Moment of Calm
Few can foresee whither their road will lead them, till they come to its end. - J.R.R. Tolkien
Today I had a need for human contact so I set out for some lunch at Famous Dave's. My lunch was good but I didn't get the sort of interaction I needed. Sitting back at home, pondering what to do for the evening, I decided to head up to the local tanning salon were I know the manager. Once again I did not get the conversation I was hoping for, so I came home. However, while lying in the tanning bed, I had this moment of perfect calm that was worth the trip.
My mind has been a whir of confusing, stressful, and unwanted thoughts for the last few months. Guess that comes with the journey I've found myself on. (My damned desire to love will always lead me down the darkest roads.) The radio turned to the "Anything, Anytime" station, I found no comfort in the song selection. With my brain zipping down paths that lead to anger, longing, and self-doubt, the whole trip out seemed a bust. I focused on a quiet spot I found lurking in the midst of the chaos. It was small at first. As I drew myself into more and more, the voices and pain faded. I was drifting in the warmth of the bed, hearing only the hum of the device and the buzz of the fan blowing cooling air along my unclothed body. For a few minutes I was at peace.
All to soon the bed shut off. Everything began to return to the hard and harsh reality that surrounds each and everyone of us. Gravity returned and the need to breath with it. No long floating, disconnected as I was from my body, I began to shift slowly, rolling my body so that my hips and spine popped. I sat with reluctance, holding the fleeting calm in my mind as best I could. A few minutes of perfect, Zen calm might not seem like much, but it was exactly what I needed.
Today I had a need for human contact so I set out for some lunch at Famous Dave's. My lunch was good but I didn't get the sort of interaction I needed. Sitting back at home, pondering what to do for the evening, I decided to head up to the local tanning salon were I know the manager. Once again I did not get the conversation I was hoping for, so I came home. However, while lying in the tanning bed, I had this moment of perfect calm that was worth the trip.
My mind has been a whir of confusing, stressful, and unwanted thoughts for the last few months. Guess that comes with the journey I've found myself on. (My damned desire to love will always lead me down the darkest roads.) The radio turned to the "Anything, Anytime" station, I found no comfort in the song selection. With my brain zipping down paths that lead to anger, longing, and self-doubt, the whole trip out seemed a bust. I focused on a quiet spot I found lurking in the midst of the chaos. It was small at first. As I drew myself into more and more, the voices and pain faded. I was drifting in the warmth of the bed, hearing only the hum of the device and the buzz of the fan blowing cooling air along my unclothed body. For a few minutes I was at peace.
All to soon the bed shut off. Everything began to return to the hard and harsh reality that surrounds each and everyone of us. Gravity returned and the need to breath with it. No long floating, disconnected as I was from my body, I began to shift slowly, rolling my body so that my hips and spine popped. I sat with reluctance, holding the fleeting calm in my mind as best I could. A few minutes of perfect, Zen calm might not seem like much, but it was exactly what I needed.