(no subject)
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
so FUCK YOU you stupid FAT BITCH.
i mean jesus christ. why dont you EAT some more?! seriously. its pathetic. its disgusting. obviously the girls that weigh less than you have more self control and determination. they are STRONGER than you. nothing is WRONG with you OR your metablolism. you just eat like a cow.... no.. like a HUNDRED COWS. you were doing sooo good. working out EVERY day after skool... people were freaking out. i mean seriously... what THE FUCK HAPPENED? did you lose your determination? i mean.. you looked soo good for a while... and now YOUR BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE. well.. somewhere close to it.
your sick. its disgusting. i mean... how the fuck do u even have friends... or people that want to be around you in PUBLIC?! even a BOYFRIEND. oh.. and he says he likes it but "you were hotter before" or "sexier back then"... and i dont even blame him! because ITS TRUE!!!!! well what changed?! i tell you what... my fucking FAT ASS.
i just.... all i want... is to feel pretty again. i have to constantly worry if i look wayyy too fat in what im wearing... its a constant anxiety. and i TRY to do something about it.. but somehow i always get off track. gor for a week without eating.. then a couple days eating whatever i want.
but i need to start exercising again. after skool every day.. its just SO hard. cuz now i got my car.. and i wanna go see johnny or hang out with friends so i just say fuck it. or work gets in the way. i CANT stand myself. i wish i could throw up. oh god do i.
seriously. tomorrow. a pot of coffee. NO MILK. NO SUGAR. juice and water. and 4 Zantrex 3's. double the recommended amount but i dont care anymore.
im fed up with myself and my pathetic fucking problems. normal people can just deal with it.
the girls who are blessed with beauty and a perfect body...
DONT TAKE IT for granted. be happy you have people wanting to look like you. not people saying theyd shoot themselves if they looked like you.
why couldnt i be one of THOSE girls?
Public - 10:21 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
okay... so is my layout working for yall? ... or is it wayyyy outta whack?
Public - 9:14 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
ugggggggh so johnny and i are in a fight and im sad. its not a big one or anything. but we got outta skool at 1 and hes like come over... well i had just talked to my mom and shes like.. your not going anywhere. especially to wausau.
but the roads ARE really bad.
and he wont come over cuz he has "stuff to do" but he COULD have done it the last 3 days while he was laying home.
so we both just got crabby and hung up. then i fell asleep and woke up just about now. watching napoleon dynamite.. all alone. im really lonely:(
Public - 5:50 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it
so long time no talk... yeah yeah yeah i know. yalll are just DYING to hear whats going on in my pathetic little life... i dunno.. not much.. sunday night i had an episode. my step dad that moved out came to our house screaming. my mom didnt come home at all this weekend.. blah blah. stayed home from skool on monday. yesterday i went. today i went but its hella snowing so we get out at 1 o'clock which is sweet.
i think im going to do a buncha x-mas presents this weekend. its gonna be sweet.
i need a camera.
i got some new shoes. theyre sweet.
wow. im boring. quite pathetic. but i fkkn LOVE chemistry. mr. abadeer is gay.
hes arab and cant speak english good. (sub)
so i pointed to the wall and said "shishawa"... and he kept saying
"WHAT IS THIS SHISHAWA YOU SPEAK OF?!"
oh. the whole class almost died. he kept saying it. then he kept banging his pimp cane on the desk. no one could stand up or get anything. mel and brit were separated for NO reason. and he told mel to "SHUT UP" when she asked for a pencil.
oh hes day. but we have him tomorrow again and i cant wait.
i have a boring life.
i cant wait til x-mas break.
i cant wait to give johnny and mel and korr and teddy and britney and everyone theyre presents. its gonna be sweet.
kk&& im out
Public - 12:20 PM - 6 eprops - 3 comments - edit it - email it
Sunday, December 11, 2005
ohmygosh.
johnny is a dork.
anywayz... this weekend was fun. friday night i worked til like... 10... then went home and got ready. went to Zak's party wif melanie and korrina... they were "gone" by the time i got there... but they are sooo funny! i love those girls sooo much!!! SERIOUSLY.. i have soo much fun wif them.
so yeah. drank a hole bottle of jesus juice. (it tasted like the wine they serve at church) so a couple people had some.. they all agreed with me that it was jesus juice. by the end of the night my new nickname was jesus juice. it was funny. i got goofy really quick. a buncha people were there that graduated from mosinee that i havent seen in a while. there was a funny guy there. lol. i have no idea what his name was. pete was there but was being gay to mel. but pete MUST like her lots. cuz i know him. and he doesnt waste his time on girls he doesnt like. she just needs to train him ;)
so i called john and he was sposed to pick me up at 2. well i passed out at 1:45... next thing i know mel is wakin me up and walks me to zaks room where i fell back asleep. woke up to noises at 5 in the morning (people were STILL partying) and i look up... and LIZ and some guy are almost DOING IT! LMAO. o jeez god. it was a funny way to wake up. then i went outside and mel is like.. "WHAT IS ON YOUR HEAD?!"
lol. i got permanent markered cuz i passed out. i have a feeling it was that goofy guy. and i guess him and mel were jumping on me while i was passed out. haha. i still wouldnt wake up. so i drank some soda...drove home at 6. got home at 6:30 (mind you i was sposed to be home at 2) BUT JOHNNY NEVER CAME AND PICKED HIS POOR DRUNK GF UP!
so i walk inside my house... doesnt look like my mom was home... i look in her room and all of a sudden her head pops up. shes like "Where have YOU been?!" i was like.... "partying."
lol.
so yeah. then i went to sleep. woke up did some stuff round the house. went to johnnys at 7. cuddled wif him all night. came home.
woke up this morning at 8. my mom STILL isnt home yet.
and yeah.
it was fun.
mel takes care of me when im drunk. she is SUCH a nice girlie;)