hmm where to begin?
a bit depressed a lil confused and somewhere beneath it all, happy and in love? i know, i know, it doesnt make sense..or does it? its times like these i think im bi-polar..prolly am.. how healthy. sad cuz i miss one of my old friends, who just cant seem to deal with her jealousy. anxious cuz i want to talk and see someone so bad, but i cant.. and my paranoia is kicking it..so not good. im starting to think maybe he is lieing to me.. and its like.. not that he is being unfaithful, just that he is lieing.. being too good to be true.. u know? but i have a test.. hopefully he will pass it..god..i hope he does. and im even more scared about that. how is it life can seem so perfect one moment and so utterly crazy and wrong the next? i care about this kid so much, he is funny, smart, talanted, witty, oh so yummy hehe, an emo kid like me, passionate, sensitive, tough, manly, and all the things i want in someone. he is even a scorpio. Im sitting here.. wishing.. hoping even i will see his name pop up! just waiting.. gosh i hope he comes online.. i know no one will prolly understand this.. but its kinda just letting out all my emotions.. which i should be doing on my live journal.. ill prolly just copy and paste this there anyway. blah.. i hate being ansy.. im wondering what he is doing,where he is.. is he thinking about me? is he gonna come online? is he too good to be true? when i talk to him on the phone..its..its amazing. i get butterflies in my stomach and cant resist the chance to smile. quite big actually. he is out doing god knows what downtown.. while i am here, on my computer writing on my myspace blog *for the first time mind u* thinking of him..missing him. does he miss me? is he even thinking about me? I hate that im so insecure.. its really a bitch. *sighs* i hope he comes online soon...i hope he comes online..grrr im bi polar and frustrated.. and in love.. what a state to be in?
*carly*
*carly*