Long Live Adelphia Cable
So, after going to the doctor and finding out that on top of all this, I have Conjuntivitis, I decided to go wander around Comp USA for a half hour while the pharmacy processed my eyedrops. So, I pick up some cable ties for the computer and I find a copy of Ghost Recon 2: Summit Strike for $20. So I get my drops and head home.
I unpack everything and get out the drops. They burn like the fires of hell, but after the first few minutes, it goes away. At least my eyes are feeling a bit better now. Then I throw GR2:SS into the Xbox so that I can let it run the update and download any of the extra content while I go take a healthy shit. At first, there is no wireless connection. I think about how odd that is, since I just had the Adelphia guy there yesterday and everything worked just fine. So I go in and the Router is all lit up like Santa's dick at Christmas. I reset the router and try again. The network is there, but it can't connect to Xbox Live. So I say to hell with it and I play a couple of games while I unwind before bed. I decide that before I go to bed, I should check my email to see if Brother Paul wants to get together this weekend, when I am hit with a big splash page instead of something internet-y.
ADELPHIA COMMUNICATIONS
We are sorry, but we cannot complete the installation at this time.
For assistance please call 800-FUCK-ASS for assistance.
So I call 1-800-FUCK-ASS and I get the dippy, happy Adelphia Phone Jockey on the other end. Now, before I actually get to talk to someone, I had to enter my phone number and my account number in using the phone so that they could identify me or whatever the fuck they do. Now, I do this regularly at work, so it's not like I don't know what the hell I am doing. So I punch in the numbers and I wait until Miss Nicey picks up. The first fucking thing she asks? "What is your phone number?" I knew I was in deep shit right then and there.
So, we get all the numbers out of the way, and she is ticking away at her keyboard.
"Uh...Okay, the account number you just gave me...I don't have your name or address here for that account."
"Okay...My wife called in about the transfer from our other house, so is it her name?"
"I can't tell you that, sir."
"Why not?"
"It's confidential information."
"Right, but if it's MY WIFE listed, don't you think that legally it would be okay for me to know that?"
"Uhh.. well, it isn't your wife, sir."
"Okay, I have here on the work invoice from yesterday..."
"How did you get a work invoice, sir?"
"It's the customer copy. You know, like when the service guy gives you a copy for your records as a reciept?"
"Uh..."
"Anyway, it says here 'Transfer of Account from #######-#' in this box here under the account number."
"Okay, I'll look up that account. That account is marked as inactive, sir."
"Right, because we transferred it over to this account number yesterday."
"When was the service representative at your house, sir?"
"YESTERDAY."
"Mmmm...uh...okay. And did he verify that everything was working yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Uh...I don't have your address under the old account either, sir."
"That's probably because it's the OLD ADDRESS."
"Actually, I have an address that isn't even in your State, sir."
"Wait. What?"
"What is your corp number?"
"According to the invoice here, it's ##################."
"That's like, your full account number."
"Right. Which by my knowledge would be our Corp number and our account number combined, right?"
"Uh... I guess so."
"Look, I don't even work for your company, and I figured that much out."
"Hold on."
So about ten minutes pass, and she's clicking away, clicking away. Now keep in mind that these were the same people who told me that there was no Tenth Avenue in North Tonawanda, even though I was moving there and all my paperwork said that the house was on Tenth Ave. They weren't smart enough to try not typing "10th" and typing "T E N T H" I guess.
Anyway, Miss Sunshine comes back on the line. "Uh.. I found out what part of the problem was. I can't seem to change the corp number on my screen, so when I enter your account number, it keeps defaulting to a different corp number, and that makes it bring up someone else's account."
"Great. So now what?"
"Uh... I dunno."
After another half hour, she finally is able to remedy the situation by getting my modem number and going in and setting me up as a new account, but waiving all the fees. If I get a bill from these pricks, I swear I'm going to kill them all and shit in their mouths.
I unpack everything and get out the drops. They burn like the fires of hell, but after the first few minutes, it goes away. At least my eyes are feeling a bit better now. Then I throw GR2:SS into the Xbox so that I can let it run the update and download any of the extra content while I go take a healthy shit. At first, there is no wireless connection. I think about how odd that is, since I just had the Adelphia guy there yesterday and everything worked just fine. So I go in and the Router is all lit up like Santa's dick at Christmas. I reset the router and try again. The network is there, but it can't connect to Xbox Live. So I say to hell with it and I play a couple of games while I unwind before bed. I decide that before I go to bed, I should check my email to see if Brother Paul wants to get together this weekend, when I am hit with a big splash page instead of something internet-y.
ADELPHIA COMMUNICATIONS
We are sorry, but we cannot complete the installation at this time.
For assistance please call 800-FUCK-ASS for assistance.
So I call 1-800-FUCK-ASS and I get the dippy, happy Adelphia Phone Jockey on the other end. Now, before I actually get to talk to someone, I had to enter my phone number and my account number in using the phone so that they could identify me or whatever the fuck they do. Now, I do this regularly at work, so it's not like I don't know what the hell I am doing. So I punch in the numbers and I wait until Miss Nicey picks up. The first fucking thing she asks? "What is your phone number?" I knew I was in deep shit right then and there.
So, we get all the numbers out of the way, and she is ticking away at her keyboard.
"Uh...Okay, the account number you just gave me...I don't have your name or address here for that account."
"Okay...My wife called in about the transfer from our other house, so is it her name?"
"I can't tell you that, sir."
"Why not?"
"It's confidential information."
"Right, but if it's MY WIFE listed, don't you think that legally it would be okay for me to know that?"
"Uhh.. well, it isn't your wife, sir."
"Okay, I have here on the work invoice from yesterday..."
"How did you get a work invoice, sir?"
"It's the customer copy. You know, like when the service guy gives you a copy for your records as a reciept?"
"Uh..."
"Anyway, it says here 'Transfer of Account from #######-#' in this box here under the account number."
"Okay, I'll look up that account. That account is marked as inactive, sir."
"Right, because we transferred it over to this account number yesterday."
"When was the service representative at your house, sir?"
"YESTERDAY."
"Mmmm...uh...okay. And did he verify that everything was working yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Uh...I don't have your address under the old account either, sir."
"That's probably because it's the OLD ADDRESS."
"Actually, I have an address that isn't even in your State, sir."
"Wait. What?"
"What is your corp number?"
"According to the invoice here, it's ##################."
"That's like, your full account number."
"Right. Which by my knowledge would be our Corp number and our account number combined, right?"
"Uh... I guess so."
"Look, I don't even work for your company, and I figured that much out."
"Hold on."
So about ten minutes pass, and she's clicking away, clicking away. Now keep in mind that these were the same people who told me that there was no Tenth Avenue in North Tonawanda, even though I was moving there and all my paperwork said that the house was on Tenth Ave. They weren't smart enough to try not typing "10th" and typing "T E N T H" I guess.
Anyway, Miss Sunshine comes back on the line. "Uh.. I found out what part of the problem was. I can't seem to change the corp number on my screen, so when I enter your account number, it keeps defaulting to a different corp number, and that makes it bring up someone else's account."
"Great. So now what?"
"Uh... I dunno."
After another half hour, she finally is able to remedy the situation by getting my modem number and going in and setting me up as a new account, but waiving all the fees. If I get a bill from these pricks, I swear I'm going to kill them all and shit in their mouths.