Let's Hope I Can Remember
As 2008 begins, I look back on 2007.
I don't know if I'll be able to write about it all in here, but I'll try. 2007 was such a big year, I didn't know that it was possible for everything in a life to change over a period of 12 months, but for me, it did, and most of the changes were unexpected.
I knew that 2007 would be a much better year than 2006, because I don't think that more of a disaster than 2006 is actually possible. I knew that things would look up, but I didn't know how. Half of me wanted nothing to change, but the other half wanted everything to change. You all know which half of me was satisfied.
At the beginning of 2007, I was all for making the decisions that everyone else made. Or at least, the people I looked up to made them, and so to me, they were right. I started the year by getting into grog, because everyone around me was into it. A few days later though, I found out that it was a wrong move. On that same day, I also learned how good I really was at dealing with emotions. I wasn't very good at all, and this caused me to fall flat on my face.
I then discovered something else that might be wrong. The implants in my left eye were migrating, and I was just starting to feel the pain.
Not long after those slight disturbances to my "perfect year," I went up to Tamworth and spent a week with Emily. We had a great time, sitting around and reading books, playing music and doing things like that. In the middle of all this though, Emily and I both had to be rushed to the opthamologist, because we were both suffering eyepain.
The roadtrips up there and back did wonders for my independants, and I didn't know it then, but I'd need these new skills in the months to come. I started back at school as I was meant to, Mum believed that things would improve for me there. They did, but not in the way she would have hoped.
The month of February was quite an empty one. Nothing really happened except Mum finding a new creepy moron to sleep with, and me having no Valentine, something I'd grown quite used to. It was in March when things really started to happen.
Amung a few people in the blind community, the birthday party of linlet was much looked forward to. The main reason for this was the oppertunity for people (some of whom hadn't seen each other since BMC) to catch up and enjoy celebrating a friend. I planned to come up the day before the party and stay with beccatamagotchi for a night. I did this, but before that I was suddenly forced to go to the coast, so Mum could be with her moron. We arived at the trayler where he lives at 2 in the morning, which was bloody annoying.
At the home of beccatamagotchi we hung out together, and stayed up talking till about 3. So, another late night for me.
Now, for Hailey's party. What can I say? I had so much fun, and I even danced, which is something I just don't do. But I had met imahead and somehow that night, I knew that I would fall in love with him. It's even possible that I fell in love at Hailey's party, I don't know.
A week later, I made what was probably the biggest and craziest decision I think I've ever made. No, it was the biggest, the craziest, and the best. On 27 March 2007, I ran away from home.
I didn't actually get very far, only across the road. I'm glad I ended up there though, instead of in a bus shelter in Civic, which was where I told Sandra I was headed.
It was all so strange how it happened. Mum got Sandra to take me to school. Sandra, who I hardly knew. I only knew her as the woman across the road who owned the nerdy children. In her car, she said I could stay at her place for a few days, until Mum and I could sort things out. It ended up being a lot longer than that, 9 months in fact.
If there's one thing I've learned this year, it's how lucky I am. That day when Sandra picked me up, she saved my life. I probably wouldn't have lasted long in a bus shelter, and if I'd stayed with Mum I deffinatly wouldn't have survived. So thank you, Sandra, Chloe and Tess.
April was another big month. I begun it in a relationship with Andrew that only lasted a week, and ended it with the abillity to choose what is right, instead of what is easy. I was also reunited with David in April. David was my boyfriend in 2004, but I'd become astranged from him in 2005 because of a fight on BMC.
May was also big. There was my birthday as usual, I turned 16. I didn't have a party or anything. I tried to have a birthday with Mum, but failed due to her inabillity to keep away from the things she's addicted to for too long. My gifts wern't even wrapped, and I hardly had a cake. It was that night though, when I realized how much Andrew cares for me. However, Sandra didn't want me to go out with him again, because she thought that I'd use him like I used David. In a way I agreed, I didn't want Andrew to be hurt.
