(no subject)
So life is weird and ridiculous... being back after spending so much time at home has left me in this weird place where I'm not sure where I fit. I just dont feel like I agree with anyone and want to SCREAM at people for not seeing how lucky they are. Everyone is so negative and single minded... I wish people would come out of their own lil worlds and take 5 seconds to see how other people live and feel and think and are...
I am also upset about my Birthday. It always sucks and I only remember my 16th b-day as being good. So this year for my 21st I was like-O I'll go to europe and it will be great... I can leave the country and spend my 21st in ireland with my oldest friend since i cant do a big b-day with my friends cause everyone will be away... BUT then she ims me and is like-thats not a good week lots of people r coming... WELL I have been ur friend longest and am visiting other people and this is the only week i can come... SO there goes 21 in Ireland with my best friend who doesnt even call anymore. THEN there is the fact that no one can go to europe with me... THEN that my old friends lie and keep secrets and my new friends r all theatre people and I dont know how to take half the shit that goes down with them. I am just frustrated and sick of having crappy birthdays and feeling lonely and hating my family and school and friends sometimes... Sometimes I just wanna wake up and be someone else. UGH UGH UGH...
So this is my drunken rant. My birthday will surely suck and hopefully atleast i wont blow at irene ryans or this semester at life. I just want life to be different. I just cant take the constant dissappointment. I just dont know why I now care what they think... I feel like I backslide from last semester and i need to break away from it all...and now i dont know what to do for springbreak or my birthday or anything. Maybe I'll just go home to my family and spend 21 with the fake smiles side OR the alcoholic mentally unsound side. YAY-I wish I had a really good friend with my right now. I hate my life right now... I hate who I am and I need a change.
I am also upset about my Birthday. It always sucks and I only remember my 16th b-day as being good. So this year for my 21st I was like-O I'll go to europe and it will be great... I can leave the country and spend my 21st in ireland with my oldest friend since i cant do a big b-day with my friends cause everyone will be away... BUT then she ims me and is like-thats not a good week lots of people r coming... WELL I have been ur friend longest and am visiting other people and this is the only week i can come... SO there goes 21 in Ireland with my best friend who doesnt even call anymore. THEN there is the fact that no one can go to europe with me... THEN that my old friends lie and keep secrets and my new friends r all theatre people and I dont know how to take half the shit that goes down with them. I am just frustrated and sick of having crappy birthdays and feeling lonely and hating my family and school and friends sometimes... Sometimes I just wanna wake up and be someone else. UGH UGH UGH...
So this is my drunken rant. My birthday will surely suck and hopefully atleast i wont blow at irene ryans or this semester at life. I just want life to be different. I just cant take the constant dissappointment. I just dont know why I now care what they think... I feel like I backslide from last semester and i need to break away from it all...and now i dont know what to do for springbreak or my birthday or anything. Maybe I'll just go home to my family and spend 21 with the fake smiles side OR the alcoholic mentally unsound side. YAY-I wish I had a really good friend with my right now. I hate my life right now... I hate who I am and I need a change.