Celebrate Bisexuality.
September 23 is Celebrate Bisexuality Day. In light of this, I have decided to share my particular story about coming to terms with my bisexuality and later polyamory.
While an attraction to/fascination with women came early on in my life, the words "I'm bisexual" never left my lips until I was 16. Even as a little girl, I found myself admiring pretty women and enjoying seeing the naked female form. When I was 9, I had my first wet dream (of many) about being sexual with a female. When I was 11, a disturbed me asked my mother if thinking about kissing my female friends made me a lesbian. My mom assured me that since I liked boys that it was "just a phase" that "everyone goes through" and I would "outgrow it" [this and a number of other cues in my adult life would lead me to believe that my mother is a closeted bisexual]. When I was 14, I found a lesbian softcore porn on TV and became deeply sexually aroused. Previously, I had no want to masturbate because I was disgusted by myself, but the desire to touch myself became quite elevated. I was so worried about this that I talked to my then-boyfriend about it, telling him that I thought I might be bisexual. He flipped out on me, told me I was disgusting, and I never mentioned it to anyone for the next two years.
Why disturbed? Why worried? Because I was raised in a conservative "Christian" household. Anything outside of heterosexuality was referred to as "being like that." My step-father is extremely homophobic, which would lead to me feeling extremely uncomfortable when I came to terms with what I was. He said that AIDS are God's punishment to the gays and that bisexuality doesn't exist because "if you take one, you're a 'mo." If Will and Grace would come on TV, he would scream about those "fucking faggots," and I would have to leave the room. Even as an adult, he got onto me for referring to our former president as homophobic for running on a anti-gay marriage platform in 2004. But I digress...
When I was 16, I kissed a girl for the first time, and it was like being born. My ex, who said he was supportive in the beginning of our relationship, became uncomfortable with the idea of me liking girls after he saw a friend and me kiss. So, there was really little room for experimentation until the end of our relationship because I do, and always have, respect the rules of every relationship and would never do anything to make another person uncomfortable in that way. I would receive alot of grief from people claiming I was not bisexual because I had never had sex with a woman, and it was the beginning of bisexuality becoming a "cool trend." Even TJ was skeptical when we first got together, but later became quite supportive. I slept with a woman for the first time when I was 18, which also opened another door that was my first threesome.
The latter would prove to complicate my life as we dealt with people who wanted to wreck my relationship with TJ, and for a brief period of time, one person did. We preservered, though. We went on to have several more girlfriends together with very specific relationship rules, which the third person didn't quite ever seem to get -- such exemplified by their chronic cheating, lying and mindgames. We have had a couple instances in which we were sexual with a girl who we were not in a relationship with. On the flip side, TJ has allowed for me to sleep with three women by myself with no interaction from him. A lot of people would say that what he was doing was "every man's fantasy," but that's not really how either of us look at it. To know the dynamic, you really have to know us.
It is weird going through life having everyone think you're straight. I am out of the closet to most people in my life. But when they see wife and mother -- the lines become blurred, making it hard for anyone to see my availability/even question my worth. I can assure the naysayers, though, that if I were not with TJ, I probably would date more women than men. If we look at my sexual scorecard alone -- I have slept with three times as many women as men. Almost all of my relationships of the past 10 years have been with women.
It is hard being a bisexual in a world where people will fake it to get male attention or any attention, for that matter. It isn't just straight people who hate on bisexual people, but gay people do it too. We are the misfits of the sexual spectrum, and it's just wrong. I can say 100% without a doubt that I love my husband, I love sex with my husband, and I sure as hell love women and sex and relationships with women. Saying that people have to be one thing or another is so closed-minded. Many people will say that bisexuals are confused. Some lesbians say they will never date a bi because after it's over "she'll go back to men." Don't you see? She never left men. She didn't turn lesbian for a short period of time and then stop. Some people will say that a guy being bi is a cover for being gay. Being bi is hard enough, why the hell would anyone want to complicate his life that much more? To those who scream for equality but can't accept that I can like men and women, pussy and dick, I feel sorry for you. People don't fit into neat little packages. To those who have been made to feel ashamed, I invite you to celebrate being you today.
I AM A PROUD BISEXUAL WOMAN!