Aug 17, 2008 16:56
(This is a post that saved the last time i was on have a read, things have changed since then, I'll inform you once you've read!)"...I've been thinking about things way too much, and looking into things more than i ever used to, i honestly think that something is wrong with me, lol, but on the whole, things have picked up, i think I'm finally managing to deal with things like i should be, like the recent affair's with one Elliot Castro, he's totally been messing me about and stuff, and i know he has, but i really like him and i know David is doing the right thing by not being too great when it comes to talking about him, and Fiona, even though we've only recently started to talk more, she knows me pretty well, a little too well might i add, and they both just don't wanna see me getting hurt, especially David he saw the 'Ross' aftermath, and he knows it's not pretty, i cant be like everyone else and just get over things and lately ive been showing my emotions a lot more than i really should be, but with Elliot, i honestly believe what he said to me the other night, and i dunno if i picked him up right or not, and i possibly might have and just be making up the fact that things between us could be going somewhere, and the fact he's never had a boyfriend worries me slightly, what if we do start going out..."
This was all about 5 months ago...
now for the update,
Things between me and Elliot never escalated, I in fact stopped things with him, i couldn't bare to go through with how he was treating me, and the emptiness i felt with him. Shortly after i stopped seeing him i was out for what i could get, and got what i pretty much wanted, or so i though, i started seeing one of my supervisors in work, who wasn't out and didn't want anyone knowing about him, i thought this was what i wanted, i still do, but because he's not out and his fear of coming out i can't be with him half as much as I'd like to be with him, it really upsets me, we spend about 2 to 3 weeks apart see each other for one day and then another 2 or 3 weeks apart, its tearing me apart inside, everyone who knows has even said that they can see a change from the 'happy' Kevin they knew and the one they see now :( i honestly don't know what to do about things :( i also think im falling fir him :( what to do?