[fic] Mizuki-centric
Title: Flipside
Pairing: Mizuki-centric ~ Higa ensemble
Rating: PG-13
Summary: On holiday with his family, Mizuki meets someone who changes his way of thinking and the way he views himself.
a/n ~ Whereupon Mizuki phones home and Kai loses his temper in a very big way.
Part I
Part II
The ceiling was, Mizuki decided, entirely generic and uninteresting. It was white and plain and there was a crack at the far end of one wall. Sometime in the past couple of hours, he'd imagined the crack widening - opening up to swallow all the furniture inside the room. He'd imagined himself falling into the ceiling's abyss and thought about making a game of closing his eyes to see how long he could keep them closed. He hadn't lasted long.
Two days had passed since Mizuki had run into Kite or any of his friends and though he'd spent those two days in a flurry of familial holiday activity, Mizuki still felt as though he hadn't seen anything worth leaving Tokyo for. They'd shopped, eaten in various restaurants, spent a ridiculous amount of time at the Aquarium whereupon Mizuki's father had embarrassed him with his enthusiasm and now, frowny-faced and full of misgivings, he lay supine on a rented bed and wished he were somewhere else. Wished he were someone else.
"Natsuru, fasten this," Nanami said, winding her hair into a bun atop her head and turning away from her sister. Mizuki watched passively, thinking of all the boys who would do anything to be lying where Mizuki was lying currently.
His sisters, preparing for a day out without the family, paraded around their room in various stages of undress. They ignored Mizuki, which was fine with him. Conversing with his sisters while they stood around in their underwear made him feel weird.
Doing up the buttons along the back of Nanami's summer dress, Natsuru glanced over her shoulder at Mizuki. "Hajime, aren't you going out? Tomorrow's our last full day."
Mizuki rolled over, presented his sister with his backside. She pretended to miss the significance.
"All you've done is hang out with the old people and skulk around the beach by yourself," she went on, disapproval clear in the tone of her voice.
"Uh-uh, Natsuru," Nanami interjected, smirking at the Mizuki lump on the bed. "You forget that he stayed out that one night. What do you suppose he was up to, hm?"
When Mizuki ignored her, she went on. "All those American soldiers hanging around; I'm sure there was plenty to get up to."
Mizuki had never given any indication to his family one way or the other as to his sexual preference. Not that he ever really thought about things like that - it was a waste of brainpower. "I hate you," he mumbled against the pillow.
"Aww, come on, Hajime," Nanami laughed, leaning over to smack Mizuki's hip playfully. "We're on holiday. Holiday means you're supposed to enjoy yourself."
Mizuki didn't answer. It was difficult to enjoy oneself when one had experienced a nearly fatal humiliation. Given that Nanami had likely never experienced anything remotely akin to humiliation, Mizuki figured it would be a waste of breath to try to explain. Besides that, he wasn't stupid. Never in a million years would he give anyone that sort of personal ammunition. Not even a member of his own family.
"Just leave me alone," he finally said, morose and dejected.
Almost immediately, Nanami's solicitous interest dissipated and the temperature in their room seemed to drop. Mizuki didn't care and, after a few moments, the girls took their leave in a flurry of floofy skirts, strappy sandals and long, glossy hair. In their wake remained the faint scent of hair product and cherry body spritz and the silence that enveloped Mizuki then was almost tangible. Heavy and thick with misgivings and injustice that only the very wronged could imagine.
Mizuki sighed, rolling to his back and glancing restlessly around the room. He was tired of staying in, honestly. He was scant yards from the seaside, from the freedom and beauty of his surroundings and, perhaps, even yards from Kite, as well. The possibility of seeing him, however, was the reason Mizuki couldn't bring himself to leave the safety of his hotel room. Maybe it was for the best that he leave Okinawa without speaking to Kite Eishirou ever again. Just go ahead and leave and let his embarrassment linger to amuse those Higa ruffians for months to come. It was unlikely that Kite would laugh at him - had ever laughed at him - but self-pity wasn't supposed to carry reason.
He eyed the phone sitting atop the bedside table and contemplated his father's ire upon checkout when he received the extra charges. Not that his father was particularly known for ire of any sort, but Mizuki knew that he'd be angry, or worse - disappointed. His cell, however, didn't have a great signal even when calling locally on the island.
After a few moments of internal debate, Mizuki rolled to his side again and reached for the receiver. The numbers he pressed were most familiar to him of any number that he could remember and his stomach knotted when the line opened and began to ring. Once, twice - please, please don't let Fuji Shuusuke pick up - and when the ringing stopped, Mizuki held his breath.
The greeting he received, sullen and characteristically unpleasant, put Mizuki immediately at ease. He smiled. "Yuuta."
"Mizuki-san!" was Yuuta's response, quite a bit more receptive than his initial greeting. "How are you?"
"Okay, I suppose," Mizuki said. "Being lazy on holiday, you know."
Laughing softly against the phone, Yuuta's voice lowered - probably hoping for just a moment of privacy from his meddling older brother. "Do you have a tan, Mizuki-san?"
Flush with sudden heat, Mizuki swallowed hard. Yuuta's words, Yuuta's voice...
"Er, not especially. You know I don't care to spend too much time in the sun."
"You'd get burned fast," Yuuta said solemnly. "What's Okinawa like?"
"Not like Tokyo," Mizuki was quick to say.
"Well, of course it's not like Tokyo," Yuuta said. "Is that a bad thing?"
It was on the tip of his tongue to say 'yes'. Yes, it is a bad thing and ugh, these people are all country bumpkins. But it wasn't. And they weren't. Yuuta was the only person who would understand something like that and readily agree. "No," he finally managed, lonely again. "Not really. I think you'd like it here."
"I hear the beaches are amazing," Yuuta went on. "Fishing and surfing and diving."
"You like to fish, Yuuta?" Mizuki asked, surprised. He'd never heard Yuuta express any interest in any of those activities.
Suddenly bashful, Yuuta mumbled into the phone, his voice even lower than before. Mizuki frowned - Fuji Shuusuke was surely in Yuuta's immediate vicinity.
"I've only been once or twice, but I liked it. And I've always wanted to try surfing."
"It's too bad you couldn't have come with me," Mizuki said in a rare show of true loneliness.
Yuuta was silent for a moment - Mizuki heard him sigh - before murmuring, "Yeah."
Despite his solitude and the certainty that Yuuta had no idea how he felt in that moment, Mizuki blushed, suffused with warmth and something astonishingly close to desire. "Maybe sometime we'll do those things. You and I."
Yuuta's murmur of assent was nearly inaudible and both boys fell silent, awkward when the conversation turned intimate. Mizuki sighed, forlorn, and Yuuta cleared his throat.
"But you're having fun, aren't you? I mean, that's what matters."
Smiling, Mizuki recalled certain moments of his holiday and wondered why it seemed so impossible to mention the Higa boys in general and Kite Eishirou in particular. Somehow, Mizuki felt that talking about them took away a bit of the mystery, a bit of the puzzle he'd yet to figure out. It wasn't that he didn't trust Yuuta - there was no one he trusted more - but it had never been easy for Mizuki to reveal anything personal of himself and he doubted that it ever would.
"I've had worse times," he said, recalling family gatherings where his father took over the karaoke machine and his first day at Hyoutei and the time Oshitari Yuushi had blatantly cruised Mizuki in the showers, leaving no uncertainty as to which role he'd prefer Mizuki to assume. "It just seems like a long time since we'd spoken. I wanted to say hello."
"I'm...glad," Yuuta managed, hesitant and bashful. Mizuki's heart beat fast; he wished that he could tell Yuuta so.
"Have you used my gift?"
"Gift?" Mizuki asked, the stars in his eyes evaporating as he realized what Yuuta was referring to. "Oh. Not yet, Yuuta-kun. Not...yet."
"Oh, well it's no big deal," Yuuta was quick to assure him, the tone of his voice entirely too breezy to be sincere. "It was a dumb present anyway."
"No, it wasn't," Mizuki said, wanting so badly to convey his appreciation and regard all over again - the way he hadn't been able to when Yuuta had given him the journal. "Actually, I'm looking forward to-"
"Mizuki-san," Yuuta interrupted, lips pressed close to the phone. "I have to go. Thank you for calling. I'll see you soon."
"But, Yuuta..." Mizuki began, confused and regretful. But the line was already dead and Yuuta was gone.
Sighing heavily, Mizuki replaced the receiver and thought about the journal Yuuta had given him just before he'd left. More than once he'd opened it, run his hand over the smooth, blank pages and thought about all the secret words he could write there if only he had the nerve. His feelings, ambiguous at best, would become something quite a bit more concrete and definable if he ever dared to put them on paper.
