(no subject)
I wrote a goodly chunk in my spiritual journal last night. I am going to subject you to it.
12:05a
I'm taking a Philosophy of Religion course at school this semester. It's going to be super interesting and challenging. I really hope it stretches me and helps me see in ways i haven't before.
Something dawned on me this evening, in the shower (of course). If God is really the Christian idea of God, He will still know me and understand me better than any human is capable of. Since He knows me so well, won't He know that I really am doing my best? That i truly am trying? Another thing that this thought spawns is the realization that i'm very scared that Christianity really is "The Only Way" or "The Only Truth". Is religion really only a personal journey to find what fits you best? Or is there really One True Way? And why wouldn't there be A Bunch Of Good Ideas? Am I so scared because of my upbringing? That word- Hell. The Ultimate Time-Out? I mean, do any non-judeochristian religions have hell in the same sense? And if they do, is hell for nonbelievers, or just crappy people? Am I just scared of the consequenses of not being Christian if it really is The Only Way? Shit yes i am! Who wouldn't be? I cannot put aside that everpresent threat. The unspoken Or Else. At this point, i really don't know what I believe happens after physical death. I think there's something, but I have no idea what. Reincarnation makes more sense, but i can't let go of the notion of Heaven and Hell. We can't all win, can we? What if God just does whatever we believe for each of us? Why not? It's God! He can do whatever He damn well pleases! But what of what we think will or should happen to certain people? Lots of people probably think i'm going to hell, but i disagree. Then what? What can we do but sit back and stick our tongues out at each other ntil we find out for sure?
12:30a
yeah. That was written real late. or real early. So its choppy, and i thought of more things to add, but i left it as-is.
This is all loosely inspired by Pascal's Wager, the idea that, well, its more of a risk not to believe in God than it is to believe in God. But I can't make myself believe something, and if God is God in the Christian sense, He'll know that when i get to wherever I'm going. My doubt tells me that i don't know what I believe, that i still have fears in pushing away what i was told to believe as a child.
Class now. *die*
12:05a
I'm taking a Philosophy of Religion course at school this semester. It's going to be super interesting and challenging. I really hope it stretches me and helps me see in ways i haven't before.
Something dawned on me this evening, in the shower (of course). If God is really the Christian idea of God, He will still know me and understand me better than any human is capable of. Since He knows me so well, won't He know that I really am doing my best? That i truly am trying? Another thing that this thought spawns is the realization that i'm very scared that Christianity really is "The Only Way" or "The Only Truth". Is religion really only a personal journey to find what fits you best? Or is there really One True Way? And why wouldn't there be A Bunch Of Good Ideas? Am I so scared because of my upbringing? That word- Hell. The Ultimate Time-Out? I mean, do any non-judeochristian religions have hell in the same sense? And if they do, is hell for nonbelievers, or just crappy people? Am I just scared of the consequenses of not being Christian if it really is The Only Way? Shit yes i am! Who wouldn't be? I cannot put aside that everpresent threat. The unspoken Or Else. At this point, i really don't know what I believe happens after physical death. I think there's something, but I have no idea what. Reincarnation makes more sense, but i can't let go of the notion of Heaven and Hell. We can't all win, can we? What if God just does whatever we believe for each of us? Why not? It's God! He can do whatever He damn well pleases! But what of what we think will or should happen to certain people? Lots of people probably think i'm going to hell, but i disagree. Then what? What can we do but sit back and stick our tongues out at each other ntil we find out for sure?
12:30a
yeah. That was written real late. or real early. So its choppy, and i thought of more things to add, but i left it as-is.
This is all loosely inspired by Pascal's Wager, the idea that, well, its more of a risk not to believe in God than it is to believe in God. But I can't make myself believe something, and if God is God in the Christian sense, He'll know that when i get to wherever I'm going. My doubt tells me that i don't know what I believe, that i still have fears in pushing away what i was told to believe as a child.
Class now. *die*