Dark Entries.
I’ve been in a mood to feed my morbid curiosities lately.
I recently reactivated my interest in the Titanic disaster, and I’ve spent my free time reading up on details, looking primarily at the people. I’ve focused on what the survivors remembered, how the victims died, the various types of social classes represented, particularly the large amount of wealth represented, legends and rumors, why some chose to stay and how another forced a lifeboat to go back to look for more survivors. I’ve read slips describing bodies located, some identified and some not. I’ve read old articles about how someone prophesied it years before he went down with the ship and someone else survived but quickly died haunted by the memories of what he had to endure. I’ve looking at pictures taken of the wreck and some taken as she was leaving for her first and only voyage.
Something about this particular disaster has interested me for many years. I learned about it when I was four or five, but it wasn’t until later elementary school that my interest in it developed. I had a friend, at the time, who was extremely interested in oceanography, particularly the work of Robert Ballard, one of the men who discovered the wreckage. It was through her that I learned some of the things that kept me interested throughout the years. As cheesy as the love story aspect of James Cameron’s Titanic can be, it is really quite interesting how many historic characters are represented. Before this, I’d seen A Night to Remember, which does the same thing in different ways.
Another thing I’ve been doing is reading about the deaths of famous people. I’ve spent a lot of time reading about various ways famous people over the years have met their end. I think the most interesting thing I found during the course of my research is the suicide of Pennsylvania politician R. Budd Dwyer in 1987. He held a press conference to commit suicide and did so on live television. I actually found a video of the incident, in which Mr. Dwyer shoots himself through the roof of his mouth, exposing his brain and spewing an extreme amount of blood from his nose. An account of this event, from someone my age, said that it is something he never forgot about his childhood. The news kept playing it, citing that the video contained shocking footage. I’ve also been looking at celebrity death photos. There is something about that that makes death seem more real to me. We hear about it all of the time, but to see it in someone who is a role model or figurehead, I think that brings home the notion that we’re all human, and death is something that will come for us all whenever that time comes.
I think that by doing all of this, I help change the way I view my own mortality. For years, I’ve been terrified of the idea, and for a long time, it was always in the back of my mind, obsessively so. I think that the curiosity I have about death doesn’t necessarily contradict my fear of it, as much as it helps me deal with that fear. This is the same reason I read about serial killers and the gruesome deaths they contribute to. I am not only fascinated by the state of mind that sort of heinous activity, but it helps me come to terms with the ways of the world, particularly those dark parts that no one wants to talk about.
For this reason, I don’t think it’s a good thing to whitewash reality to make it seem as though some are exempt from death. For me, it isn’t just the act itself but a fear of what I’ll be leaving behind, and we all have different methods of coping. I’m glad that I’ve been thirsty for knowledge lately, even if some would find my interests to be a bit dour.
I recently reactivated my interest in the Titanic disaster, and I’ve spent my free time reading up on details, looking primarily at the people. I’ve focused on what the survivors remembered, how the victims died, the various types of social classes represented, particularly the large amount of wealth represented, legends and rumors, why some chose to stay and how another forced a lifeboat to go back to look for more survivors. I’ve read slips describing bodies located, some identified and some not. I’ve read old articles about how someone prophesied it years before he went down with the ship and someone else survived but quickly died haunted by the memories of what he had to endure. I’ve looking at pictures taken of the wreck and some taken as she was leaving for her first and only voyage.
Something about this particular disaster has interested me for many years. I learned about it when I was four or five, but it wasn’t until later elementary school that my interest in it developed. I had a friend, at the time, who was extremely interested in oceanography, particularly the work of Robert Ballard, one of the men who discovered the wreckage. It was through her that I learned some of the things that kept me interested throughout the years. As cheesy as the love story aspect of James Cameron’s Titanic can be, it is really quite interesting how many historic characters are represented. Before this, I’d seen A Night to Remember, which does the same thing in different ways.
Another thing I’ve been doing is reading about the deaths of famous people. I’ve spent a lot of time reading about various ways famous people over the years have met their end. I think the most interesting thing I found during the course of my research is the suicide of Pennsylvania politician R. Budd Dwyer in 1987. He held a press conference to commit suicide and did so on live television. I actually found a video of the incident, in which Mr. Dwyer shoots himself through the roof of his mouth, exposing his brain and spewing an extreme amount of blood from his nose. An account of this event, from someone my age, said that it is something he never forgot about his childhood. The news kept playing it, citing that the video contained shocking footage. I’ve also been looking at celebrity death photos. There is something about that that makes death seem more real to me. We hear about it all of the time, but to see it in someone who is a role model or figurehead, I think that brings home the notion that we’re all human, and death is something that will come for us all whenever that time comes.
I think that by doing all of this, I help change the way I view my own mortality. For years, I’ve been terrified of the idea, and for a long time, it was always in the back of my mind, obsessively so. I think that the curiosity I have about death doesn’t necessarily contradict my fear of it, as much as it helps me deal with that fear. This is the same reason I read about serial killers and the gruesome deaths they contribute to. I am not only fascinated by the state of mind that sort of heinous activity, but it helps me come to terms with the ways of the world, particularly those dark parts that no one wants to talk about.
For this reason, I don’t think it’s a good thing to whitewash reality to make it seem as though some are exempt from death. For me, it isn’t just the act itself but a fear of what I’ll be leaving behind, and we all have different methods of coping. I’m glad that I’ve been thirsty for knowledge lately, even if some would find my interests to be a bit dour.