Thinking about it made Mizuki's chest hurt. Somewhere along the way, Yuuta had become much more than a pet project and, unfortunately, superficial relationships were the only sorts of interactions Mizuki felt adept enough to handle. Comparing these feelings of uncertainty and hopefulness to the nervous, overwhelming fascination he seemed to hold for Kite made Mizuki sick at heart and sick to his stomach. He was, it seemed, everything that Atobe Keigo and his friends thought he was.
Glancing toward the window, Mizuki tried to ignore the sounds of his grandparents talking in the bathroom just on the other side of the wall. He squeezed his eyes tight, unable to block them out, and was shocked to realize just how tense he was. His fists, at his side, were clenched tightly.
He opened his eyes, took a deep, relaxing breath. He needed to get out. Now.
***
The sand was hot beneath his sandals, against the sides of his feet and his heels. Seeing other people standing outside of the surf with no shoes to protect their feet made Mizuki wonder if all Okinawans were nuts or if it were just a select few.
People were out and about - sunning themselves, swimming, shopping, grabbing a snack from one of the seaside vendors - and Mizuki noticed more kids out today than in the days before.
Near one of the small stands along the strip, Mizuki noticed Kai hanging out with who had to be the biggest kid Mizuki had seen since Kabaji. The big boy was eating barbecue out of a grease-stained paper bowl with his fingers; Kai sipped a fruit smoothie. He waved when he spotted Mizuki, elbowing his friend who grunted, but barely looked up.
"Mizuki-kuuuuuun," he called, slinging an arm around his friend's neck and attempting to climb him like a tree in order to get Mizuki's attention.
Managing a smile, Mizuki waved back, his feet sinking in sand as he went. "Kai-kun," he said, hands stuffed into his pockets. "I wasn't expecting to see you."
"Why?" Kai asked, biting into a pineapple slice and spraying juice all over his fat friend. "I live here."
"Watch it," the other boy growled, elbowing Kai.
Shoving hard at his arm, and still unable to budge him an inch, Kai scowled. "Pineapple is good on barbecue, stupid." He grinned at Mizuki and gestured to the boy at his side. "This is Tanishi. He's a big jerk. Tanishi, this is Mizuki-kun."
Tanishi just stared, sucking his fingertips.
"You know, Eishirou's new friend," he clarified.
Tanishi nodded, grunting acknowledgement. "Yeah."
"Charmed," Mizuki said, unable to look away from Tanishi, who was behaving as though this would be his only meal for the week.
"So," Mizuki began, awkward and hoping that Kai didn't pick up on it. "You guys are here by yourselves?"
"Nah," Kai said, eyeing Tanishi's barbecue with increasing interest and gesturing toward the expanse of water stretching out before them. "Rin's out there somewhere."
Following the direction he'd indicated, Mizuki shielded his eyes from the sun. He couldn't see anyone. "Swimming?"
Kai laughed. "Surfing."
"Oh," Mizuki murmured, feeling stupid.
"He looks it, right? Little surfer boy?"
Kai's smile, provoking and sly, made Mizuki's belly somersault. He spoke about Rin - interacted with Rin - as though they were a couple. Even when Kite seemed so certain that they weren't, Mizuki couldn't help wondering again. But then, he reasoned, perhaps that's what Rin and Kai liked about the game.
Mizuki shrugged, uncomfortable, and glanced around idly. He wondered where Kite was and why he wasn't hanging out with his friends.
"He's around," Kai assured him, leaning against Tanishi and swiping a piece of barbecue.
Trying not to look guilty, Mizuki looked back at Kai quickly. "Who?"
Doubling over with laughter - indeed, Kai Yuujiroh didn't laugh so much as he cackled - Kai slapped Tanishi's broad shoulder and grinned up at Mizuki. "Who, he says. Who'd you come out here looking for, city boy?"
Feeling his cheeks flush, Mizuki hunched his shoulders. Even here, where he was an unknown and could adopt whatever persona he chose, he was a joke. Turning away, expression grim, he gazed out toward the ocean. It was vast, overwhelming; its lure was not lost on Mizuki. Not when he spent so much of his time wandering around inside his own mind, looking for just such a place into which he might disappear.
Hauling him back by the loose collar of his shirt, Kai hooked an arm around Mizuki's neck and rubbed his knuckles over Mizuki's messy hair. "Don't look like that, dude. I was just clowning."
"Always clowning," Tanishi grunted, wiping his fingers on his shorts and crumpling the paper container in his huge fist.
"Che, shut up, fatboy," Kai said, elbowing Tanishi without letting go of Mizuki. "Mizuki-kun forgives me."
Frowning, Mizuki wasn't so certain about that until he turned his head to look at Kai. So close, Kai's height advantage was startlingly obvious. So, then, was the teasing, not unkind look in his eyes. "Right Mizuki-kun?" he asked, voice entreating. "You know I'm only messing around."
For a moment, all Mizuki could do was stare back at him. He smelled like saltwater and sunshine and pineapple. That he reacted this way to a good-looking boy's proximity was an immediate, shameful reminder and Mizuki found that he could do no more than nod.
"Atta boy," Kai said, releasing him to rummage through his pockets. "Where's my money, Kei?"
Mizuki stood awkwardly by, ignoring his heightened sense of awareness and watching Kai begin to rummage through Tanishi's pockets when the search through his own yielded no results.
Slapping his hands away, Tanishi's nose wrinkled in irritation. "Quit that," he growled.
"Whoo-hoo, baby. I made your shorts vibrate," Kai giggled, sidestepping and twirling smoothly in the sand. "I'm electric."
"You're an idiot," Tanishi corrected, taking out his phone to answer a call. "And I don't have your damned money."
"Must be because I don't have any," Kai said, winking at Mizuki. "Oh, hey, there's the bossman."
Tanishi's mumbling into the phone, Kai's off-key humming, the surf's hollow echo at his back were things that Mizuki was only dimly aware of when he turned to see Kite strolling toward them. He was nervous, excited, apprehensive. But Kite smiled, lifting his chin in acknowledgement when he recognized Mizuki, and everything was just fine.
"Where's blondie?" Kai was quick to ask, peering past Kite and toward the water.
"He's coming," Kite said. "Been waiting for a wave for two hours."
"Probably longer than that," Kai said, scratching his head. "Tide wasn't in."
Kite shrugged, glancing at Mizuki and catching his eyes. "It got crowded. Storm's coming." And then, as an afterthought. "Hey, Mizuki-kun."
Mizuki smiled in answer and was the first to look away.
"I gotta go," Tanishi spoke, pocketing his phone.
"Barbecue just hit you?" Kai asked, snickering.
"Shut it," Tanishi replied, lip curled. "My mom needs something from the market. See you guys later."
"Later," Kite echoed, glancing at Mizuki again.
"Miss you already!" Kai called after him, waving and pretending not to see Tanishi turn to flip him off. He grinned at Mizuki and Kite. "He's so easy."
"Where've you been, Mizuki-kun?" Kite asked. "Haven't seen you around the last two days."
Looking up at him, Mizuki became distracted by the longer strands of hair that hung over Kite's forehead, by the way the wind swept them this way and that. He wondered if Kite had thought about the night Mizuki had offered to share a bed and if he regretted not taking the chance. Mizuki still wasn't certain whether or not he regretted it, himself.
"Stuff with the family," he shrugged. "The Aquarium, a really big cave, snakes-"
"Habu!" Kai interrupted, making a snake of his arm and pretending to bite Mizuki.
Repressing a shudder, Mizuki frowned. "Don't remind me."
"You don't like snakes, Mizuki-kun?" Kite asked, brow arched.
"You do?" Mizuki demanded in obvious disbelief, but before Kite could answer, Kai pointed down the beach.
"Speaking of, here comes Rinrin."
Kite turned and Mizuki followed suit. There, just in the distance was Rin - his usually bright hair wet and plastered to his head. He dragged his board behind him and seemed to be moving stiffly.
"Is he limping?" Mizuki asked, shading his eyes from the sun.
"He's bleeding!" Kai said, already taking off in his friend's direction.
Touching Mizuki's arm lightly, Kite followed. "Let's go," he murmured.
Mizuki didn't hesitate, keeping up with Kite's long, purposeful strides easily. As they drew nearer, he noticed that Rin was bleeding. Almost immediately, Mizuki began to think of the tiger sharks they'd been warned about or the coral reefs that could be a real danger in a riptide. Rin's expression was pinched, lips drawn and pale.