On the 19th of May I heard something from beccatamagotchi about someone I used to know when I was small. It wasn't good, and it hit me hard. I didn't do anything about it though.
Then there was the 20th. On the 20th of May, 2007, I started really going out with Andrew. I came into the relationship with a fragile heart and not much else. I didn't know what the relationship would bring, and I was sure it wouldn't last. I really wanted it to though. All I knew then was that I loved him. Thanks to him, I know much more now. He has been there for me through some extremely hard times, he has helped me to accept myself for who I am, and he has brought me closer to God.
At the end of May, my Mum decided to turn on Sandra in an attempt to make me come back home. Having a TCA (temperary care agreement) put in front of her face was obviously too much for her. Several weird things happened as a result of that, including having Chloe and Tess come out in the morning, to find me having coffee with a policeman who thought I was retarded.
June was big in terms of my acodemic life, because that was the month in which I had my first set of year 10 exams. But before that on the Queen's Birthday long weekend I went up to Sydney to see Andrew. This was the first time I would see him as a boyfriend, and I also met his parents. We had a lovely time together, and our relationship was strengthened. I remember getting off the bus after it with the biggest smile on my face, I was so happy.
My exams were not as scary as I had imagined they would be, and I did alright.
Then Andrew and I had our 1 month anniversary, which felt so good. I felt like after so long, I'd finally acheaved something as far as relationships were concerned.
But a few days after that, something very sad happened. We lost one of the teachers at our school to a car crash. I didn't know her very well, but she changed things for me at school, without me even knowing it till we lost her.
On the last day of June, BMC began. BMC 2007 was the best BMC I had. I enjoyed myself so much, and learned a lot. I wrote an entry on that, so I don't really need to go into it.
Straight after BMC, I went up to Sydney to stay with imahead and have my second eye opperation. This time, it was a success, and I think that while up there, with Andrew sitting at my bedside, I really learned what love was. I remember back in 2005 when jdx_random and I campaigned for a long time that what psycho_rabbit said about young people not knowing what love was was wrong. I believe that young people know how to feel love, but not how to show it propperly.
As soon as I went back to school after my opperation, everyone started talking about nothing but the formal. I was slightly worried that I wouldn't be able to go, due to not having my new eye. But oh well, I went in glasses. I also wrote an entry on that, so I don't need to go into it either. The formal was a big thing for Andrew and I, as we knew that we were a blind couple in a bunch of sighted students, and we were letting all the world see that.
Things went down hill in September. My Mum told me that I wasn't allowed to have my dog Mikey, even though by law, he's mine. The fight for him was so hard, and in the end I lost. But still I'm glad I faught. I can't write much about the fight in here because I need to protect myself. All I'll say on that matter is I don't have my dog, but I still have myself, and that fight has brought me back to my family.
October didn't have much happen in it either. The most exciting thing that happened in October was going up to see Andrew, and getting accidentally locked in his room because the doorhandle was broken.
In November I had my second set of year 10 exams, I did alright in those too. Andrew and I also had our 6 month anniversary, which made me feel like I had acheaved even more. It was so good for us to reach that milestone together. Shame it had to be on the same day as my maths and science exams. But oh well. After those exams, I went to Sydney, got my new eye, and saw my cousins for the first time in a while. I had a great time with them, and having my new eye means that I no longer need to wear my glasses, even though Dad gave me three pairs just before that.
I graduated year 10, and felt so good about it. I feel like my life is finally going somewhere. I saw Andrew after I graduated, and I had fun with him. The meeting between him and my Dad went well. In fact, it went so well that Dad is now always saying "Do this like Andrew does," "Do that like Andrew does."
