this is a low
so.. after my paycheck.. Rent.. Car Payment, Babysitter payment.. im left with a whopping 20.00 to last me until the 15th of May. Go ME!
i didnt blow my money on anything but the bills im supposed to pay. and some of them cant even be paid.
ever feel like youre doggy paddling in a lake that somehow just keeps getting bigger and bigger and sooner or later youre going to get tired and drown?
I know that feeling all too well lately.
It probably doesnt help that im super duper sick right now either.
I dont go to clubs, i dont go to bars, or concerts or the movies.. i dont get to go shopping for new clothes, the jeans i have are worn and full of holes and the only thing i can put on my feet even when its snowed are flip flops.
Im a good mom, my son doesnt have to ask for anything he gets it no questions asked.. but hes not spoiled rotten. Everytime i consider splurging something on me.. i can see his eyes light up with a new outfit or a toy or just some kind of cookie or chocolate milk.. and then thats what that few extra bucks goes to.
As it is Ben has clothes that are a couple sizes too small for him or a few sizes too big for him. i havent been able to go buy him clothes that fit in the longest time. and the shop that is up in evergreen that will donate clothes to him free of charge if i just bring in his old clothes, is too far away that i cant pay for the gas to get up there.
I hate bens dad right now.. i hate that he could sit there with some sadistic little smirk on his face and say that IM immature, that 704.00 is too much money to put out on his son. to say that *I* got myself pregnant.
well guess what you fuckass.. i didnt lay down by myself and pop out a kid.. and you were more then happy to lay down with me at the time.
I feel like a failure as a mother sometimes like im just poor white trash because i scrape by giving my son everything i know how to give to him and its still just not enough.
I hope one day though if he doesnt know already, that he knows how much i love him and would do anything in the world for him.
i dont feel so good....
i didnt blow my money on anything but the bills im supposed to pay. and some of them cant even be paid.
ever feel like youre doggy paddling in a lake that somehow just keeps getting bigger and bigger and sooner or later youre going to get tired and drown?
I know that feeling all too well lately.
It probably doesnt help that im super duper sick right now either.
I dont go to clubs, i dont go to bars, or concerts or the movies.. i dont get to go shopping for new clothes, the jeans i have are worn and full of holes and the only thing i can put on my feet even when its snowed are flip flops.
Im a good mom, my son doesnt have to ask for anything he gets it no questions asked.. but hes not spoiled rotten. Everytime i consider splurging something on me.. i can see his eyes light up with a new outfit or a toy or just some kind of cookie or chocolate milk.. and then thats what that few extra bucks goes to.
As it is Ben has clothes that are a couple sizes too small for him or a few sizes too big for him. i havent been able to go buy him clothes that fit in the longest time. and the shop that is up in evergreen that will donate clothes to him free of charge if i just bring in his old clothes, is too far away that i cant pay for the gas to get up there.
I hate bens dad right now.. i hate that he could sit there with some sadistic little smirk on his face and say that IM immature, that 704.00 is too much money to put out on his son. to say that *I* got myself pregnant.
well guess what you fuckass.. i didnt lay down by myself and pop out a kid.. and you were more then happy to lay down with me at the time.
I feel like a failure as a mother sometimes like im just poor white trash because i scrape by giving my son everything i know how to give to him and its still just not enough.
I hope one day though if he doesnt know already, that he knows how much i love him and would do anything in the world for him.
i dont feel so good....