Looking into an Empty Capsule
Funerals are never fun .. .recently there have been alot of deaths in my family...and these next few days have had me thinking
I still remember the first one i went to ... Tht was the first and last time for along while that i looked at a dead body ... It was my Uncle Rupert ..He was like a grandpa to me , when he died i felt horrible and i was only 10 years old.I didnt see him in the hospital because some part of me wanted to remember him the way i saw him last , lively , funny , and BIG ...but i remember regrettin not seein him in the hospital...I remember walking into the viewing and walking up to the side of his coffin , he looked so empty ... it didnt feel like it was him ...
I went to qiute a few funerals but never went to actually look at the bodies .. i went to the viewing as well but always waited outside and tlked with someone ...
When my grandpa was in the hospital I remember the last few things he said to me " Mija i love you and I want you to go to college and visit your family in Santa Barbara .." He wanted me to go to school there ... That day was the most we ever talked in a really long time... He left my grandma when i was 7 .. saw him on occasions but when i got older and talked to my mom more , for some reason she made me feel bad and made me uncomfortable in his presence... When he died I went to look at his body during the service , seeing his yellow skin and his empty capsule , I fell to the floor right in front of everyone and nearly choked on my tears , tht wasnt my grandpa I kept telling my mom he couldnt leave me with out me saying sorry first , but he did ... THAT WAS THE HARDEST DAY OF MY LIFE
The last person i whos capsule i saw was POOKIES .. he was my cuzn he was a marine and died 14 days before coming home ..I dont know wht compelled me to see his body , maybe i just needed to get over the shock that such a young beautiful caring person was gone ...We werent really close but we grew up together at some point of our younger lives ... Wht hurt the most that day was seeing my lil cuzns cry becuase they no longer had there older brother too look after them it is now up to those three girls too guide each other ...
POokie Recently got a street named after him in Nevada...
I miss them all and wish i could see them one last time .. but for now i must hold my head up high and be proud of who they where wht they did and there love for me ...