(no subject)
Today, I go to the doctor, and I don't know whether to be relieved or scared. Mostly, I'm relieved that I'm on my way to getting some things resolved, that I no longer have to feel hopeless because doing this means there is hope. I've been in a better mood as a result because I know that things will be different for me.
But in the back of my head, that little nagging voice tells me that doing this could lead to bigger problems than I started with. I know that's silly because things cannot be worse than they already were. The fact that I've bounced back so much from that is a testament to my tendency to endure whatever hardships life throws at me.
My mom recently did this same thing for herself and lost 15 lbs of stress weight in three months. My mom and I have very similar body chemistry, and I am optimistic that this will help me in the same way. In fact, my doctor encourages taking something that a close family member has had success with. My mom is so much more like herself now than she ever was in the past two years of her struggle with post-penopausal depression.
I have been feeling so much better, so much more like myself just knowing that I can do this to help myself. To know that my worry won't be so heavy if this works out the way I'm hoping it will, to know I can move onto worrying about important things and not fill my time with worrying about fighting with myself, to know that I won't have to worry about shaking all over or freaking out in public.
Still, looking at all of the side-effects and potential outcomes is very frightening to me and makes me want to cry. I take bigger risks in my daily life, but it still doesn't comfort me. The fact that I was so optimistic about something changing my life for the better almost 2 years ago exactly and having it blow up in my face sets me off in a ridiculous way.
But in the back of my head, that little nagging voice tells me that doing this could lead to bigger problems than I started with. I know that's silly because things cannot be worse than they already were. The fact that I've bounced back so much from that is a testament to my tendency to endure whatever hardships life throws at me.
My mom recently did this same thing for herself and lost 15 lbs of stress weight in three months. My mom and I have very similar body chemistry, and I am optimistic that this will help me in the same way. In fact, my doctor encourages taking something that a close family member has had success with. My mom is so much more like herself now than she ever was in the past two years of her struggle with post-penopausal depression.
I have been feeling so much better, so much more like myself just knowing that I can do this to help myself. To know that my worry won't be so heavy if this works out the way I'm hoping it will, to know I can move onto worrying about important things and not fill my time with worrying about fighting with myself, to know that I won't have to worry about shaking all over or freaking out in public.
Still, looking at all of the side-effects and potential outcomes is very frightening to me and makes me want to cry. I take bigger risks in my daily life, but it still doesn't comfort me. The fact that I was so optimistic about something changing my life for the better almost 2 years ago exactly and having it blow up in my face sets me off in a ridiculous way.