To Look But Not Touch, for troideleven
Title: To Look But Not Touch
Author: jongshin
Rating: PG-13
Verse: Gen II, mild AU.
Characters: Kris, Lyra.
Summary: At dawn, she would have to let go of her most cherished. For troideleven.
Warnings: N/A
Lyra quietly twisted the handle of the door, sliding it open just enough to let her peek. With one eye focused in the opening, she held her breath, careful not to make a sound lest her presence be known to the figure in the room. Inside, delicate hands worked at undoing the intricate patterns of a corset, fumbling for a bit before successfully removing it and setting it to the side. Bright pink then slid over the figure’s creamy curves, followed by pajama bottoms rising up to the flare of hips. Her heart raced. Kris was beautiful in any ensemble.
The brunette decided to muster her courage, mentally preparing herself before opening the door fully. Her sister probably hadn’t thought anyone else was awake. “Hey, sis,” she greeted meekly.
“Lyra!” Kris replied, whipping around in surprise, tugging at the bottom of her tank top in order to secure it into place. “What are you doing up? It’s 3 in the morning.”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Lyra replied, stepping in to observe Kris’ room. It seemed to be in a state of disarray, hair styling tools and makeup sprawled over the surface of her normally clean table and clothes scattered all over the floor. “This place is a mess.”
“Isn’t it?” Kris sighed, slumping down onto her bed, bouncing dully in impact. “I’ve just been really stressed. This week hasn’t been easy for me.”
“I know,” the younger girl said, taking the seat in front of the vanity mirror and attempting to tidy the clutter. Their home had practically turned upside down when Kris had returned with news of her engagement. The past four months in particular had been filled with bridal magazines in every room, frequent visits to boutiques, florists, and specialty bakeries, and a phone that was constantly with a very emotional bride on their end of the line. And with the big day in roughly eight hours, Kris was a nervous wreck, which worried Lyra to no end.
“I’m a mess without Ethan,” the bride-to-be exhaled, shooting a defeated look at her sister. “He’s usually able to calm me down and keep me in check with all of this wedding stuff, but since I’m not allowed to see him right now…”
Lyra frowned. She couldn’t possibly be content while Kris was upset. But it was then she noticed the ivory bodice with the billowing train spilling over one of the cushions. “You tried it on again?”
“I couldn’t help it,” the older girl confessed. She got up and held up the dress, fingering the material and letting the embellishments glow softly in the lamplight. The beauty of the garment seemed to ease her tension a bit. “It reminds me that this is really happening, you know? I’m actually getting married today.”
Lyra wasn’t sure whether to be happy or upset at the glimmer in her sister’s eyes as the realization set in. Kris would be walking down the aisle in that dress before exchanging vows with the love of her life.
Who isn’t me.
The brunette thoughtfully rolled a lipstick tube between her fingers. She should be happy for Kris, shouldn’t she? She had the obligation to be happy because they were siblings, but for some reason, she still couldn’t accept it. How could their one neighbor weasel his way into her sister’s affections while she, who had been there for her since the day she was born, couldn’t pervade those defenses? What made him so special and deserving of her love while her affections were left unknown and certainly unreturned?
No one knew Kris as well as she did. All of the years of taking mental notes of what her sister liked and disliked, from foods to Pokémon to flowers. No one knew about the countless late nights she spent just watching her sister sleep. Or the lonely days where she would just bask in the warmth of her sister’s old clothes and bed after she left for the Pokémon league just to get a whiff of her scent. How she went through all her sister’s old belongings, treating each and every object left behind like a little treasure, a remnant of the one most important to her.
It’s not fair.
“Something wrong?”
Lyra fell back into reality as she locked eyes with Kris, eyes now holding concern rather than awe for the dress. She took a breath before putting on the mask of the content little sister once more. “Oh, it’s nothing,” she muttered, putting the lipstick tube down and averting her eyes.
“If you say so,” Kris replied, obviously not convinced, but understanding enough to not pry. Setting the dress down, she returned to her spot on the edge of the bed. She let a beat pass. Lyra knew by now that it was her sister’s devious way of getting the information she wanted without pressing, because Kris could always tell when she was lying.
“Well it’s just-” she began, hoping to act innocent enough to fool her.
“Hm?” Kris asked, the corner of her mouth quirking upwards in satisfaction as she gave Lyra her attention.
“Why…Ethan?” Lyra said carefully. She didn’t want to be offensive with the question or let any of her own emotions slip, so she took a tone of curiosity when asking.
