in which piyo does not know what to do
I don't know why when it comes to looking for a job I suddenly become flustered and confused and, lost really. I guess I just don't understand why it should it be so hard to find something, but then again, I know what the economy is like at the moment and know that it's hard for everyone. My family wants me to get a job, a good job with steady hours, decent pay and whatever other perks I might be able to get. Thing is, all the jobs like that that I have applied to always seem to fall through. I don't have the experience they require, and even if I find something that is implied to be "entry level", they still want experience and in the end, I'm never really given the time of day or a shot. Granted, there is most likely plenty of qualified people out there who are applying for the same job, so my chances are lessened.
But, I'm not supposed to sell myself short. That's what I keep hearing from my aunt and Dad. I have "a lot to offer", they say, am "a good worker with very good work ethic". I mean, I'd like to think that with the jobs I've had over the last few years that I've been good at what I've done. I like doing a good job, I like being there at work, and I like the interaction between guests and co-workers. Really, I like to think that I've been somewhat happy doing the things I have done. Only now, it's not enough and I have to either pick up a second job, or leave the one place that has really made me happy.
I shouldn't be picky, though, or selfish. I understand that sacrifices have to be made, and if that means leaving where I am then I guess it's just something I will have to do. If I can find something that will work out with working two jobs, then that's great too. I know I won't be the first out there to handle two jobs, and while I haven't really experienced it like my sister has (she who, at one time was working three), I know what it's like to go from being 8 hours around toddlers to a 6 hour closing shift at a clothing store in one day. It's hard, and tiring, but it's just something that has to be done.
So, my dilemma then is where should I find that second job, if such a job (that will allow me to either stay at my current location or will give me more hours in incentive to leave) does exist? I have three current possibilities: a store managed by a friend of my uncle, a store where two of my friends currently work and helped in suggesting me, and one place I thought I might not want to go back to. The answer to picking one, should be easy and obvious: who is going to pay me more and give me more hours? But why am I having such a hard time with it? Bed Bath and Beyond (where my uncle's friend works) should be able to give me a decent amount of hours, but I would hate to feel like I had to live up to certain expectations being the niece of a friend, or that I made either my uncle or my manager look bad to their friend. And then there is Rainforest Cafe, where two of my friends work. As of yesterday, I was offered a job there and took it, knowing just about how much I would make and how many hours I would work. It isn't that I don't want to work there; it's more that, what if something else is offered to me that might be a better situation? I don't want to let down either my friends or their work, seeing as how they suggested me for the position.
And then, there is Disneyland.
Yes, I almost can't believe I said it either. It was a fluke that I decided to go down to Casting yesterday. I didn't think anything would come of it, since last time I was "kindly" turned away. Instead, I sat around for a little over four hours to learn I have an interview next week. Now, I have no idea what is going to happen, and I may be stressing over nothing if a job is not offered...but if one is, would I take it? I know I complained constantly when I did work there, but it was leaving that made me realize how much I missed it.
I mean, the only reason I went back was because I keep being told to "keep looking", that just because I find one thing doesn't mean I have to settle. But, what if I want to settle? At least, for a little while, anyway. I'm getting tired of going from place to place to place, only to get turned down time and time again. At this point, I'm not going to be able to get a job as a clerk or as a secretary or at a bank, lets face it. I've tried before and it hasn't happened. People with experience have lost their jobs and they are applying where I am applying, so the job, naturally, goes to them. As of right now, I'm really one a shoe-in at any retail location. I don't have school behind me, I don't have any other experience. I'm stuck, and I've accepted that, but I also want to be able to find job that I can accept and just...take it and stick with it.
I mean, I know work is supposed to be work and it's not all fun and games and that I'm not always going to be happy or able to do the things I want to do, but I know that and I accept that. But, I guess I just don't understand why I can't be happy about where I work. I want to be able to take pride in my workplace, like I do with Torrid. I want to be know that I'm going to a place where I feel comfortable, and I know what I'm doing, and know that I'm going to do a good job and be satisfied with my work. I don't want to make anyone mad with whatever my decision is, because I think, in the end, it's my decision and my family and friends will just have to support that. As my friend told me last night on the phone, "What kind of a friend would I be if I were mad at you over a job?" I know I worry about it, and worry about pleasing people, but-and I don't want this to come off as selfish or mean-some times you do have to look out for yourself and do what you think is best for you.
Maybe if I feel like I've made the right decision, others will feel the same way. It's my life, and no one can live it but me, so if anything, I should be the one happy with the decisions that I've made. Doesn't mean that making that decision is going to be any easier to make, and I know that no matter what there is going to be someone who just isn't happy, but I've been so worried about other people's happiness that I've forgotten about me. I've been making myself sick worrying about what everyone is going to think that it's almost as though my own thoughts mean nothing. But, I am just as important as they are, and my word and my thoughts and opinions mean just as much.
After all, no one can make you happy but yourself. Happiness is something that you yourself have to choose to be, and I think I'm ready to let myself be happy.