Burning in the Shadows Update! Chapter Nine!!!
Burning in the Shadows
Chapter Nine: Fairytale Gone Bad
Ever since she was a five year old Amber knew you had to be strong in order to survive. You can't let others carry your burdens because you can't rely on them. That was a lesson she learned early in her life. Her dad was just starting his career in the police and barely had time for his family (but he tried, God, did he try), and her mom had just given birth to her baby brother - she didn't have the time to spare more attention to her eldest daughter.
But that was okay with Amber.
She was happy and content with her life. A perfectly normal, ordinary and simple life. Amber loved it. That was until her father was killed. It was then that the ground crumbled beneath her feet and the worlds weight started to crush her. It was then that a massive whole tore it self in her heart and it has yet to be filled.
Basically, Amber had to grow up. She didn't really had a choice - not when her mother was having an emotional breakdown and her little brother needed support more then ever. So Amber grew up. She was there for her family. She helped them get back on their feet. But the problem was that there was no one to help Amber back on her feet. So when things finally started to calm down, when her mother was stable enough and her brother could once again smile a true, happy smile that she realized that she was still drifting away.
That anger started to slowly grow inside of her. And that anger intensified even more when her mother remarried. She tried talking to her mother. She really did. But her mother had gotten so used to the idea that her daughter had grown up that she didn't give her the attention she needed. And that's when the anger morphed in to something else - hatred. Hatred towards her mother and adoptive father. Hatred towards her teachers and friends. She hated the world in general. Because she hated being a shadow in it.
And that's when Jazz came in her life. It was scary at first. More than once did she question her sanity. But things...changed. The moment she had a civilized conversation with the deceased Autobot did she found a purpose in the world. No longer did she feel a shadow because some one needed her. Oh, how she relished the feeling of being needed, wanted.
Jazz made her feel...whole again. There was something missing in her life and Jazz somehow chased the loneliness away. Because he cared for her. He...became the father she lost. Screw the fact that they were different species. Forget that he was technically dead. The concern in his voice or his laughter, when he praised her and advised her like only a father could, Amber felt like she never had before.
A child.
Her heart swelled with joy every time he laughed with her, every time she was able to lift his mood up. It was the least she could do by helping him. He lifted the anger that was consuming her heart. His spark was so bright that it chased away her nightmares, the darkness and so warm that even under the heaviest and coldest of rains she felt the warmth radiate from him.
Around him she was her age, she was the 13 year old Amber. A child who enjoyed reading books about physics and hated sugary sweets. She was Amber and the fact that he accepted her chased away the daemons that lurked inside her.
So, even when he lied to her. Even when he hid the truth from her and placed her in danger she did not have the strength to hate him. Oh, she was pissed alright. She was very much indeed angry. But she did not hate him. She couldn't afford...she didn't have the strength to afford to lose a father for the second time. So she stood there, head tall and eyes even thought consumed with fright, looking straight at Barricade.
"Do not temp me fleshling!" Barricade tightened his hold on the small organic. "If you value your life you will not mention that name again." He sneered.
"What name?" She trembled and yet never broke contact with his optics, "Jazz?...or Prowl?"
'Am... now is not the time to be aggravating him.' Jazz spoke concerned. It pained him to admit that he didn't trust Prowl with Amber. Not when he was like this.
'He has an aggression program Am. Even if he has regained his consciousness as Prowl he is still very unstable - '
"Shut up!" Amber yelled. "I am so sick of this!" She looked at Jazz ignoring Prowl/Barricades look, "What do you want me to do? What?" She yelled, pure adrenalin compromising her thoughts.
"I am so fucking sick of this! Of the lies, the threats, the whole fucking world!" Jazz knew that she was truly upset. Amber never cursed. Never. And today she did it twice. "Listen to me you robotic bastard!" She turned her attention to the 'con in front of her. She didn't realize she was crying. Barricade growled threateningly but she ignored him completely.
"I told you I can see and speak with your bond mate! Bond. Mate! Are so glitched you can't understand simple english!" She was sobbing and she didn't even know why. "I am offering to help you and all you do is growl at me! Well fuck you Prowl or Barricade, or who ever the hell you are!"
'AMBER!'
"No! Fuck you too Jazz! I'm sick of lies! I've had enough of them to last a lifetime!" Later Amber would realize that having an emotional breakdown in the clutches of a 'con probably wasn't the best idea but she was tired. She was oh so tired. Of everything.
"Prove it." A deep rumbled voice interrupted her. Barricade brought the tear-stained girl in front of his optics. "Prove to me that you are telling the truth; that you can see and hear….Jazz."
Amber took a couple of breaths to calm her self and looked at Jazz. The former saboteur felt a piece of his spark crumble by the desperate look Amber gave him. Even now she was still helping him.
'Amber...sweetspark...'
"What should I tell him Jazz?"