Then there was Christmas, as there's always Christmas. Christmas this year was great. I got some interesting gifts from Sandra, including Kisschasy's second album, a DVD of The Choir of Hard Knocks, and a dancing duck. From Andrew I got a perfume set, and from Dad amung other things I got a speaker set. After we opened our gifts, we packed up and went to Dalmeny, where I am now. It was the strangest Christmas I've ever had, even stranger than 2005. We had McDonalds for Christmas lunch, even though I hate it.
These past few days have just been spent doing the usual things one does when at the coast. I'm so sunburnt, but I'm hoping I'll go brown.
Now that this entry is coming to a close, I'm going to thank everyone who has made a difference in my life this year. If I miss anyone, I'm sorry.
Firstly, I'd like to thank Sandra, Chloe and Tess.
Sandra, you took me into your home, even though you thought I was insane. You fed, clothed and cared for me for 9 months, even though you didn't have to. I'll never be able to repay you for what you've done for me. you've been an awsome friend and a great "foster carer," and I'm sad that I'll be leaving soon.
Chloe, you gave me your bedroom, even though you needed it. You didn't ask any questions, just let me in and befriended me.
Tess, it's been great sharing a computer desk with you, and I'm almost sad that I'll have to have my own soon. You've been an awsome friend, and on ocasion an awsome studdy buddy.
Secondly, I'd like to thank people at school.
Both teachers and friends alike, who have supported me through everything and encouraged me to keep going, even though everything was getting in my way.
Thirdly, I'd like to thank Hailey.
Hailey, you've been an awsome friend, and you were there when everything fell down, and you helped both Andrew and I to pick things back up. Keep hang in there, it'll work out for you too.
Fourthly, I'd like to thank my Dad.
Dad, you took all four of us back, even after all we'd done to you. We all know that these past few years have been tough for you, but we're all hoping that this year will be much better.
Lastly, I'd like to thank Andrew.
Andrew, you've been wonderful. I won't write any more in here, but I hope that this year will be even better for us. I love you.
All my other friends, Rebecca, David, Emily etc you've all been cool, and I hope that this year is even better for all of you than last one.
Now, I shall post this.
Happy new year, everyone!
I don't know if I'll be able to write about it all in here, but I'll try. 2007 was such a big year, I didn't know that it was possible for everything in a life to change over a period of 12 months, but for me, it did, and most of the changes were unexpected.
I knew that 2007 would be a much better year than 2006, because I don't think that more of a disaster than 2006 is actually possible. I knew that things would look up, but I didn't know how. Half of me wanted nothing to change, but the other half wanted everything to change. You all know which half of me was satisfied.
At the beginning of 2007, I was all for making the decisions that everyone else made. Or at least, the people I looked up to made them, and so to me, they were right. I started the year by getting into grog, because everyone around me was into it. A few days later though, I found out that it was a wrong move. On that same day, I also learned how good I really was at dealing with emotions. I wasn't very good at all, and this caused me to fall flat on my face.
I then discovered something else that might be wrong. The implants in my left eye were migrating, and I was just starting to feel the pain.
Not long after those slight disturbances to my "perfect year," I went up to Tamworth and spent a week with Emily. We had a great time, sitting around and reading books, playing music and doing things like that. In the middle of all this though, Emily and I both had to be rushed to the opthamologist, because we were both suffering eyepain.
The roadtrips up there and back did wonders for my independants, and I didn't know it then, but I'd need these new skills in the months to come. I started back at school as I was meant to, Mum believed that things would improve for me there. They did, but not in the way she would have hoped.
The month of February was quite an empty one. Nothing really happened except Mum finding a new creepy moron to sleep with, and me having no Valentine, something I'd grown quite used to. It was in March when things really started to happen.
Amung a few people in the blind community, the birthday party of linlet was much looked forward to. The main reason for this was the oppertunity for people (some of whom hadn't seen each other since BMC) to catch up and enjoy celebrating a friend. I planned to come up the day before the party and stay with beccatamagotchi for a night. I did this, but before that I was suddenly forced to go to the coast, so Mum could be with her moron. We arived at the trayler where he lives at 2 in the morning, which was bloody annoying.