The other girl folded her hands neatly in her lap, pondering for a bit. “Why Ethan,” she mirrored. “I don’t blame you for asking, actually. It’s a good question.” Kris lifted her chin, letting the twenty years of memories with the boy next door sink in.
On her end, Lyra kept quiet, waiting for the answer. This was her last chance to try to prove that she was more deserving, but she wouldn’t just unleash her emotions without respecting those of her most cherished.
“Well,” Kris began, forming a smile at the thought. “I suppose you could say it’s because we’re a perfect fit.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’ve found everything I ever wanted in a partner in Ethan,” the older girl stated confidently. “Of course I never expected it to be him. I mean, we were practically racing to the Pokémon league,” she laughed at the thought. “We would constantly run into each other along the way, try to one-up each other, things like that. But we also wouldn’t hesitate to lend a helping hand if the other needed it, probably because we were so used to it, having lived right next to each other and all. Bring the photo over?”
Lyra knew exactly what she was talking about. It was a photo she hated, but she made her way over to the bookshelf on the other side of the room anyway, taking the old photo of their family along with Ethan’s. The mothers were in the back, smiling with their hands on the shoulders of their children. In the front, the order went Ethan, Kris, and little Lyra, all holding hands. Though while Ethan and Kris wore big, toothy grins, Lyra looked indifferent. Wordlessly, she delivered it to Kris before also taking a seat on the bed.
“I remember both of our moms would always tease us about getting married.” Kris said with a smile.
“You would both argue that it would never happen,” the brunette added sadly not sharing the same kind of appreciation for the photograph as her sister did. I wanted to believe you too.
“And look at us now,” Kris said cheerfully, wiping the dust off of the glass and admiring it fondly. “But I suppose it was after the Pokémon league when we started having feelings for each other. That year I stayed with him at his grandparents’ house because they needed help with the daycare. We had to work together, but we were older. And it showed too. Because of that, I got to see a side of him that I never really noticed when we were kids. ”
The love that Kris held in her eyes scared Lyra, but she forced herself to bite her tongue. But what about me?
“He took his responsibilities more seriously, especially when it concerned his grandmother and grandfather. I liked that he was focused on family and did my best to help too, especially since they grew to consider me as family…”
What about your real family?
“And he’s kind. Sure, we still threw the occasional jab at each other, but something else was there too…”
I tried so hard to be those things for you.
“You can tell that he cares. I never had to question that I was important to him because of how well he treated me…”
Am I not good enough?
“And I couldn’t help but fall for that, because he’s so genuine of a person…”
I know you better than anyone, I’m your sister!
“He’s sweet,”
I’m not?
“He has a good heart,”
But mine beats for you.
“And I know that his feelings for me will never falter,”
Nothing he has for you is permanent.
“Because he does all that he can to make me happy,”
He’ll hurt you in the end, I know it.
“He loves me,”
No he doesn’t.
“And I love him more than anyone else.”
I’m the one who loves you most!
“We’re happy together, and I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with him,” Kris finished solidly. She seemed to be in a much better mood than she had been, which unfortunately bypassed the crumbling disposition of the girl next to her. “You know, that calmed me down.”
“Did it?” Lyra mustered, clutching at the blankets beneath her as her heart rose to her throat. This could not be happening. Kris was supposed to fall in love with her, not Ethan. She never thought that seeing her sister this happy would make her feel so sick.
“Thank you, Lyra,” said Kris, turning to embrace her sister. “I think I’m ready to go through with this because of you.”
“I-I’m glad,” the younger girl managed to say, feeling empty despite the warmth of her sister’s arms. She couldn’t. It was impossible. To destroy her sister’s happiness would destroy her too. Pressing her forehead to her sister’s shoulder, she did all she could to hold in the tears stinging at her eyes.
“I’m so happy to have you as a sister.”
Fate is cruel.
Lyra bit her lip in frustration. Letting the what-ifs overcome her would do nothing. All she could do was grin and bear it.
But still…
“Kris?”
The embrace ended, “Hmm?”
“Can we,” Lyra hesitated, trying to find the words. This was the last chance she had to savor the love and affection of her sister before she would be stolen away by her groom. “Can we sleep together like when we were kids? I can sleep easier when I’m with you.”
“If it’ll help you sleep, then of course,” Kris said with all of the understanding and unconditional love that Lyra admired. She dipped under the covers, former anxiety long forgotten. “It’ll probably help me sleep better too.”
Lyra fit into the space that had long before been deemed her side of the bed, but chose to face the wall instead of her sister. But Kris didn’t seem to notice, and mumbled a simple “Good night,” letting the fatigue take her.