"What in the fuck happened?" Kai demanded, dropping to his knees before Rin, shoving his shorts higher up his thigh to get a look at his wound. "Holy shit, this is deep."
"It's not," Rin protested, even as Kai stripped off his t-shirt to wrap snugly around Rin's upper thigh. Upon closer inspection, his lip was cut and he had quite a bump on his forehead. Mizuki noticed that he was careful not to touch it so as to avoid calling attention to it.
"Are you all right?" he asked, shy and feeling out of place in this sudden drama. It occurred to him that Rin might not want an outsider present to witness his pain. Mizuki imagined how he would feel, if it had been him.
"I'm okay," he said, attempting to smile but grimacing instead. He swiped at his lip with the back of his hand. It came away red and wet with blood. "Some asshole dropped in on me. He was snaking the whole time and nobody said anything."
"Why not?" Kite wanted to know.
Rin shrugged. "Big guy, kind of an asshole. Kinjo said he'd been stealing all day."
"There wasn't much to steal this morning," Kai said, using the sleeve of the shirt to swipe at the blood that had run along the back of Rin's leg.
"Well, what was there, he stole. He ditched his board and I rolled. It still got me."
Kai stood, framing Rin's face and tipping his head to one side. "You got a knot on your head, Rinrin."
"Let's go back to Hara-san's stand. We can clean him up there," Kite said, and Kai nodded - silent for once. Mizuki hadn't seen him this silent - this angry - and he wasn't sure how to react. He hung back, just as quiet, and snuck little glances at Rin. He had to be in pain, but he tried not to show it.
They didn't walk far and Kai supported Rin's weight as they went. Kite stopped at the stand they'd been hanging around before and spoke to the old man who owned it. Immediately, he knelt to search the shelves below the counter.
"Gotta watch those GI's," he told them solemnly, handing over a small tin of medical supplies. "They don't care about you, me or anything else. No respect," he added, nodding. "None at all."
The expression on Rin's face was confirmation enough that it had, in fact, been an American soldier responsible for his accident. The knowledge seemed to make Kai even more angry.
"Fucking bastards. I shoulda known."
"Calm down, Kai-kun," Kite said mildly, handing a roll of bandages to Mizuki.
Kai fell silent again while Kite and the old man tended to Rin's injury, but Mizuki didn't think for one second that he'd actually calmed down. He continued to glance over his shoulder, eyes quick to cover the sand, the surf. Mizuki sincerely hoped that the American didn't make an appearance. He had no interest in engaging in a surfside brawl; his parents would kill him.
Motioning to the old man's beach chair, Kite spoke to Mizuki. "Bring that over here, Mizuki-kun."
Mizuki moved quickly, dragging the chair to Rin and touching his elbow as he helped him to sit.
Rin laughed. "I'm not an old woman, Mizuki-kun. I told you, I'm fine."
"So fine that blood is crusting between your toes," Kite observed mildly. Rin frowned, but wisely said nothing.
"Will he need to go to the hospital?" Mizuki wondered aloud. "What if it gets infected or what if it's too deep?"
"I'm not going to any hospital," Rin said. "No way."
"But what if it's worse than you think?" Mizuki pressed. "An injury like that..."
"I can't go, Mizuki," Rin told him, voice harder than before. "My parents can't afford it and I'll just get in trouble for being careless."
Mizuki was quiet, contemplating. He thought about the money his father had given him and how much was left. It wasn't enough for a hospital visit, certainly, but perhaps a simple doctor's visit? He thought about asking his father for more money and simply lying about its use. He began to fidget, toes restless in the sand, teeth creasing his bottom lip. He felt powerless, useless and realized that these boys had more opportunity - daily - to feel that way than Mizuki ever had. It was sobering, humbling.
Straightening his shoulders, he shook such thoughts off and returned to the moment to find that Kai was no longer just at his side. He hadn't gone far, however, and was only a handful of yards away, striding purposefully toward a big, fair-haired man in a wet suit. The kind of wet suit professional surfers wore. The kind that Rin could likely not afford.
"Kite," he began, stomach knotting. There was simply no way that any sort of confrontation between Kai and the older, bigger man would end well.
"Just a moment, Mizuki-kun," Kite murmured, careful as he wrapped Rin's leg with clean gauze.
"Er," Mizuki stalled, shifting his weight from one foot to the other anxiously. Kai was in the man's face now - not tall enough to meet him at eye level - and doing his best to intimidate. It didn't seem to be working very well.
"Kite," he tried again, warning clear in the tone of his voice. "Kai's-"
Rin turned then, looking over his shoulder to groan in dismay. "That's the guy," he said. "Kai's going to get his ass handed to him."
He made to rise, only to be halted by Kite's hand on his shoulder. "I don't think so," he said, standing to brush sand from his knees. "Stay here," he added, and Mizuki knew that he'd been talking to both Rin and himself. Not that it was going to be an issue. Mizuki was no kamikaze; pain was not something he was particularly interested in experiencing.
All the same, he watched Kai and the American. Watched the bigger man laugh at something Kai had said. Kite advanced on them neutrally. He didn't charge, didn't escalate the situation. It occurred to Mizuki that Kite was not the hothead that Kai was.
Before Kite could reach them, however, the taller man knocked Kai's hat off his head. Rin sucked in a breath and before he'd even had time to let it out again, Kai snapped. Wide-eyed and shocked, Mizuki could do nothing more than stand and gape. It had all happened so quickly, escalated into violence as though there had been no other alternative.
Kai had lowered his head, surging forward to knock the other man back into the sand, falling atop him immediately to land blows - one after the other in rapid succession - on his face and head. Unprepared and clearly not expecting such an attack, the American tried to protect his head, arms raised to ward off Kai's wild punches.
Kite was shouting, the man was shouting, Kai didn't make a sound. Mizuki cringed, his stomach vaulting at the sickening crunch of bone giving way and then there was blood - even more blood than when Rin had limped, wounded, over the sand.
"Oh, no," Rin murmured, bowing his head to bury his face in his hands.
Mizuki imagined that this was not anything new to Rin and, though he seemed unable to stomach the sight of Kai's rage, Mizuki found himself unable to look away. His heart was pounding, his blood was suddenly just singing, his ears rung with the sound of the surf and the chaos he witnessed. He ran, then. Ran toward the fight, toward the brutality - when had he ever wanted to be this close to something so awful? - and nearly fell forward in his need to stop advancing as the man threw Kai off of him. Falling backward into the sand, Kai was quick to scrabble to a crouch again, only to have Kite grab him from behind in an attempt to keep him immobile.
Mizuki stared, excited by Kite's loss of composure, at Kai's total disregard for his own well-being - and it was all in the name of some sort of vengeance that Kai clearly felt was his responsibility to exact.
"You fucking little bastard," the soldier growled, wiping the blood from his face. "You broke my nose," he accused, wincing when he touched it. "And now I'm going to break you."
Swinging Kai around, Kite shifted him sideways and out of the American's immediate range. "You injured our friend in the water. We're even," he said, jaw clenched with the effort it took to restrain Kai, who kicked and struggled in his arms. Clearly, he didn't share Kite's sentiments.
"Ugly little savages," the soldier taunted, blood on his lips when he spit into the sand. "You're like wild monkeys out here, right?"
Kai made a sound then - the first sound Mizuki had heard from him since it had all begun - and it was terrible. From somewhere inside him it seemed to echo, that soul-deep, wounded whimper.
"I'll show you your place," the soldier promised, teeth bared as he prepared to spring forward.
Without thinking, Mizuki bent to scoop a handful of sand, scattering it to the wind and into the soldier's eyes. Kai broke free then, pushing Kite away when he swung - just once - to clip the soldier just beneath his right eye. Head snapped to one side, the soldier dropped like a ton of bricks. Kai had knocked him unconscious.
"Kai," Kite urged, his voice low and almost soothing, placating. "We have to get out of here."
"Why?" Kai demanded, hair in his face and streaked with the soldier's blood. "They start shit all the time and get away with it. I'm tired of it!"
"You're angry," Kite continued. "And you're not thinking clearly. Take Rin and go home until this blows over. The MP's will come get him and if there's no one around to blame, it'll die down."
Glancing back at the fallen soldier, Kai's expression darkened again.
"Kai-kun," Kite said, demanding, authoritative.
Almost sheepish, then, Kai hunched his shoulders and wiped his eyes. "Okay, buchou."
"Mizuki-kun," Kite said, softer than before. Mizuki glanced up, aware that they needed to start moving.
"Yes," he murmured, falling into step beside Kite and behind Kai just as the first drops of rain began to fall. Steps unsteady, he maintained his course and had no way of knowing if it was fear or excitement that made his knees wobble just that tiniest bit.