At the home of beccatamagotchi we hung out together, and stayed up talking till about 3. So, another late night for me.
Now, for Hailey's party. What can I say? I had so much fun, and I even danced, which is something I just don't do. But I had met imahead and somehow that night, I knew that I would fall in love with him. It's even possible that I fell in love at Hailey's party, I don't know.
A week later, I made what was probably the biggest and craziest decision I think I've ever made. No, it was the biggest, the craziest, and the best. On 27 March 2007, I ran away from home.
I didn't actually get very far, only across the road. I'm glad I ended up there though, instead of in a bus shelter in Civic, which was where I told Sandra I was headed.
It was all so strange how it happened. Mum got Sandra to take me to school. Sandra, who I hardly knew. I only knew her as the woman across the road who owned the nerdy children. In her car, she said I could stay at her place for a few days, until Mum and I could sort things out. It ended up being a lot longer than that, 9 months in fact.
If there's one thing I've learned this year, it's how lucky I am. That day when Sandra picked me up, she saved my life. I probably wouldn't have lasted long in a bus shelter, and if I'd stayed with Mum I deffinatly wouldn't have survived. So thank you, Sandra, Chloe and Tess.
April was another big month. I begun it in a relationship with Andrew that only lasted a week, and ended it with the abillity to choose what is right, instead of what is easy. I was also reunited with David in April. David was my boyfriend in 2004, but I'd become astranged from him in 2005 because of a fight on BMC.
May was also big. There was my birthday as usual, I turned 16. I didn't have a party or anything. I tried to have a birthday with Mum, but failed due to her inabillity to keep away from the things she's addicted to for too long. My gifts wern't even wrapped, and I hardly had a cake. It was that night though, when I realized how much Andrew cares for me. However, Sandra didn't want me to go out with him again, because she thought that I'd use him like I used David. In a way I agreed, I didn't want Andrew to be hurt.
On the 19th of May I heard something from beccatamagotchi about someone I used to know when I was small. It wasn't good, and it hit me hard. I didn't do anything about it though.
Then there was the 20th. On the 20th of May, 2007, I started really going out with Andrew. I came into the relationship with a fragile heart and not much else. I didn't know what the relationship would bring, and I was sure it wouldn't last. I really wanted it to though. All I knew then was that I loved him. Thanks to him, I know much more now. He has been there for me through some extremely hard times, he has helped me to accept myself for who I am, and he has brought me closer to God.
At the end of May, my Mum decided to turn on Sandra in an attempt to make me come back home. Having a TCA (temperary care agreement) put in front of her face was obviously too much for her. Several weird things happened as a result of that, including having Chloe and Tess come out in the morning, to find me having coffee with a policeman who thought I was retarded.
June was big in terms of my acodemic life, because that was the month in which I had my first set of year 10 exams. But before that on the Queen's Birthday long weekend I went up to Sydney to see Andrew. This was the first time I would see him as a boyfriend, and I also met his parents. We had a lovely time together, and our relationship was strengthened. I remember getting off the bus after it with the biggest smile on my face, I was so happy.
My exams were not as scary as I had imagined they would be, and I did alright.
Then Andrew and I had our 1 month anniversary, which felt so good. I felt like after so long, I'd finally acheaved something as far as relationships were concerned.
But a few days after that, something very sad happened. We lost one of the teachers at our school to a car crash. I didn't know her very well, but she changed things for me at school, without me even knowing it till we lost her.
On the last day of June, BMC began. BMC 2007 was the best BMC I had. I enjoyed myself so much, and learned a lot. I wrote an entry on that, so I don't really need to go into it.
Straight after BMC, I went up to Sydney to stay with imahead and have my second eye opperation. This time, it was a success, and I think that while up there, with Andrew sitting at my bedside, I really learned what love was. I remember back in 2005 when jdx_random and I campaigned for a long time that what psycho_rabbit said about young people not knowing what love was was wrong. I believe that young people know how to feel love, but not how to show it propperly.