“Good night,” Lyra replied sadly.
But she didn’t fall asleep.
Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours up till the inky sky trailed blue, but her eyes would not shut. Kris’ rhythmic breathing suggested that she had already dozed off a while ago, but Lyra was still wide awake. She rolled onto her other side to face Kris, whose sleeping face was blissfully unaware of the storm cloud pervading Lyra’s mind.
“So close, but so far,” the younger girl breathed, extending her hand to caress the soft curve of her sister’s cheek. She stopped short however, hand suspended, almost afraid to touch her.
“Fate has conspired against me,” Lyra stated to no one in particular, letting her hand fall and turning over once more to prevent temptation. But once again, her eyes fell on the ivory dress that signified the collapse of her world.
She slid as quietly as she could out of bed so Kris wouldn’t be disturbed, and held the dress to heart like a locked secret. It really was lovely, but she couldn’t help but detest it at the same time. It was in this dress that her sister would walk away from her, never knowing the feelings she harbored in the depths of her chest.
Without thinking, Lyra threw off her shirt, mimicking the procedure to unclasp the back that she had seen Kris do so many times before. Though she was almost the same height, she was a bit slimmer than her sister, so she omitted the corset on the floor. Once the dress was in place, she next put on the white gloves set aside, moving her fingers where Kris’ had been.
She gave herself a once-over in the mirror, determining that Kris would have looked prettier, before making her way around to the other side of the bed. She gently knelt, observing her sister’s blue hair meander over the sheets as she slept.
“I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you this sooner,” Lyra began, once again extending a hand to touch her face. She was once again hesitant, but the ensemble gave her a sense of courage as she slowly traced the apple of her sibling’s cheek through the white gloves. “In fact, this is probably the only time I’ll ever admit this.”
She stopped as Kris vaguely wrinkled her nose, but Lyra knew already that the other girl was a deep sleeper. “I love you,” she said, leaning in for a better look. “I always have, and I always will, no matter what.
She moved in closer, admiring the pretty face.
“And just once, I-”
Closer, placing her hand atop of her sister’s unconscious one.
“I want to be selfish.”
So close she could feel the other girl’s sweet breath on her lips.
“I want you to be mine.”
She shut her eyes and closed the distance.
Just this once.
Author: jongshin
Rating: PG-13
Verse: Gen II, mild AU.
Characters: Kris, Lyra.
Summary: At dawn, she would have to let go of her most cherished. For troideleven.
Warnings: N/A
Lyra quietly twisted the handle of the door, sliding it open just enough to let her peek. With one eye focused in the opening, she held her breath, careful not to make a sound lest her presence be known to the figure in the room. Inside, delicate hands worked at undoing the intricate patterns of a corset, fumbling for a bit before successfully removing it and setting it to the side. Bright pink then slid over the figure’s creamy curves, followed by pajama bottoms rising up to the flare of hips. Her heart raced. Kris was beautiful in any ensemble.
The brunette decided to muster her courage, mentally preparing herself before opening the door fully. Her sister probably hadn’t thought anyone else was awake. “Hey, sis,” she greeted meekly.
“Lyra!” Kris replied, whipping around in surprise, tugging at the bottom of her tank top in order to secure it into place. “What are you doing up? It’s 3 in the morning.”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Lyra replied, stepping in to observe Kris’ room. It seemed to be in a state of disarray, hair styling tools and makeup sprawled over the surface of her normally clean table and clothes scattered all over the floor. “This place is a mess.”
“Isn’t it?” Kris sighed, slumping down onto her bed, bouncing dully in impact. “I’ve just been really stressed. This week hasn’t been easy for me.”
“I know,” the younger girl said, taking the seat in front of the vanity mirror and attempting to tidy the clutter. Their home had practically turned upside down when Kris had returned with news of her engagement. The past four months in particular had been filled with bridal magazines in every room, frequent visits to boutiques, florists, and specialty bakeries, and a phone that was constantly with a very emotional bride on their end of the line. And with the big day in roughly eight hours, Kris was a nervous wreck, which worried Lyra to no end.
“I’m a mess without Ethan,” the bride-to-be exhaled, shooting a defeated look at her sister. “He’s usually able to calm me down and keep me in check with all of this wedding stuff, but since I’m not allowed to see him right now…”
Lyra frowned. She couldn’t possibly be content while Kris was upset. But it was then she noticed the ivory bodice with the billowing train spilling over one of the cushions. “You tried it on again?”