***
Dusk was never so beautiful anywhere in the world as it was in Okinawa. Alone with Kite under a beachfront awning some two or three miles away from his hotel, Mizuki was surprised at how easily and how confidently such a declaration seemed to come.
Lips quirking in a shadow of a smile, Kite handed Mizuki a can of soda and lowered himself into the sand beside him. "Traveled extensively, have you?"
"No," Mizuki answered honestly. "I just can't imagine anything else looking the way the sky does now."
The storm was upon them, ruffling palm fronds and whipping vinyl awnings. The tide was out, but the ocean was in turmoil. It was terrible and it was beautiful. It felt like being in love.
"Other places in the world, other people are thinking the same thing," Kite told him, leaning his head against the bamboo wall of the hut and closing his eyes. "Japan, America, Europe."
Mizuki closed his eyes, lulled by the low, steady tone of Kite's voice as he went on. "New York, Denpasar, Marrakesh, Rome, Wales. It's the same everywhere, more or less."
"Will Kai be all right?" Mizuki asked tentatively, having been holding back the question since they'd parted ways on the beach. Kite had led Mizuki away while Rin and Kai had seemed to rely on one another equally. There wasn't much to say; they were of a like mind.
"Yeah," Kite said. "Rin's there. He'll sleep it off."
"I've never seen anyone lose it like that before," Mizuki admitted, feeling naive and out of his element.
"That's a good thing," Kite said, shaking his head. "It's not something anyone should feel comfortable with." That Kite was not troubled by it at all spoke volumes to Mizuki and only served to further illustrate their differences. "But you, Mizuki-kun," he said, voice turning light and teasing, barely audible over the rushing waves and high winds. "You were one of us today."
Mizuki thought about it - rushing into a fight, throwing sand into someone's eyes, being willing to distract an enemy in order to save them all. Never, ever had he felt the desire to be a part of something so basic, so primal.
"I didn't want you to be hurt," he said simply. When Kite didn't answer, he went on. "Any of you."
"You're okay, Mizuki-kun," Kite murmured, tipping his face up to receive the errant spray of windswept rains.
Huddled close, Mizuki didn't feel quite so daring. "Are we safe here? This isn't much of a shelter."
Kite laughed then. "We don't need a shelter. Just a roof to keep the rain from soaking us to the bone."
Feeling silly, Mizuki watched the sea swell and crest, crash and roll. He'd feared the storm might be a tsunami or worse.
"We're safe," Kite assured him. "It'll pass."
They were silent for long moments until Kite pointed toward the water. "Look. There's Rin's wave."
Mizuki watched in awe as a huge swell crested, curling in on itself only to flatten and roll toward the surf harmlessly. "He'd drown!"
Kite laughed again. "Nah. He'd go for the barrel. He always does."
Having no idea what that meant, Mizuki could only assume that Kite referred to Rin's spirit, his eagerness to take the risk. It made him sad to realize that there was no one in the world who knew him the way Kite knew his teammates. Mizuki's own family couldn't see into him that way. There was no one. But then, Mizuki's heartbeat quickened and he drew idle lines into the sand. Not no one, he thought, Fuji Yuuta at the forefront of his mind.
How did he do it? How did Kite form such bonds, such intimacy, through simple friendship? Until today, Mizuki would have sworn that it was impossible.
"Kite?" he began, hesitant and certain that he'd be reprimanded for his lack of decorum.
"Hm?" Kite hummed, eyes still closed. His leg was pressed to Mizuki's, sand grainy and damp between them.
"Do you-" he hesitated, forehead scrunching in consternation. This was personal, bold, embarrassing. "Do you have someone you love?"
Do you know what love feels like? Have you ever touched another person romantically? Do I want Yuuta or do I just need someone to know my heart the way you know Kai's and Rin's?
Kite shrugged, unperturbed by Mizuki's familiarity. "Different people are different things to me."
"Yes," Mizuki pressed on. "But do you...have you ever..." Do you know yourself?
"What are you asking me, Mizuki-kun?" Kite asked then, turning his head to meet Mizuki's wide, dark eyes.
"There's a boy," Mizuki murmured in a rush. "In Tokyo. I-"
Growing quiet, Mizuki squeezed his eyes closed, wishing he'd never steered the conversation this way. "This is so humiliating," he whispered.
To his surprise, Kite nudged him in encouragement. "Just say it."
"Is there someone you sleep with?"
Kite was silent for a moment and Mizuki did not look up, afraid he'd gone too far. Where, though, and with whom could he ever be so frank? Nowhere. No one. Kite didn't know him and was less likely to judge him for his desires or his confusion.
"Sure," Kite eventually said, stretching his legs out before him and wigging his bare toes. "Sometimes I sleep with Chinen. Sometimes I don't."
Feeling as though all the blood in his body were draining toward his feet, Mizuki swallowed hard, unable to prevent the mental pictures that Kite's casual admission offered.
"Oh god," Mizuki groaned, covering his face. "I shouldn't have asked."
He looked up, red faced and shocked. "Do your friends know? Are you in love?"
"It's not like that," Kite told him.
"What is it like, then?" Mizuki demanded, unable to determine why he felt angry so suddenly. "Explain it to me."
"Chinen trusts me. I trust him. Sometimes we fuck. That's it."
"That's it?!" Mizuki repeated. "You're friends and you...fuck?!"
Kite laughed, not unkindly. "Are you jealous, Mizuki-kun?"
"No!" he denied hotly, though he thought that might not be the entire truth. He thought of lying next to Kite and then of lying next to Yuuta. Both possibilities made him hard and restless but only one made his heart feel all melty and full.
"I wish I had your courage," was all that he could say, deflated when he thought that he could never make a move on Yuuta and hope to still be his friend after.
"You can," Kite told him, draping an arm around Mizuki the way Kai did with almost everyone. Kite didn't touch people often, though. Mizuki was certain of it. "Be true to yourself, Mizuki-kun. Everything else will fall into place."
"Even if I think I want to date my kohai?"
Stifling a snicker, Kite tugged Mizuki closer. "Even then."
For a while, neither spoke. The rain lessened as the sun disappeared from view.
"So," Mizuki said. "You have sex with Chinen, but you don't love him."
"I didn't say that," Kite corrected. "There's more than one kind of love, Mizuki-kun."
"But you don't want to be with him and only him. He's not your-" Mizuki paused, nearly cringing. "boyfriend," he finished lamely.
"I wouldn't call him that, no."
"Would you sleep with someone else?" Mizuki asked. He was so curious and this was all so surreal.
"I guess so," Kite said, as though he'd never considered it. "That doesn't have anything to do with Chinen."
Bracing himself for still more humiliation - Mizuki was beginning to think he had an appalling masochistic streak - he looked down at this hands, immobile in his lap. "Would you sleep with me?"
After a moment, Kite snuggled him close and guided Mizuki to rest his head on Kite's shoulder.
"If you knew the score the way Chinen does? Absolutely."
His words, in that tone of voice, seemed to crawl along Mizuki's spine to pool hot and heavy somewhere in the vicinity of his balls. He was torn between wanting to appear worldly and suave and wanting to run blindly into the darkness.
"Are you saying I don't?" he asked, wanting to be offended - sound offended - but just missing the mark.
"You definitely don't," Kite told him matter-of-factly. But he didn't push him away and he didn't laugh at him as Mizuki feared he might. "You will one day, though. And this guy you like will figure it out."
"And then what?" Mizuki asked, hating his innocence but so, so grateful to feel certain it was safe with Kite.
"And then you'll know what kind of love is right for you."
The sea calmed, the winds died down. It was dark and getting cool but Mizuki felt that he'd sooner die than give away this moment. He would, he realized, rather sit out in the wet darkness with Kite than go back to his comfortable hotel room. Either way, he knew he was safe.
"Mizuki-kun," Kite finally prompted.
"Hm?" Mizuki hummed.
"When are you going home?"
"Day after tomorrow," was Mizuki's faint response. There was regret, but there was anticipation, too.
"Would you like to see Shuri castle before you go?"
"Yes," Mizuki said, not surprised to realize that he did. Sightseeing with Kite would be infinitely preferable to playing the tourist with his family.
"I'll come to get you around noon, then," Kite said. "Meet me outside."
"Okay," Mizuki agreed. It was his last full day and there was no one else he'd rather spend it with. Besides that, he needed to find an appropriate souvenir for Yuuta, something that would appropriately express his regard. "I'm tired," he said, the events of the day finally catching up with him.
Kite didn't answer right away, but his arm around Mizuki's shoulders was snug and protective and warm.
