(no subject)
well i may let my true feelings out now because i cant stand it in my heart anymore. i hate my life.
1. PARENTS. does anyone know what it feels like to be locked in a prison by your parents? they tell me im not good enough and i have a freakin 3.5 GPA. i have no life of my own. i know im only 15 and shouldnt be let loose but they could lengthen the leash just a few more feet. my mom tells me what friends i should have,what stores im allowed to shop in, how i have to dress, how i have to act, what i have to do when i am home and everything else. i cant make one freaking descison on my own.every day when my parents get home from work "geeze bobbi jo i hope you get a better job than me so you dont have to work so hard" god! how stupid do you think i am? im gonna go to college im gonna get a good job. dont freakin worry about it. i want to geta job in the retail buisness, but no. my mom will only let me be a nurse or pharmacist. i want to work at winn dixie right now but no. i have to wait till im 16 and work at steak n shake. i want a ford focus for my first car but no. i need a buick. "they are much safer". for christs sake.i fucking watch Dr. Phil everynight because i have nothing else to do. i cant even watch MTV because my parents blocked it. theyre so scared im gonna do everything wrong when they did it too. thats part of growing up, learning from my mistakes. how am i ever gonna learn when i dont have the opritunity to make mistakes?
2. SOCIAL LIFE/FRIENDS. ive never had a best friend. im not even sure if ive ever even had a true friend. ive never been to a party. never been anywhere or done anything 'cool'. ive never been part of the 'cool crowd'. my life consists of sitting at home, cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, doing everything that typical teenagers dont do. all my 'friends' go hang out and their parents dont mind. my mine flip out. i wasnt even allowed to go to amandas over spring break becuase my parents dont trust me and the world around me. i hate it. i spend my weekends going to home depot and gay stores with my mom when all my friends are having a good time. ive never been able to trust and love a single person in my life. they all betray me and talk behind my back or some crap like that.
i feel like ive never lived the normal life. i feel like im always alone. my parents are really keeping me too close. i need to get out. experience things on my own. all i ever wanted was happiness and love. and im definetly not getting that. there has been so many times when i thought about ending this pointless life. ive never told anybody any of my feelings like this. and now im letting the world know. maybe this entry is pointless, but who knows. hopefuly ill start to feel better now that im getting things off my chest. for 2 years ive kept these feelings locked inside. sometimes this feeling is numbed by the few hours of joy in my life. but when im home and bored, i just start to think of how im wasting my life away. and i get in these moods like tonight, but honestly, i didnt put half of my hurt and anger into this entry. the world is not deserving to know certain things...
1. PARENTS. does anyone know what it feels like to be locked in a prison by your parents? they tell me im not good enough and i have a freakin 3.5 GPA. i have no life of my own. i know im only 15 and shouldnt be let loose but they could lengthen the leash just a few more feet. my mom tells me what friends i should have,what stores im allowed to shop in, how i have to dress, how i have to act, what i have to do when i am home and everything else. i cant make one freaking descison on my own.every day when my parents get home from work "geeze bobbi jo i hope you get a better job than me so you dont have to work so hard" god! how stupid do you think i am? im gonna go to college im gonna get a good job. dont freakin worry about it. i want to geta job in the retail buisness, but no. my mom will only let me be a nurse or pharmacist. i want to work at winn dixie right now but no. i have to wait till im 16 and work at steak n shake. i want a ford focus for my first car but no. i need a buick. "they are much safer". for christs sake.i fucking watch Dr. Phil everynight because i have nothing else to do. i cant even watch MTV because my parents blocked it. theyre so scared im gonna do everything wrong when they did it too. thats part of growing up, learning from my mistakes. how am i ever gonna learn when i dont have the opritunity to make mistakes?
2. SOCIAL LIFE/FRIENDS. ive never had a best friend. im not even sure if ive ever even had a true friend. ive never been to a party. never been anywhere or done anything 'cool'. ive never been part of the 'cool crowd'. my life consists of sitting at home, cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, doing everything that typical teenagers dont do. all my 'friends' go hang out and their parents dont mind. my mine flip out. i wasnt even allowed to go to amandas over spring break becuase my parents dont trust me and the world around me. i hate it. i spend my weekends going to home depot and gay stores with my mom when all my friends are having a good time. ive never been able to trust and love a single person in my life. they all betray me and talk behind my back or some crap like that.
i feel like ive never lived the normal life. i feel like im always alone. my parents are really keeping me too close. i need to get out. experience things on my own. all i ever wanted was happiness and love. and im definetly not getting that. there has been so many times when i thought about ending this pointless life. ive never told anybody any of my feelings like this. and now im letting the world know. maybe this entry is pointless, but who knows. hopefuly ill start to feel better now that im getting things off my chest. for 2 years ive kept these feelings locked inside. sometimes this feeling is numbed by the few hours of joy in my life. but when im home and bored, i just start to think of how im wasting my life away. and i get in these moods like tonight, but honestly, i didnt put half of my hurt and anger into this entry. the world is not deserving to know certain things...