transformers 2
Erm... well aren't sequels always worse than the original? Basically it was like the first movie, except 3 times longer (allowing for the 3 times more complicated plot) and with 900% more violence! Oh, and specism. Yeah, I hate Hollywood. I mean, it's not enough that movies are misogynistic and marginalises other cultures but sure, let's all believe our species is superior to all others!
But my first problem is with the plot. Like, wtf? First we see that Sam has to go to college. After a tearful goodbye with Bumblebee and Mikaela (and mum) it turns out he spends exactly 2 days in college, picking up a useless sidekick in the process. Bumblebee appears on his doorstep his first evening at college and Mikaela arrives 1 day later. Oh, and he also gets attacked by a random Decepticon called Alice, who is then promptly destroyed around 1 hour later.
...
Then he gets embroiled by the whole Decepticons thing because, you know, they never stop attacking people! And also because Bay likes violence, mindless violence. So Sam says, "Yeah Prime, you know, I want a normal life, not going there again, if you get my drift." But then he changes his mind and turns out that he needs to save the Earth, you know, because he's the only one who can. Yup.
Also, for no reason at all, Mikaela tortures a Decepticon, by blowing out its eye with a flaming welding thing. Cheers, you say? Strong female character? This Decepticon changes into a toy 4x4. You know, the ones my little brother plays with? And it is all of 2 foot tall. And prior to capture it has done absolutely nothing - nothing at all! - to harm anyone. Sure, threaten it with the torch thing, by all means. But blowing out its eye to show how serious business you are? That's barbaric. It sickens me. Sick little kids torture creatures smaller than them, not perfectly sane adult women. (Because, let's face it, Megan Fox looks thirty.)
And it also sickens me how with all this mindless, pointless, "cathartic" violence, it's still only a 12A. I mean, let's list some of the ways sentient aliens are destroyed in this movie: face torn apart, body cleaved into two, bashed into a lamppost than run over, shot in several thousand places, red-hot blade through body, and of course the aforementioned scalding of eye, etc... and that's without counting self-inflicted damage (tearing out of own heart). If these aliens had been anything - anything! - with flesh and blood (god forbid, human lookalikes!) that movie would have had a giant red 18 stuck onto it (or gone direct to video) no questions asked. But, because they're aliens, and evil, and, most important of all robots (nevermind that these robots are clearly shown to experience pain!) it's perfectly acceptable stuff.
I brisle at this specism. If the aliens had been animals, the PETA would have been all over this. But because it's sci-fi, that means it's okay to believe that we are above other species. Violence against metal robots is ok! It sickens me. But back to the plot:
Cue Egypt. Gorgeousness. But, you know what I said earlier about marginalising other cultures...? Yeah, basically not a single Egyptian speaks. Oh, and between every scene there is a fight. Obviously. And forget about the priceless historical monuments, they were all built by aliens. Which means it's okay to bomb/smash/hoover them at will. Yup. So Sam needs to run 2 miles to where the army is. Guess what? It takes them a whole fricking hour. That's like a third of the movie. I don't even remember what happens, but it involves a lot of near-death experiences, impossible stunts (physics doesn't work that way) and chickens. To add a touch of home, perhaps.
Oh, and don't worry about Mikaela. She spends the whole movie trying to get Sam to tell her she loves her, wearing short shorts and acting hot. And screaming/crying as needed. She even carries a Decepticon around as her chihuahua! Apart from Mom, she is the only female character (and Mom is required to be Teary, High and Abducted... all in one movie! But she's hilarious, so that's ok).
So these people spend a whole hour crossing some 2 miles of sand and then it turns out Prime comes to the rescue and destroys the threat! So... they crossed the desert for No Reason At All. Yup. And the Big Bad Baddie is killed, yada yada, everyone lives happy ever after.
So wait - what was the whole movie about? Beats me. But 2 and a half hours of screentime for the same price as your regular Adult ticket is pretty nifty. And if you're a hardcore fan of Transformers (you know, the real deal)/gorgeous cars, you should definitely watch. I mean, no one goes for the plot, right?
Right?
So there are good points to the bad. The movie is gorgeous... when you can figure out what's going on. And there's some nice humour to spice it up between the mindless homicide. Also, new characters, which is always exciting. As long as you don't mind specism and violence, it's a perfectly acceptable movie, in fact.