Barricade observed the human youngling. It'll probably take him a second to crush her. If he just tightened his grip a little more he will crush her small body and her life will be no more. But...he couldn't anymore. Not when he remembers who he is...who he was. A part of him wished he didn't. The horrible things he has done as a 'con will forever haunt his processor. But the important thing is he remembered.
Maybe it was the shattering of the bond or something caused by injuries, but not long after Mission City did he wake up one night from recharge and he simply...knew. Vorns and vorns of destruction on his part and all it took were measly couple of human hours for him to remember. Everything.
And now this miserable human in his claws was stating she could see and talk to his dead bond mate. Bond mate he was willing to give everything so he could be with him again. But that was impossible. Jazz was dead. He was not. He merely excised. The other 'cons don't know he has woken up. But he resumes to be in alliance with them. Bah, alliance. He simply uses their energon. The 'bots will never welcome him back. He doesn't want to go back. Not after everything he has done.
He has lost everything. There was nothing left for him to lose. So what was the point?
"Y-you and Jazz bonded in Praxus. T-the crystal gardens." That snapped the 'con to look at the human in front of him. His energon started to boil, aggression program kicking in, picking up his emotions. "It was a small ceremony. Close friends and family."
Barricade sneered. "You could have easily found archives of that!"
Amber flinched, "Okay...umm Jazz said the two of you met by accident, with you trying to arrest him. He was locked outside of the Enforcers HQ."
"Again, information you could gain from witnesses and archives." He was not impressed and his patience was wavering.
"Damn it Jazz, give me something to work with here." She looked worriedly to her side. But there was nothing there. Barricade even scanned to make sure. Still nothing.
"I am tired of this." She squeaked when his claws tightened, "Leave now before I change my mind and kill you fleshling." He released the child on the ground and transformed. The others where coming - both Autobots and Decepticons. They probably picked up the commotion.
"No wait! Please!" She yelled after him and ran on unsteady feet. Barricade ignored her. But then she said something. Something that made his spark run cold.
"YOU AND JAZZ HAD A SPARKLING!" She yelled with all of her might, "Before the war! Before the destruction of Praxus the two of you had Nightwish!"
The screeching of tires could be herd as Barricade came to a sudden stop. That name...he hasn't herd that name since... Impossible! Only he and Jazz knew about the existence of... only they mourned the loss of their child during the attack of Praxus. Only they knew of her existence - not even Prime. Only they. And yet, this mere organic...Impossible!
He looked at the girl. She was staring wide eyed at the space next to her. At nothing. She looked horrified, as if just realizing what she had just said.
Barricade used that time to run away. Not that he will ever admit that. He was Barricade. He never ran away. Never. And yet his spark, something he thought he no longer possessed, keened at the loss of his family.
Nightwish.
Jazz.
Prowl ran.
Amber stood frozen in place. She wasn't looking at the fleeing Barricade, instead she looked at the dim orb in front of her. And suddenly, everything made sense. Perfect, crystal-clear sense.
"At some point Ah started believing that Ah was in the Pit, that Ah was being punished." The night before their departure, the night Jazz broke in front of her for the first time. The first time she truly saw how tired, just like her, Jazz was. The memories flooded her and suddenly something made 'click'.
"Ah want Prowl, Ah want to go home."
"I want my family back."
Oh God, Amber thought as new tears started to fall from her eyes. All this time. All of this time he wasn't referring to just Prowl as family...
"You had a child?" She croaked, voice hoarse. "W-why didn't you tell me?"
Jazz remained silent and if possible the light dimmed even more.
"Jesus Christ, Jazz." She ran her hands over her face. "God, this is so messed up." She looked at the fallen Sideswipe and went next to him. Jazz silently followed. He was almost snuggled in her neck. She was the only thing he could actually touch and feel. He needed that contact. Now. More then ever.
Exhausted, Amber slid down and rested next to the fallen form of the front liner. She used her hand and gently started to pet Jazz.
'Do ya ...hate me?' A quiet voice asked. She stopped her petting, just for a second but answered right away.
"...No. I could never hate you. Even if I wanted." She rested her head on the warm metal and brought Jazz to her lap. "This is just so... so..."
'Messed up?'
"I was going to use a more vulgar word, but yeah. Messed up works too." She brought her knees closer, clutching Jazz harder, fearing he might disappear after Prowl.
"...Why didn't you tell me Jazz? I thought you trusted me..." She closed her eyes, "I trusted you."
'Primus, give me strength...' Jazz muttered and pushed closer to the small body, 'If I told ya the truth... would you have helped me?'
"Yes!" She looked shocked at him. Of course!
'But Ah couldn't take that risk. Ah just couldn't sweetspark.' Amber remained silent, allowing him finish, 'I...We, Prowler and I have lost so much in this fraggin' war. So much... And now he's all alone. Just like me. But Ah found you. And for the first time in forever I felt hope kindle in mah spark. But Ah was afraid you would leave me, that Ah would be alone again.' Amber felt the spark shudder.
