Put Me to Sleep.
I have not been able to sleep normally this week, due to unfortunate happening/prior obligations/other responsibilities. Monday, I was called 6.5 hours in to be informed that Trenton had missed the bus, and I needed to pick him up. This was on adequate sleep after a 4-day weekend and the need to revert back to my normal schedule. Tuesday, I was called at noon by my sister-in-law to ask if I could watch her son (I could not agree to this), and then, I had to be up at 2:30 in order to get my paycheck, go to the bank and drop my mom/sister off at the doctor's office. Calling me at noon is like calling someone at 2 a.m. when they have to be up for work at 7. So, I only got 5 hours of sleep yesterday. I did manage to get in about an hour nap before coming to work, but I still feel like I'm dragging/struggling to function. Today will be no better, I'm afraid. TJ and I will have to go to pay our car payments. In the evening, I will be attending Dr. Warner's viewing. To make matters worse, I am already fatigued because I just ovulated and have started my PMSing for the month. If I don't get proper sleep soon, I might stab someone.
I am still struggling to lose weight, despite a change in diet and continued exercise. I imagine that my body is still adjusting to quitting smoking, and that is will also take time to reverse the damage of a few months of careless habits. It isn't all that bad because despite what the scale says, I have been losing inches and my clothing is fitting better. One issue I constantly struggle with, though, is bloating. Some days, my pants are loose, and some days they don't fit right at all. As a result, I've had to keep about five sizes on hand, depending on my situation (don't be dramatic -- the smallest is a 3). The lack of sleep nonsense this week has affected my exercise so far this week, but I hope to finish out the week solid. I am back to 4-5 times a week now, with the exception of one week in November during which I only did one. This night shift nonsense certainly isn't helping me. I feel exhausted much of the time, and nowhere near as active, in general. I am working very hard to make the best of this situation, as I do nearly every obstacle I am faced with.
Other things:
-- Now that my anxiety is nearly under control, I notice the direct correlation between anxiety and my menstrual cycle (I suspected this all along). For two weeks out of the month, I feel almost normal.
-- I am having to resist the urge to buy myself makeup for Christmas.
-- It is nearly time to create a New Years resolution list. Possibly a year in review? Other than getting married and ridiculous amounts of pussy, 2009 has been a pretty crappy year for me.
-- My love for TJ has kept me alive through some pretty dark times this year. I am so thankful to have him in my life. He is supportive like no other. I have been taking the time to enjoy every moment I spend with him.
-- I feel like I need to spend more time with Trenton one-on-one.
And on a recent matter...
I don't like being told I haven't spoken my mind when I clearly have multiple times. I took special note of this because in the past, it has been so hard for me to speak up about things, and this time, I was proud of myself for standing my ground. I saved one of a couple conversations for reference. I was still told I didn't elaborate enough, but I couldn't have been more crystal clear. Some people will never be happy. Why is it so hard for people to respect another's personal space and not attempt to claim them so early on in their interactions? Then, of course, there is a belief that I'm "freaking out" or not handling things correctly, when I've done exactly the opposite. It seems that people say really ridiculous things when pushed their breaking points. I just cannot and will not be put into a position where I could hurt someone with my actions. I am not committed to this, and I have been open about that. So, if I want/need other things, I should be able to take them. I just cannot be tied to something I cannot be sure of. This has caused much unneeded negativity in the past couple of weeks, and I've had just about all I can stomach.
And now, I leave you with this:
You know how sometimes people on your friendslist post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.
Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.
01. FIRST NAME
Katrina.
02. AGE
26. About a week ago, I was startled when, for the first time, I checked the "26-40" box when filling out a questionnaire.
03. LOCATION
Buckhannon, West Virginia. Small town, basically quiet, low crime rate, close to big things. I get the quiet of the country, the small town experience and have cities at my fingertips.
04. OCCUPATION
Currently, I am overnight awake staff at a home for troubled teenage boys age 13-17. Usually, I run oil and gas/surface/coal titles for oil and gas companies in West Virginia courthouses. The latter pays the big bucks; the former does not.
05. PARTNER?
TJ -- for eight years now. We've been married for almost 9 months.
06. KIDS?
One son -- Trenton. He's 7 years old and in the second grade. He will tell you all of this plus his middle and last name and the fact that he weighs 63 lbs.
07. BROTHERS/SISTERS
Three younger half-sisters -- Tabitha, 22, Miranda, 16, and Cheyenne, 14.
09. LIST THE 3/5 BIGGEST THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE
1. TJ's return to work will yield great changes in financial matters and living arrangements. Our house will be finished soon, and we can finally be free from the in-laws.
2. Still overcoming personal obstacles as far as anxiety is concerned.
3. Becoming more serious about my modeling endeavors and constantly planning/preparing for my next move.
4. Trying to de-stress/regulate myself because working nightshift can be overwhelming.
5. Dealing with personal drama/uncomfortable situations.
10. PARENTS
Kim and Steve. They were never married and split when I was 9 months old. My mom is married to my asshole step-father Brad and has been for 23 years. My dad is married to zee uber bitch Kristin and has been for 7 years. I didn't really know my dad until I was 18. My mom and step-dad tried to kept him a secret from me until I was 11.
