Indefinite hiatus?
I don't really know how to say this, and I'm probably gonna do a shitty job at explaining, but here it goes.
I'm privatizing this journal. I should probably just delete it, but the sentimental part of me loves to go back and reread things, and I can't bring myself to do that, not yet. But I am privatizing it. I probably won't be posting again for a very long time, if ever. I've done a shitty job at commenting for quite a long time now, and even though I go through and read my f-list every day, every few hours, and I see everything that happens, I haven't done my part in participating in your lives for a very long time, and I know that. If you asked me why, I couldn't tell you. I look, I see, I read, I think things in response that I could very easily comment with, and then I just don't. I don't know why. Maybe I'm lazy, maybe I'm just lonely and sad that nobody seems to want to make the effort to talk to me anymore (which, considering how bad I've been, is a pretty self-centered complaint, but so are most complaints, so, you know). I don't know. But either way, I will probably still be around and reading, and maybe someday I'll get back into the habit of commenting. But I don't expect you to wait for that to happen.
I guess I just... need to step back and sort out my priorities. I may be transferring schools, I have no money, I'm going to have to try to find a job. And I just, a lot of things happened in Japan and over the course of that period, I've... I don't know. I don't want to say I've 'drifted away from fandom' because I haven't. I'm just as up-to-date with everything as I've ever been--well, except for listening to the new single, because I'm honestly not interested (though I did watch the Going! PV and it was... strange). But I know what's going on, and I'd like to be kept up to date. But participating actively... I guess it's pretty obvious that I've stopped writing fic, and I never did much else in the first place. idk.
I just want to take my life back. I've been spending more time on facebook, away from fandom, and while I'm still watching from a distance, I can't be absorbed in it anymore. It's just. It doesn't feel right. I still love JE as much as I ever have, I still hate Korean music, and I don't see myself leaving J-fandom for anything. But I can't be who I used to be. Not when the majority of friends that I made in this fandom are completely inactive except for, like, once a year, have moved on to other things, or have vanished entirely.
I'm getting away from the point, though. This was always more of a fandom journal than a personal one, but it's not really about fandom. It's about me, and what I want, and for now, I want to focus on other things. And I don't want the responsibility of this journal--I don't want to just up and disappear like so many have disappeared on me and my friends. But I can't be here the way I used to be, not at this point in my life.
So, take this as you will. Defriend me if you like, leave me on if you like, because chances are not much will change--I'll still be reading but I probably won't be commenting. And honestly, I do love reading your entries--I pay more attention to the rl entries these days anyway. But if you don't want to keep me around, that's fine. I will miss you, but I won't hold it against you.
So, yeah. I won't say goodbye but I won't say I'll be back, either. Just, we'll see what happens.
Thanks. Sorry for rambling.
I'm privatizing this journal. I should probably just delete it, but the sentimental part of me loves to go back and reread things, and I can't bring myself to do that, not yet. But I am privatizing it. I probably won't be posting again for a very long time, if ever. I've done a shitty job at commenting for quite a long time now, and even though I go through and read my f-list every day, every few hours, and I see everything that happens, I haven't done my part in participating in your lives for a very long time, and I know that. If you asked me why, I couldn't tell you. I look, I see, I read, I think things in response that I could very easily comment with, and then I just don't. I don't know why. Maybe I'm lazy, maybe I'm just lonely and sad that nobody seems to want to make the effort to talk to me anymore (which, considering how bad I've been, is a pretty self-centered complaint, but so are most complaints, so, you know). I don't know. But either way, I will probably still be around and reading, and maybe someday I'll get back into the habit of commenting. But I don't expect you to wait for that to happen.
I guess I just... need to step back and sort out my priorities. I may be transferring schools, I have no money, I'm going to have to try to find a job. And I just, a lot of things happened in Japan and over the course of that period, I've... I don't know. I don't want to say I've 'drifted away from fandom' because I haven't. I'm just as up-to-date with everything as I've ever been--well, except for listening to the new single, because I'm honestly not interested (though I did watch the Going! PV and it was... strange). But I know what's going on, and I'd like to be kept up to date. But participating actively... I guess it's pretty obvious that I've stopped writing fic, and I never did much else in the first place. idk.
I just want to take my life back. I've been spending more time on facebook, away from fandom, and while I'm still watching from a distance, I can't be absorbed in it anymore. It's just. It doesn't feel right. I still love JE as much as I ever have, I still hate Korean music, and I don't see myself leaving J-fandom for anything. But I can't be who I used to be. Not when the majority of friends that I made in this fandom are completely inactive except for, like, once a year, have moved on to other things, or have vanished entirely.
I'm getting away from the point, though. This was always more of a fandom journal than a personal one, but it's not really about fandom. It's about me, and what I want, and for now, I want to focus on other things. And I don't want the responsibility of this journal--I don't want to just up and disappear like so many have disappeared on me and my friends. But I can't be here the way I used to be, not at this point in my life.
So, take this as you will. Defriend me if you like, leave me on if you like, because chances are not much will change--I'll still be reading but I probably won't be commenting. And honestly, I do love reading your entries--I pay more attention to the rl entries these days anyway. But if you don't want to keep me around, that's fine. I will miss you, but I won't hold it against you.
So, yeah. I won't say goodbye but I won't say I'll be back, either. Just, we'll see what happens.
Thanks. Sorry for rambling.