(no subject)
Generally, when I'm hurting, I am completely in touch with my emotions -- sometimes, painfully so. This situation has been completely the opposite for me because I've taken my intense emotional depth and turned it into chronic worry about my physical self. As a result, I tend to lose those details that make me Katrina from time to time. I know I am doing better if I can feel or experience anything else. The biggest obstacle to overcome is remembering what it means to feel good. When you are used to things going wrong, it is hard to pick up the pieces when things are beginning to go right.
My mind wants to blow everything little thing out of proportion. I learned in therapy how to combat these things, but I think that I have been sometimes forgetting to use those things. I expected it would get harder for me once I quit smoking. I just long for the day when I can be comfortable in my own head. It is so easy for me to feel like this is a new problem because I've allowed it to manifest in such a way, but the fundamentals of my problems are the same as any other problem I've encountered and conquered. I think I've just needed to convey these ideas in some way for a while. I have been allowing myself to suffer in silence.
I just want to feel my normal bodily functions...normally again. I don't enjoy this much paranoia, and I don't enjoy always feeling sick. Previous to the birth control incident, I would get sick and go on with my life. Now that I've been sick for most of this year in a state of physical and emotional hypersensitivity, it is hard to see when things are getting better and to not let those feelings control how anxious or out of touch I am.
I like to thing of myself as being in transition. I have had worse things happen to me and while it may have taken a couple of years, I would always, at least mostly, get over it. The goal is to not drag this out a year. It has been almost 8 months since I went off of birth control, and I've come a long way. They say it takes up a year to re-stabilize. I hope that is happens for me soon.
The withdrawal and changes from the lack of cigarettes hasn't even been as long, daunting or intense as what I had to go through then. I hope that those things continue to improve. It has been 25 days since my last cigarette. On the 24th, I will celebrate one month and on the 27th, my first smoke-free birthday since I was 17. I smoked at almost 18 for three months, quit when I got pregnant, started again not long after I gave birth; so, literally -- I was a smoker for all birthdays 18-25.
If this experience has taught me anything, it is that I've always been a nervous person! My heightened awareness has shown me how often I allow myself to get stressed out on a regular basis. I have had traumatic things happen to me that constantly make me question everyone's motives. I have issues with trust. I have issues letting people/things go. Guess that makes me a normal human being!
My mind wants to blow everything little thing out of proportion. I learned in therapy how to combat these things, but I think that I have been sometimes forgetting to use those things. I expected it would get harder for me once I quit smoking. I just long for the day when I can be comfortable in my own head. It is so easy for me to feel like this is a new problem because I've allowed it to manifest in such a way, but the fundamentals of my problems are the same as any other problem I've encountered and conquered. I think I've just needed to convey these ideas in some way for a while. I have been allowing myself to suffer in silence.
I just want to feel my normal bodily functions...normally again. I don't enjoy this much paranoia, and I don't enjoy always feeling sick. Previous to the birth control incident, I would get sick and go on with my life. Now that I've been sick for most of this year in a state of physical and emotional hypersensitivity, it is hard to see when things are getting better and to not let those feelings control how anxious or out of touch I am.
I like to thing of myself as being in transition. I have had worse things happen to me and while it may have taken a couple of years, I would always, at least mostly, get over it. The goal is to not drag this out a year. It has been almost 8 months since I went off of birth control, and I've come a long way. They say it takes up a year to re-stabilize. I hope that is happens for me soon.
The withdrawal and changes from the lack of cigarettes hasn't even been as long, daunting or intense as what I had to go through then. I hope that those things continue to improve. It has been 25 days since my last cigarette. On the 24th, I will celebrate one month and on the 27th, my first smoke-free birthday since I was 17. I smoked at almost 18 for three months, quit when I got pregnant, started again not long after I gave birth; so, literally -- I was a smoker for all birthdays 18-25.
If this experience has taught me anything, it is that I've always been a nervous person! My heightened awareness has shown me how often I allow myself to get stressed out on a regular basis. I have had traumatic things happen to me that constantly make me question everyone's motives. I have issues with trust. I have issues letting people/things go. Guess that makes me a normal human being!