'Primus helm me Amber but if I lose you...if I lose you nothing can be done for Prowl. He will die a slow, agonizing and most of all lonely death. And I will simply watch it happen. Until the two of us go to the Well of Sparks. Ah don't now how I manged to stay here for so long, but Ah am here. This is a second chance and I wont frag it up. Ah wont let that happen!'
"And I'll help you." He herd Amber mutter.
'I really, really am sorry Amber. I never wished to see ya hurt. And today, I was the one that caused ya pain. Primus, I'm so, so sorry Amber.'
She smiled gently at him. "You are forgiven Jazz." He was forgiven but the deed was not forgotten. It will never be. "I..." She hesitated, not really comfortable talking emotions like this. She was never really good at it. "I got angry because you reminded me of him, of dad. He always promised he will make it for my birthday or school recital...but he never did. There's still always more work to be done. Always, all of the time. So I simply stopped asking, tired of his lies." She looked away. She never told anyone that.
"He...he promised he'll return early one night so we could go to the movies. Just the two of us." She bitterly laughed, "I was such a fool to believe him. He had some sort of an emergency. He called to tell me that he wont make it. Typical. I shouldn't have gotten so upset, but I did." Suddenly she stopped and pulled Jazz closer, basking in his warmth.
"I told him some real mean things over the phone Jazz. Called him a liar, just like I did to you. Said that I hate him and simply hung up. The next morning we got a phone call. I thought it was dad again, you know, to apologize for being late and all but..." Her voice broke.
"God, was I wrong." She looked at the darkening sky, rain clods gathering. "Just by the look on my moms face I knew something had happened. It was then that I just knew that I'll never see him again." She fought hard the tears. She had cried enough for one day. Hell, she had cried enough to last a lifetime. No more.
"And today it was just like before. The lies, everything. And for a moment there, I believed you were gonna leave me so you could go with him. If that's not selfish I don't know what is. But in the end you're still here, with me. I can't bring my self to hate you. I want to, but I just can't Jazz. I can never hate you."
She looked strait at the glowing orb and gently brushed a hand over it, fondness covering her young face, "I can never hate you Jazz. Not when I love you like a father."
They were together for almost an year. But only a couple of months ago did she finally acknowledged his existence. For Jazz, in this form, where he couldn't recharge or refuel, time went agonizingly slow. It may have been barely a human year but for him it felt much, much longer. A day felt like a month, a month like an year and an year like a vorn. So even if he tried, Jazz couldn't stop the words that escaped him.
'I am proud to call you my creation Amber.' No, he will never forget Nightwish. Amber would never replace her in his spark. His spark simply grew more now that Amber has a place in it.
"Nhhgg, who the hell are you talking to squishy?" Sideswipe finally started to regain consciousness.
"Jazz." She smiled not minding being addressed that way.
The front liner moaned."So I didn't imagine you? Suck."
Amber stood up on shaky legs, adrenalin finally letting go of her body.
"Huh, you're in a better condition then I thought." She looked at his body. There were only scratches and dents - at least that's what Jazz told her. No leaks so he was simply knocked out.
'Of course he is. Prowl is awake. He may be under an aggression program but he is still Prowl. He still remembers the twins.' Jazz flew over Sideswipe checking his entire body. Just as he predicted, the front liner was fine.
"Where did the decepticreep ran of too?" The warrior asked. Amber moved back, giving Sideswipe space to sit. She was still intimidated by their height. Plus, his blades were still not retracted.
Just as Amber was about to answer a loud honk startled her.
'Well, it looks like the cavalry has arrived.' Said Jazz and flew next to the kid. The blonde frowned, not sure what to expect.
"About fraggin' time!" Sideswipe complained but Amber simply tensed as a lot of vehicles and military men emerged from the corner of the street.
"Well, well, well." A man stepped out of a military car. Sideswipe moaned when he saw the human.
'Oh for the love of Primus... He's still here?' Jazz's voice was quite irritated.
"Who is he?" Whispered Amber and took a couple of steps back when the man approached.
'A pain in the aft...' Muttered Jazz. Oh, how he wished he had his body. He had a bone to pick with this human after what he did to Sam and Mikaela. And especially Bumblebee...
"I am agent Seymour Simmons and you little missy have a lot of explaining to do." Amber simply narrowed her eyes while Jazz growled. This day just keeps getting better and better.
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers
Interesting facts: I wanted all of you to understand with this chapter that Amber is still a kid. Yes, she is 13 but that is still very young. Also, this shows us more of her psyche. Amber never really did have a childhood, always being the adult. But around Jazz she can relax and let someone else worry for a change. (not that she will ever admit that or completely relax - especially now)
And lets not forget. She is entering puberty so her emotions are even more unstable.
Thank you for your patience, dear readers =) I hope you haven't forgotten this fic and enjoyed the new chapter. ^^
~MW