As soon as I went back to school after my opperation, everyone started talking about nothing but the formal. I was slightly worried that I wouldn't be able to go, due to not having my new eye. But oh well, I went in glasses. I also wrote an entry on that, so I don't need to go into it either. The formal was a big thing for Andrew and I, as we knew that we were a blind couple in a bunch of sighted students, and we were letting all the world see that.
Things went down hill in September. My Mum told me that I wasn't allowed to have my dog Mikey, even though by law, he's mine. The fight for him was so hard, and in the end I lost. But still I'm glad I faught. I can't write much about the fight in here because I need to protect myself. All I'll say on that matter is I don't have my dog, but I still have myself, and that fight has brought me back to my family.
October didn't have much happen in it either. The most exciting thing that happened in October was going up to see Andrew, and getting accidentally locked in his room because the doorhandle was broken.
In November I had my second set of year 10 exams, I did alright in those too. Andrew and I also had our 6 month anniversary, which made me feel like I had acheaved even more. It was so good for us to reach that milestone together. Shame it had to be on the same day as my maths and science exams. But oh well. After those exams, I went to Sydney, got my new eye, and saw my cousins for the first time in a while. I had a great time with them, and having my new eye means that I no longer need to wear my glasses, even though Dad gave me three pairs just before that.
I graduated year 10, and felt so good about it. I feel like my life is finally going somewhere. I saw Andrew after I graduated, and I had fun with him. The meeting between him and my Dad went well. In fact, it went so well that Dad is now always saying "Do this like Andrew does," "Do that like Andrew does."
Then there was Christmas, as there's always Christmas. Christmas this year was great. I got some interesting gifts from Sandra, including Kisschasy's second album, a DVD of The Choir of Hard Knocks, and a dancing duck. From Andrew I got a perfume set, and from Dad amung other things I got a speaker set. After we opened our gifts, we packed up and went to Dalmeny, where I am now. It was the strangest Christmas I've ever had, even stranger than 2005. We had McDonalds for Christmas lunch, even though I hate it.
These past few days have just been spent doing the usual things one does when at the coast. I'm so sunburnt, but I'm hoping I'll go brown.
Now that this entry is coming to a close, I'm going to thank everyone who has made a difference in my life this year. If I miss anyone, I'm sorry.
Firstly, I'd like to thank Sandra, Chloe and Tess.
Sandra, you took me into your home, even though you thought I was insane. You fed, clothed and cared for me for 9 months, even though you didn't have to. I'll never be able to repay you for what you've done for me. you've been an awsome friend and a great "foster carer," and I'm sad that I'll be leaving soon.
Chloe, you gave me your bedroom, even though you needed it. You didn't ask any questions, just let me in and befriended me.
Tess, it's been great sharing a computer desk with you, and I'm almost sad that I'll have to have my own soon. You've been an awsome friend, and on ocasion an awsome studdy buddy.
Secondly, I'd like to thank people at school.
Both teachers and friends alike, who have supported me through everything and encouraged me to keep going, even though everything was getting in my way.
Thirdly, I'd like to thank Hailey.
Hailey, you've been an awsome friend, and you were there when everything fell down, and you helped both Andrew and I to pick things back up. Keep hang in there, it'll work out for you too.
Fourthly, I'd like to thank my Dad.
Dad, you took all four of us back, even after all we'd done to you. We all know that these past few years have been tough for you, but we're all hoping that this year will be much better.
Lastly, I'd like to thank Andrew.
Andrew, you've been wonderful. I won't write any more in here, but I hope that this year will be even better for us. I love you.
All my other friends, Rebecca, David, Emily etc you've all been cool, and I hope that this year is even better for all of you than last one.
Now, I shall post this.
Happy new year, everyone!