“I couldn’t help it,” the older girl confessed. She got up and held up the dress, fingering the material and letting the embellishments glow softly in the lamplight. The beauty of the garment seemed to ease her tension a bit. “It reminds me that this is really happening, you know? I’m actually getting married today.”
Lyra wasn’t sure whether to be happy or upset at the glimmer in her sister’s eyes as the realization set in. Kris would be walking down the aisle in that dress before exchanging vows with the love of her life.
Who isn’t me.
The brunette thoughtfully rolled a lipstick tube between her fingers. She should be happy for Kris, shouldn’t she? She had the obligation to be happy because they were siblings, but for some reason, she still couldn’t accept it. How could their one neighbor weasel his way into her sister’s affections while she, who had been there for her since the day she was born, couldn’t pervade those defenses? What made him so special and deserving of her love while her affections were left unknown and certainly unreturned?
No one knew Kris as well as she did. All of the years of taking mental notes of what her sister liked and disliked, from foods to Pokémon to flowers. No one knew about the countless late nights she spent just watching her sister sleep. Or the lonely days where she would just bask in the warmth of her sister’s old clothes and bed after she left for the Pokémon league just to get a whiff of her scent. How she went through all her sister’s old belongings, treating each and every object left behind like a little treasure, a remnant of the one most important to her.
It’s not fair.
“Something wrong?”
Lyra fell back into reality as she locked eyes with Kris, eyes now holding concern rather than awe for the dress. She took a breath before putting on the mask of the content little sister once more. “Oh, it’s nothing,” she muttered, putting the lipstick tube down and averting her eyes.
“If you say so,” Kris replied, obviously not convinced, but understanding enough to not pry. Setting the dress down, she returned to her spot on the edge of the bed. She let a beat pass. Lyra knew by now that it was her sister’s devious way of getting the information she wanted without pressing, because Kris could always tell when she was lying.
“Well it’s just-” she began, hoping to act innocent enough to fool her.
“Hm?” Kris asked, the corner of her mouth quirking upwards in satisfaction as she gave Lyra her attention.
“Why…Ethan?” Lyra said carefully. She didn’t want to be offensive with the question or let any of her own emotions slip, so she took a tone of curiosity when asking.
The other girl folded her hands neatly in her lap, pondering for a bit. “Why Ethan,” she mirrored. “I don’t blame you for asking, actually. It’s a good question.” Kris lifted her chin, letting the twenty years of memories with the boy next door sink in.
On her end, Lyra kept quiet, waiting for the answer. This was her last chance to try to prove that she was more deserving, but she wouldn’t just unleash her emotions without respecting those of her most cherished.
“Well,” Kris began, forming a smile at the thought. “I suppose you could say it’s because we’re a perfect fit.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’ve found everything I ever wanted in a partner in Ethan,” the older girl stated confidently. “Of course I never expected it to be him. I mean, we were practically racing to the Pokémon league,” she laughed at the thought. “We would constantly run into each other along the way, try to one-up each other, things like that. But we also wouldn’t hesitate to lend a helping hand if the other needed it, probably because we were so used to it, having lived right next to each other and all. Bring the photo over?”
Lyra knew exactly what she was talking about. It was a photo she hated, but she made her way over to the bookshelf on the other side of the room anyway, taking the old photo of their family along with Ethan’s. The mothers were in the back, smiling with their hands on the shoulders of their children. In the front, the order went Ethan, Kris, and little Lyra, all holding hands. Though while Ethan and Kris wore big, toothy grins, Lyra looked indifferent. Wordlessly, she delivered it to Kris before also taking a seat on the bed.
“I remember both of our moms would always tease us about getting married.” Kris said with a smile.
“You would both argue that it would never happen,” the brunette added sadly not sharing the same kind of appreciation for the photograph as her sister did. I wanted to believe you too.
“And look at us now,” Kris said cheerfully, wiping the dust off of the glass and admiring it fondly. “But I suppose it was after the Pokémon league when we started having feelings for each other. That year I stayed with him at his grandparents’ house because they needed help with the daycare. We had to work together, but we were older. And it showed too. Because of that, I got to see a side of him that I never really noticed when we were kids. ”
The love that Kris held in her eyes scared Lyra, but she forced herself to bite her tongue. But what about me?
“He took his responsibilities more seriously, especially when it concerned his grandmother and grandfather. I liked that he was focused on family and did my best to help too, especially since they grew to consider me as family…”
What about your real family?
“And he’s kind. Sure, we still threw the occasional jab at each other, but something else was there too…”
I tried so hard to be those things for you.
