Only When I'm Drunk
Title: Only When I'm Drunk
Author:
piyokolove
Pairing: Die x Kyo
Fandom: DIR EN GREY
Rating: NC-17
Summary: You would think thirteen years would be plenty enough time to work up the courage to finally express to someone how you really felt.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dir en grey I make no money from the writing of this. I do not claim any of this to be truthful.
Warnings: M/M, Anal,
Notes: This is for the ever amazing
cadkitten for the
direngrey_yaoi winter exchange 2013. Damn, I hope you like this.
Beta Readers: N/A
You would think thirteen years would be plenty enough time to work up the courage to finally express to someone how you really felt. Whether it was telling them off and cutting them out of your life, or embracing them and pulling them in closer. One would also think that all of the words a person thought up in their head over the years to express such feelings would come flooding back when the time was right. Well that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.
Die downed what was left of the scotch, the raw taste burning as it slid down his throat, but at this point in his life he barely felt the burn. His head was swimming and he fumbled for his phone on the bar top, nearly falling off of his stool as he stood up and wandered through his house only to wind up standing out on the balcony, the cold air whipping up around him but he didn’t notice as he picked out Kyo’s number from his contacts, calling him without a second thought.
The younger man groaned when he suddenly heard his phone going off on his bedside table and a hand shot out from under his pillow to slap at it, but when he realized it was his phone and not his alarm clock he groaned even louder, agitation clear in the sound. Answering the call he brought the mobile to his ear, snapping out a quick hello as he buried the other side of his face against his pillow.
“Kyo.. I.. I love you.” Was all he heard on the other side, along with a string of curses as he heard glass shatter in the background, and the vocalist was suddenly wide awake, brows furrowed together in worry. “Die, what the fuck are you doing? It’s..” He shot a quick glance to his alarm clock, sighing as it read 3:21am. “It’s three in the morning. Go to bed and we’ll talk tomorrow when you’re sober.” But this wasn’t a good enough answer for the guitarist, it never was.
“No! I have to see you now.. I love you and I need to see you. Get here.. now.. Kyo..” Kyo was silent for a moment, eyes closing as he sat up in bed, debating with himself on whether or not he really wanted to make this trip. Another groan and Kyo found himself reluctantly pulling himself out of bed, shivering as warm feet touched the cold wood floor. “I’m on my way.” That was the only reply Die got before Kyo ended the call, grumbling angrily as he got dressed as best as he could for the minimal amount of sleep his was running on.
Nearly thirty minutes later and Kyo found himself beating down Die’s door, knuckles white as the broad side of his fisted hand pounded against the wood. Not a minute later the door was yanked open and before he could get a word out he was suddenly snatched from his place in the hallway, a hand grabbing at his shirt and pulling him inside with such a force Kyo hardly believed it was Die, but he knew the other could throw himself around when he got drunk. Figuring this would be like every other time Die got drunk, just rambling on about his feelings and how he couldn’t live without him, the vocalist definitely wasn’t ready when lips suddenly met his own.
Hands flew up to Die’s broad chest, fingers digging at the fabric of his shirt and he wanted so badly to give in, to stop fighting after all of these years, but he couldn’t let go of his pride. He wasn’t going to give something to Die that he wasn’t even going to remember come morning.
Shoving at the taller man Kyo wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and he looked over the empty bottle of scotch on the countertop as he moved away from the swaying guitarist. So he was well and drunk, of course. He shot a dangerous look at Die and simply walked away, suddenly in need of fresh air to clear his head. He needed to get away from the other man, but he didn’t want to leave him like this.
Pulling open the balcony door he stepped outside, shuddering softly as the cool air met his skin for the second time that night, and he walked to the railing. Fingers of one hand curled against the cold metal and he sighed, the other hand rubbing at his temples. He wanted nothing more than to give in, to let Die win and give him what he knew the guitarist wanted. But he wasn’t going to let himself lose like this. In the thirteen years they had known each other Kyo had been on this end of Die’s drunken calls too times by now but each time he was plastered and there was no way he would remember anything that would happen between them. Kyo hoped that each time he received a late night call that the Die on the other end would be of sound mind, but it was the same each time.
Even in the haze of his thoughts Kyo heard Die stumble outside and when he felt an arm come around his waist from behind he just sighed. He was used to Die being very hands on when drunk, they all were, but he really drew the line when he felt lips working a heated trail up his neck. A shudder raced down his spine, betraying his position and he snapped.
