that had a girlfriend. As far as I can remember that's what I said. It may not have been in French, and it may not have been in English, but I mumbeled something that should have resembled that. He told me I was a "good girl" which translates to "good fuck" and I left it at that because he wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know. That was the last I remember of him being like that with me. He was kind of a cocky jerk the next few times I saw him and he introduced me to a lot of his friends who just wanted to fuck me, so needless to say my love/sex life in France has blown major balls, no romance for me. As for the morning after, well it was a Friday, and I woke up at about 10am, the kids had to be at school at 9am and the mother took care of it all giving me my half day a day early. I was hurting that day, and even right now the smell of Ricard makes me wanna barf!
This is one of the funniest nights I've ever reflected on, I just hope the people who spent that night with me think it's a funny as I do.