(no subject)
sometimes i find that i am not a strong person
today was one of those days
i don't know what i have to do to make her believe in me
i have so much faith in her
i know who she is, and for that i love her
i know her
at least i used to
but i let my own fears get in between the two of us and this amazing thing that we had. and then we tried again, but we were still stuck in that awful place where we had been before. and the potential of the two of us got narrower and narrower as we let our past hurt and fears dictate how we were with each other. until it got to the point that there was no future anymore. and the present only contained anger and distrust. and i suppose that is where we are today, even thought i tried to get us out of it by being friends. but friends doesn't work for her... and i don't know if it works for me either. and all i feel is pain. my heart is crying out... i are loosing her and there is nothing i can do to convince her to stay. why should she? why should she have ever given me a second chance? and now i'm asking for a third?
what do i do about this pain in my chest? it is so sharp it takes my breath away. its unbearable... heavy heavy heavy
we can never go back...
all i wanted was a second chance so that i could give her the chance that she deserved in the first place. i think maybe i asked to much. once you break someone's heart, forgiveness and a second chance do not come along so easily. i thought i could have it all. now i know that this is not possible. i hurt her beyond the realms that i could mend. i couldn't mend it because i was the one that broke it... i wish she could have seen how truely sincere i was. i knew what i had passed up the first time out of my own stupidity.
why can't i let myself love her? why can't i let myself get over my past pain so that i can be with her here in the present? i am so scared that i will loose her and go through the pain that i did with cheri, that i can't let her get to that place with me. so i create the idea that we have no future together and i give in to it! but guess what... my wonderful plan didn't work, because i am going through that pain anyways
i don't know what to do. i wish i could start over with a blank slate. i wish she could too. she means the world to me... i can not imagine my life without her. i don't want to imagine my life without her.
she is going to move on... find new women to be friends with and love. and i know i will to. but i will always remember her. she has taught me so much about just being myself with a person... learning how to be me, and how to be strong. i hope that she has gotten something good out of knowing me... not just the anger and frustration and headaches that i have caused her.
oh god! please don't let her walk away from me. please. i want to make things right between the two of us. i care so much about her. i want her in my life. let me be strong and not loose control.
she is already moving on...
today was one of those days
i don't know what i have to do to make her believe in me
i have so much faith in her
i know who she is, and for that i love her
i know her
at least i used to
but i let my own fears get in between the two of us and this amazing thing that we had. and then we tried again, but we were still stuck in that awful place where we had been before. and the potential of the two of us got narrower and narrower as we let our past hurt and fears dictate how we were with each other. until it got to the point that there was no future anymore. and the present only contained anger and distrust. and i suppose that is where we are today, even thought i tried to get us out of it by being friends. but friends doesn't work for her... and i don't know if it works for me either. and all i feel is pain. my heart is crying out... i are loosing her and there is nothing i can do to convince her to stay. why should she? why should she have ever given me a second chance? and now i'm asking for a third?
what do i do about this pain in my chest? it is so sharp it takes my breath away. its unbearable... heavy heavy heavy
we can never go back...
all i wanted was a second chance so that i could give her the chance that she deserved in the first place. i think maybe i asked to much. once you break someone's heart, forgiveness and a second chance do not come along so easily. i thought i could have it all. now i know that this is not possible. i hurt her beyond the realms that i could mend. i couldn't mend it because i was the one that broke it... i wish she could have seen how truely sincere i was. i knew what i had passed up the first time out of my own stupidity.
why can't i let myself love her? why can't i let myself get over my past pain so that i can be with her here in the present? i am so scared that i will loose her and go through the pain that i did with cheri, that i can't let her get to that place with me. so i create the idea that we have no future together and i give in to it! but guess what... my wonderful plan didn't work, because i am going through that pain anyways
i don't know what to do. i wish i could start over with a blank slate. i wish she could too. she means the world to me... i can not imagine my life without her. i don't want to imagine my life without her.
she is going to move on... find new women to be friends with and love. and i know i will to. but i will always remember her. she has taught me so much about just being myself with a person... learning how to be me, and how to be strong. i hope that she has gotten something good out of knowing me... not just the anger and frustration and headaches that i have caused her.
oh god! please don't let her walk away from me. please. i want to make things right between the two of us. i care so much about her. i want her in my life. let me be strong and not loose control.
she is already moving on...