11. WHO ARE SOME OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS?
Elaine, Brandon, Cade, Jess, Chris -- they are all of the ones who I hang out or talk to on a regular basis.
12. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
Working, trying to stay awake, drinking peach herbal tea, listening to puppies snore.
I am still struggling to lose weight, despite a change in diet and continued exercise. I imagine that my body is still adjusting to quitting smoking, and that is will also take time to reverse the damage of a few months of careless habits. It isn't all that bad because despite what the scale says, I have been losing inches and my clothing is fitting better. One issue I constantly struggle with, though, is bloating. Some days, my pants are loose, and some days they don't fit right at all. As a result, I've had to keep about five sizes on hand, depending on my situation (don't be dramatic -- the smallest is a 3). The lack of sleep nonsense this week has affected my exercise so far this week, but I hope to finish out the week solid. I am back to 4-5 times a week now, with the exception of one week in November during which I only did one. This night shift nonsense certainly isn't helping me. I feel exhausted much of the time, and nowhere near as active, in general. I am working very hard to make the best of this situation, as I do nearly every obstacle I am faced with.
Other things:
-- Now that my anxiety is nearly under control, I notice the direct correlation between anxiety and my menstrual cycle (I suspected this all along). For two weeks out of the month, I feel almost normal.
-- I am having to resist the urge to buy myself makeup for Christmas.
-- It is nearly time to create a New Years resolution list. Possibly a year in review? Other than getting married and ridiculous amounts of pussy, 2009 has been a pretty crappy year for me.
-- My love for TJ has kept me alive through some pretty dark times this year. I am so thankful to have him in my life. He is supportive like no other. I have been taking the time to enjoy every moment I spend with him.
-- I feel like I need to spend more time with Trenton one-on-one.
And on a recent matter...
I don't like being told I haven't spoken my mind when I clearly have multiple times. I took special note of this because in the past, it has been so hard for me to speak up about things, and this time, I was proud of myself for standing my ground. I saved one of a couple conversations for reference. I was still told I didn't elaborate enough, but I couldn't have been more crystal clear. Some people will never be happy. Why is it so hard for people to respect another's personal space and not attempt to claim them so early on in their interactions? Then, of course, there is a belief that I'm "freaking out" or not handling things correctly, when I've done exactly the opposite. It seems that people say really ridiculous things when pushed their breaking points. I just cannot and will not be put into a position where I could hurt someone with my actions. I am not committed to this, and I have been open about that. So, if I want/need other things, I should be able to take them. I just cannot be tied to something I cannot be sure of. This has caused much unneeded negativity in the past couple of weeks, and I've had just about all I can stomach.
And now, I leave you with this:
You know how sometimes people on your friendslist post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.
Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.
01. FIRST NAME
Katrina.
02. AGE
26. About a week ago, I was startled when, for the first time, I checked the "26-40" box when filling out a questionnaire.
03. LOCATION
Buckhannon, West Virginia. Small town, basically quiet, low crime rate, close to big things. I get the quiet of the country, the small town experience and have cities at my fingertips.
04. OCCUPATION
Currently, I am overnight awake staff at a home for troubled teenage boys age 13-17. Usually, I run oil and gas/surface/coal titles for oil and gas companies in West Virginia courthouses. The latter pays the big bucks; the former does not.
05. PARTNER?
TJ -- for eight years now. We've been married for almost 9 months.
06. KIDS?
One son -- Trenton. He's 7 years old and in the second grade. He will tell you all of this plus his middle and last name and the fact that he weighs 63 lbs.
07. BROTHERS/SISTERS
Three younger half-sisters -- Tabitha, 22, Miranda, 16, and Cheyenne, 14.
09. LIST THE 3/5 BIGGEST THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE
1. TJ's return to work will yield great changes in financial matters and living arrangements. Our house will be finished soon, and we can finally be free from the in-laws.
2. Still overcoming personal obstacles as far as anxiety is concerned.
3. Becoming more serious about my modeling endeavors and constantly planning/preparing for my next move.
4. Trying to de-stress/regulate myself because working nightshift can be overwhelming.
5. Dealing with personal drama/uncomfortable situations.
10. PARENTS
Kim and Steve. They were never married and split when I was 9 months old. My mom is married to my asshole step-father Brad and has been for 23 years. My dad is married to zee uber bitch Kristin and has been for 7 years. I didn't really know my dad until I was 18. My mom and step-dad tried to kept him a secret from me until I was 11.
11. WHO ARE SOME OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS?
Elaine, Brandon, Cade, Jess, Chris -- they are all of the ones who I hang out or talk to on a regular basis.
12. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
Working, trying to stay awake, drinking peach herbal tea, listening to puppies snore.