“You stupid idiot, why can’t you ever confess all of this bullshit when you’re sober?” Kyo snarled, turning around quickly shoving at the drunken guitarist when he leaned his weight against him and Die groaned softly as his back collided with the brick wall of the building. Kyo’s words were ringing in his head and he was beginning to think that perhaps his plan of drinking half of the liquid courage stocked up in his apartment before all of this was backfiring, just a bit. Though, Kyo made it sound like he had done this before. But no matter what Kyo’s words were trying to pull from his head he still had to get his two cents in, a fight with Kyo never complete without his two cents.
“Because I’m never completely sober, you bastard. It’s either this or nothing! You once said you’d accept me no matter what.. so fuck you, here I am!” The older man nearly shouted, his voice heavy in the air and when he dared glance down at Kyo he swore he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end from the look he was giving him in that moment. It sparked with anger and pure aggression, but Die noticed something else for once. An unspoken request for him to do more than simply confess.
Kyo opened his mouth to yell at him again but Die suddenly clapped a palm over his mouth, his face a mask of seriousness. Lips were drawn into a tight line and brows were furrowed, eyes staring down at the other man. The vocalist blinked up at him in shock, wondering in shock if he had suddenly sobered up in the past five minutes.
“The bottle was already nearly empty…” Was all Die said as he moved his hand from Kyo’s mouth to cup his cheek and before Kyo could say anything Die had started another kiss between them, but this time it was more controlled, the guitarist obviously still having enough wits about him. And suddenly Kyo stopped resisting. The sudden realization being that while Die may not be entirely, one hundred percent sober, he was still in control of himself. He knew what he was doing. Hopefully in control enough to remember in the morning, but for once Kyo would leave that to chance.
Impatiently, Kyo deepened the kiss. Tongue speared into the older man’s mouth, earning him a surprised groan and hands that snaked their way around his waist, one grabbing at his pert backside. The cold was barely felt now as they clung to each other; Kyo’s hands in Die’s long black hair, fingers tangled in the wind whipped locks.
Die’s mouth tasted of alcohol and cigarettes but Kyo found that it only made him want the other man more, so when Die suddenly pulled away eyes snapped open and he shot a hand out, grabbing and yanking at the guitarist’s shirt roughly to keep him in place. Die simply laughed, a hand being laid on Kyo’s own as if to hold him there. “I want to fuck you, Kyo.” His eyes never left Kyo’s own as he gauged his reaction to his words, letting the words settle between them for a moment before he continued. “I’ve wanted it for so long that it’s a need now.” As he spoke he grabbed at Kyo’s free hand and pressed it to the front of his pants, letting his actual need speak for him now, and when the vocalist’s eyes took on that knowing hint the guitarist smirked.
“Fuck me, Die.”
Die really didn’t need to be told twice.
Pulling the smaller man back inside he led him down the hallway to his room before shoving the him back against the bed with a toothy smile. Die then made him watch as he undid his pants, slowly pushing them down to reveal the bulge in the front of his boxer briefs. Dropping a hand he ran it over the bulge, kneading the hard flesh there with a groan and he hung his head forward, eyes finding Kyo’s own through the veil of his hair and he couldn’t help but smirk again. “If you think I’m coming over there, you’re wrong.. Come here.” Kyo growled and Die laughed as he found himself complying. He pulled off his shirt and his underwear then finally made his way onto the bed, moving between the blond’s thighs, hands on his hips as he pulled his hips back to meet Die’s own.
“You’re still fully clothed.” The guitarist chuckled gruffly as lips blazed a trail along Kyo’s jawline and down his neck, tongue swiping across the warm skin, teeth nicking the flesh just see Kyo shudder. Hands began to work under the vocalist’s shirt, calloused fingers running along ribs and slightly scarred skin and with a soft grunt Kyo shifted to allow the other to pull his shirt off, revealing heavily tattooed skin. Die was more impatient now when it came to the other’s pants. Hands fiddled clumsily with buttons before simply yanking the garment down, grabbing at his underwear to pull them all off together.
He stared down at the other man and before he could stop it a moan tumbled from his lips, dick twitching against Kyo’s own as he leaned over him. Kyo smirked, reaching a hand up to grab at Die’s long black hair and he yanked him down roughly, a moan from both being muffled as their bodies met. Hips rutted together as hands grappled for anything they could grab onto. The vocalist dug nails into Die’s backside and the guitarist moaned into the kiss, hips bucking forward again and Kyo pulled his head back, arching up against the other further.
“Fuck the foreplay, Die.” He mumbled sharply, shoving up at the other, pushing him to sit back as he shifted onto his hands and knees. Kyo’s chest rose and fell quickly, cheeks heated slightly from the way he was exposing himself so intimately to Die but he knew this man, knew his feelings. There was nothing to hide from him, at least not physically.
