It Has Come to This.
My life has been so difficult this year. I am finding it harder and harder to ignore the stressers that nearly crush me in everyday life. I want my old job back. While I enjoy doing what I'm doing, I cannot take these hours for much longer. I am always exhausted, disoriented and alone. I don't get to spend as much time with TJ and Trenton as I'd like to. I get home, help get Trenton off to school, unwind, see TJ off to work and then, I sleep. Since I've been sick, I have been sleeping a lot. TJ hasn't been coming home until late. I get only a few hours with them before it's back to work at 11.
I want my old life back. I want to get up early and work normal hours. I want to enjoy evenings with my family without wondering when I'll have time to sleep or if I'll be able to stay awake/sane for my entire shift. I want to be able to take care of responsibilities during the day without having to sacrifice sleep for them. If I wasn't so afraid of the instability of work right now, I'd give it up all together.
Maybe when a few more of TJ's checks roll back in and we are back to being financially stable, I can. Right now, I wonder how I'll pay the 6 months of taxes for the oil and gas work I have done this year. If something doesn't give soon, I don't know that I'll be able to make it all back by April. Basically, I'm trapped. I feel this great emptiness being so without those I love the most, but I can't afford to abandon this full-time job right now. It is certain that I need relief soon, though, or I fear that I will not be able to be happy any time in the near future.
I want my old life back. I want to get up early and work normal hours. I want to enjoy evenings with my family without wondering when I'll have time to sleep or if I'll be able to stay awake/sane for my entire shift. I want to be able to take care of responsibilities during the day without having to sacrifice sleep for them. If I wasn't so afraid of the instability of work right now, I'd give it up all together.
Maybe when a few more of TJ's checks roll back in and we are back to being financially stable, I can. Right now, I wonder how I'll pay the 6 months of taxes for the oil and gas work I have done this year. If something doesn't give soon, I don't know that I'll be able to make it all back by April. Basically, I'm trapped. I feel this great emptiness being so without those I love the most, but I can't afford to abandon this full-time job right now. It is certain that I need relief soon, though, or I fear that I will not be able to be happy any time in the near future.