“You can tell that he cares. I never had to question that I was important to him because of how well he treated me…”
Am I not good enough?
“And I couldn’t help but fall for that, because he’s so genuine of a person…”
I know you better than anyone, I’m your sister!
“He’s sweet,”
I’m not?
“He has a good heart,”
But mine beats for you.
“And I know that his feelings for me will never falter,”
Nothing he has for you is permanent.
“Because he does all that he can to make me happy,”
He’ll hurt you in the end, I know it.
“He loves me,”
No he doesn’t.
“And I love him more than anyone else.”
I’m the one who loves you most!
“We’re happy together, and I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with him,” Kris finished solidly. She seemed to be in a much better mood than she had been, which unfortunately bypassed the crumbling disposition of the girl next to her. “You know, that calmed me down.”
“Did it?” Lyra mustered, clutching at the blankets beneath her as her heart rose to her throat. This could not be happening. Kris was supposed to fall in love with her, not Ethan. She never thought that seeing her sister this happy would make her feel so sick.
“Thank you, Lyra,” said Kris, turning to embrace her sister. “I think I’m ready to go through with this because of you.”
“I-I’m glad,” the younger girl managed to say, feeling empty despite the warmth of her sister’s arms. She couldn’t. It was impossible. To destroy her sister’s happiness would destroy her too. Pressing her forehead to her sister’s shoulder, she did all she could to hold in the tears stinging at her eyes.
“I’m so happy to have you as a sister.”
Fate is cruel.
Lyra bit her lip in frustration. Letting the what-ifs overcome her would do nothing. All she could do was grin and bear it.
But still…
“Kris?”
The embrace ended, “Hmm?”
“Can we,” Lyra hesitated, trying to find the words. This was the last chance she had to savor the love and affection of her sister before she would be stolen away by her groom. “Can we sleep together like when we were kids? I can sleep easier when I’m with you.”
“If it’ll help you sleep, then of course,” Kris said with all of the understanding and unconditional love that Lyra admired. She dipped under the covers, former anxiety long forgotten. “It’ll probably help me sleep better too.”
Lyra fit into the space that had long before been deemed her side of the bed, but chose to face the wall instead of her sister. But Kris didn’t seem to notice, and mumbled a simple “Good night,” letting the fatigue take her.
“Good night,” Lyra replied sadly.
But she didn’t fall asleep.
Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours up till the inky sky trailed blue, but her eyes would not shut. Kris’ rhythmic breathing suggested that she had already dozed off a while ago, but Lyra was still wide awake. She rolled onto her other side to face Kris, whose sleeping face was blissfully unaware of the storm cloud pervading Lyra’s mind.
“So close, but so far,” the younger girl breathed, extending her hand to caress the soft curve of her sister’s cheek. She stopped short however, hand suspended, almost afraid to touch her.
“Fate has conspired against me,” Lyra stated to no one in particular, letting her hand fall and turning over once more to prevent temptation. But once again, her eyes fell on the ivory dress that signified the collapse of her world.
She slid as quietly as she could out of bed so Kris wouldn’t be disturbed, and held the dress to heart like a locked secret. It really was lovely, but she couldn’t help but detest it at the same time. It was in this dress that her sister would walk away from her, never knowing the feelings she harbored in the depths of her chest.
Without thinking, Lyra threw off her shirt, mimicking the procedure to unclasp the back that she had seen Kris do so many times before. Though she was almost the same height, she was a bit slimmer than her sister, so she omitted the corset on the floor. Once the dress was in place, she next put on the white gloves set aside, moving her fingers where Kris’ had been.
She gave herself a once-over in the mirror, determining that Kris would have looked prettier, before making her way around to the other side of the bed. She gently knelt, observing her sister’s blue hair meander over the sheets as she slept.
“I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you this sooner,” Lyra began, once again extending a hand to touch her face. She was once again hesitant, but the ensemble gave her a sense of courage as she slowly traced the apple of her sibling’s cheek through the white gloves. “In fact, this is probably the only time I’ll ever admit this.”
She stopped as Kris vaguely wrinkled her nose, but Lyra knew already that the other girl was a deep sleeper. “I love you,” she said, leaning in for a better look. “I always have, and I always will, no matter what.
She moved in closer, admiring the pretty face.
“And just once, I-”
Closer, placing her hand atop of her sister’s unconscious one.
“I want to be selfish.”
So close she could feel the other girl’s sweet breath on her lips.
“I want you to be mine.”
She shut her eyes and closed the distance.
Just this once.