(no subject)
I know it wouldn't change anything. Intellectually, in my head, I understand that if we moved away, things would still essentially be the same. But, somehow that doesn't matter, and I still allow myself to dream about it. We are driving away, our lives in boxes neatly packed, lined up in the back of a U-Haul, a new life awaiting us. It doesn't matter that our families are left behind, because we can always return, or that we don't know anything about where we are going, because we have each other. Our family is strong wherever we go, so we go there. It's sunny and hot in my fantasy, we have to go south, always south. Where the sun is strong and the people move slower. Because I imagine it's live a vacation all the time and it's just less gray than it is here. And nobody bothers us, because no one knows us. And mostly, even though I probably won't, I can be someone new. That's really what I want. I want no one to know me and no one to answer to but the people who don't ask questions. I wonder if I'll ever get it, that feeling I'm looking for. Where everything is new and bright and clean and life is full of questions, but the good kind.