"Me too," he finally said.
tbc
Pairing: Mizuki-centric ~ Higa ensemble
Rating: PG-13
Summary: On holiday with his family, Mizuki meets someone who changes his way of thinking and the way he views himself.
a/n ~ Whereupon Mizuki phones home and Kai loses his temper in a very big way.
Part I
Part II
The ceiling was, Mizuki decided, entirely generic and uninteresting. It was white and plain and there was a crack at the far end of one wall. Sometime in the past couple of hours, he'd imagined the crack widening - opening up to swallow all the furniture inside the room. He'd imagined himself falling into the ceiling's abyss and thought about making a game of closing his eyes to see how long he could keep them closed. He hadn't lasted long.
Two days had passed since Mizuki had run into Kite or any of his friends and though he'd spent those two days in a flurry of familial holiday activity, Mizuki still felt as though he hadn't seen anything worth leaving Tokyo for. They'd shopped, eaten in various restaurants, spent a ridiculous amount of time at the Aquarium whereupon Mizuki's father had embarrassed him with his enthusiasm and now, frowny-faced and full of misgivings, he lay supine on a rented bed and wished he were somewhere else. Wished he were someone else.
"Natsuru, fasten this," Nanami said, winding her hair into a bun atop her head and turning away from her sister. Mizuki watched passively, thinking of all the boys who would do anything to be lying where Mizuki was lying currently.
His sisters, preparing for a day out without the family, paraded around their room in various stages of undress. They ignored Mizuki, which was fine with him. Conversing with his sisters while they stood around in their underwear made him feel weird.
Doing up the buttons along the back of Nanami's summer dress, Natsuru glanced over her shoulder at Mizuki. "Hajime, aren't you going out? Tomorrow's our last full day."
Mizuki rolled over, presented his sister with his backside. She pretended to miss the significance.
"All you've done is hang out with the old people and skulk around the beach by yourself," she went on, disapproval clear in the tone of her voice.
"Uh-uh, Natsuru," Nanami interjected, smirking at the Mizuki lump on the bed. "You forget that he stayed out that one night. What do you suppose he was up to, hm?"
When Mizuki ignored her, she went on. "All those American soldiers hanging around; I'm sure there was plenty to get up to."
Mizuki had never given any indication to his family one way or the other as to his sexual preference. Not that he ever really thought about things like that - it was a waste of brainpower. "I hate you," he mumbled against the pillow.
"Aww, come on, Hajime," Nanami laughed, leaning over to smack Mizuki's hip playfully. "We're on holiday. Holiday means you're supposed to enjoy yourself."
Mizuki didn't answer. It was difficult to enjoy oneself when one had experienced a nearly fatal humiliation. Given that Nanami had likely never experienced anything remotely akin to humiliation, Mizuki figured it would be a waste of breath to try to explain. Besides that, he wasn't stupid. Never in a million years would he give anyone that sort of personal ammunition. Not even a member of his own family.
"Just leave me alone," he finally said, morose and dejected.
Almost immediately, Nanami's solicitous interest dissipated and the temperature in their room seemed to drop. Mizuki didn't care and, after a few moments, the girls took their leave in a flurry of floofy skirts, strappy sandals and long, glossy hair. In their wake remained the faint scent of hair product and cherry body spritz and the silence that enveloped Mizuki then was almost tangible. Heavy and thick with misgivings and injustice that only the very wronged could imagine.
Mizuki sighed, rolling to his back and glancing restlessly around the room. He was tired of staying in, honestly. He was scant yards from the seaside, from the freedom and beauty of his surroundings and, perhaps, even yards from Kite, as well. The possibility of seeing him, however, was the reason Mizuki couldn't bring himself to leave the safety of his hotel room. Maybe it was for the best that he leave Okinawa without speaking to Kite Eishirou ever again. Just go ahead and leave and let his embarrassment linger to amuse those Higa ruffians for months to come. It was unlikely that Kite would laugh at him - had ever laughed at him - but self-pity wasn't supposed to carry reason.
He eyed the phone sitting atop the bedside table and contemplated his father's ire upon checkout when he received the extra charges. Not that his father was particularly known for ire of any sort, but Mizuki knew that he'd be angry, or worse - disappointed. His cell, however, didn't have a great signal even when calling locally on the island.
After a few moments of internal debate, Mizuki rolled to his side again and reached for the receiver. The numbers he pressed were most familiar to him of any number that he could remember and his stomach knotted when the line opened and began to ring. Once, twice - please, please don't let Fuji Shuusuke pick up - and when the ringing stopped, Mizuki held his breath.
The greeting he received, sullen and characteristically unpleasant, put Mizuki immediately at ease. He smiled. "Yuuta."
"Mizuki-san!" was Yuuta's response, quite a bit more receptive than his initial greeting. "How are you?"
"Okay, I suppose," Mizuki said. "Being lazy on holiday, you know."
Laughing softly against the phone, Yuuta's voice lowered - probably hoping for just a moment of privacy from his meddling older brother. "Do you have a tan, Mizuki-san?"
Flush with sudden heat, Mizuki swallowed hard. Yuuta's words, Yuuta's voice...
"Er, not especially. You know I don't care to spend too much time in the sun."
"You'd get burned fast," Yuuta said solemnly. "What's Okinawa like?"
"Not like Tokyo," Mizuki was quick to say.
"Well, of course it's not like Tokyo," Yuuta said. "Is that a bad thing?"
It was on the tip of his tongue to say 'yes'. Yes, it is a bad thing and ugh, these people are all country bumpkins. But it wasn't. And they weren't. Yuuta was the only person who would understand something like that and readily agree. "No," he finally managed, lonely again. "Not really. I think you'd like it here."
"I hear the beaches are amazing," Yuuta went on. "Fishing and surfing and diving."
"You like to fish, Yuuta?" Mizuki asked, surprised. He'd never heard Yuuta express any interest in any of those activities.
Suddenly bashful, Yuuta mumbled into the phone, his voice even lower than before. Mizuki frowned - Fuji Shuusuke was surely in Yuuta's immediate vicinity.
"I've only been once or twice, but I liked it. And I've always wanted to try surfing."
"It's too bad you couldn't have come with me," Mizuki said in a rare show of true loneliness.
Yuuta was silent for a moment - Mizuki heard him sigh - before murmuring, "Yeah."
Despite his solitude and the certainty that Yuuta had no idea how he felt in that moment, Mizuki blushed, suffused with warmth and something astonishingly close to desire. "Maybe sometime we'll do those things. You and I."
Yuuta's murmur of assent was nearly inaudible and both boys fell silent, awkward when the conversation turned intimate. Mizuki sighed, forlorn, and Yuuta cleared his throat.
"But you're having fun, aren't you? I mean, that's what matters."
Smiling, Mizuki recalled certain moments of his holiday and wondered why it seemed so impossible to mention the Higa boys in general and Kite Eishirou in particular. Somehow, Mizuki felt that talking about them took away a bit of the mystery, a bit of the puzzle he'd yet to figure out. It wasn't that he didn't trust Yuuta - there was no one he trusted more - but it had never been easy for Mizuki to reveal anything personal of himself and he doubted that it ever would.
"I've had worse times," he said, recalling family gatherings where his father took over the karaoke machine and his first day at Hyoutei and the time Oshitari Yuushi had blatantly cruised Mizuki in the showers, leaving no uncertainty as to which role he'd prefer Mizuki to assume. "It just seems like a long time since we'd spoken. I wanted to say hello."
"I'm...glad," Yuuta managed, hesitant and bashful. Mizuki's heart beat fast; he wished that he could tell Yuuta so.
"Have you used my gift?"
"Gift?" Mizuki asked, the stars in his eyes evaporating as he realized what Yuuta was referring to. "Oh. Not yet, Yuuta-kun. Not...yet."
"Oh, well it's no big deal," Yuuta was quick to assure him, the tone of his voice entirely too breezy to be sincere. "It was a dumb present anyway."
"No, it wasn't," Mizuki said, wanting so badly to convey his appreciation and regard all over again - the way he hadn't been able to when Yuuta had given him the journal. "Actually, I'm looking forward to-"
"Mizuki-san," Yuuta interrupted, lips pressed close to the phone. "I have to go. Thank you for calling. I'll see you soon."
"But, Yuuta..." Mizuki began, confused and regretful. But the line was already dead and Yuuta was gone.
Sighing heavily, Mizuki replaced the receiver and thought about the journal Yuuta had given him just before he'd left. More than once he'd opened it, run his hand over the smooth, blank pages and thought about all the secret words he could write there if only he had the nerve. His feelings, ambiguous at best, would become something quite a bit more concrete and definable if he ever dared to put them on paper.
