(no subject)
I was browsing random files on my computer and I decided to go through a lot of my old OTEC stuff. So, just for fun, here's a random article I wrote about Justin a few years ago. It's not as funny as it should have been.
Justin: "My dad was telling me about this guy that he used to work with named Kwan. He put sticky notes on everything. Kwan's chair, Kwan's Ethernet cable. That sort of thing. He'd always refer to his wife as 'my wife', and if you ever asked her name he wouldn't tell you. I'm going to treat Lisa like that some day. One time my dad was working on a computer and Kwan just came up to it and started unplugging things. Eventually he got fired. Crazy, huh?"
Me: What does that have to do with anything? Where did that come from?"
Justin: I was looking up a map of Michigan.
Do yourself a favor and read that again. I doubt it made sense the first time, and it's not going to make sense a second time. Now try to imagine someone making random, inane comments like this hundreds of times a day. And heck, that's only scratching the surface of the enigma that is Justin Lay.
As far as I can tell there are multiple factors that come into play when tying to dissect just what it is that makes Justin so darn weird. The biggest of these seems to be his heritage. Justin just can't seem to accept that he's Asian. Somewhere along the line, someone, presumably his mother got it stuck in his head that he was only 5% Asian. Now this may be the case, but as any neurologist can tell you, it's not the blood that makes you Asian, it's the hair. Justin has the most Asian hair I have EVER seen. I don't know exactly what it is that makes Justin hate his Asianess so much. Most people I know would embrace their heritage, you know, learn kung fu, start running up walls. That kinds of stuff. The other day I slammed Justin into the wall hoping that he would bounce off it, do a couple spins in the air, and deliver a roundhouse kick to my face, like any normal Asian. But do you know what he did? He said "ouch."
The other thing that separates Justin from the rest of society is his love for a certain girl. A girl who never asked to be loved, or stalked as the case may be, by Justin. That girl's name is World War I. Yes, you read that correctly. Perhaps you were expecting Lisa? Well I'm sorry, but this is much worse than Justin's Lisa obsession (we'll get to that later). On his third birthday Justin received a World War I coloring book. He loved that coloring book. Throughout the years it went with him wherever he went. Somewhere between these times Justin's sense of reality was distorted. Instead of a global war, WWI became a person. It was his only friend and eventually the friendship turned into something more. It got to the point where Justin would mention World War I in almost every sentence. A typical conversation with him would go something like this…
You: So Justin, what did you have for lunch today?
Justin: World War I.
Y: What?
J: There were no Asians in World War I. I hate Asians. What are you backing away from me for? The Germans never backed away! That's probably why they lost World War I! WWI! WWI! NO! STOOP! LET GO OF ME! GAHHH!!!
See what I mean? And I know I promised I'd talk about Justin's obsession with a certain Colombo, which is probably the only reason most of you are still reading. So here it is. Brace yourself. This might come as a shock.
Justin. Has. A. Crush. On. Lisa.
No joke.
So that is the most in depth analysis of Justin's psyche I can possibly muster without boring myself to death. I hope I've managed to help provide you with a better understanding of Justin so that in the future you may be able to kill him. If need be. Of course, keep in mind that this is only a start. Like Charles Manson or Ted Bundy, I don't think we will ever completely understand what goes on in the mind of Justin. Also, keep in mind that EVERYTHING in this article is 100% ACCURATE.
Justin: "My dad was telling me about this guy that he used to work with named Kwan. He put sticky notes on everything. Kwan's chair, Kwan's Ethernet cable. That sort of thing. He'd always refer to his wife as 'my wife', and if you ever asked her name he wouldn't tell you. I'm going to treat Lisa like that some day. One time my dad was working on a computer and Kwan just came up to it and started unplugging things. Eventually he got fired. Crazy, huh?"
Me: What does that have to do with anything? Where did that come from?"
Justin: I was looking up a map of Michigan.
Do yourself a favor and read that again. I doubt it made sense the first time, and it's not going to make sense a second time. Now try to imagine someone making random, inane comments like this hundreds of times a day. And heck, that's only scratching the surface of the enigma that is Justin Lay.
As far as I can tell there are multiple factors that come into play when tying to dissect just what it is that makes Justin so darn weird. The biggest of these seems to be his heritage. Justin just can't seem to accept that he's Asian. Somewhere along the line, someone, presumably his mother got it stuck in his head that he was only 5% Asian. Now this may be the case, but as any neurologist can tell you, it's not the blood that makes you Asian, it's the hair. Justin has the most Asian hair I have EVER seen. I don't know exactly what it is that makes Justin hate his Asianess so much. Most people I know would embrace their heritage, you know, learn kung fu, start running up walls. That kinds of stuff. The other day I slammed Justin into the wall hoping that he would bounce off it, do a couple spins in the air, and deliver a roundhouse kick to my face, like any normal Asian. But do you know what he did? He said "ouch."
The other thing that separates Justin from the rest of society is his love for a certain girl. A girl who never asked to be loved, or stalked as the case may be, by Justin. That girl's name is World War I. Yes, you read that correctly. Perhaps you were expecting Lisa? Well I'm sorry, but this is much worse than Justin's Lisa obsession (we'll get to that later). On his third birthday Justin received a World War I coloring book. He loved that coloring book. Throughout the years it went with him wherever he went. Somewhere between these times Justin's sense of reality was distorted. Instead of a global war, WWI became a person. It was his only friend and eventually the friendship turned into something more. It got to the point where Justin would mention World War I in almost every sentence. A typical conversation with him would go something like this…
You: So Justin, what did you have for lunch today?
Justin: World War I.
Y: What?
J: There were no Asians in World War I. I hate Asians. What are you backing away from me for? The Germans never backed away! That's probably why they lost World War I! WWI! WWI! NO! STOOP! LET GO OF ME! GAHHH!!!
See what I mean? And I know I promised I'd talk about Justin's obsession with a certain Colombo, which is probably the only reason most of you are still reading. So here it is. Brace yourself. This might come as a shock.
Justin. Has. A. Crush. On. Lisa.
No joke.
So that is the most in depth analysis of Justin's psyche I can possibly muster without boring myself to death. I hope I've managed to help provide you with a better understanding of Justin so that in the future you may be able to kill him. If need be. Of course, keep in mind that this is only a start. Like Charles Manson or Ted Bundy, I don't think we will ever completely understand what goes on in the mind of Justin. Also, keep in mind that EVERYTHING in this article is 100% ACCURATE.