Sunshine, finally....
It has been gorgeous the past few days. With the weather, I have had more energy. I get even more depressed in wintertime. It is worse this year since I moved my office down to the basement. I have one little window on the other side of my desk, and it is on the side that the sun doesn't shine in. In addition, it is cold down here. The thermostat is in the living room so; the heat goes on when THAT ROOM gets cold.
I have a little 'demon' child--Ryan. He is Sean's twin brother. If there is trouble, Ryan finds it. I am on a first name basis with his teacher. I keep waiting for the phone call where, the teacher has been bound to her chair with duct tape!'>
It isn't that I don't discipline either. I am a drill sergeant. I use the 1-2-3 method. On one, you are spoken to. On 2, you are in time out. On 3, you better run like hell because you are in deep shit.
Ryan always makes it to 10.
Ryan is the reason I made my office upstairs into a den. I have a walk out basement. This used to be the family room for the kids. I would be upstairs, cleaning up or taking care of the younger ones and the phone would ring. Ryan would sneak out of the basement door and go to someone else’s house to play!
I am petrified of fire so, putting a lock on the door was out of the question. If a fire broke out down here, the kids couldn't get out. I moved the furniture up to my little office, making that a den and moved the office down here. That way, I had them on the main level with me and no one could 'sneak out' without my knowing.
You will probably read a lot about Ryan as my journal goes on. He can push and push, without giving in one bit. They always say that, you get one child who is your mother's revenge for the hell you put her through (or in my case, my grandmother). Ryan is it! My grandmother must be in stitches as she looks down, watching all of the mischief that Ryan gets into!
Colin seems to be progressing at a tremendous rate, developmental wise. I swear that, the school has placed a microchip into his head and overloaded him with information! He got his jacket yesterday, put it on the floor, put his arms in and put the jacket over his head! This is the FIRST TIME he has ever done something like that! He is speaking more, although it is still all vowel sounds. He also is my little love muffin. He is extremely affectionate. While lying on the couch with him yesterday, he got up, came over and gave me a big, juicy wet one, right on the lips!
He also has this laugh that is a constant part of his personality. I call it a 'belly laugh' because, he laughs straight from his diaphragm. He is always happy--until Taylor comes home and shows him who is in charge! Colin is easily pushed aside, being so happy-go-lucky. Taylor is the boss and she doesn't mind letting everyone know as well!
My type of gal!
Molly had very little homework last night so, I asked her to take the two of them for a walk. Taylor loves to walk--she just doesn't like to stop. When Molly came home a few minutes later, Taylor began taking one of her 'screaming banshee' fits because she wanted to stay out. I gave Molly the sensory ball and had her play ball with them in the driveway (we live on a dead end street--very little traffic). After ball, Molly took Taylor and Colin for one more walk down the street and back. That seemed to be all that Taylor needed. She came back into the house, looked for her drink, and was content from there on.
We have begun using the picture cards. I am putting the pictures next to everything that we do. I gave her the 'walk' card when Molly was taking her out, and led her over to Molly to hand her the card. I also put the 'snack' card next to her bananas when she came home from school, and put the 'eat' card next to her dinner last night.
The autism coordinator from the school will be here on Friday. We are going to try a schedule board, much like they do in school. It has the FIRST and THEN places on it, and they laminate it. They will tell the kid's, with pictures what they will do first, and THEN what comes after that. It works well in school so, we are hoping it works well at home as well. At home, Taylor is very impatient. She doesn't like to 'wait'. We are hoping that, with the board she will know enough to wait for dinner, because I 'first' have to cook it.
The way it is now, she sees me start the stove and becomes stressed while she waits for it to cook. It not only stresses her, but me as well. I am so afraid she will get burned or I will knock her over while trying to drain the potatoes or taking something out of the oven.
I have my second counselor meeting on Friday. I am not a counselor person. I have always been the type to not want to talk to someone that reads about my life in a textbook. It is an attitude problem on my part but, I like others to understand what I am going through on a personal basis.
I really liked this woman. She seemed to really listen and didn't humor me with 'oh, that is terrible' like the other ones have done. She let me go through my history, as brief as I could do that and how things are going now.
We are working on my PTSD attacks, which seem to be coming on constantly lately. I have also had terrible nightmares, not allowing me to sleep past a few hours at a time. I fell asleep during THE PRACTICE (ARGHHHH) last night, but woke at 2 am. The nightmares are the types that, continue nightly from where the night before left off.
The depression has been hell lately as well. Between the working constantly with Taylor, the fight with the school system, and Molly's problems with math and science--not to mention Ryan acting up and Sean needing special help with his homework--sometimes, I just lose it. There’s nights that, I swear I won't make it. I just wish I had some help with all of this but, Tom has never been the type to get involved with the kids on that level. He cooks their lunch and supper on Saturday and that is it. Everything else is up to me.
Sometimes, I just become overwhelmed.
Oh, well--enough of that bitch.
I had better start my work--I have to update a database and send it off before the end of the month. Well, its the end of the month. I better get moving.
My tax money will be in on Friday--I need to shop, damn it! I just need to have a little fun!
To think that, fun used to involve going out, dancing, and having a few drinks with friends. It now is going to Walmart and buying household items.
Could it be that, we are getting older?
NAH!