Thinking about it made Mizuki's chest hurt. Somewhere along the way, Yuuta had become much more than a pet project and, unfortunately, superficial relationships were the only sorts of interactions Mizuki felt adept enough to handle. Comparing these feelings of uncertainty and hopefulness to the nervous, overwhelming fascination he seemed to hold for Kite made Mizuki sick at heart and sick to his stomach. He was, it seemed, everything that Atobe Keigo and his friends thought he was.
Glancing toward the window, Mizuki tried to ignore the sounds of his grandparents talking in the bathroom just on the other side of the wall. He squeezed his eyes tight, unable to block them out, and was shocked to realize just how tense he was. His fists, at his side, were clenched tightly.
He opened his eyes, took a deep, relaxing breath. He needed to get out. Now.
***
The sand was hot beneath his sandals, against the sides of his feet and his heels. Seeing other people standing outside of the surf with no shoes to protect their feet made Mizuki wonder if all Okinawans were nuts or if it were just a select few.
People were out and about - sunning themselves, swimming, shopping, grabbing a snack from one of the seaside vendors - and Mizuki noticed more kids out today than in the days before.
Near one of the small stands along the strip, Mizuki noticed Kai hanging out with who had to be the biggest kid Mizuki had seen since Kabaji. The big boy was eating barbecue out of a grease-stained paper bowl with his fingers; Kai sipped a fruit smoothie. He waved when he spotted Mizuki, elbowing his friend who grunted, but barely looked up.
"Mizuki-kuuuuuun," he called, slinging an arm around his friend's neck and attempting to climb him like a tree in order to get Mizuki's attention.
Managing a smile, Mizuki waved back, his feet sinking in sand as he went. "Kai-kun," he said, hands stuffed into his pockets. "I wasn't expecting to see you."
"Why?" Kai asked, biting into a pineapple slice and spraying juice all over his fat friend. "I live here."
"Watch it," the other boy growled, elbowing Kai.
Shoving hard at his arm, and still unable to budge him an inch, Kai scowled. "Pineapple is good on barbecue, stupid." He grinned at Mizuki and gestured to the boy at his side. "This is Tanishi. He's a big jerk. Tanishi, this is Mizuki-kun."
Tanishi just stared, sucking his fingertips.
"You know, Eishirou's new friend," he clarified.
Tanishi nodded, grunting acknowledgement. "Yeah."
"Charmed," Mizuki said, unable to look away from Tanishi, who was behaving as though this would be his only meal for the week.
"So," Mizuki began, awkward and hoping that Kai didn't pick up on it. "You guys are here by yourselves?"
"Nah," Kai said, eyeing Tanishi's barbecue with increasing interest and gesturing toward the expanse of water stretching out before them. "Rin's out there somewhere."
Following the direction he'd indicated, Mizuki shielded his eyes from the sun. He couldn't see anyone. "Swimming?"
Kai laughed. "Surfing."
"Oh," Mizuki murmured, feeling stupid.
"He looks it, right? Little surfer boy?"
Kai's smile, provoking and sly, made Mizuki's belly somersault. He spoke about Rin - interacted with Rin - as though they were a couple. Even when Kite seemed so certain that they weren't, Mizuki couldn't help wondering again. But then, he reasoned, perhaps that's what Rin and Kai liked about the game.
Mizuki shrugged, uncomfortable, and glanced around idly. He wondered where Kite was and why he wasn't hanging out with his friends.
"He's around," Kai assured him, leaning against Tanishi and swiping a piece of barbecue.
Trying not to look guilty, Mizuki looked back at Kai quickly. "Who?"
Doubling over with laughter - indeed, Kai Yuujiroh didn't laugh so much as he cackled - Kai slapped Tanishi's broad shoulder and grinned up at Mizuki. "Who, he says. Who'd you come out here looking for, city boy?"
Feeling his cheeks flush, Mizuki hunched his shoulders. Even here, where he was an unknown and could adopt whatever persona he chose, he was a joke. Turning away, expression grim, he gazed out toward the ocean. It was vast, overwhelming; its lure was not lost on Mizuki. Not when he spent so much of his time wandering around inside his own mind, looking for just such a place into which he might disappear.
Hauling him back by the loose collar of his shirt, Kai hooked an arm around Mizuki's neck and rubbed his knuckles over Mizuki's messy hair. "Don't look like that, dude. I was just clowning."
"Always clowning," Tanishi grunted, wiping his fingers on his shorts and crumpling the paper container in his huge fist.
"Che, shut up, fatboy," Kai said, elbowing Tanishi without letting go of Mizuki. "Mizuki-kun forgives me."
Frowning, Mizuki wasn't so certain about that until he turned his head to look at Kai. So close, Kai's height advantage was startlingly obvious. So, then, was the teasing, not unkind look in his eyes. "Right Mizuki-kun?" he asked, voice entreating. "You know I'm only messing around."
For a moment, all Mizuki could do was stare back at him. He smelled like saltwater and sunshine and pineapple. That he reacted this way to a good-looking boy's proximity was an immediate, shameful reminder and Mizuki found that he could do no more than nod.
"Atta boy," Kai said, releasing him to rummage through his pockets. "Where's my money, Kei?"
Mizuki stood awkwardly by, ignoring his heightened sense of awareness and watching Kai begin to rummage through Tanishi's pockets when the search through his own yielded no results.
Slapping his hands away, Tanishi's nose wrinkled in irritation. "Quit that," he growled.
"Whoo-hoo, baby. I made your shorts vibrate," Kai giggled, sidestepping and twirling smoothly in the sand. "I'm electric."
"You're an idiot," Tanishi corrected, taking out his phone to answer a call. "And I don't have your damned money."
"Must be because I don't have any," Kai said, winking at Mizuki. "Oh, hey, there's the bossman."
Tanishi's mumbling into the phone, Kai's off-key humming, the surf's hollow echo at his back were things that Mizuki was only dimly aware of when he turned to see Kite strolling toward them. He was nervous, excited, apprehensive. But Kite smiled, lifting his chin in acknowledgement when he recognized Mizuki, and everything was just fine.
"Where's blondie?" Kai was quick to ask, peering past Kite and toward the water.
"He's coming," Kite said. "Been waiting for a wave for two hours."
"Probably longer than that," Kai said, scratching his head. "Tide wasn't in."
Kite shrugged, glancing at Mizuki and catching his eyes. "It got crowded. Storm's coming." And then, as an afterthought. "Hey, Mizuki-kun."
Mizuki smiled in answer and was the first to look away.
"I gotta go," Tanishi spoke, pocketing his phone.
"Barbecue just hit you?" Kai asked, snickering.
"Shut it," Tanishi replied, lip curled. "My mom needs something from the market. See you guys later."
"Later," Kite echoed, glancing at Mizuki again.
"Miss you already!" Kai called after him, waving and pretending not to see Tanishi turn to flip him off. He grinned at Mizuki and Kite. "He's so easy."
"Where've you been, Mizuki-kun?" Kite asked. "Haven't seen you around the last two days."
Looking up at him, Mizuki became distracted by the longer strands of hair that hung over Kite's forehead, by the way the wind swept them this way and that. He wondered if Kite had thought about the night Mizuki had offered to share a bed and if he regretted not taking the chance. Mizuki still wasn't certain whether or not he regretted it, himself.
"Stuff with the family," he shrugged. "The Aquarium, a really big cave, snakes-"
"Habu!" Kai interrupted, making a snake of his arm and pretending to bite Mizuki.
Repressing a shudder, Mizuki frowned. "Don't remind me."
"You don't like snakes, Mizuki-kun?" Kite asked, brow arched.
"You do?" Mizuki demanded in obvious disbelief, but before Kite could answer, Kai pointed down the beach.
"Speaking of, here comes Rinrin."
Kite turned and Mizuki followed suit. There, just in the distance was Rin - his usually bright hair wet and plastered to his head. He dragged his board behind him and seemed to be moving stiffly.
"Is he limping?" Mizuki asked, shading his eyes from the sun.
"He's bleeding!" Kai said, already taking off in his friend's direction.
Touching Mizuki's arm lightly, Kite followed. "Let's go," he murmured.
Mizuki didn't hesitate, keeping up with Kite's long, purposeful strides easily. As they drew nearer, he noticed that Rin was bleeding. Almost immediately, Mizuki began to think of the tiger sharks they'd been warned about or the coral reefs that could be a real danger in a riptide. Rin's expression was pinched, lips drawn and pale.
"What in the fuck happened?" Kai demanded, dropping to his knees before Rin, shoving his shorts higher up his thigh to get a look at his wound. "Holy shit, this is deep."
