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so i umm haven't been around lots of places that i feel that i need to be...i've been going downhill...it all started with a boy...i hate it...i like him...and just lust after him...i don't know why...he seems like he can make things better for me...but this life isn't about him living my life for me...its b/t me and God and how im supposed to follow what he wants...in this past week i've thrown 2 parties in the last 2 nights in a row/im not a real good example...i wish i could be stronger...this world is so hard to deal with...i feel bad b/c my 2 friends got real sick last night...i could really do anything to help them...im so pressured on what im doing with my life by my parents...life seems so hard sometimes i think im going to break...i want to be the best...but all im doing is failing at everything...