Die was silent for a moment, his head not having caught up with his body just yet. But, after a few seconds ticked by he boldly reached a hand out, running it along the other man’s backside, squeezing the warm flesh before he brushed two fingers against his asshole. He smirked as Kyo shuddered, lowering himself down on his elbows and he cast Die a lustful gaze, eyes half lidded and dark. “Lube, now, before I decide I want your ass instead.”
Reaching into his bedside table he fumbled around before pulling out a string of condoms, tearing off one for the time being, and he tossed a tube of lube onto the bed. Popping the cap he poured a liberal amount of the thick liquid onto his fingers and without another word he worked on finger inside of the smaller man, humming in approval at how eagerly he accepted the digit. After a moment of work he added a second, sighing heavily as he listened to Kyo muffle a groan into the pillow.
“Ready?” Die asked, the smile on his lips evident in his voice and Kyo shot him a look that could kill, but it faded when the guitarist curled his fingers inside of him again. “Yes.. Die, please.” He gritted out, hating to have to beg for what he really wanted, but when those fingers disappeared, leaving him feeling suddenly so empty he knew he would have begged harder if Die had only asked.
After rolling the condom on and slicking his palm across the barrier the guitarist shifted onto his knees, one hand on the vocalist’s hip as he slowly began to push into him, Kyo’s body shifting back against him as he filled him. The smaller man shuddered again, a moan instead coming out as a quick sigh and he rubbed his cheek against the pillow. Die was still for a moment, despite the urge within him to simply throw caution to the wind, but when Kyo bucked his hips back against him he got the hint that slow and steady wasn’t exactly what the younger man wanted. Of course not.
Hands on Kyo’s hips pulled him back as far his body would go against Die and hips began a slow roll before he thrust into him roughly, earning him a muffled groan. He repeated the process, nails digging into warm flesh now and he grew more adventurous. Hands ran down the younger man’s arched back, hips grinding against him and Kyo gasped, whining against his will now, but Die wasn’t slow for much longer.
Hips began to piston into him, his movements quick and steady, making the other turn his head to gasp for a breath before another moan was forced from him.Fingers suddenly grabbed at blond hair as he pushed the smaller man’s head down against the mattress, loving the way he moaned out his curses and grabbed at the sheets as if his life depended on it. This wasn’t some tender display of emotion Die had been wanting to give the other for years now. No, this was primal, the need Die had specifically been talking about. Hips met Kyo’s backside again with a harsh slap and the younger man arched back with a choked moan, eyes squeezing shut as he ground teeth together.
Jaw clenched as he tried to keep himself composed as Die ran hands along his back and grabbed at his hips, keeping his ass up as he thrust repeatedly into the other man’s warmth. Though try as he might his composure soon fell away when the other struck against his prostate, a low scream being ripped right from his throat and he knew he would regret it in the morning when his voice was scratchy and throat near raw but he let go.
Die’s name came in the form of moans and pants, and when the older man reached around his waist to curl slender fingers around his throbbing cock he gasped from the sudden jolt of pleasure that went through him. The friction between them, the constant in and out, it was building up and Kyo tried to hold off as long as possible, already feeling that familiar curling in his abdomen. He grit his teeth again and knuckles were white in the sheets, holding on as best as he could, but with one last pointed thrust he was thrown over with a gasping scream. Eyes shot open and back arched almost painfully as he lost it across the sheets and Die’s hand.
His whole body was a live wire and Die knew exactly how to handle him.
He had given himself over completely to the other man, something he rarely did, and in the back of his head the guitarist knew Kyo wouldn’t be so easy to handle if there was a next time.
Hips tried to keep a steady rhythm but as Kyo clenched around him he lost it, his motions falling into quick, chopping thrusts meant to simply get him off now. Die suddenly buried himself inside the other, his cock pulsing inside of him as he came with a load moan of Kyo’s name.
Kyo lay there panting, face rubbing into the pillow as he tried to catch his breath and he looked over to Die as he moved to lay beside him after cleaning the both of them up. “So how many time did I confess to you before?” The guitarist asked almost sheepishly, a shy smile touching at his lips now and Kyo couldn’t help but mirror the smile but much more confidently.
“At least half a dozen times. Though to be completely honest I kind of lost count after the first four.” The dark haired man audibly groaned, his head turning to bury his face against the other pillow and the blond couldn’t help but laugh now. “But, I’m glad this time it finally worked out. It would have been a shame to have missed out on this yet again.” Kyo whispered as he kissed at Die’s shoulder before draping himself across the older man’s back, humming softly. Happiness radiated through him and though thoroughly embarrassed by his drunken antics Die was happy as well. He finally got what he wanted. What he needed.