I'm tired just writing about this movie. Gosh. If you're going to watch, better hope you have some stamina!
But my first problem is with the plot. Like, wtf? First we see that Sam has to go to college. After a tearful goodbye with Bumblebee and Mikaela (and mum) it turns out he spends exactly 2 days in college, picking up a useless sidekick in the process. Bumblebee appears on his doorstep his first evening at college and Mikaela arrives 1 day later. Oh, and he also gets attacked by a random Decepticon called Alice, who is then promptly destroyed around 1 hour later.
...
Then he gets embroiled by the whole Decepticons thing because, you know, they never stop attacking people! And also because Bay likes violence, mindless violence. So Sam says, "Yeah Prime, you know, I want a normal life, not going there again, if you get my drift." But then he changes his mind and turns out that he needs to save the Earth, you know, because he's the only one who can. Yup.
Also, for no reason at all, Mikaela tortures a Decepticon, by blowing out its eye with a flaming welding thing. Cheers, you say? Strong female character? This Decepticon changes into a toy 4x4. You know, the ones my little brother plays with? And it is all of 2 foot tall. And prior to capture it has done absolutely nothing - nothing at all! - to harm anyone. Sure, threaten it with the torch thing, by all means. But blowing out its eye to show how serious business you are? That's barbaric. It sickens me. Sick little kids torture creatures smaller than them, not perfectly sane adult women. (Because, let's face it, Megan Fox looks thirty.)
And it also sickens me how with all this mindless, pointless, "cathartic" violence, it's still only a 12A. I mean, let's list some of the ways sentient aliens are destroyed in this movie: face torn apart, body cleaved into two, bashed into a lamppost than run over, shot in several thousand places, red-hot blade through body, and of course the aforementioned scalding of eye, etc... and that's without counting self-inflicted damage (tearing out of own heart). If these aliens had been anything - anything! - with flesh and blood (god forbid, human lookalikes!) that movie would have had a giant red 18 stuck onto it (or gone direct to video) no questions asked. But, because they're aliens, and evil, and, most important of all robots (nevermind that these robots are clearly shown to experience pain!) it's perfectly acceptable stuff.
I brisle at this specism. If the aliens had been animals, the PETA would have been all over this. But because it's sci-fi, that means it's okay to believe that we are above other species. Violence against metal robots is ok! It sickens me. But back to the plot:
Cue Egypt. Gorgeousness. But, you know what I said earlier about marginalising other cultures...? Yeah, basically not a single Egyptian speaks. Oh, and between every scene there is a fight. Obviously. And forget about the priceless historical monuments, they were all built by aliens. Which means it's okay to bomb/smash/hoover them at will. Yup. So Sam needs to run 2 miles to where the army is. Guess what? It takes them a whole fricking hour. That's like a third of the movie. I don't even remember what happens, but it involves a lot of near-death experiences, impossible stunts (physics doesn't work that way) and chickens. To add a touch of home, perhaps.
Oh, and don't worry about Mikaela. She spends the whole movie trying to get Sam to tell her she loves her, wearing short shorts and acting hot. And screaming/crying as needed. She even carries a Decepticon around as her chihuahua! Apart from Mom, she is the only female character (and Mom is required to be Teary, High and Abducted... all in one movie! But she's hilarious, so that's ok).
So these people spend a whole hour crossing some 2 miles of sand and then it turns out Prime comes to the rescue and destroys the threat! So... they crossed the desert for No Reason At All. Yup. And the Big Bad Baddie is killed, yada yada, everyone lives happy ever after.
So wait - what was the whole movie about? Beats me. But 2 and a half hours of screentime for the same price as your regular Adult ticket is pretty nifty. And if you're a hardcore fan of Transformers (you know, the real deal)/gorgeous cars, you should definitely watch. I mean, no one goes for the plot, right?
Right?
So there are good points to the bad. The movie is gorgeous... when you can figure out what's going on. And there's some nice humour to spice it up between the mindless homicide. Also, new characters, which is always exciting. As long as you don't mind specism and violence, it's a perfectly acceptable movie, in fact.
I'm tired just writing about this movie. Gosh. If you're going to watch, better hope you have some stamina!