"It's not," Rin protested, even as Kai stripped off his t-shirt to wrap snugly around Rin's upper thigh. Upon closer inspection, his lip was cut and he had quite a bump on his forehead. Mizuki noticed that he was careful not to touch it so as to avoid calling attention to it.
"Are you all right?" he asked, shy and feeling out of place in this sudden drama. It occurred to him that Rin might not want an outsider present to witness his pain. Mizuki imagined how he would feel, if it had been him.
"I'm okay," he said, attempting to smile but grimacing instead. He swiped at his lip with the back of his hand. It came away red and wet with blood. "Some asshole dropped in on me. He was snaking the whole time and nobody said anything."
"Why not?" Kite wanted to know.
Rin shrugged. "Big guy, kind of an asshole. Kinjo said he'd been stealing all day."
"There wasn't much to steal this morning," Kai said, using the sleeve of the shirt to swipe at the blood that had run along the back of Rin's leg.
"Well, what was there, he stole. He ditched his board and I rolled. It still got me."
Kai stood, framing Rin's face and tipping his head to one side. "You got a knot on your head, Rinrin."
"Let's go back to Hara-san's stand. We can clean him up there," Kite said, and Kai nodded - silent for once. Mizuki hadn't seen him this silent - this angry - and he wasn't sure how to react. He hung back, just as quiet, and snuck little glances at Rin. He had to be in pain, but he tried not to show it.
They didn't walk far and Kai supported Rin's weight as they went. Kite stopped at the stand they'd been hanging around before and spoke to the old man who owned it. Immediately, he knelt to search the shelves below the counter.
"Gotta watch those GI's," he told them solemnly, handing over a small tin of medical supplies. "They don't care about you, me or anything else. No respect," he added, nodding. "None at all."
The expression on Rin's face was confirmation enough that it had, in fact, been an American soldier responsible for his accident. The knowledge seemed to make Kai even more angry.
"Fucking bastards. I shoulda known."
"Calm down, Kai-kun," Kite said mildly, handing a roll of bandages to Mizuki.
Kai fell silent again while Kite and the old man tended to Rin's injury, but Mizuki didn't think for one second that he'd actually calmed down. He continued to glance over his shoulder, eyes quick to cover the sand, the surf. Mizuki sincerely hoped that the American didn't make an appearance. He had no interest in engaging in a surfside brawl; his parents would kill him.
Motioning to the old man's beach chair, Kite spoke to Mizuki. "Bring that over here, Mizuki-kun."
Mizuki moved quickly, dragging the chair to Rin and touching his elbow as he helped him to sit.
Rin laughed. "I'm not an old woman, Mizuki-kun. I told you, I'm fine."
"So fine that blood is crusting between your toes," Kite observed mildly. Rin frowned, but wisely said nothing.
"Will he need to go to the hospital?" Mizuki wondered aloud. "What if it gets infected or what if it's too deep?"
"I'm not going to any hospital," Rin said. "No way."
"But what if it's worse than you think?" Mizuki pressed. "An injury like that..."
"I can't go, Mizuki," Rin told him, voice harder than before. "My parents can't afford it and I'll just get in trouble for being careless."
Mizuki was quiet, contemplating. He thought about the money his father had given him and how much was left. It wasn't enough for a hospital visit, certainly, but perhaps a simple doctor's visit? He thought about asking his father for more money and simply lying about its use. He began to fidget, toes restless in the sand, teeth creasing his bottom lip. He felt powerless, useless and realized that these boys had more opportunity - daily - to feel that way than Mizuki ever had. It was sobering, humbling.
Straightening his shoulders, he shook such thoughts off and returned to the moment to find that Kai was no longer just at his side. He hadn't gone far, however, and was only a handful of yards away, striding purposefully toward a big, fair-haired man in a wet suit. The kind of wet suit professional surfers wore. The kind that Rin could likely not afford.
"Kite," he began, stomach knotting. There was simply no way that any sort of confrontation between Kai and the older, bigger man would end well.
"Just a moment, Mizuki-kun," Kite murmured, careful as he wrapped Rin's leg with clean gauze.
"Er," Mizuki stalled, shifting his weight from one foot to the other anxiously. Kai was in the man's face now - not tall enough to meet him at eye level - and doing his best to intimidate. It didn't seem to be working very well.
"Kite," he tried again, warning clear in the tone of his voice. "Kai's-"
Rin turned then, looking over his shoulder to groan in dismay. "That's the guy," he said. "Kai's going to get his ass handed to him."
He made to rise, only to be halted by Kite's hand on his shoulder. "I don't think so," he said, standing to brush sand from his knees. "Stay here," he added, and Mizuki knew that he'd been talking to both Rin and himself. Not that it was going to be an issue. Mizuki was no kamikaze; pain was not something he was particularly interested in experiencing.
All the same, he watched Kai and the American. Watched the bigger man laugh at something Kai had said. Kite advanced on them neutrally. He didn't charge, didn't escalate the situation. It occurred to Mizuki that Kite was not the hothead that Kai was.
Before Kite could reach them, however, the taller man knocked Kai's hat off his head. Rin sucked in a breath and before he'd even had time to let it out again, Kai snapped. Wide-eyed and shocked, Mizuki could do nothing more than stand and gape. It had all happened so quickly, escalated into violence as though there had been no other alternative.
Kai had lowered his head, surging forward to knock the other man back into the sand, falling atop him immediately to land blows - one after the other in rapid succession - on his face and head. Unprepared and clearly not expecting such an attack, the American tried to protect his head, arms raised to ward off Kai's wild punches.
Kite was shouting, the man was shouting, Kai didn't make a sound. Mizuki cringed, his stomach vaulting at the sickening crunch of bone giving way and then there was blood - even more blood than when Rin had limped, wounded, over the sand.
"Oh, no," Rin murmured, bowing his head to bury his face in his hands.
Mizuki imagined that this was not anything new to Rin and, though he seemed unable to stomach the sight of Kai's rage, Mizuki found himself unable to look away. His heart was pounding, his blood was suddenly just singing, his ears rung with the sound of the surf and the chaos he witnessed. He ran, then. Ran toward the fight, toward the brutality - when had he ever wanted to be this close to something so awful? - and nearly fell forward in his need to stop advancing as the man threw Kai off of him. Falling backward into the sand, Kai was quick to scrabble to a crouch again, only to have Kite grab him from behind in an attempt to keep him immobile.
Mizuki stared, excited by Kite's loss of composure, at Kai's total disregard for his own well-being - and it was all in the name of some sort of vengeance that Kai clearly felt was his responsibility to exact.
"You fucking little bastard," the soldier growled, wiping the blood from his face. "You broke my nose," he accused, wincing when he touched it. "And now I'm going to break you."
Swinging Kai around, Kite shifted him sideways and out of the American's immediate range. "You injured our friend in the water. We're even," he said, jaw clenched with the effort it took to restrain Kai, who kicked and struggled in his arms. Clearly, he didn't share Kite's sentiments.
"Ugly little savages," the soldier taunted, blood on his lips when he spit into the sand. "You're like wild monkeys out here, right?"
Kai made a sound then - the first sound Mizuki had heard from him since it had all begun - and it was terrible. From somewhere inside him it seemed to echo, that soul-deep, wounded whimper.
"I'll show you your place," the soldier promised, teeth bared as he prepared to spring forward.
Without thinking, Mizuki bent to scoop a handful of sand, scattering it to the wind and into the soldier's eyes. Kai broke free then, pushing Kite away when he swung - just once - to clip the soldier just beneath his right eye. Head snapped to one side, the soldier dropped like a ton of bricks. Kai had knocked him unconscious.
"Kai," Kite urged, his voice low and almost soothing, placating. "We have to get out of here."
"Why?" Kai demanded, hair in his face and streaked with the soldier's blood. "They start shit all the time and get away with it. I'm tired of it!"
"You're angry," Kite continued. "And you're not thinking clearly. Take Rin and go home until this blows over. The MP's will come get him and if there's no one around to blame, it'll die down."
Glancing back at the fallen soldier, Kai's expression darkened again.
"Kai-kun," Kite said, demanding, authoritative.
Almost sheepish, then, Kai hunched his shoulders and wiped his eyes. "Okay, buchou."
"Mizuki-kun," Kite said, softer than before. Mizuki glanced up, aware that they needed to start moving.
"Yes," he murmured, falling into step beside Kite and behind Kai just as the first drops of rain began to fall. Steps unsteady, he maintained his course and had no way of knowing if it was fear or excitement that made his knees wobble just that tiniest bit.
***
Dusk was never so beautiful anywhere in the world as it was in Okinawa. Alone with Kite under a beachfront awning some two or three miles away from his hotel, Mizuki was surprised at how easily and how confidently such a declaration seemed to come.
Lips quirking in a shadow of a smile, Kite handed Mizuki a can of soda and lowered himself into the sand beside him. "Traveled extensively, have you?"
"No," Mizuki answered honestly. "I just can't imagine anything else looking the way the sky does now."
The storm was upon them, ruffling palm fronds and whipping vinyl awnings. The tide was out, but the ocean was in turmoil. It was terrible and it was beautiful. It felt like being in love.
"Other places in the world, other people are thinking the same thing," Kite told him, leaning his head against the bamboo wall of the hut and closing his eyes. "Japan, America, Europe."
Mizuki closed his eyes, lulled by the low, steady tone of Kite's voice as he went on. "New York, Denpasar, Marrakesh, Rome, Wales. It's the same everywhere, more or less."
"Will Kai be all right?" Mizuki asked tentatively, having been holding back the question since they'd parted ways on the beach. Kite had led Mizuki away while Rin and Kai had seemed to rely on one another equally. There wasn't much to say; they were of a like mind.
"Yeah," Kite said. "Rin's there. He'll sleep it off."
"I've never seen anyone lose it like that before," Mizuki admitted, feeling naive and out of his element.
"That's a good thing," Kite said, shaking his head. "It's not something anyone should feel comfortable with." That Kite was not troubled by it at all spoke volumes to Mizuki and only served to further illustrate their differences. "But you, Mizuki-kun," he said, voice turning light and teasing, barely audible over the rushing waves and high winds. "You were one of us today."
Mizuki thought about it - rushing into a fight, throwing sand into someone's eyes, being willing to distract an enemy in order to save them all. Never, ever had he felt the desire to be a part of something so basic, so primal.
"I didn't want you to be hurt," he said simply. When Kite didn't answer, he went on. "Any of you."
"You're okay, Mizuki-kun," Kite murmured, tipping his face up to receive the errant spray of windswept rains.
Huddled close, Mizuki didn't feel quite so daring. "Are we safe here? This isn't much of a shelter."
Kite laughed then. "We don't need a shelter. Just a roof to keep the rain from soaking us to the bone."
Feeling silly, Mizuki watched the sea swell and crest, crash and roll. He'd feared the storm might be a tsunami or worse.
"We're safe," Kite assured him. "It'll pass."
They were silent for long moments until Kite pointed toward the water. "Look. There's Rin's wave."
Mizuki watched in awe as a huge swell crested, curling in on itself only to flatten and roll toward the surf harmlessly. "He'd drown!"
Kite laughed again. "Nah. He'd go for the barrel. He always does."
Having no idea what that meant, Mizuki could only assume that Kite referred to Rin's spirit, his eagerness to take the risk. It made him sad to realize that there was no one in the world who knew him the way Kite knew his teammates. Mizuki's own family couldn't see into him that way. There was no one. But then, Mizuki's heartbeat quickened and he drew idle lines into the sand. Not no one, he thought, Fuji Yuuta at the forefront of his mind.
How did he do it? How did Kite form such bonds, such intimacy, through simple friendship? Until today, Mizuki would have sworn that it was impossible.
"Kite?" he began, hesitant and certain that he'd be reprimanded for his lack of decorum.
"Hm?" Kite hummed, eyes still closed. His leg was pressed to Mizuki's, sand grainy and damp between them.
"Do you-" he hesitated, forehead scrunching in consternation. This was personal, bold, embarrassing. "Do you have someone you love?"
Do you know what love feels like? Have you ever touched another person romantically? Do I want Yuuta or do I just need someone to know my heart the way you know Kai's and Rin's?
Kite shrugged, unperturbed by Mizuki's familiarity. "Different people are different things to me."
"Yes," Mizuki pressed on. "But do you...have you ever..." Do you know yourself?
"What are you asking me, Mizuki-kun?" Kite asked then, turning his head to meet Mizuki's wide, dark eyes.
"There's a boy," Mizuki murmured in a rush. "In Tokyo. I-"
Growing quiet, Mizuki squeezed his eyes closed, wishing he'd never steered the conversation this way. "This is so humiliating," he whispered.
To his surprise, Kite nudged him in encouragement. "Just say it."
"Is there someone you sleep with?"
Kite was silent for a moment and Mizuki did not look up, afraid he'd gone too far. Where, though, and with whom could he ever be so frank? Nowhere. No one. Kite didn't know him and was less likely to judge him for his desires or his confusion.
"Sure," Kite eventually said, stretching his legs out before him and wigging his bare toes. "Sometimes I sleep with Chinen. Sometimes I don't."
Feeling as though all the blood in his body were draining toward his feet, Mizuki swallowed hard, unable to prevent the mental pictures that Kite's casual admission offered.
"Oh god," Mizuki groaned, covering his face. "I shouldn't have asked."
He looked up, red faced and shocked. "Do your friends know? Are you in love?"
"It's not like that," Kite told him.
"What is it like, then?" Mizuki demanded, unable to determine why he felt angry so suddenly. "Explain it to me."
"Chinen trusts me. I trust him. Sometimes we fuck. That's it."
"That's it?!" Mizuki repeated. "You're friends and you...fuck?!"
Kite laughed, not unkindly. "Are you jealous, Mizuki-kun?"
"No!" he denied hotly, though he thought that might not be the entire truth. He thought of lying next to Kite and then of lying next to Yuuta. Both possibilities made him hard and restless but only one made his heart feel all melty and full.
"I wish I had your courage," was all that he could say, deflated when he thought that he could never make a move on Yuuta and hope to still be his friend after.
"You can," Kite told him, draping an arm around Mizuki the way Kai did with almost everyone. Kite didn't touch people often, though. Mizuki was certain of it. "Be true to yourself, Mizuki-kun. Everything else will fall into place."
"Even if I think I want to date my kohai?"
Stifling a snicker, Kite tugged Mizuki closer. "Even then."
For a while, neither spoke. The rain lessened as the sun disappeared from view.
"So," Mizuki said. "You have sex with Chinen, but you don't love him."
"I didn't say that," Kite corrected. "There's more than one kind of love, Mizuki-kun."
"But you don't want to be with him and only him. He's not your-" Mizuki paused, nearly cringing. "boyfriend," he finished lamely.
"I wouldn't call him that, no."
"Would you sleep with someone else?" Mizuki asked. He was so curious and this was all so surreal.
"I guess so," Kite said, as though he'd never considered it. "That doesn't have anything to do with Chinen."
Bracing himself for still more humiliation - Mizuki was beginning to think he had an appalling masochistic streak - he looked down at this hands, immobile in his lap. "Would you sleep with me?"
After a moment, Kite snuggled him close and guided Mizuki to rest his head on Kite's shoulder.
"If you knew the score the way Chinen does? Absolutely."
His words, in that tone of voice, seemed to crawl along Mizuki's spine to pool hot and heavy somewhere in the vicinity of his balls. He was torn between wanting to appear worldly and suave and wanting to run blindly into the darkness.
"Are you saying I don't?" he asked, wanting to be offended - sound offended - but just missing the mark.
"You definitely don't," Kite told him matter-of-factly. But he didn't push him away and he didn't laugh at him as Mizuki feared he might. "You will one day, though. And this guy you like will figure it out."
"And then what?" Mizuki asked, hating his innocence but so, so grateful to feel certain it was safe with Kite.
"And then you'll know what kind of love is right for you."
The sea calmed, the winds died down. It was dark and getting cool but Mizuki felt that he'd sooner die than give away this moment. He would, he realized, rather sit out in the wet darkness with Kite than go back to his comfortable hotel room. Either way, he knew he was safe.
"Mizuki-kun," Kite finally prompted.
"Hm?" Mizuki hummed.
"When are you going home?"
"Day after tomorrow," was Mizuki's faint response. There was regret, but there was anticipation, too.
"Would you like to see Shuri castle before you go?"
"Yes," Mizuki said, not surprised to realize that he did. Sightseeing with Kite would be infinitely preferable to playing the tourist with his family.
"I'll come to get you around noon, then," Kite said. "Meet me outside."
"Okay," Mizuki agreed. It was his last full day and there was no one else he'd rather spend it with. Besides that, he needed to find an appropriate souvenir for Yuuta, something that would appropriately express his regard. "I'm tired," he said, the events of the day finally catching up with him.
Kite didn't answer right away, but his arm around Mizuki's shoulders was snug and protective and warm.
"Me too," he finally said.
tbc